Title: The boy who made all the wrong choices
Written by: Michelle (dougiecore)
Pairing: PoynterJudd/FletcherPoynter
Warnings: violence, swearing, man on man action, alcohol ..
A/N: This is my very first story on here. I hope anyone who reads it will like it, and i LOVE reviews :) So enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story!

"Have you seen the way he acts sometimes
And when you ask,
he'll say that he's okay.
Have you seen how well he pretends
Laughs out loud,
before he looks away"

Chapter 01.
Dougie's point of view

Tom's voice penetrated my head but I had finally learned how to shut out the words he said. His pointless sentences were the same ones every single morning and each day looked as the one that had passed by. He had the same routines – he'd wake up, get his cup of coffee and until ten he'd jam on his guitar and his piano. Trust me. I heard every single chord he'd play. The music room was just across the hallway, pretty near the room I had moved into.

Once he would be done with jamming our old songs he'd sigh and head into my room – his back bent as he leant down to pick old packages of cigarettes up into a garbage bag. Old cups with dry coffee on the bottom was put as a tower by the door, but I could swear the amount had grown less since the first day he did this.

He'd rant. Endlessly. About how unhealthy this was. How worried he was about me and how I had to go through the messages on my phone. According to him my mum had tried to reach me through my phone, as well as Danny had done. Fletch had fought to get in contact with me. And the messages had become a million since this first started.

After two days of getting constant calls from people that "supported me" and "loved me" I began to ignore my phone. I shut it off and let it lay far away from the bed I had made my home. I hadn't left the bed for well... it had to be a week at least.

"Dougie..." Tom sighed. He put away the garbages and sunk down on the edge of the bed. Reaching over, he stroked my blonde fringe out of my eyes. "I don't like seeing you this way," He looked into the depths of my eyes, searching them for emotions but I had become numb for far too long ago. "I love you, mate... This isn't easy..."

"You could just... leave my room and you'd have solved a part of your problem, eh? Or you could... throw me out or something," I sighed.

"I'd never throw you out," Tom stood up and tugged me out of bed, moved me out of my room and he dragged me downstairs with him into the living room. "Now, you and me... we're going to sit there in the sofa and we're going to watch that box that's called TV – if that's something you remember from the time you were once sociable?"

I shrugged. "I'm just not up for this, Tom, please..." I whimpered and tried to stand up. His warm hand wrapped around my wrist and I was pulled back down. "T-Tom, please stop this!"

"You sit there and I don't want to see you get up from this sofa one more time. If I say you have to be out of your room for a while and be down here, then you will obey and listen, and at least TRY to care about this. I don't want to lose control over you, okay? You're bloody fading away from me,"

Realizing I had no chance of getting away from Tom I ground my teeth together before looking at the package of cigarettes in his hand. I chewed on my lower lip as I stared at them, seeing him move them as a sign he had discovered how my attention had been drawn to them.

"Can I have one?" I asked and reached out a hand for the package. "Give it to me,"

He pulled it back, out of my reach. "Nuh huh. Just one,"

"I might as well take the entire pack, Tom, just give it to me!" I shouted and tried to once again snatch it from him. "Tom, this isn't funny, just fucking give them to me! I don't want only one. I want them all! I'm going to smoke them all anyway!"

One of his hands came against my chest. Defeated I sat back and exhaled tiredly. "One, Dougie, and that is it for the rest of the day. You'll kill yourself with all these cigarettes. The amount of cigarettes you smoke in the run of one day is just insane. I'm scared, man, I really am"

It had never been my intentions to worry or scare anyone. But really, there was no way I could ever help getting into this. Half of it wasn't my fault – I didn't even know what I had done to deserve feeling the way I did. Slowly I was dying from the inside out. A part of me didn't even want to live anymore – treating myself the way I did would kill me slowly, so why would Tom just ruin it through trying to take care of me?

I took one cigarette from him and sighed. "Will you go with me outside?" I asked, receiving a small nod from Tom. He stood up, took my hand and helped my weakened body up. "Shit..." A small curse fled past my lips and I put a hand on my head as I wobbled into Tom's body.

"Doug?"

