Unser Eigenes Wunder
Post-Milagro (MSR-RST-Angst)
Rating: Mature (R/NC-17-Depending on the reader)
Title Translation: Our Own Miracle
Summary: Agent Scully is already in love...
Feedback: Of course, positive or negative, they all have a place in a writer's life. powerofxfanfiction .
Disclaimer: All characters/stories/references belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, Fox and a lot of other big players—I am merely having fun—don't waste your time chasing me down. I promise all you will get is student loan debt.
Had she ever clung to me this tightly? I think back to all of the times her life was in danger, all of the close calls. These are the only times she allows this closeness, this warmth. But has she ever held so tightly? Sobbed so uncontrollably? I won't let go. I make a silent, solemn promise-she will never be without these arms to hold her. Protect her. The metallic odor of the blood mixes with her floral scent, assailing my senses. The need to be close, so much closer, takes over me.
M-Shhh…I'm here. I've got you.
No reply. Just sobs that break my heart. I pull away, if only slightly, to examine her blood covered chest. I unbutton the first few buttons on her blouse; search the pale skin for an open wound. Nothing. Blood covered but the skin isn't broken. Her, my Scully, however, seems broken. Her eyes are closed as I smooth my fingers over her chest, feeling for the strong, steady heartbeat that gives us both life.
M-I should call for help.
Her eyes flutter open, a mixture of fear and confusion flashes through her delicate features.
S-Don't leave me, please.
It is barely above a whisper, but I it is a plea that rings loud and clear in my ears.
I arrange myself on the floor beside her, pulling her into my embrace as I fumble to dial emergency. Her blood combined with my shaking hands make the process almost impossible. I keep my other arm tight around her, ready to die for her, to offer myself to any entity, evil or the like, that walks through my door. Take me. Leave her.
I rush through the details to the operator, ramble through the who, what and where's. I drop the phone once the phone call is finished, giving her my full embrace. She looks up at me, a small smear of blood on her chin, blue eyes studying me hard. I know she is struggling with the science of the situation. Even in the traumatic moments of her existence, she is searching for her own truth. I place a light kiss on her forehead.
M-You are going to be okay, Scully. They are coming…help is coming.
She closes her eyes. I still feel overwhelmed by the trust she has in me. To close her eyes and let me take over the darkness, after everything that has happened, is humbling…heartbreaking. If it weren't for me, for my selfish crusade, she would be safe and sound. But she is steadfast in her loyalty. I hold her tighter, imagining the day that she walks away for good. I know I will have to let her go, so I am greedily storing up these quiet moments when I get to hold her, preparing myself for the emotional void I will never be able to feel.
Agent Scully is already in love…
I want to ask her. I want to know who has stolen her heart. Is it me? Could I be that lucky of a bastard?
I hear footsteps in the hall. The EMT's will rush in and whisk her away from me. I am not ready. Just let me love her; hold her, a little longer. But just like that, she is lifted onto a gurney, hands ripping her shirt, voices shouting vitals. Her hand reaches for me and I push through the bodies, our fingers barely touching. Hold on, Scully. They will give you back to me soon.
She steps out of my shower, into my open arms, into the towel I have ready for her. I hold eye contact, refusing to indulge in the sight of her naked body until she grants me permission. She steps into my warmth. I wrap the towel around her small body, smooth the damp strands of hair from her face.
M-Lucky Knicks t-shirt is right here and I have hot tea ready for you when you are ready.
She takes the t-shirt and pulls it to her face, inhales. I smile.
S-It smells like you.
M-I hope that is a good thing?
S-It is…
She stops, but something tells me there were more words. More she needs to say to me. And I am torn between wanting to beg her to tell me everything and leaving her to rebuild the walls she has carefully constructed. I turn to walk away but she reaches out and touches my arm.
S-Thank you…for taking care of me…for being here. You know…you must know you are the only one I would want with me right now? You know that, don't you Mulder?
I look deep into her eyes, place my hand over hers. I want to cry. I don't deserve those words but they feel so good.
M-I wouldn't want to be anywhere in the world except right here with you, Scully. I want you to know that. I want you to always know that.
She raises my hand to her lips, kisses my palm, nestles her beautiful cheek into it. My thumb brushes away the single tear that has made an escape from the crystal blue depths of her eyes. I reluctantly leave her to dry and dress.
Agent Scully is already in love…
I will take the chance. I'll die with my heart in my hand if it isn't me. It is worth the risk. I sit on the couch waiting for her, fidgeting with the handle of the mug of tea. She pads softly from the bathroom and finds her way beside me. My t-shirt falls just above her knees and I had no idea an old shirt could look so stunning—but I had never seen it on Scully. I pull the afghan from the couch back, place it on her shoulders. She pulls it around herself, takes the mug from the table, and settles into her place beside me. I study her face, free of makeup, but no less beautiful. Even after everything that has happened today, she holds herself with such dignity. I am an awe of this. I am an awe of so many things about her.
She places her mug on the table and holds out her hands. I take them in mine, their warmth giving me strength to say what I want to say.
