Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned in my story.

A/N: So...I'm taking a moment away from my usual P&P fic to freak out over season 2 of Downton Abbey! I watched the entire thing on amazon instant video last weekend, and, good heavens, what an angst bath! If the Christmas special hadn't ended on a happy note, I think I would still be in the fetal position in a corner somewhere. :) Anyway, I felt like writing this, so here you go.

Blurb: After witnessing a tender moment between her fiance and Lady Mary, Lavinia decides to question Isobel about Matthew's past. AU from there. Lavinia recovers from her illness, determined to see Matthew follow the right path despite his sense of honor. Will she be able to bring the star-crossed lovers together at last? Contains a lot of insight into the thoughts of all three characters. Rated teen for some sexual references.

Part l

Lavinia had spent the better part of the morning, as well as several restless hours the night before, pondering the scene she had witnessed between her betrothed and Lady Mary. Did she even have a right to call him hers, she wondered, when his heart so clearly belonged to his cousin?

Mary was everything Lavinia was not. She was poised, witty, strong, and beautiful - so impossibly beautiful. Lavinia wondered how she could ever stand a chance against all that. It shouldn't surprise her at all that Matthew would want Mary. After seeing them in each other's arms, it was painfully clear that they were perfect for each other. A brilliant match; an obvious one. Who was she to stand in the way of fate?

While trying, uselessly, to rest and recover from her sudden bout of illness, Lavinia formed a resolution to uncover the whole truth about Matthew's past where Mary was concerned. It had become glaringly obvious after last night's performance that there was more to their history than she had been told. That hadn't looked like a first kiss. It had been too easy, too familiar. It had even looked natural, easy as breathing and as necessary. With a sad sigh, she acknowledged that Matthew had never kissed her, not really. Before, she thought he was merely behaving as a true gentleman should, but last night made the truth painfully clear.

Lavinia's conscience would never allow her to go forward with the wedding until she knew the whole story. She was smart enough to know that ignorance wasn't always bliss. Besides, plain and insignificant though she might be in her own estimation, Lavinia had enough healthy pride to detest the idea of being with a man who was in love with another woman. It would be intolerable, no matter how much she adored Matthew.

When Isobel came into the room to sit with her, Lavinia saw her chance to have her questions answered.

"Isobel," she began, her voice small and uncertain. "Would you tell me of Matthew's past...where Mary is concerned?"

Isobel was surprised by Lavinia's sudden curiosity, and knew not how to begin. She should have expected that the poor girl would start to suspect something between the two at some point. It was glaringly obvious to anyone with eyes that Matthew and Mary were in love with each other, and that they were well suited. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she tried to find the gentlest way to go about divulging the possibly painful truth.

"I know there is more than what Matthew has let on," Lavinia continued. "I have tried, several times, to hint around for more details, but he always quickly steers the conversation in another direction. It's as if it is painful for him to even think about, whatever it is."

"Oh, my dear," the older lady began kindly, reaching out to take Lavinia's hand in her own. "I'm so sorry for the way things have gone these past several months. First Matthew's injury, now this delay in your wedding plans. It must be very hard on you, though I know you to be a good deal stronger than you appear."

Lavinia smiled gratefully and gave Isobel's hand an affectionate squeeze. The two had always gotten on well, and she knew she could count on her fiancé's kindly mother to tell her the truth, even if it was painful.

"I won't beat about the bush, my dear. Just before the war broke out, Matthew proposed to Mary, and she...well, she didn't exactly refuse him, but she didn't accept him either."

It was a blow, but not an unexpected one. In a way, it was a relief to finally know the truth.

"What I mean to say is," Isobel continued, "Mary, more than once, told him she wasn't ready to answer him either way. I believe this went on for a couple of months. Matthew was so hopeful of receiving a positive response, until Lady Grantham was found to be with child again. Matthew seemed to be under the impression that Mary wouldn't answer his proposal until the child was born. If it was a boy, Matthew would no longer have been the heir to Downton Abbey."

