Thank You, Heavenly
Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide The Day
SEASON 1
EPISODE 20/21
Airdate: August 31, 2013
Title: Viva Las TSE (Parts 1 & 2; Season Finale)
Special Guest Stars: Michael Kostroff as Marshall Pike, AC/DC (Brian Johnson, Angus Young, Malcolm Young, Phil Rudd, and Cliff Williams) as Themselves
("Get Up" by Big Time Rush playing in the background)
The opening scene shows Sparky, Buster, RK, and KG going through their morning routines.
-Sparky eats a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats, a blueberry muffin, and a glass of Tropicana orange juice (no pulp). During all this, he has an annoyed, uninterested look on his face.
-Buster does two push-ups, and kisses two pictures: The first one is of Alyssa Milano, and the second is of Cimorelli (he literally takes the time to kiss each girl).
-RK salutes his "Keep Calm Because You Have To" poster and kisses two pictures of his own: One of Lisa Cimorelli, his favorite member, and a large picture of Buster.
-KG brags to his friends on Facebook about going to Vegas. He then performs the riff from "Enter Sandman" by Metallica.
-Wade is at home, relying on prescription painkillers. His racially-motivated assault by the white guys in the last episode ("Never Forget The Dream") left him unable to go on the road for three weeks, and keeping him from the Vegas trip.
SCENE 1
The MacDougal Household
Exterior Frontyard
Seattle, Washington
The luggage is being loaded into Sparky's car. Next stop: The Bellagio.
SPARKY: KG, are you sure the reservations were set up?
KG: 100%. The guy said he'll have room keys ready for us when we arrive.
BUSTER: I don't want to be rude, but is KG only coming because Wade can't?
(imitating Michael Yarmush) SPARKY: BUSTER!
BUSTER: What, this is a serious question.
RK: Baby cakes, we already agreed that KG was going to come anyway.
KG: Yeah? Why I would miss a free trip to Vegas?
SPARKY: Technically, you're paying for half the trip alongside me.
KG: You take what you can get. Besides, AC/DC is rumored to play at The Bellagio.
RK: Dude, that's just a rumor.
KG: It's not. They played at MGM Grand a couple days ago.
BUSTER: I heard they're in Phoenix playing at the U.S. Airways Center.
KG: Well, you're the stupid one, what do you know? Wait, is he the stupid one still, I haven't been in the loop lately.
RK: Yeah, he's still the stupid one. But he is SO hot.
(RK blows Buster a "kiss," and he throws it on the ground in fear)
SPARKY: Guys, can we get on the road? I want to experience Vegas as much as possible.
(imitating SpongeBob) BUSTER: Aye-aye, captain!
(The boys get in the car, but Sparky stays still)
RK: Dude, what the (bleep) are you doing?
SPARKY: I don't know what song to play.
KG: I've got one on my iPod that fits the mood. Hook it up.
(Sparky hooks up KG's iPod, which is on the song already)
("The Way We Live" by Cimorelli playing in the car)
BUSTER: I thought you said Cimorelli is for little kids, KG.
KG: They're OK. And Christina is MINE! Nobody touch her.
RK: It's OK, brother. I've got dibs on Lisa.
BUSTER: I'm in love with them all.
SPARKY: Katherine's my girl.
(The boys stare at Sparky in a perplexed way)
SPARKY: What? The worthless romantic doesn't have any appeal?
RK: Not in this lifetime.
KG: Here. I fixed it.
(Sparky hooks up KG's iPod again)
BUSTER: Is it me, or do we give Cimorelli too much of an endorsement?
RK: We kinda do. But they'll thank us eventually when they decide to actually watch this show.
BOB: We're filming!
RK: Oh, great, they just HAD to bring this son of a bitch back for the season finale.
SPARKY: OK, let's light this party up!
BUSTER: What are you talking about?
("Light It Up" by Rev Theory playing in the car)
BUSTER AND RK: YEAHHHHHHHH, BUDDY!
SPARKY: Let's go!
(Buster, RK, and KG cheer as the road to Las Vegas begins)
While the song is playing, scenes are shown of Buster sticking his head out the car window, the boys jamming while wearing sunglasses, and a map that shows the car getting to Vegas. For some reason, Sparky stops by the Nickelodeon Animation Studio in Burbank, California, and him, RK, and Buster walk out of the car with baseball bats and bandanas.
