Ender. He was the one that cried after he killed all those Buggers. Yeah, I heard. He just doesn't know how mighty it feels to kill…to slay things that will kill your own world. I've tried to be like him…thinking it's a game…not realizing everything is actually real. Yeah, I've tried, but it doesn't work like that with me. I fight. I fight for anything…my country, my universe, my family…even if they betray me. Does it matter, that they're world is slaughtered is mine still stands? Not a chance. Not where I belong. Ender…that weakling who's afraid to kill one thing…one thing…that's not even human…not even able to earn humanity's own respect.
His brother Peter. The scary one with the dark, deadly eyes, that burn your core every time you look at him. That boy…who's full of chaos…even Kronos couldn't stop him. He kills. He's strong willed…like me. We go none stop…watching as our prey fall at our feet…and our heads held up high, proud like an eagle. We have something in common…but we've never met.
You think I'm an evil person, a wrong doer, right? My captain knows me…he's the only one that knows. I was stranded in the middle of the road. My father was killed. My mother moved away. I was left alive. I was found, even though I wished to be dead. I grew up in a living hell…corrupting my mind just as you see. Then I met that kid Ender. You've heard my rant…that small, midget child. I was left in the shadows, where I wasn't noticed. He may have been good…but I think I was better.
Bean hates me. He hates me with his guts. I don't care what that bean thinks of me, as long as I'm better than him. But I'm not. I think everything's okay when it's not. Yeah, I've head of him and his small adventure. Poking around the streets of Rotterdam…teaching himself how to read like it wasn't a big problem. Who do he think he is…sneaking out when no one is looking…trying to discover the hidden places of the bowl we live in. I would squish him just like a bean, if I ever get the chance.
Then, there's Petra. A girl. For once I believe Battleschool is where she belongs. She wouldn't belong anywhere else…not even in that spinning sphere. Nah, not a chance. Looks like a boy, and acts like one…but isn't one. A good teacher, but she's gonna have trouble when she goes back to earth…if she ever goes. I couldn't see her in a regular school, but I have a feeling my saying will turn out ironic.
Why am I saying this? I'm trying to erase crud that's been filling up my mind all these years. Making myself feel better…feel alive, rather than dead. The only one who could know me is my captain, and Achilles. My parents didn't know me for goodness sake. Is it wrong? Or am I just insane?