Author's Note: Hi everyone and welcome to my newest "The Doctor Blake Mysteries" fic!
The jet of water that was coming from the shower-head was so hot that it made Jean's skin turn red when she was sat in the bathtub, but she was so numb that she didn't even notice as her arms hugged her knees to her chest and her tears continued to slide down her cheeks. She wasn't quite sure of how long she had been sat there for, but she knew that she still wasn't clean. It had been hours and yet she was still able to feel his hands on her and still gagged whenever she thought back to the smell of alcohol on his breath.
She knew now that she had been foolish to storm out after her dispute with Lucien and that she should have let Cec telephone her husband and tell him to pick her up from the club once she had finished her last glass of sherry. If she had allowed Cec to telephone Lucien she wouldn't have started to walk home alone and…and she never would have been cornered in that backstreet. She scrunched her eyes closed and hugged her knees even tighter to her chest, trying her best to think about anything but that awful backstreet.
Ever since she had been a teenager she had heard stories about the kind of things that happened to women who went walking alone after dark, but she had never once imagined that something like that would happen to her. She knew now, however, that not even she – the sensible, headstrong Jean Blake – was safe from some of the men in Ballarat once they had a couple of pints in them. The events of that evening had revealed that to her the hard way and now she wished that she and Lucien hadn't behaved like such children.
'Don't you dare bring Lucien into this,' A voice inside her snapped, 'this is your fault.'
She knew that the voice inside her was right.
She had made the decision to leave the house after their argument.
She had made the decision to go to the bar to calm down.
She had made the decision to cut through a backstreet whilst walking home.
Her husband wasn't to blame for anything that had happened to her that night. She and the man who had...assaulted…her were the ones at fault and she hated herself more for even trying to pin some of the blame on Lucien. Whilst sitting there in the bath she had managed to think of an excuse that she was going to give her husband when he saw that she was scratched and bruised. She was going to tell him that she had had quite a bit to drink at the club and that – whilst walking home again afterwards – she had fallen down.
Would she be ashamed of herself for lying? Of course she would.
Was there another option, however? No.
If she told Lucien the real truth – about how a man had shoved her up against a wall and kissed her before going on to do even worse things to her – he would explode and travel to every house in Ballarat before beating any man that he came across until one of them confessed. Then he would kill him for what he had done and spend the rest of his life in a prison cell. The thought of losing him forever because of her own foolishness hurt her far more than the physical pain she was experiencing. He could never find out the truth.
'Jean, darling,' The sound of Lucien's voice made her freeze for a moment, 'is that you?'
'Of course it's me, who else would it be?' She snapped before wincing at her harsh tone.
The silence that followed was so long that – for a moment – she wondered if he'd walked back to their bedroom, but then he spoke again. 'I never should have snapped at you like that.' He sighed. 'I know you were just trying to help and it was so wrong of me to shrug you off and tell you to leave me be.' A fresh set of tears began to slip down her cheeks as she listened to her husband talk. 'Ever since my back seized up I haven't been myself and I haven't told you how much I appreciate you, but I swear I do. I love you, Jeannie.'
'I know you do,' She managed to choke out. 'I love you too.'
'Jean, are…are you crying?' He asked from his side of the bathroom door.
'I'm just tired. I'm being stupid.' She lied whilst trying to wipe the tears from her skin.
Again, a silence fell over them for a time. 'Darling, please unlock the door.' Lucien said.
She stared at the door through tear-filled eyes for several long seconds before coming to the realisation that he wasn't going to move from outside the door until she had done as he had asked of her. Knowing that, she turned off the shower and got to her feet – a grimace contorting her face when a strong ache coursed through her. When the ache in her bones and muscles wore off she got out of the bathtub before putting her dressing gown on, tying it closed around herself with the silk sashes and then unlocking the door.
Tears sprang to her eyes the moment her gaze landed on her husband and when she let the tears fall down her cheeks he drew her into his arms. She stiffened in his embrace for a second, her heart pounding, before remembering that she had to make things look as normal as possible lest Lucien became suspicious. So, as the tears continued to dance down her cheeks, she hid her face in his shirt-clad shoulder and laced both of her arms around his middle. Her sobs grew louder when he told her that everything would be fine.