KG: What the (bleep) are you guys doing?
The boys don't answer, and keep on their path. There can be audible screaming heard in the building. The boys walk out covered in blood.
KG: Can someone explain to me what that was about?
SPARKY: Let's just say, there are going to be some serious changes in that studio.
KG: I still don't get...
RK: SERIOUS CHANGES, BROTHER!
BUSTER: WORD!
(long pause; Buster looks like he's trying to kill someone, or trying to regain his sight)
KG: Buster, what are you looking at?
The song resumes, and the boys make it to The Bellagio.
SCENE 2
The Bellagio Hotel
Exterior Entrance
Paradise, Nevada
(The group walks into the hotel wearing tuxedos and sporting slicked-back hair)
BUSTER: OK, I have to ask. How the (bleep) did this happen? WE WERE IN THE CAR THE WHOLE TIME!
SPARKY: Reservations for party of four. MacDougal, Newman, Jennings, and Jennings Jr.
RK: Jr.?
KG: Don't take it to heart.
CONCIERGE: Oh yes, your room keys.
SPARKY: Much appreciated, monsieur.
(The boys take a minute to take in the sheer size of the hotel)
KG: Where's my breath? Oh yeah, I forgot. The Bellagio just took it away.
RK: That was SO corny.
SPARKY: Looks like Buster's in Heaven.
KG: What's this kid thinking about?
("Right Where You Want Me" by Jesse McCartney playing in the background)
Buster is in love with The Bellagio, and fantasizes about climbing the big staircase and flying off, much to the adoration of his friends and the guests. However, he is literally doing this and he falls flat on his face. The guests and KG are stunned, but Sparky and RK know this happens a lot.
RK: Pulse check?
SPARKY: Pulse check.
(Sparky and RK check Buster's pulse)
RK: He's fine. KG, you carry him while we carry the luggage.
(Sparky and Buster carry the luggage)
KG: I guess I'll never understand.
SCENE 3
The Bellagio Hotel
Interior Hotel Room
Paradise, Nevada
(KG sings "What About Love" by Austin Mahone)
RK: Are you really singing "What About Love"?
KG: No, I, uh...you see...
RK: I can handle Cimorelli, but him? Dude, what is your life about?
(long pause)
KG: Why do I have to share a room with you?
RK: We're brothers and Sparky and Buster are best friends. It works itself out.
KG: You know, it really sucks what happened to Wade, man.
RK: I know. Racism frightens me. I just hope the guy's OK.
(Wade is at home with a whole bunch of get well soon cards from friends and acquaintances, watching The Boondocks episode "The Itis")
RILEY: Ewww, Ms. DuBois, your peach cobbler look like throw-up.
GRANDDAD: Boy!
RILEY: It do, look. It look like throw-up with peas in it. Ms. DuBois, you been eating peas?
MS. DUBOIS: No, I haven't...
GRANDDAD: Boy, come here! What is wrong with you?
RILEY: What's wrong with me, what's wrong with her? She's the one who brought vomit over here in a Tupperware container.
GRANDDAD: That's not vomit! It just look like vomit! Now, apologize to Ms. DuBois.
MS. DUBOIS: Um, um...it's OK. Really.
RILEY: Fine! Ms. DuBois, I'm sorry your peach cobbler look like vomit with peas.
GRANDDAD: Dammit, boy!
MS. DUBOIS: Guys, guys, we don't have to...
RILEY: I DON'T CARE IF YOU BEAT ME, GRANDDAD, I WON'T EAT IT! THAT...IS DISGUSTING! THAT'S COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR!
GRANDDAD: YOU'RE GOING TO EAT IT IF I HAVE TO HOSE YOU DOWN AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!
(close to tears) RILEY: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO! YOU TRYING TO KILL ME! I HATE YOU!
(Granddad Freeman chases Riley and starts whipping him with his belt, forcing him to eat the cobbler)
(Wade's phone rings)
WADE: Saltalamacchia residence. Sanna? Sanna "Hot Lips" Qureshi? Yes, you're calling the Wade-Man himself. So, yeah, some ruffians gave me a little trouble, so I had to let them know what time it was. Yeah, a herniated disk here, a concussion there, but that's what it takes to be a man. I know you're in awe of my heroic deed, so, here's the skinny. You come here with a big bottle of Strawberry Melon Brisk, I make some dinner, put on some Drake, we turn down the lights, you and I engage in some...lip wrestling. And it's all for you, baby.
