Authors Note: Hello readers! Just as a note, I imagined this taking place right before Ash was about to go to Hoenn. I hope you enjoy the story!
The room feels cold, Gary thinks. Not just in temperature, but the entire vibe and atmosphere is just so...cold.
The young man turns to his side, the white bedsheets that smelled distinctly like disinfectant wrapping more tightly around him as he did so. He sighs loudly, hoping to fill the emptiness of the room, but is only met with silence.
Maybe if it wasn't so godamn quite in here, Gary considers, or if it wasn't so empty. Maybe then I could sleep.
The boy stares reflectivley at a picture frame illuminated by the moonlight that streams through the window. Nothing was in it, of course. He had only been introduced to the room a few hours prior, hardly enough time to decorate or do anything really but shove his suitcase in the corner. He wondered what he should put in the frame. It didn't take too much thought to realize there were no pictures he cared to put on display. He couldn't think of a single person he'd like to be reminded of every time his eyes happened across the small table seated next to the oversized bed.
Maybe a picture of Gramps. He decided. That seemed suitable enough to satisfy any onlooker's curiosity. It didn't require any explination. Anyone at the research lab he was currently residing at would instantly recognize the famous Professor Oak as his grandfather. It was a lot less suspicious to frame a photo of him than to be questioned about a blank space on the table. Besides, if the cold atmosphere of the room didn't remind Gary of his lonliness, the empty picture frame sure would.
Or you could just remove the picture frame. The boy contemplated pensively.
Gary Oak turned once again to his side, the always-restless being that he was. He supposed he should be happy. Afterall, this is what he wanted, right? This is what he told everybody he wanted. To give up his childhood dream of being a pokemon trainer and instead follow in his grandfather's footsteps of becoming a pokemon professor.
A successful pokemon professor. Gary mentally added. One Gramps could actually be proud of.
This time, he knew Ash couldn't steal the spotlight away from him. Gary assumed the raven-haired boy would be a trainer his whole life. Even if, for some crazy reason, the younger boy gave up and decided to call it quits, he couldn't become a professor. Gary didn't really believe he was smart enough for all that.
So no, nobody would steal this glory away from him. He was going to succeed. Afterall, that's why he was here, right? Here on Cinnabar Island in the research lab he was starting work in tomorrow? This is what he wanted.
Then why do I feel so miserable? Gary questioned. A better question might have been, why did he think this would be any different?
XXX
"And this will be your lab," The man finished, sticking his hands in the pockets of the trademark white labcoat that everybody wore around here. He flashed Gary a sickening, too-sweet smile, as if assuring him that life here would be just wonderful for him. "Any questions?"
"Nope, I think I got it." Gary replied, lips upturning in a friendly smirk. It was the best he could muster with the amount of energy his body held for social interactions. He briefly wondered why he had been so drained lately. When he was younger, despite how awful he felt on the inside, he was always able to push it aside and muster up a confident facade, but lately he somehow just couldn't find the drive to care about anything.
"Great!" The blue-haired man exclaimed, excitedly. "We're really glad to have you here, Mr. Oak." The older professor's grateful expression didn't fool Gary. The "Oak" part was the real reason they all wanted him here. The family name came with the expectation to do wonderful things in the world of science. Gary had to refrain from rolling his eyes.
"Glad to be here." Gary agreed, trying to hide the sarcasm in his voice. When did you become so cynical? He asked himself.
After that, the man left Gary with an assignment so he could start work. The brunette was content enough to be left relatively alone, aside from a few disturbances, such as some of the scientists who worked in the building popping in to introduce themselves or ask them how he was settling in or equally boring small talk. He even received a phone call from his grandpa. As he talked, Gary could almost hear a shimmer of pride in his grandfather's voice, which motivated the former pokemon trainer to work harder throughout the rest of the day.
This isn't so bad. Gary reflected. Maybe it's not the most exciting thing in the world, but it's a living. He knew he didn't have the same passion for the work as his grandfather, and maybe it didn't fill any void in him, and maybe he wasn't happy, but he could live.
Just as the young man was wrapping up his studies for the day, he heard a knock on his door. A puzzled expression crossed his expression crossed his features as he pondered who would be coming to visit him at this time of night. He checked the clock and confirmed that it was, indeed, almost 10:30 at night. Most of the other researchers had stopped work for the night awhile ago.