"Just... Just f-feeling a bit dizzy,"

One of Tom's muscled arms snuck behind my back and I felt his hand land on my hip, his free hand placed on my arm closest to his body. "Come on, a bit of fresh air will do you good, but you'll have to put that poison stick away,"

Outside, Tom helped me sit down on the stairs. His strong arms wrapped around me and I laid my head against his cheek, snuggling into his body for the first time in a long, long time. Silence laid upon us, free from awkwardness. I didn't have to say anything, Tom asked me no questions, neither did he say anything that wound me up or upset me, got me worked up. We just sat there in silence as I forced the chilly air down my lunges. It was hard... because that fucking part of me which didn't want to live anymore tried to stop me from breathing.

"Come on, better get back in before you'll freeze," Tom murmured and he helped me up on my feet again. I was led back in, placed in the sofa and he tucked me down under a couple of his warm blankets. "I'll go and make you a cup of hot chocolate. You're in no state for cigarettes or coffee,"

There wasn't the slightest ounce of energy in me to put up a fight against the blonde. I wasn't strong enough to do anything – and I could guess it had been the lack of movement during the past weeks which had made me react this way to being out of bed, out of my room... moving... talking... being alive. I hadn't been "alive" for such a long time, several weeks and now all of a sudden Tom made me use my limbs. I'd been forced to move, use my legs which had laid tangled into each other under my duvet in the bed without moving.

"There you go," Tom said as he put the mug down on the table. A small tear tricked down my cheek as I discovered which mug it was... "Oh..." Obviously Tom had seen on me how I had reacted to the mug. "Do you want me to change it?"

I shook my head. "No... No, it's not needed"

"By the way... Harry and Danny are coming over tonight, just for some dinner and a chat, if that's alright with you?" I saw how Tom looked rather hopeful, as if he saw on me that I would say no to this. I didn't want anyone to come over... I'd promised Tom I'd stay in his house in case it would be him and me only, no one else. "Doug? Please..."

"D-Do they have to? Harry hates me... Do you really have to torture me with having him over?" I grumbled.

"Dougie... He doesn't hate you. Harry would never hate you! That's just lies..."

I frowned and sat up, pulling far away from the blonde. "I knew you didn't believe when I told you about what happened. You swore you believed me, that you'd never call me a liar – but guess what? This is basically you calling me a liar. I told you something that was very private to me, something which was a very sensitive subject to me and you just went there and screwed me over with your 'honest' words about how sad you were because of me. You said you felt my pain, you knew how it was for me. But no... all of it was only bullshit, right?"

"Doug, don't do this, okay? I never lied to you. I believed your every word and I still do. I know you're hurt and I understand you, but Harry doesn't hate you – he has said it himself. He's sorry for what happened, okay? I wish the two of you would just put it behind you and move on. You were best mates, how on earth do you cope living without him and the friendship between the two of you? Don't you feel as if life's rather empty? Something must have gone wrong since all that drama, seeing as you're living a rather odd life at the moment – or you feel as if this is entirely correct and normal? Because it's not" Tom's voice was pleading, desperate and tired. He'd only just begun with this hell and he was already tired and near defeated. It wasn't long until I would have won a battle, my first win... but I choose to remain slightly in the shadows... continuing to wait for the right moment for me to strike.

"You don't know all the things he said to me," I whimpered, suddenly having memories washing over me like a big ocean. I didn't want to drown in them. I didn't even want to remember... but I guessed this was always going to haunt me.

I really didn't want to remember what had happened... My priority was to just try to find a way of erasing the memories. I wanted them out of my head, far away from me, leaving me forever. But at night when I laid in my bed and tried to fall asleep... they'd come out and they tortured me into tears. I whispered his name. Leaving my mouth his name was dripping with hate... because a part of me hated him for what he had done, for all the problems he had caused, for all the consequences.

"It doesn't matter, Dougie. You choose to not tell me everything. You'll be okay, they will come over and you won't be damaged from it," Tom muttered before he left me alone to wallow in hatred. I didn't truly hate Tom. Neither did I truly hate Harry. I was just in such a bad mental state I began feeling hatred for how Harry had made me feel.

***