Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Author's note: This is a multi chaptered fic and as of right now I have no idea how long it will be. This part has no Kurtbastian and just deals with Kurt and Blaine's relationship but never fear, Sebastian will be in the story from the next chapter and onwards! :) I also have to say a massive thank you to my beta's, my baby Allie 3 and Katt!
"The right kind of love is the love that let's go."
Kurt Hummel thought he had his life all figured out. Graduate high school, move to New York to get his degree at NYADA, marry his boyfriend Blaine and live happily ever after. But there was one major factor that he neglected to take into account: Fate. Fate, that works in weird, but wonderful, ways. Fate that did not agree with Kurt's perfect plan and was about to shake up his life as he knew it.
The first snag in the plan came in the form of a letter.
"I didn't get in," Kurt murmured to Finn and Rachel as he stood in the choir room clutching the letter of rejection from NYADA.
He'd walked on autopilot until he found Blaine and showed him the letter. He looked so angry and hurt on Kurt's behalf. The rushing in his ears prevented him from being able to really take in what Blaine was saying but he caught parts of the tirade like 'it isn't fair, Kurt,' and 'but your audition was so perfect!' Blaine drove them both back to his house and it wasn't until Kurt was in Blaine's bedroom, safe in the confines of those strong arms that he knew so well, that he allowed himself to cry.
It felt like the sobs were being ripped from him, each one causing a fresh wave of pain to course through his chest. What was he going to do now? The future he had been planning and waiting for was no longer an option for him. He choked out his fears about having no future and no chance of a good life into Blaine's chest. Those hands stroking gently up and down his back and the sound of Blaine's steady heartbeat in his ear were the only things keeping him grounded and preventing him from becoming completely hysterical. When he began cursing his own stupidity for not applying anywhere else and pinning his hopes on only one school Blaine moved to get up.
"Please don't go anywhere, I don't want to be by myself," Kurt pleaded in a manner that was uncharacteristically needy of him.
"Hey, I'm just going to get something for you. I'm not going anywhere, I swear." Blaine soothed, placing a kiss on Kurt's forehead.
Blaine returned to the bed holding a large white envelope looking all of a sudden nervous. The hazel eyed boy took a deep breath as if to prepare himself for what he was about to say.
"Okay, Kurt, let me say my piece and please don't be mad," Blaine paused to see Kurt's reaction and continued when the older boy stayed silent.
"A little bit before Christmas I started doing some research about NYADA for when I had to apply next year and I found out how crazily competitive it really is and I- I knew you had only applied there and I was worried that something like this might happen."
Kurt blanched a little at those words and Blaine hastily carried on, "Not because I didn't think you were good or special enough or because I didn't believe in you because, God Kurt, I did and I do more than anything. It was just because of how competitive it is and how many people apply."
Blaine paused for a moment and his eyes swept over Kurt's face anxiously to try and gauge his boyfriend's feelings. Kurt took Blaine's hand in his, which visibly calmed him, and told him to continue.
"So, I applied for an internship at Vogue in New York on your behalf because I know fashion is something you're insanely passionate about and I got your dad to get me some of your sketches to send away and the reply came on Monday and it's good news. You got the internship, baby."
Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing. This perfect human being sat across from him had done this wonderful thing for him, and was actually frightened that Kurt would be upset about it. He wasn't able to vocalise his emotions yet so he showed Blaine how he felt in the next best way he could. He surged forward capturing Blaine's lips in a desperate, messy kiss and smiled at the little 'umpf' of surprise that escaped the shorter boy. He let his lips slide against Blaine's hoping he could feel the intense gratitude that Kurt was feeling. He swept his tongue against Blaine's bottom lip in a plea for access which he was granted immediately as Blaine opened his mouth and let his tongue stroke against Kurt's. Kurt fisted his hand in the back of Blaine's shirt and moved to straddle his boyfriend's lap. Blaine broke away from the kiss with a cheeky smile to ask, "So I'm guessing you're pretty happy, huh?"
A burst of surprised laughter escaped Kurt and he took Blaine's face between his hands and began peppering gentle kisses all over his cheeks, nose, eyelids and lips.