Gary glanced outside and noticed that it was pitch black. The clouds covered up the moon, blocking out the glow from pouring into the young professor's study. The only light in the room was artifical, coming from the desk lamp that had been left on due to the fact that Gary had spent the past few hours pouring over tons of boring research books. The young man then realized that this was the first time he had looked outside all day, due to his intense concentration while working. He guessed he should have felt jipped that the hours of the day had been stolen from him when he could've retired for the day hours ago, but, in all honesty, he didn't mind. He had always been somewhat of a noctowl, and it's not like he had anything better to do anyway.
He heard the soft rapping at his door once more, and cursed himself for being so absent-minded to forget the guest. "Come in." He called out.
He turned to gather his papers, expecting a co-worker to waltz in, encouraging his hard work and commending him on working so late, or something to that effect; however, what he actually heard was something completely unexpected.
"Um...hi." The voice was timid, hesitant. It reeked of uncertainty and seemed out of place. It was also sickeningly familiar.
Gary turned on his heel, abandoning the papers immediatly. "...Ash?" He choked out.
The raven haired boy stood in front of him, Pikachu perched on his shoulder, nervously scratching the back of his head with an apoligetic look on his face. "Sorry if I disturbed you," He spoke. The sound of the nineteen year-old's voice could instantly deplete Gary of all oxygen, something that the man resented. "I know it's late. It's just...the man downstairs said you were still here and I thought it would be nice to come see how you're doing." The smile that hugged his lips was genuine and innocent, something that Gary didn't see often. But then again, Ash was always that way, wasn't he? That was something else that Gary hated yet loved about the pokemon trainer.
Gary allowed a playful smirk, despite how nervous he actually was. "Ashy-boy," He greeted, using the old pet name in the most loving way possible. "Nice to see you," He meant it. Despite how much Ash Ketchum got under his skin, he couldn't help but be happy around him. The raven-haired boy had a certain...something about him that could just light up a room. Perhaps it was his abundant energy or maybe his bottomless love for life. Whatever it was, it was contangious. Gary was always filled with a certain giddyness when within the trainer's vicinity for extended periods of time. He always saw the two's rivalry as a bittersweet thing. Okay, maybe not always, but for awhile now, anyway. "But why are you here so late?"
"I just got back into Kanto," Ash explained energetically, seeming to be filled with a sort of adrenalin. "I'm headed off to Hoenn soon, and I heard about you becoming a professor and everything and, well..." The boy's stance suddenly seemed to become very bashful, which was very out of character for the new Johto region champion. "I thought I'd visit you."
Gary smiled. A genuine smile this time. "Oh yeah," Gary started, faintly remembering a quiet television set announcing Ash Ketchum's victory over Johto in the banks of his memory. "Congratulations." He held his hand out.
"You too!" Ash exclaimed, grabbing his friend's hand for a firm shake. The two stayed that way for a moment too long, and during the period maroon eyes locked with green ones, seeming to analyze and pry to find out what secrets were hidden underneath. Gary suddenly felt very flustered and released Ash, directing his gaze elsewhere.
An uncomfortable silence settled in the room. It was so rare that the two actually got to see each other, especially by themselves in a setting such as this, and Gary felt the urge to tell Ash so much, but it didn't seem right to break the quiet bond between them, so he kept his lips sealed. He would leave the job to Ash, one he knew the motor mouth would quickly accomplish.
"So," Ash offered, "I decided to stay on the island for a few days and I was wondering if you wanted to like, do something?"
Gary was both perplexed and pleased at the offer. The two hadn't really hung out since they were kids, back before their journeys began. Back before Gary's bitter resentment and jealousy consumed him and ruined the best friendship he ever had. Back before Ash had beaten him as the Kanto champion and moved on to bigger and better things, leaving Gary in the dust. He almost wanted to say no, out of fear of complicating their strange relationship any further, but he couldn't deny the rapid pounding of his heart that felt like it was about to beat out of his chest. "Of course!" Gary responded, a bit too eagerly. He blushed and tried to establish a more cool and collected tone. "I worked so late tonight, I'm sure I could get a little time off tomorrow."
"Great!" Ash beamed. Pikachu let out an excited squeal and Gary couldn't help but laugh out loud at his old companion's animated attitude.
"And don't worry, Pikachu," Gary added. "I'm sure Umbreon will be happy to see you." Pikachu clapped his hands together in an excited motion, obviously happy to see his old friend, as well.
"Tomorrow then." Ash confirmed.
"Tomorrow." Gary stated assuredly.
