Ashley the Genie Presents

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Scorned Bebe

Chapter One:
The Choice of a Lifetime

Bebe stared across the room in envy. Ever since that whole stupid situation with 'The List', Stan and Wendy had gotten back together. Well, it was kind of like that. Nobody had official word that they started going back out. Actually, Bebe would be the first to find out for sure. Still, they were blushing like their teenage hormones had already started kicking in, despite the fact that they were only eight going on nine.

One of the reasons Bebe felt somewhat jealous of their relationship was that Valentine's day was drawing very, very near. Obviously, Stan and Wendy were both taken. Here in the small, hick town of South Park, everyone had to have a valentine or they were simply a loser.

Last year in third grade, Bebe's luck was on her side and she managed to convince Butters to be her valentine that year. Of course, Wendy was with Stan, so all of the other girls were scrambling to find a decent date so they wouldn't be ridiculed. Poor Red got stuck with Cartman, who demanded chocolates from her instead of being a gentleman and buying some for her, which was the tradition.

Bebe looked around the room, determined to see who was taken and who was not. Kyle was her first choice, Token being the second, Craig sliding somewhere in third place... However, it seemed like many of the girls were already eyeing them. No matter, Bebe was quick and she was sure to snatch somebody presentable before she became the laughing stock of fourth grade. See, the tradition was something like this:

Get a boy.

Flaunt him around to let everyone know you've got a date. If possible, convince him to buy you chocolate.

Go about your business the next day and forget who he is. Unless of course you're drooling over each other like Stan and Wendy.

When the class ended, Bebe immediately ran to meet Wendy at her locker.With all the rush, and Valentine thoughts running through her mind, she left her backpack behind and panicked, knowing she probably wouldn't get one of her top three choices.

Oh God I hope I don't get stuck with Butters again... Bebe though. While he was OK last year, having the same guy two years in a row made her look desperate... like she was stuck dating average boys the rest of her life. "Wendy," she said once she finally caught her breath, "You've got your valentine already, right?" Stupid question.

"Yeah, Stan said he wouldn't mind being my valentine this year. Actually, he threw up on me, but I could tell he was cool with it. I don't see what all the fuss is about. This whole 'I have to have a date thing is kind of silly.'"

"Easy for you to say!" Bebe shouted, frustrated and Wendy's simplicity. "You've already snagged your valentine." she looked at a non-existent watch on her wrist. "Oh God, I have to get to recess before I'm too late!"

As she ran off, Bebe could just see Wendy shaking her head at her.

When she finally arrived outside, Bebe was horrified. There was not a single good-looking boy alone. She was too late. But that couldn't be! How could any of them choose the one of the other girls who hung around in the background? They looked like plain Janes next to her! It wasn't fair.

Wendy walked up and looked amongst all the couples. Bebe, who by this time had dropped to her knees, gently tapped her friend on the shoulder. "Wendy, I need a favor." Wendy said nothing, choosing instead to raise an eyebrow at her desperate friend. "Since you've got your date, I need you to go out there and see who's available. I'll look like a total fool out there!"

Wendy failed to tell Bebe that she looked like a total fool now. However, since she understood what it was like to be a laughing stock (if only for a little while)she went out to check. For a moment, she thought Clyde might be free. Until she saw Heidi clinging to his arm like they were glued together.

As Wendy scanned the playground, she felt like it was a hopeless search. But when she looked closely, she saw that two fourth grade boys were playing by themselves on the slide, no girls in sight. Wendy stood there, wondering if Bebe was better off without a valentine then one of those two on the slide.

"I wonder how Bebe will react when she sees that her only choices are--"

When Wendy finally arrived after school to inform Bebe about the news, she hesitated to ring the doorbell. Well, Bebe couldn't kill her because she only told her who was available. Secondly, her reaction would be simply hilarious. "I hope Bebe's ready for this."

It was only moments after she rang the doorbell that Bebe threw it open and practically dragged her in. The poor girl was obviously desperate. Despite the fact that she thought this whole thing was kind of stupid, Wendy mentally thanked God that she and Stan already called dibs on each other.