"I love you, so much," he whispered between kisses. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Blaine Anderson."
o
Although Kurt couldn't deny that he was bitterly disappointed about NYADA, he was comforted by the promise of still being able to go to New York with Rachel to do something that he loved and he owed all of that to Blaine. Blaine, who he was still falling more and more in love with every day, Blaine who was the boy of his dreams, Blaine who had been behaving strange and almost distant for the past week.
He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was definitely something off about Blaine's behavior that made dread twist in Kurt's stomach. Blaine wasn't available to hang out as much as usual and when he was he was quiet and serious. Even their love making was a more sombre affair; the thrusts slow and the kisses deep and needy while Blaine's hands traced every inch of Kurt as if trying to memorise him.
On the first Friday of summer vacation Kurt woke early from an uneasy sleep. He'd been at Blaine's the night before and was left shaken up by the intense, dark look in his boyfriend's eyes when he grabbed Kurt's face between his hands and told him that he was going to love him forever. Kurt couldn't silence the nagging in the back of his mind that told him it sounded a lot like a goodbye.
Kurt was baking in an attempt to clear his mind when he got that fateful phone call.
"Hi, Kurt." Blaine's voice sounded tired and rough as if he had been crying. "We need to talk, it's important." He murmured.
Kurt swallowed hard, trying to keep the nausea that was swelling within him at bay and tried to sound casual.
"Sure, honey. Do you want to go out to eat tonight?"
"I- I think we should talk in private. Can I just come over?" Blaine asked hesitantly.
"Of course you can. I'll see you in a half hour? I love you."
Blaine didn't reply and the line went dead. Kurt slid down onto the cold kitchen tiles and let his head fall into his hands, taking deep steadying breaths in a desperate attempt to keep himself calm. He didn't know what Blaine was going to say, it might not be bad, he tried to reason with himself, but he wasn't convinced.
o
Blaine arrived at the Hudson-Hummel household within twenty minutes looking drawn and distressed. His eyes were rimmed red and looked suspiciously wet.
"Oh my God, what's happened?" Kurt asked guiding Blaine to the living room couch. Burt and Carole were both at work and Finn was still sound asleep in his bedroom, so he knew they'd have the privacy they were no doubt going to need.
Once they were seated on the couch facing each other Kurt took Blaine's hand, intertwining their fingers and said softly, "Come on Blaine, what's going on? We promised each other complete honesty, remember? You can tell me anything."
He really was trying to keep it together but the look on Blaine's face caused his voice to tremble and show the fear he was trying to keep under wraps.
Blaine took a deep shuddering breath before he began, "I- Kurt, you need to know that this isn't what I want. I love you more than I've ever loved anything, you know that don't you?"
Kurt nodded almost imperceptibly, but tightened his grip on Blaine's hand that was becoming slick with sweat.
"We're moving to London," Blaine blurted as if the words had been burning his tongue. "My family and I. My dad's going to become a partner in a law firm with one of his old buddies—"
Although Blaine continued to ramble Kurt stopped being able to hear clearly at that point. The blood rushing in his ears was making him light headed and the words 'moving to London' were going through his mind on a sickening loop.
"… I don't want to hold you back in New York, so I think it's for the best."
That caught Kurt's attention again.
"Wait—wait a minute. You think what's for the best?" He choked out, willing the burning behind his eyes to go away.
Blaine's eyes filled with tears as he uttered, "That we break up."
A sob escaped Kurt as he moved to clutch Blaine's biceps and scramble closer to the younger boy who now had tears sliding freely down his cheeks
"No." Kurt said firmly, "The best for who? It's not what's best for me. You are what's best for me! My life got better when I met you. You are what I need!"
He knew he sounded hysterical but he didn't care. "Have I done something wrong? Just tell me what I've done and I'll fix it; I swear. I promise I can make it better."
They were both crying openly now, hot tears streaking their faces.
"Baby, no." Blaine began, his voice thick. He reached out and cupped Kurt's cheek. "You haven't done anything wrong. You're perfect. It's just, we're going to be so far apart and—"
Blaine broke off as a fresh wave of tears wracked his small frame. There was only one thing that was causing Kurt more pain than this conversation, and that was the sight of Blaine –his Blaine—so visibly heartbroken, so he wrapped him up in his arms as tightly as he could manage as if he was physically trying to hold him together.
"We already decided to do the long distance thing. Why does the fact that you're moving away too have to change that?"
Blaine lifted his head from where it had been resting on Kurt's shoulder and began to explain.