The pair said their goodbyes and Ash took off to capture a room at the local Pokemon Center for the night. Gary retired to his respective quarters. As he slipped out of his day clothes, he contemplated Ash's possible motives to invite Gary to spend time with him. Maybe he wanted to rub his victory in the older boy's face? As payback for all those years of awful treatment he had endured from the now pokemon professor? Or maybe he wanted to dangle friendship in front of Gary's face and yank it away from him, just for the cruelity of it, such as Gary had done all those years ago.
Or maybe he just wants to catch up with you. The tortured young man's mind suggested. Not everybody always has an ulterior motive. Not everybody is like you.
Well, Gary decided, if Ash was, in fact, planning something insidious, it would be exactly what he deserved. Nowadays, Gary believed anything bad that happened to him was well-deserved. Like he had earned it.
Gary frowned at this thought, wondering if it was an unhealthy belief to have, or if he was just being honest with himself. He pulled the covers above his head, deciding not to think about it, and instead decided to concentrate on the fact that he'd be hanging out with Ash Ketchum all day tomorrow. He could show him around the island, talk about his new job as a researcher, or not do anything at all. Just sitting in his prescence could lift his mood. Heck, he'd even talk about Ash's conquests as a trainer, whatever would put that dopey smile on his face. The one that made him so Ash, that made him so...cute.
Gary shook his head. Thinking like that will only get you flustered. He scolded himself. Sure, he had admitted to himself his feelings for the boy awhile ago, but he didn't want to act like a lovesick, tongue-tied puppy around him at the risk of making anything awkward between them. He had to channel the old Gary. The cocky, quick-witted Gary that Ash knew. He hadn't been that Gary tonight, but if Ash pointed it out, he could always blame the "weird" mannerisms on exhaustion.
Gary closed his eyes, snuggling deeper into his covers, content with the day's events. For the first time in years, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.
XXX
"Are you okay?"
The question was sudden, presented as Gary and Ash relaxed on a bench overlooking a cliff as the sun was starting to go down. Magificent shades of orange, red, yellow, and purple lit up the sky, a truly breathtaking sight. The two had spent their whole day catching up, exploring the area, and just plain goofing off, and it seemed like the perfect ending to the perfect day. Throghout the day, Ash had spoken in an awkwardly cute way, as he always had, ad Gary replied with sarcastic quips, as he used to. It had been...fun. Gary was starting to feel like it was old times again, and just as he was growing comfortable in the relationship that he and Ash were re-establishing, Ash sprung the question on him.
"What do you mean?" He asked, his expression twisting into confusion. Had he done something wrong? Sure, he wasn't the most upbeat or optimistic person, but he thought he had been hiding his insecurities pretty damn well, and he was actually a lot happier than he had been in awhile.
"It's just...you were acting pretty weird last night," Ash offered. "I mean, you seemed better today, but..." He bit his lip, obviously nervous to continue. "You don't seem the same and your grandfather was really worried-"
Gary immediatly plucked himself off the bench, not wanting to hear anymore. He began walking off, taking as large of strides as he could. His legs were considerably longer than Ash's (who never seemed to have reach puberty in the height department), so the younger man had to run to catch up with the brunette.
"Gary!" He called. "What did I say?"
"What did you say?" Gary repeated incredously, stopping so abruptly to turn twoards the boy that the two collided, practically sending Ash to the ground. "You lied to me!" Ash eyes widened in response to Gary's outburst, giving him a deer caught in headlights look. "You made it sound like you actually cared about me, and I believed it! You only came up to check up on me because my stupid grandfather told you to!"
"I do care about you, Gary!" Ash insisted, his face set in a hard, determined expression.
"Yeah, right!" Gary responded sarcastically, keeping the same intensity to his voice. "Why would precious Ash Ketchum care about me? You have more than enough friends in your life, why would you waste your time on an idiot like me who's only caused you pain?" Gary realized he was breaking. The perfectly placed pieces of his masquarade were falling with each word he spoke, but he couldn't find the energy to care. He had all ready started the confession, he was going to say what he wanted. "And no, I'm not okay!" He answered. "I haven't been okay for years!" Tears were threatening at the corners of his eyes at this point, but, once again, he didn't care.
"Gary..." Ash breathed. The name was almost inaudible, the pokemon researcher was uncertain if Ash had really said it or not.