No it wouldn't.
She was going to be taking this secret to the grave with her.
She was going to be lying about what happened that evening until she breathed her last.
What part of that was fine?
For the next few minutes the two of them stood together with their arms around each other's waist, Jean sobbing into his shoulder whilst his lips were buried in her dark hair and he shushed her. When her sobs softened, however, and reduced to soft hiccups she pulled back from his shoulder and met his gaze again. 'What on earth?' Her heart raced in her chest when he frowned and lifted his hand to her bruised face. 'What happened?'
'I…I had a few drinks at the club. More than I should have done,' She lied as he stroked her sore cheek with his fingertips, 'and then when I was walking home I tripped and got a couple of bruises. Cec wanted me to wait at the bar and let him telephone you so that you could come and pick me up, but I didn't see the point in bothering you.' She told him.
'I wish you had done as he had said.' Lucien said. 'Anything could have happened to you.'
'If only you knew.' She sighed inwardly.
'I'm sorry.' She whispered aloud, however.
The smile that he gave her warmed her heart. 'Never apologise to me.'
'I need to get my hair dried.' She whispered. 'Please can you fetch me my pyjamas?'
'Of course.' He nodded with a kiss to her forehead.
Once she had thanked him she removed her arms from around his waist and allowed him to walk back to their bedroom whilst she went back into the bathroom and began to dry her hair with a towel. When she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror on the wall, however, she had to suppress a gasp. Her face had swelled up and her left eye was blacking by the second by the looks of it. She must have hit the ground far harder than she had first suspected when he had thrown her down there. She looked…well…terrible.
'He won't even be able to look at you come morning.' A voice inside her head taunted.
She felt sick at the thought of Lucien being unable to look at her.
There was no doubt about it though. She was going to look much worse in the morning.
When the bathroom door opened she turned in place before giving her husband a gentle smile when he held her pyjamas out for her. 'Thank you, Lucien.' She took them from his hand before setting down the towel that she had used to squeeze the water out of her hair. 'You go and get into bed. I'll get changed and brush my teeth and then I'll come in.'
'You're sure that you're going to be alright?' He cupped her cheek in his hand.
'I know I am.' She nodded. 'Now shoo.'
After leaning forward to kiss her on the temple he smiled at her and left the bathroom before she closed the door behind him again, her bottom lip quivering as she sat herself down on the lid of the toilet. She tried her hardest to hold back the tears that were in her eyes again, but she failed to do so and so she hid her face in her pyjamas and cried.
It was hours later, long after Lucien had fallen asleep and his snores had started to fill the room, when Jean was lying on her back with her gaze focused on the ceiling of their bedroom. When she had come to bed her husband had tried to slip his arms around her from behind, but that simple action had caused a mental image of her attacker trapping her with his arms and so she had shaken her head and shifted to the edge of their bed.
When he had asked her what the matter was she had lied again and said that she'd just felt too warm to sleep so close to him. He had seemed to accept her lie and so, after he had pressed a kiss to the back of her head and whispered "goodnight" into her curls, he had turned over and gone to sleep. She wished that slumber had come to claim her just as quickly as it had come to claim her husband, but – of course – it still had yet to do so.
She was so exhausted and uncomfortable.
Her muscles were still aching and her head had started pounding not too long ago.
Hadn't she suffered enough this night already?
When another tear left her eye and rolled down her cheek before falling onto the soft pillow beneath her head she sighed and rolled onto her side, her back to Lucien, before closing her eyes and snuggling down beneath the quilt. It wasn't fair. She knew that the man who had attacked her would be sleeping with ease at that moment. He was sleeping fine; without a care in the world, whilst she was unable to block his face from her mind.
Even now, hours after he had left her in that backstreet, he still had control over her.
There was no-one that she could tell.
If she told someone what had happened she would lose everything.
She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so alone.
So...
So broken.
Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reading this first chapter and I hope that I did alright with it! This is the first time I have written a Lucien x Jean fic of this nature and so I would love it if you would leave me a review to let me know what you think because I'm a little nervous about it. I hope that you'll come back for chapter two when it's uploaded and I'll see you all soon x