M-I keep thinking I could have lost you today. That I could have walked in to this room and you'd have already been gone. The feeling makes me sick. Because it is a feeling I've had so many times.
S-I'm here, Mulder. It is going to take more evil than this world has to offer to take me away from you.
I let her words wash over me. I keep my eyes on hers, hoping she can see the love I have for her there. I'm terrified that if I say the words aloud, the three simple words that can only begin to describe what I feel for her; I'll be even more obsessed than I already am. She possesses every ounce of my being. If her life was extinguished, my reason for life would be snuffed out simultaneously.
M-I need you with me, Scully. Not just tonight, not just because of the X-Files. I need you. There is no place for me in this world without you in it.
I place her hand over my heart. Her eyes shine and I know she can feel my heart pounding beneath her touch.
M-I want to say…
I am losing my courage. I want her to tell me it is okay to say it—to say all of this.
S-Say it.
As if she read my mind, she moves closer.
S-Say it-I need you to say it.
M-Scully, I love you.
A small cry escapes her lips and she clutches my t-shirt, as if she can touch the words.
S-Say it again…
M-I love you, Scully. More than I need to breathe, more than I need this life, I need you. I need you to know I love…
She cuts me off with her mouth. Her soft, sweet lips devour my words, and I pull her close, deepening our kiss. I feel free and alive and afraid. But if the universe opens up and swallows me whole, it will be swallowing a complete man, a happy man. She pulls away and our eyes reconnect.
S-I love you so much—I've loved you for so long. I want to feel all of you. I want you to show me how much you want me, how much you need me.
I pull her back into my embrace, meeting her lips with mine, a feverish hunger taking over. I lay down, pulling her on top of me. Her chest is against my chest, her heart beating against my heart. I want to crawl inside this moment and exist in it for an eternity. My hands slip under her t-shirt, touching every inch of skin. I want to memorize every freckle and curve of her body. Her skin feels like satin to the touch and I will never touch another woman for all my days, because it will never feel as amazing as this. Her voice breaks this spell, but only for a moment.
S-I want you inside of me.
I search her eyes, looking for any residual doubt or lingering hesitation. It doesn't exist. I pick her up effortlessly, and carry her to my bedroom.
Agent Scully is already in love…
The moonlight offers just enough light to illuminate her body as she pulls the t-shirt over her head and tosses it aside. She looks at me, seeking approval? How could she not know? After all this time, she is the most stunning, sensual woman I have ever seen. My heart beats so hard, so fast, I think I may die before I can fulfill her request.
S-Touch me.
I lay beside her, slowly kissing her neck, shoulders, breasts with my lips and my hands. I could spend hours tasting her skin. It would never get old. I already know that my obsession will spill into addiction.
M-I am addicted to you already.
Her smile-it radiates in the dark. And she responds with a frenzied attack of her own kissing as she pulls off my shirt and slides down my sweatpants with those perfectly small feet. My body reacts—muscles tighten from the hot chill—other parts harden quickly. Her legs fall apart, making room for my body. Perfect alignment, we just fit. It comes as no surprise. In my heart I knew we would, that we always will. My cock rubs against her hot, wet center and I almost lose control of my body. I imagined what this moment would feel like-how it would play out-but I knew it would never compare to the reality. Her face is flushed, her eyes eager and trusting.
M-Are you sure?
She smiles, a tiny little curve of those gorgeous lips.
S-I've never wanted anything more in my life.
And as soon as the word life left her lips, I slipped deep inside of her. The sensations overwhelmed me and I froze in this position. I wanted this feeling to last forever. I closed my eyes and took inventory of every detail so that I could die one day, with only this memory in my mind. We fit. I fit so perfectly inside of her.
S-Open your eyes. Look at me.
Agent Scully is already in love…
A tear slides down her cheek. I wonder if it is one of my own sliding down her porcelain skin. We both had lost so much, hurt so many times—we deserved this. We deserve these kinds of tears.
S-I'll never get over you now. I will want this-all of this-for the rest of my life. No matter how long that may be.
M-You'll never have to be without me…
I start a slow, steady rhythm of thrusts, watching her face flush and eyelids flutter. I slow only to kiss her mouth, her nose, her neck. I feel her body start to respond, wetness pooling, and muscles tightening around my cock.
S-I'm about to…
She is breathless, but I know. I know she is about to surrender.
S-Come inside of me, Mulder.
The very words push me over the edge with her. A storm of ecstasy rages inside me—it takes over me –I am trembling and dizzy. I feel her shiver beneath me and I lower my body flush with hers, offering her my warmth, my love, my life. She can have it all. She has had it all along. She must have known I was but a mere slave to her existence. I brush damp strands of hair from her face, kiss her lips, murmur confessions of love. I want to stay here, inside of her, as long as our bodies allow it. I've never felt more alive.
S-Now my heart is in your hands.
I kiss her long and with a passion I didn't know I could possess in such causes. She is mine. She will always be mine. I will die protecting her heart, her body, her mind, because without her, I am nothing but a shell of a man.
Agent Scully is already in love…