JAYLYNN: EWWWW, THAT'S (BLEEP) GROSS, DUDE!
WADE: Jaylynn? What are you calling me for, I thought I was romancing Sanna. And why do you sound like Sanna on the phone?
JAYLYNN: I don't know who Sanna is. I'm looking for Sparky. He's there, right?
WADE: Nope. He left for Vegas with Buster and the Jennings Duo.
JAYLYNN: Damn. I wanted to tell him that I'm going to move to Seattle.
WADE: What do you need to move here for? I thought you liked Portland.
JAYLYNN: I do, but I need to be closer to my bro Sparky. Besides, you guys could use a mutual female friend.
WADE: Honestly? Just talk to Sparky right now. Call him in Vegas, you can afford the out-of-state fee in this era.
JAYLYNN: OK, I will. Thanks.
WADE: Any time. Oh, and Jaylynn?
JAYLYNN: Yeah.
WADE: Sanna doesn't have to know, but we could use some lip wrestling. I could caress your hair and slip you the sneaky pink one. Together, we could make the place...hot.
JAYLYNN: Gross. Bye.
WADE: Bye.
(Wade hangs up)
WADE: Don't worry, champ. Nothing will save Sanna or Jaylynn from seeing the kind of man I really am. Ow, I bit my cheek! YOWZERS!
SCENE 4
The Bellagio Hotel
Interior Lobby
Paradise, Nevada
SPARKY: Well, Las Vegas has been a real blast so far.
KG: Sparky, we've only been here an hour.
SPARKY: You know, it's a good thing we have you around to always point out the obvious.
KG: It's a good thing we have you around to NEVER NOTICE the obvious.
RK: Cool, slot machines! Poker, three-card Monte, even Go Fish.
FRANCINE: Do you have any sixes?
BRAIN: Go fish.
FRANCINE: GO FISH YOURSELF!
SPARKY: RK, I don't want you anywhere near these things. They look cool, but they can clean you out of your money in a snap.
KG: I don't know. When it comes to cards, us Jennings have a sixth sense.
RK: KG's right. Uncle Carmine was a poker king. He won the World Series of Poker three years running, and nine times overall. They aired the championships on ESPN.
BUSTER: Hey, that's just like my uncle who was a hustler. He got on TV too.
SPARKY: Buster, it's not nearly the same thing. Your uncle was indicted for running an illegal gambling ring.
BUSTER: Yeah, but they devoted an hour-long news broadcast to him.
(long pause; Sparky has his trademark bored face)
SPARKY: Sigh. Look, it's not worth the risk. Card games are pure evil. Like thinking Peachtree will come through.
(Sparky is reading the papers when the Peachtree money bag drops on the table for him)
PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: I'm here.
(Sparky is disappointed with the bag's small size, rundown look and semi-annoying voice)
PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: What?
SPARKY: Nothing. It's just that I thought you would be bigger.
PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Oh. You gotta call Peachtree.
SPARKY: OK.
PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Because it's not like my feelings should matter.
SPARKY: What are you talking about?
PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Well, that damn bank drops me from a far distance to unsatisfied customers. And does anyone care about me? NO!
SPARKY: Look, I'm going to call Peachtree.
PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Yeah, and they'll replace me with a bigger bag. No, I'M SICK AND TIRED OF GETTING THE MOTHER(BLEEP) SHAFT ALL THE TIME!
SPARKY: Yeah, but...
(The bag pulls out a gun)
SPARKY: Damn, is that gun real?
PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: WHAT DO YOU THINK, YOU SID THE SCIENCE KID-LOOKING SON OF A BITCH?! NOW, REPEAT AFTER ME! I, Sparky Morton MacDougal...
SPARKY: I, Sparky Morton MacDougal...
PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Promise to not call Peachtree and replace you...
SPARKY: Promise not to call Peachtree and replace you...
PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Or risk getting my brains blown out of my skull.
SPARKY: Or risk getting my brains blown out of my skull.
PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Great. I'll go in your room and stay there.
(long pause)
SPARKY: (Bleep) Peachtree.
KG: I don't think you look like Sid The Science Kid.
RK: Kinda, based on the facial...
(Sparky growls at RK)
RK: Structure.
SPARKY: Look, I don't want you to play card games. Get it? Got it? Good. Come on, KG, let's go hunting for showgirls.