"You were only moving to a different state, Kurt. We would still have been in the same country. We were going to be able to see each other for every holiday, and for some weekends too, but when I move, we'll be continents apart. We won't be able to jump in the car or catch a train for a stolen weekend if we want. We would probably only get to see each other four times out of our year apart, even if that. I don't think even a couple as strong as us would be able to survive that, Kurt. Not because we don't love each other but because it would just be too difficult to stand. I don't want you to go to New York and be tied down to me, I want you to begin living the fulfilling life that you deserve and I just know you won't be able to do that if you're worrying about me. Not really anyway."
Blaine's voice began to crack towards the end of his speech. He looked as distraught as Kurt felt.
"But I'll still be in love with you!" Kurt argued. "It won't make any difference; I'll be thinking about you whether we're together or not. Don't you understand that you're the love of my life? I've loved you from the moment I set eyes on you on that staircase at Dalton, and that's not just going to go away because you're not physically with me. I can wait a year! I waited for you for seventeen years before we met. Don't do this."
"I'm doing this for us!" Blaine managed to get out through his tears. "This is the last thing I want. I don't want to move across the globe and I don't want to break up with you but I don't want us to end badly either and I think that's what will happen if we try to stay together. I have been begging my parents to change their minds about this since I found out on Tuesday but they won't budge, and I am terrified about having to go start a new life without you or any of my friends. So if I can't have you there as my boyfriend to hold me, or kiss me when I'm feeling down, I want to be able to call you as my best friend and have you cheer me up and I want to be able to come back to a best friend too, but if we force this relationship to work over continents we could end up resenting our commitment to each other. You're not just my boyfriend, Kurt, you're also the best friend I have ever had, and I really believe our friendship is the most important part of our relationship. I will do anything to keep that intact even if it means having to spend the year without having you as my boyfriend. You say I'm the love of your life, right? Well you're mine too and if it's meant to be then we will be together like this again when I move to New York for college. People who are meant to be together will always find their way back to each other. I believe in fate."
Kurt nodded weakly and moved forward to rest his forehead against Blaine's. He understood. He really did but it did not make the situation any easier.
"When do you leave?" He asked thickly.
"Wednesday. My parents bought the new house last week and my mom wants to leave as soon as possible so we can all settle in before my dad starts work and I start at my new school."
Kurt swallowed hard before standing and taking Blaine by the hand and leading him to the big armchair in the corner of the room. He sat down and motioned for Blaine to sit down with him. When Blaine crawled into Kurt's lap he buried his face into the younger boy's neck and wept.
They were still wrapped tightly around each other, both of them trying to capture the feel and the scent of the other so that they could always remember it when Finn came downstairs in the early afternoon.
"What's going on guys?" Finn asked hesitantly, still surveying the sombre scene before him.
They explained the situation and Kurt was surprised to note the wetness in his brother's eyes. Finn lurched across the room and gathered the two boys into a bone crushing hug while mumbling, "I'm really sad for both of you guys. I'm gonna miss you, Blaine." When Finn broke away, Kurt knew from the look on his face that Blaine was experiencing the same painful lump in the back of his throat that he was.
Giving the news to Burt and Carole was an emotional affair. Carole wrapped them both into a motherly embrace, telling them over and over how sorry she was for them but that she knew they would be okay. Most surprising of all the reactions was Burt's; he sat and listened to everyone speak in silence with misty eyes before clapping Blaine firmly on the shoulder.
"I'm gonna miss you, kid. Who am I gonna mope with over Kurt being gone?" He joked half-heartedly.
Blaine let out a choked laugh, and stood to wrap Burt in a hug. The older man looked surprised for a moment before relaxing into the embrace.
o
Kurt spent the remainder of Blaine's time in Lima by his side, trying to create as many memories as possible for when his boyfriend was out of his reach. Their parents granted them permission to stay overnight with one another given the situation and they took full advantage of that. When they were at Blaine's they showered together in his ensuite bathroom, each tenderly washing the other and drinking in the sight of their other half like men dying of thirst. They made love a few times and kept it a slow, sweet and intense series of dragging thrusts and deep kisses, but mostly they opted to just lie in bed tangled together, talking and murmuring reassurances until they fell asleep. The only time they spent apart was when Blaine spent the day hanging out with the 'glee dudes' for the last time and even then Kurt picked him up and drove him back to the Hudson(-)Hummel's to stay afterwards.
