Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda. Neither does my brother. There, you can't sue, HA!
Notes: This fic is Co-authored by my brother. Also this is my first humor (I'm more into Drama), and my brother's first fic period. Please go easy on us!
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Link grunted as he landed heavily on his knees. One more hit like that, and it was curtains for the Hero of Time. He snarled as he looked up at the monster that called itself Ganon. The beast chuckled low in its throat, then raised one of its twin blades to finish the young Hylian off. Link grimaced, then with a cry- half of battle, half of pain- he rolled himself away. He winced as the blade slammed down inches from his skull, but quickly stood. He knew that this battle would end soon, and he wouldn't be the one still standing. Ignoring his aching limbs, he ran to the other end of the makeshift arena. It was time for a drink.
Link dashed to the other side of the circular arena, aware of the danger charging at him from behind. Skidding to a stop just a hair's breadth from being consumed by raging flames, Link dug into his hammerspace-dimentional pocket. He searched around for a few seconds (Because hammerspace is quite large, and he had so much to search through), then pulled out a bottle of good, fine Lon-Lon Milk! Quickly uncorking the bottle, he gulped down the whole thing, just as Ganon stopped in front of him.
Ganon grinned, or tried to anyway, at the puny brat in front of him. That fool, drinking milk! Any and every nasty, evil, twisted, dastardly, and all-around bad-guy knew that beer was the only thing to drink. The little punk would never know the true power of alcohol. They thought he got his powers from the triforce? Yea right! Beer was the ONLY thing to drink! Too bad the brat would never know! Soon he would be a smear on Ganon's foot. He nodded, and continued to charge.
Suddenly, Link's muscles grew to unbelievable size! His tunic could not keep in his bulging biceps and gave in, tearing to shreds (Thankfully, it was a hand-me-down from Mido- that sorry @#$%^&* -That he had be trying to get rid of for years). Ganon's eyes were soon as large as saucers as he saw this massive form grow up from the puny shrimp he had almost flogged just moments before. Link was now a gigantic mass of muscles and biceps. He grinned, then turned to the quivering Ganon. The pig beast let out a single squeak, then ran away.
Link looked down at his new body and grinned like an idiot. He giggled like a schoolgirl, then turned to the princess Zelda, who had been sitting uselessly on the sidelines and screaming while he was battling for the fate of Hyrule, "Hey Zelda! Look at me!" Link took one step towards the swooning girl, then stopped short when a loud *SPLAT* filled the air. Link blinked in confusion once, twice, then lifted his left boot. Nothing there. Then, he lifted his right boot, and called out in dismay.
"Awwww man!" the distressed hero whined, "I wanted to get him with the Megaton Hammer!" he flicked at the smudge on his shoe that had once been the King of Evil. He wrinkled his nose when it refused to remove itself from his boot, then reached behind him for his sword. When he did not find it there he remembered that his tunic had ripped and most of his things had come of with it. He giggled again, then reached down and picked up the Giant's Knife (Now acting its name, seeing as Link was now a giant and the sword was the size of a knife to him) and used it to scrape the splat that was Ganon off his shoe. Once this task was completed, he flicked the remainder off into the lava pool surrounding the castle.
Link looked around, not sure what to do. He shifted, fidgeted, tapped his boots together, and scratched his head. Eventually the impatient Zelda decided enough was enough, and walked up to the confused boy. Shouting up (Because Link was very tall, so she would be very hard to hear) she screamed out, "Link! Say your line already!"
The Hero paused for one more fraction of a moment, then cried out, "OH!" then, picking up the glass bottle, which was now the size of his pinky nail, he cleared his throat. Giving a sexy smile, his teeth flashing in the sunlight, he turned to the cameras surrounding him and held it up for all to see.
"Got Milk?"
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Well that's it! I hope it was at least remotely funny, or you got at least one good chuckle. Now I must get back to my drama. Maybe my brother will start his own account! (Brother: Hi everybody, I hope you liked it! This is my first, so if you're going to criticize, put it on my sister's shoulders) HEY! You sorry little- (Brother: Shadow! Watch it. This is only supposed to be rated G) Yea, sorry, your Majesty. Grumble, grumble. (Brother: Well, we'd better go now. Bye bye, everybody! Remember to R&R!)