KG: Sweet.
(Sparky and KG head to the showgirls performance)
RK: Oh, Buster...
BUSTER: I'm not doing what I think you want me to do.
RK: Wow. You're smarter than people give you credit for.
BUSTER: Really? I thought you wanted me to play card games and you'll coach me so you can win big money. But, if it was something else...
RK: No! I just need you to win a couple games. I think Uncle Carmine's talent is in my genes.
BUSTER: Forget it, dude. Sparky made it clear he doesn't want you to be around these things.
RK: Yes, my Vegas beauty, but he never said anything about you.
BUSTER: Nope. I'm not going to let you live vicariously through me to get done the things that you can't get done.
RK: Look, the way I see it, we have $2,000 in pocket money. We play the slot machines a couple times and we can triple that amount, maybe quadruple it.
BUSTER: Nah, I can't go against Sparky's wishes like that. We've been best friends since kindergarten. I disobey him, and he leaves my life for good...like Trina Perez.
RK: Who's Trina Perez?
BUSTER: Exactly. I'm going to go do something fun.
RK: Great, I'll follow you. And then maybe we can be some little rascals, go inside the same hotel room, I feed you, you feed me...
BUSTER: OK, I'LL PLAY!
RK: Wow. Either way, I would get what I want. There's no touching the kid.
BUSTER: OK, so how do I do this thing?
RK: You see that lever on the side there?
BUSTER: Yeah.
RK: Well, pull it and there will be icons that show up. If you get the same icon three times, you win the jackpot.
BUSTER: Wait a minute. Now I know why Wade never plays these things. They always increase the jackpot to lure more people into the hotel, and gain more money.
RK: Well, what do you expect? That's what companies do. Besides, it's not like there's a sign that says that.
BUSTER: Actually, there is. Right above us.
(Buster is right, as there is a sign that says "We pay out more to attract more, gain more, and what happens to you? You lose more. :)")
RK: You picked the wrong day to catch onto things.
BUSTER: Actually, I'm at the same level of intelligence I always am. But before he got that TV special and never came back, my uncle taught me about gambling. He said that "a smart gambler knows when to walk away, because in the end, the house always wins." Although, I'm not that familiar with slot machines.
(long pause)
RK: You know, I have a thing for educated people.
BUSTER: OK, let's get busy.
(Buster pulls the lever, and gets three cherries, winning the big jackpot)
RK: WE DID IT! MY UNCLE CARMINE'S SPIRIT LIVES ON!
BUSTER: I didn't know Uncle Carmine died.
RK: He didn't. He just moved to Indianapolis and never came back.
BUSTER: What kind of bastard moves to Indianapolis and never returns?
RK: Hey, my uncle is not a bastard. My grandparents got married before his birth. And maybe the city he was in didn't give him the opportunities he wanted.
BUSTER: Well, if you ask me, you don't just jump ship to Indianapolis and never come back. Wait, when did he leave?
RK: In the middle of the night four years ago.
BUSTER: Oh, well that explains it.
(A message on the screen shows up that says: "In Memory Of The Baltimore Colts")
RK: What were we talking about?
BUSTER: I don't know. But who cares, WE WON THE BIG SCORE!
RK: HELL YEAH, WE DID!
SCENE 5
The Saltalamacchia Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
WADE: Ah, a good book is just what the doctor ordered. The Reign, Ruin, and Redemption of Run-DMC and Jam-Master Jay by Ronin Ro.
(The doorbell rings)
WADE: Oh. Must be another care package.
(Wade opens the door to find Manny and Will)
WADE: Manny? Will? What are you doing here?
MANNY: Will wanted to know how you were doing.
WILL: You asshole! WE wanted to know how you were doing.
WADE: Just fine. 50/50 condition. I can get out of the house, but leaving town is a bear. You guys got any girls coming?
MANNY: No.
WADE: Are you sure? You sure Sanna isn't running late, having heard of my big fight and rushing to my aid?
WILL: Nope. Neither of us are close to her.
WADE: Then why are you here?
MANNY: To see how you're doing, you ungrateful fruit stand.
(long pause)
WADE: Did you just call me a fruit stand?
WILL: Look, it's obvious you need friends so we're here to provide it.
WADE: Look, guys, I appreciate the hospitality, but I'm doing fine on my own. I mean, these painkillers are really doing the trick. Who would have thought that?