Their last days passed far too quickly and Wednesday crept up on them from behind, grabbing them both by the throat and before they knew it Finn was driving Kurt and Blaine to the airport with Mr. and Mrs. Anderson in the car in front of them.
Kurt and Finn stayed with the Anderson's until they reached security and could go no further. Blaine's father shook Kurt's hand and formally wished him good luck in New York, while Mrs Anderson briefly hugged Kurt and whispered, "Thank you for making him so happy." In his ear before letting him go then, with one last close-lipped smile, she and her husband made their way to the security queue.
Kurt was shocked by Blaine's mother's uncharacteristic show of warmth. She had always seemed as though she disapproved of his and Blaine's relationship, and had shown him only stiff politeness when he visited the house. He couldn't spend time dwelling on it though because he had to say his goodbyes to Blaine.
Finn hugged Blaine tightly telling him how grateful he was for how great a boyfriend he had been to Kurt and that he was going to miss having him around the house. The moving scene made Kurt's eyes prickle with suppressed emotion.
When he was finished, Finn squeezed Kurt's shoulder in a show of reassurance and moved to a nearby bench to give the boys some privacy.
Kurt's legs felt as though they were made of lead as he struggled to take the few steps towards Blaine and close the distance between them for the final time. As soon as he was close enough, Blaine took Kurt's face in his hands and took a shuddering breath. As soon as Blaine's warm hands were on him everything else seemed to flee from Kurt's mind; he didn't notice Mr. and Mrs. Anderson's impatient glances, or Finn's sorrowful ones, or anyone else in the airport. All that mattered to him was Blaine. His gorgeous, talented, quirky, perfect Blaine.
He could not think of any words that would accurately describe the fear and despair he felt about being without him or that would convey how desperately he loved him, so he placed his lips on Blaine's and tried to show him like that. He poured every ounce of emotion he had into the kiss hoping that the intense slide of lips and tongue would allow Blaine to understand how he felt.
When they broke apart, Blaine's eyes looked pained as he whimpered, "I don't know what to say," sounding strangled.
Kurt wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's neck and replied, "Me either, honey."
Blaine gripped Kurt's waist tightly and whispered, "I love you so much, Kurt."
"I love you, too."
They held each other like that until Blaine's father called on him because they were nearing the front of the queue. They reluctantly let each other go and Kurt looked into the hazel eyes he had come to know so well to ask, "Are we broken up now?" He really did not want to know the answer.
Blaine's bottom lip trembled slightly as he nodded, "I still love you though."
Kurt placed a lingering last kiss on Blaine's lips and told him to call when he got to London before his now ex-boyfriend made his way to the security gate. He stood and watched Blaine till he was out of sight before turning to face Finn, who looked as though he had aged since he entered the airport. Kurt fought the tears that he had surprised himself by managing to hold in so far and he now willed them to stay away until he was in private.
He made it to Finn's car before the floodgates opened. It was as though the click of his seatbelt had flipped a switch within him. Huge, painful sobs wracked his slim frame as he wept over the end of an era that he hadn't been ready to see finish yet. Even with Finn holding his hand in a vice-like grip, he had never felt more alone and he ached to have his mother wrap him up in her soft, comforting embrace.
From the moment he met him, Blaine had always been like an anchor to Kurt; keeping his feet on the ground so he could take the baby steps into adulthood and now that he was gone it felt as though he was floating untethered with no control over his life. Blaine had been the one person who understood how alone and broken Kurt had felt and he had pieced him back together using his friendship and support as glue. From their first meeting they had become a duo, 'KurtandBlaine', and now he faced the daunting task of learning to be just Kurt. He felt as though he was in a nightmare where he was back to being the frightened dejected boy who went to spy on the Dalton Academy Warblers but this time, there was no Blaine there to save his life.
"Come on, man. Let's get you home." Finn murmured when Kurt's tears had begun to slow.
Hot tears continued to slide down Kurt's cheeks the entire way home but he valiantly fought the painful sobs that were building in his chest again, and ignored all of the concerned glances that Finn was occasionally shooting him.
"Do you want something to eat?" Finn asked awkwardly when they had finally arrived home, unsure of what Kurt needed.
He appreciated the gesture but Kurt's stomach had tangled itself into tight knots and food was the last thing he wanted.