"Ever since we were kids you've showed me up!" He continued. "You were a better trainer, always. My grandfather always preferred you. I had no choice but to race ahead of you, hoping to get more experience, hoping to becoming better. I took every opportunity to belittle you, an attempt to crush your spirits, but you were much stronger than me. You withstood the pressure and stayed strong, unlike me who was breaking a little more each day," Gary now noticed tears forming in his former rival's eyes, as well.
"You bested me at every corner, always came out on top." Tears were now streaming down his face. "Everyone was in love with you, and I couldn't blame them, because," His voice was growing weaker, "I was in love with you, too." Ash looked up at the boy in shock at the sudden confession. He couldn't believe that the vulnerable man in front of him was the Gary Oak, the man he had always looked up to, even now, when he was breaking down in front of his eyes and admitting he never had half the confidence he'd like everyone to believe.
"And you know what? I was depressed. So, fucking depressed," Gary admitted with a sob. "I sorrounded myself with all those girls and they didn't make me happy. I did a lot of things...things I'm not proud of...none of it could make me happy."
Ash was sure he was crying just as hard, maybe even harder than Gary at this point. Afterall, he had always been the empathetic one of the two. He couldn't stand to see someone he cared so much for so sad.
"And now you show up, and I think there may be a chance to be friends again," Gary pauses. "Hell, maybe even more, as foolish as that sounds. And I find out you're only here on another little errand for the great Professor Oak," Gary spat his own grandfather's name with such venom that Ash was sure that, if the man himself was here, it would deterriorate through his chest and melt away in the most painful way at his old heart. "Well, I don't want to play his games. I gave up my dream so I could stop playing his games," Gary let out the most bitter laugh Ash had heard in his ninteen years of life. "But I guess I didn't really get away from them, did I?" The brunette questioned rhetorically. "Afterall, this whole thing," Gary gestured to the island, but Ash put together that he mostly meant the research facility, "is just a game. It's just another attempt at getting his attention."
Before Gary knew what was happening, Ash wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in closer. He could feel the smaller one's breath on his neck for a short moment before he closed the gap between their lips for a modest, chaste kiss. Gary hesitantly kissed back, and as their lips moved together he could feel everything else slowly melting away. His whole outburst, all the pain stored throughout the years, even his bitterness was gone for those few brief seconds. Then, as quickly as it happened, Ash pulled his head away, but didn't release his grip on the other.
Gary stood there, dumbfounded. He was speechless, he didn't know what to say or do. He wasn't completely sure what just happened. All he knew is that he liked it, and he wished Ash would do it again.
"Gary Oak, I love you so much," He admitted. "I've loved you for so long but thought it was impossible for you to feel the same. When you mocked me when we were younger...I really just assumed you hated me. It made me want to work harder for your attention but...I guess I all ready had it." He allowed a small smile to grace his features.
Gary tightened his grip on the trainer, afriad that if he let go Ash might float away or Gary might wake up from the dream this had to be. "You love me..." He whispered, as if to confirm it had really been said, that this was all really happening.
"Yes," Ash chuckled. "And if it means anything, in my eyes, you're the great Professor Oak."
Gary smiled so wide it made his cheeks sore. He burried his head into Ash's shoulder, taking in his scent (cherry blossoms and the smell of rain). "You can't be real." Gary spoke, his voice cracking. He didn't think Ash noticed, seeing as how it was muffled by the fabric of his black t-shirt.
"Well, I am," Ash concluded. "And now you're stuck with me."
Gary lifted his head and smiled down on the naive trainer. "That's fine with me," Gary assured him, "but you have a journey to continue."
Ash frowned. He obviously hadn't thought of that. "Well," He finally decided. "I suppose I can wait a little while longer before taking off, right? And we can always call and visit each other while I'm gone..."
"That sounds great." Gary agreed honestly. And it was. With Ash, everything was great. Even his job at the research facility, which seemed bland and mudane before, now seemed like the most exciting adventure he could embark on. He felt like he could actually get excited about work now, just for the sake of being able to call Ash at the end of the day to tell him about it.
They stood like that for a minute, just holding each other and enjoying their moment together. The silence didn't seem so lonely when he was with Ash, Gary decided. In fact, it was quite...enjoyable.
"So, you're depressed?" Ash asked quietly.
Gary frowned. "Yeah," He admitted. "But I can feel it getting better." He threw his new boyfriend a hopeful smile. "I think I'm going to be okay."
"Good," Ash said with a nod. "Because you look so much more beautiful when you smile."