(Wade slowly turns to the camera with a stupid smile)
MANNY: Look, you're trying to be brave for us, but it's OK. We have games.
WILL: I have Trouble.
WADE: Great. Now how am I going to mast...
(Wade realizes how loud he was, because Manny and Will stare at him, knowing what he was about to say)
WADE: Master...gin rummy? It's my favorite game but I need better competition like you guys.
MANNY: It's easy. I'll teach you. I played it when I was a refugee.
WILL: You were a refugee?
MANNY: Yeah. When my mother and I escaped Puerto Rico, we were with a bunch of guys on a raft, and we played rummy all night long.
WADE: I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as Puerto Rican refugees.
MANNY: Yeah, but we pretended to be Colombian in order to qualify for welfare.
WADE AND WILL: Oh.
SCENE 6
The Bellagio Hotel
Interior Lobby
Paradise, Nevada
RK: Well, Buster, we won the big jackpot three times. We're the richest guys in Vegas. Well, let's take our cash and get out.
BUSTER: No way, RK. We haven't tried any other games yet.
RK: Buster, we did what we came here for, so let's pack it in.
BUSTER: RK, dude, you opened the door. To a whole new world of card-playing possibilities.
RK: Are you sure?
BUSTER: Sure I'm sure. Carmine's spirit is here, isn't it?
RK: I guess it is. Besides, the whole point of gambling is to earn as much money as you can.
BUSTER: Exactly. We can't let this hot streak go. We caught lightning in a bottle with slot machines, so let's see what else we can do.
(Buster heads over to a poker table)
BUSTER: Yo, guys, you need a sixth?
JOHN: Look, kid, we're not interested in beating a child. You look like you can't find your mother.
BUSTER: Can't find my...sir, I have my own condo, gel in my hair, and I'm wearing a tuxedo. I think I have the skills to pay the bills.
AL: Fine, but it's your loss. Put up as much money as you can, or shut up, take your tiny ball and go home.
BUSTER: Bring it, chowder head.
RK: Buster, you don't want to play those guys!
BUSTER: Of course I do. I have the credentials.
RK: Buster, slot machines are minor league games. Anybody can win with enough luck. Poker is a different story. These guys can take all your money like that.
BUSTER: Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take. Besides, if you loved me, you would support me.
RK: Babe, if you have to question my love for you, I haven't been trying hard enough. KICK THESE FOOLS' ASS!
BUSTER: Thank you. Now, guys, I don't want to scare you or anything but when it comes to cards, I ain't no joke.
("I Ain't No Joke" by Eric B. & Rakim playing in the background)
Buster isn't large, but he's certainly in charge. He takes down the poker players not once, not twice, but three times. He tries his hand at three-card Monte and perplexes the card flipper with two correct guesses. Beginners luck wasn't the case here. Buster actually gains nothing from Go Fish, just bragging rights and a little swagger in his step. Buster tries the slot machines twice more, and succeeds twice more. Soon, all the card players have flocked to him to see if he's the real deal, and if he'll lose eventually. During the experience, RK shockingly finds himself annoyed with Buster, and the poor kid himself has become "drunk" off the constant card games without even touching a shot glass.
(slurred and "drunk") BUSTER: I ain't no joke, I'm gonna smoke the bloke, and poke the hoke, my DJ is President Carter, forced the martyr to barter...
RK: Buster, the games are over. We have mountains of money, let's go before you lose money.
BUSTER: No, sucka, we still have stuff to do in the chicken hatchery. Cool, a slot machine thingy. Let's get some money.
RK: What have I done? I created a card-playing maniac.
BUSTER: OK, that's it.
RK: Buster, you just bet HALF THE MONEY!
BUSTER: Ah, what could possibly go wrong? I'm with Uncle Carmine now.
RK: Yeah, and if you don't win more money, you're going to be with Uncle Aesop when I punch you back to the start of the evolutionary chain.
BUSTER: That reference made no sense. Come on, machine, win me more money!
(The slot machine shows two sevens and a lemon while Buster does the Samantha Micelli in celebration; unbeknownst to him, he just lost half the money)
RK: We just lost half the money!
BUSTER: I won, I won, I won...I lost?! I (BLEEP) LOST?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME NOT TO BET THAT MONEY?!
RK: That's what I...oh, screw it.
TO BE CONTINUED...
("The Way We Live" by Cimorelli playing in the end credits, bringing an end to Part 1)