"No, thanks," he replied, his voice scratchy from all the crying. "I'm just going to try and get some sleep. Thank you for being there for me today, Finn. I honestly can't thank you enough. You're the best brother."
Finn wrapped his arms around him in a comforting embrace and said into Kurt's hair,
"You don't need to thank me, dude. You do for family."
Kurt shot Finn a weak smile and headed upstairs to his bedroom. When he was safe in the private confines of his bedroom, the full weight of the day hit Kurt leaving him feeling exhausted and cold. He rifled through his closet and pulled out a grey cardigan covered with little red lobsters that Blaine had forgotten to take and inhaled deeply, seeking out the smell of him on it. The familiar scent of Prada cologne and spiced orange from the candles that Mrs. Anderson was always burning caused Kurt's stomach to plummet and a strangled whimper escaped him. He pulled the garment on and dragged his shivering body onto his bed, coiled up into a fetal position and wept himself to sleep.
When Kurt woke from a fitful sleep filled with dreams of Blaine it was just after seven o'clock in the evening. He could smell the delicious aromas of spaghetti bolognaise wafting up from downstairs and his stomach growled greedily. Despite his terrible mood his appetite seemed to have returned with a vengeance, so he took off Blaine's cardigan and made his way downstairs for dinner. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror in the hallway and grimaced; he looked as terrible as he felt. His bloodshot eyes, paler than usual complexion, and untidy hair showed the trauma that the day had inflicted on his emotions.
Carol and his had were home from work, and Puck was there too, watching some sitcom on the couch with Finn when he entered the living room. As soon as they all noticed him they each pinned him with the same sad gaze that made him want to flee back to his room. He didn't want to make everyone in the house miserable just because he was.
"That smells good, dad. I'm starving." He said in attempt to break the awkward silence. Spaghetti Bolognaise was the one dish his dad was excellent at cooking.
Burt smiled warmly at him. "I'm glad you're hungry; I made a lot because I had a feeling you might need some comfort food tonight. How are you holding up buddy?" He asked gently.
Kurt couldn't force himself to lie about how he was feeling even to stop his dad from worrying, so he simply nodded and said, "I feel a little better after getting some sleep."
Which was true, he still felt absolutely awful, but a tiny fraction less so than he had earlier. At least he wasn't exhausted anymore.
"Hey, Kurt," Puck called from the couch, "You wanna come watch some TV with us before dinner?" He held up the blanket that was across his knees and patted the spot next to him in invitation.
"Why not?" He replied with a shrug. "I could do with some of your famous cuddles, Noah."
He took the spot between the two boys and relaxed into the embrace when Puck threw his arm around Kurt's shoulder and pulled him into his chest.
"I know you feel really shitty right now and you probably don't want to hear this, but you're gonna be okay. You're the strongest, bravest guy I know."
That was exactly what he wanted to hear. He wanted reassurance that he wouldn't always feel as though there was a gaping hole in his chest. For the first time all day, Kurt smiled a genuine smile.
o
After everyone had finished eating Burt announced that he and Carole had exciting news to share.
"Oh my God, please tell me you're not pregnant, mom?" Finn asked looking slightly green.
Burt and Carole erupted into laughter.
"No, no," Burt replied. "It's something you guys are gonna love."
"What is it, dad?" Kurt was slightly intrigued.
"Well you know that Aunt Margaret died a few months ago, God rest her soul. Well, she left us a bit of the money that she inherited when that rich husband of hers passed away. Ten thousand dollars of it, actually."
Wow. Kurt was in shock. Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money to just have handed over.
"No way!" Finn exclaimed, looking as though he was about to combust with excitement, "Why didn't you tell us? What are you going to do with it?"
Burt chuckled, "Calm down, I was getting to that. We didn't tell you boys because we wanted it to be a surprise. There was nothing serious that we needed the money for and we're pretty secure financially, so we've been planning a vacation. So boys, that includes you, Puck, start packing because we are leaving on Saturday to spend the entire summer in the Maldives!"
Author's note:
I hope you enjoyed this part! While I've been writing this I've been putting songs that remind me of it in a playlist. So after each chapter I'll post the songs that go with it and once the fic is finished I'll put the full soundtrack together with download links.
The Love That Le'ts Go - Miley Cyrus ft. Billy Ray Cyrus