"Give it to me straight, Wendy. I can handle it." By the looks of it, she probably couldn't, which is why Wendy ended up telling her. Still, she hoped she could hold in her laughter if Bebe fell to her knees again.

"Well, obviously Cartman is free." Bebe moaned at this. "But there is still hope for you yet." Wendy saw her friend manage a slight smile, as she patiently waited for Wendy toexplain to her who could still possibly be a good valentine. "While that information is obvious, I noticed he was playing with Kenny McCormick on the slide."

"Kenny?" Bebe raised her eyebrow at this. "You mean the poor kid with the parka?" While better than Cartman, Bebe still had to think about this. Could Kenny even afford to buy her chocolates? "I guess under that ugly orange coat, he is decent looking. After all, before the list was changed, he was still pretty high up. Higher than Kyle, even."

"Kenny's sweet, too." Wendy piped up. "Sweeter than Cartman, at least."

Bebe sighed. "I should probably call him then."

"Funny you should mention that. His family doesn't have a phone any more. They didn't pay the bills, so it got turned off."

Suddenly, Bebe's eyes widened. "You mean I actually have to go see him? In the ghetto?! Knock on the door and everything? I can't do that!"

Wendy scolded her. "Stop being such a drama queen. If it makes you feel any better, I'll go with you. Would you rather be all alone on the most romantic holiday of the year?" Wendy was surprised that she was even participating in all of this. Still, she could stand to see Bebe miserable.

Alright, that last part was total bullshit, but she decided to help her anyway.

On the other side of some random set of train tracks, which is apparently where the ghetto of South Park is, Wendy and Bebe arrived at Kenny's house. If you could call it a house. Poor Bebe had put on some perfume earlier, and the stray dogs and cats that hung around the front yard kept sniffing her until Wendy finally shooed them off. "Almost there." she reassured Wendy.

They tried the doorbell, but that (like just about everything else) was broken. They had no choice but to knock on the door. Wendy and Bebe half expected it to simply fall off it's hinges when they did. A tall, redheaded woman with big-ass ears answered the door. "Can I help you?" she asked them in a southern accent.

"Um... We're here to see Kenny. Is he home?" Wendy asked her.

"I think so... HEY!" The woman suddenly yelled, causing Wendy and Bebe to jump. "Kenny, get yer ass down here, some girls are here to see you!"

Kenny looked very confused to see them. Weird, as he almost seemed to be a ladies man. Especially in that one episode he signed up for Home Ec. Apparently, he didn't get as many girls as is would seem. He said something obscene from under his hood, but Bebe didn't notice. Wendy, however, winced at his foul dialogue.

Bebe got straight to the point. "Look Kenny, it appears that you are the only decent valentine left. Therefore, it is urgent that I am seen with you tomorrow before my reputation that I have worked so hard to build is tarnished simply because I do not have a date. Now, my plan is very simple, we will meet by the jungle gym where you will give me chocolate, and we can hold hands for a little bit during the day." For Bebe, this plan was very well thought out, and Wendy thought she would even pull out some kind of chart. Still Kenny wasn't impressed.

"Why should I?"

"What?" Bebe seemed confused. No guy had the balls to actually turn down a gorgeous valentine like her, did they?

"I think you heard me loud and clear." Kenny told her. Actually, it was very rare for someone to hear him loud and clear because of his parka. "I said why should I?"

"W-well..." Bebe stammered. She really had no clue what Kenny would want. "How about a kiss?" She looked over at Wendy, whose shoulders were trembling from laughter. Bebe suddenly realized what she offered. Ew! What if Kenny had some sort of disease? "Wait!" she shouted, even though there was no need. "I'll give you twenty bucks at the end of the day. I promise."

Though Bebe had been kind of a bitch earlier, Kenny could not turn down twenty bucks. "Deal." They shook on it, and Bebe walked away, satisfied that she had a valentine.

Tomorrow is going to be one messed up day... Wendy could already tell that trouble was lying ahead.