I'm laughing. I'm laughing so hard. It's either that or crying. I can't believe it. My foster sister, the fanfic writer, thinks that Jack and I, excuse me, Colonel Danning and Dr Levant, are doing it every chance they get. It's bad enough the Marines and the SF's teasing me about it. I just can't believe it. It really is laughable in a way. I mean, everyone thinks we're having sex, and he doesn't have a clue. I've been waiting for him to be hit with the Clue-by-four, (my foster sister used that in her email about Danning. I think I like it) but he just hasn't got any idea. And people think I'm oblivious.
There are other reasons to laugh though. I went on the site Lottie (short for Charlotte) posts to, and it's painfully obvious that most of the writers are teenage girls. Most of them don't have the first clue about the mechanics of gay sex. Anyway, most of them also take great pleasure in... what was the word? Oh yeah, 'whumping'. This online world has it's very own language that Lottie is teaching me. What was I thinking? Right, they take great pleasure in whumping Dr Levant. If I read one more story that has poor Dr Levant kidnapped and beaten, or falling down a hole or getting caught in a booby trap I'll.... I'll 'flame' them. Dr Levant is not just some victim, he's a real character and I'm fed up of all the Angst/hurt/comfort stories that centre around him getting 'whumped'. I think I'm getting quite good at learning the language. That's the way to think about this, as a new culture that needs exploring, not as my little sister writing smutty stories about me and my best friend.
"Oh, Daniel..." Oh crap. That's Jack. I'm going to have to explain and. Oh crap. "What you up to?"
"Hi Jack." I manage to get out before the absurdity of the situation hits me and I'm laughing again.
"Daniel?"
"Jack?"
"Daniel?"
"Jack?"
"What's so funny?" He asks sounding honestly bewildered. I take a deep breath and finally get control.
"Well, Jack, I'm not sure if..." I start, trying to avoid telling him. Jack's not a homophobe, but he has no idea people think we're having sex. He goes tense at my avoidance technique though. Oh well, what harm could it do? "Okay, but I don't think you'll laugh." He comes around to join me in front of the computer and I pull up my email page. God, do I want to do this? I'll start with Lottie, and take it from there.
"I got back in touch with one of my foster sisters not that long ago. She's a sweet kid, wants to be an author or a journalist. She's at university at the minute, and in her spare time, she writes fan-fics."
"She writes what-whats?"
"Fan-fics, Jack. It stands for fan-fiction. They're stories written by the fans of certain shows, sometimes fixing things, or changing plots. She's into The Sentinel, and Quantum Leap mainly, although she has written in a few other fandoms."
"And, so, therefore?"
"Well, she sends me her stories sometimes to proof-read before she posts them online. And at the minute she's into a certain type of story." I stop for a moment, unsure of whether I should take this further of just get out of the conversation. "Slash fiction."
"What's that?"
"Well..." I can't meet his eyes. We've never talked about... he doesn't know I'm bisexual and what with him being military 'don't ask, don't tell' makes it hard. "Ship means that you support a certain pairing in the show. Like..." I stop again. "What's your favourite TV show?" I just asked him that to buy time. He'll say The Simpsons and then I can think of a better way to explain it.
"The Simpsons."
"So, I could 'ship' Lisa and Milhouse." He's looking a little blank. "You still with me?"
"Yeah..."
"So that's ship. And on the sites they represent that with Lisa/Milhouse. So, when different types of couples came up in stories, they decided that they would call that 'Slash'. So, Slash represents...erm... gay pairings." I can't believe I'm talking about this with JACK! I mean he;s my very military, apparently straight as a board CO. But, I've started now. And I can't seem to stop. "But, you can 'ship' a 'slash' pairing. Like you could be a Krusty/Sideshow Bob shipper."
He's gone bright red. Not the outcome I was hoping for. But he hasn't bolted or ranted. This is actually a good way to sound out how he feels about different sexualities.
"What?"
"Yeah. And my foster sister is writing these stories." I grin. I can't help it. I'm proud of her and what she does. "There's 'fem-slash' as well. Anyway, that's not what's so funny. What's so funny is that she's just started getting into the Wormhole: Extreme! Fandom." I see the moment he gets it. He winces and stares at me. Not good.
"She didn't..." he waves his hand, not able to complete the sentence. Okay, I swallow. Just treat it like it's a big joke.
"Yep. She has 'Colonel Danning' and 'Dr Levant' boinking like bunnies." I actually hear his jaw drop open.
"And this is funny why?"
"Well, it's partly because of all the rumours on base. I mean most of the marines think we're already doing it. And there's a betting pool on when we finally come out." Uh oh. He;s gone pale and has sat down very suddenly. I think for a second and realise he's probably worried about repercussions to his career. He isn't even spouting off about them giving me a hard time. A few years ago I told him the marines were making bets on which senior officer I was screwing and a whole load of them got shipped to Alaska.
"There is?"
"Yep. Jack, you okay, you look kind of pale?"His reaction is worrying me. Maybe he's more homophobis than I thought. A little teasing will get us back to normal. "Anyway, the really funny thing is that the episodes she's basing her stories on come straight from the mission reports that we let Marty see. And looking at it from an outside perspective, I can actually see why everyone thinks we're having sex. I can't believe it took me so long. I mean, my little innocent foster sister picked up on the subtext from a bastardized version on TV, where they are trying desperately to set Danning up with Stacy Monroe, even though it's obvious she's just got a bit of hero worship..." it suddenly occurs to me that everything I'm saying is true. The subtext is there, I just never really picked up on it. And it goes both ways. What if...? "Jack, are you sure you're okay? You've gone awfully pale."
"I'm fine." He wheezes. "They... they all think we're doing it?"
"Yeah. From day one." I can't meet his eyes again. I know he'll be pissed that I haven't told him sooner.
"Day one, huh?" What the heck? He's just got up and walked out. The bastard! Calm down, Daniel. He;s probably going to try and get everyone who thinks we're gay reassigned. I was reading too much into it. It's hard though. I've felt this way for a while. Since not long after Sha're died. At first I didn't recognise it for what it was, putting it down to wanting comfort from my best friend. But slowly I came to understand that I wanted Jack. But there was no way he could possibley want me. I'm... a geek. Lottie's story, and the others on that site were about Colonel Danning and Dr Levant, not us. And as for the subtext, probably just due to the fact that we're very good friends, mixed with my hope and imagination. I turn back to my computer, previous good mood gone.
"Oh, Danny.....!"
He's back. Why? What now? He's grinning, that cat that got the cream grin that I love so much. He puts his hands in his pockets and smirks at me.
"Dinner?" He asks.
"When?"
"Tonight."
"What time?"
"Sevenish?"
"Sounds good."
"It's a date, Dr Levant!" He winks at me. A date? He can't mean... I slowly start to smile and he nods. Then, he turns around and walks away whistling, giving me an excellent view of his six.
I'm going to have to email Lottie and thank her.