Kirk adjusted the microphone, and then said into the small recorder, "Is this thing on?"
"Yes," Sulu replied, sounding somewhat bored. "Whenever you're ready, sir."
Kirk nodded, and ran his tongue along the edge of his teeth before speaking loudly, "Captain's log. It is a requiremen-"
"You're supposed to say the Stardate," Uhura interrupted the captain.
Rolling his eyes, Kirk continued on with his spiel. "Stardate... ummm... Stardate unknown."
Uhura made a small noise of frustration but then turned back to her station.
"As I was saying, I've got to do this log, like... twice a mission?" Kirk stopped, considering it. "Um... Yeah, so anyway, prepare for a lot of logging from your awesome Captain, James Kirk."
The word "awesome" earned snickers and eyerolls from various members of the crew. Kirk turned around, and the first person he laid eyes on was Spock. Still speaking into the handheld microphone, he said in an irritated voice, "Are you questioning my awesomeness?"
Spock raised an eyebrow and did not reply.
Kirk wheeled around in his chair, now visibly annoyed. "Sorry from the distraction, listeners from the future. That was just my sexy Vulcan First Officer, Mr. Spock."
Silence fell on the ship as everyone wondered if perhaps they had gone temporarily insane or deaf.
Spock stepped forward, and leaned over Kirk's shoulder. "Captain. A word."
Kirk faked a loud, bored sigh and said, "Yes, Mr. Spock?"
He turned around, and Spock instantly leaned back. "I disapprove of the terminology that you have used to describe me."
Shrugging, Kirk turned back to the mike. "You're just pissy 'cause you know it's true. I'm awesome and you're sexy, and if we hooked up it'd just be..." He paused, searching for a word. "...the most optimal fuck ever."
Sulu and Uhura were laughing out loud at this point, while Chekhov and most of the other crew members had dropped jaws and wide eyes. Everyone had known that Kirk had had the hots for Spock for a long time, but nobody had ever expected him to do anything about it.
Spock relayed no emotions, and simply replied, "Shouldn't you continue your log?"
"I am, Mr. Spock. This is," he tapped the microphone, "all on tape. So if there's anything you'd like to say or do to me, please know that it's on the record."
Spock straightened his back, and said, "Fine then. Let me make something clear." The Vulcan stepped in front of Jim and then said clearly into the microphone, enunciating every word, "Captain, I will not have intercourse with you. My mind fails to conceive one logical reason why I should do so."
Kirk stood up, and stared the Vulcan directly in the eyes. "Here's a reason for you. I'm James T. fucking Kirk!"
Spock raised his eyebrow again. "I said logical reasoning, Captain. But if you cannot think of reasons that are any more logical than that, then I would require, at the least, one hundred more persuasions of that calibre before you and I would ever..." He paused, and said in his usual monotone voice, "fuck."
Kirk's frown turned into a wide grin. "All right. I'll take that bet. I will give you one hundred reasons to have sex with me, Spock. And then..." He stopped, and looked around, realizing all his crew members were listening to him. In fact, Scotty seemed to have apparated from Engineering to come and gawk at their current conversation, which, Kirk realized only now, was maybe a bit odd to be having on the bridge in front of everyone. But the human shrugged, and fixed Spock with his best, most seductive smirk. "Well, then we'll see what happens."
He then turned around and said in his commanding voice, "Now, everyone back to your stations before I throw you into space!" As all the various red-shirts scurried away, Kirk sat back in his chair, and spoke with obvious satisfaction in his voice, "Kirk out."
A/N: And, yes. There are going to be 100 chapters in this fic.
Reviews would be awesome, but I'm going to keep updating it whether or not I get them. :)