"I see," Lavinia muttered quietly. For a moment, she hated Mary for being so shallow and cruel. Poor, poor Matthew. What a terrible time it must have been for him.

"Once he got this idea into his head, he resolved to forget her, thinking she didn't love him enough to risk finding herself tied to a country solicitor for life. I, however, was, and have remained, convinced that there must be more to it than that. Everyone who had seen them together had been expecting the match to go forward. They were clearly quite attached to one another. "

Isobel paused for a moment, lost in memories of what she believed was the second darkest time in her son's life.

"He was so despondent, almost as bad as he was when he learnt of his paralysis. I had never seen him so downcast. He had me terribly worried. Then he rushed off to enlist as soon as the idea struck him. He fed me a lot of hogwash about it being his duty, and an inevitability, but I know he was searching for an escape from his disappointment. I was terrified that he would go off to war and do something rash, or not be as careful he he could be."

Seeing the younger woman's expression of stunned disbelief, Isobel nodded her head to emphasize her point. "Yes, it was that bad."

Isobel's expression was soon lit by a fond smile, and she patted Lavinia's hand encouragingly.

"And then he came home from London one day, smiling and behaving like his old self again, telling me all about the sweet girl he had met who made him feel so very special."

Lavinia smiled genuinely at the memory of their first meeting, of how dashing he had looked in his scarlet jacket, and of how like a love-struck schoolgirl she must have appeared.

"I suppose I did stare rather openly," she admitted with a slight blush.

"He needed you, my dear," Isobel assured her. "He needed someone to care about him genuinely, for who he is rather than what his prospects are. Someone to make him feel desirable, wanted. Someone genuine, and free of the airs and pretensions he had been fighting against for the past couple years. Someone like you."

"But the truth is, he never really loved me, I think," Lavinia spoke up. "I made him feel wanted, and he took that good feeling to be something it wasn't."

There was a slight pause in the conversation as Isobel tried to find a way to respond to such a statement. She wished desperately that she could contradict it, but knew that to do so would be to tell a falsehood.

"I know he cares for me," Lavinia continued, "but his real love, his true love, has been, and always will be, Mary. I'm beginning to see that now. I know what real passion is because I've seen it in the way he looks at her, and the way she looks at him. I could never give him that. And I could never be responsible for stealing away the life he ought to have." *

Isobel took several deep breaths as she prepared herself for what she knew she must say next. She hated that her son had misled this dear, sweet girl, but admired that he was trying to do what he saw as the noble thing to do.

"Lavinia, I want you to know that I would love to have you for a daughter-in-law, very much. But I would understand if you felt uncomfortable marrying a man who will forever be haunted by feelings for another woman. Particularly a woman who is a member of his family, and therefore unavoidable."

Nodding her head in response, Lavinia made up her mind to release Matthew from their engagement. As much as it would hurt for the present, she knew the pain of being married to him for years and years while feeling guilty for having stood in the way of the deeper love and passion he should have had would be a thousand times worse. It would be hard, but for her own sake, as well as his and Mary's, she would set him free.

At that very moment, the object of her contemplation entered the room, his lovely smile warming her heart as it always had. Releasing him was going to be the hardest thing she had ever done, but she loved him enough to do it.

Sensing that Lavinia had some very important things to discuss with her son, Isobel, putting on a cheerful mien, decided to give the pair some time alone to sort out their futures, which she was now convinced would no longer be intertwined.

*Here, Lavinia uses Matthew's own words to her in Episode 5.

I loved Lavinia as a character, as much as I wanted to hate her for distracting Matthew. ;) For a plot device character, she is surprisingly deep. I enjoyed writing this little extra insight into her thoughts. Lavinia is a perfect character, meaning she has no tragic flaw. She serves as the perfect foil to Mary, who is, perhaps, the most flawed, as well as dynamic, character in the series. Ok, I'll stop boring you will my literature nerd analysis now.

Thanks for reading!