Title: The Edge of a Precipice
Author: Littlestkitten (saratu on lj)
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou
Pairing: Conrad/Yuuri
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,345
Notes: Sequel to Rainy Days Bring Unexpected Happenings. I hadn't exactly intended to make a sequel, but enough people mentioned that they'd like to see one, so, here it is.
Yuuri found himself distracted again. Paperwork was never exactly interesting, but he was having more trouble with it than usual. When the words started to grow blurry he decided it was probably time to call it quits. He was almost done with the stack anyway. He glanced around guiltily to make sure Gwendal wasn't lurking nearby before making his way out the door.
In a rush of paranoia he sprinted down the hallway to so he wouldn't be caught skipping out again. This time he didn't even have Conrad to rescue him. He frowned slightly as he realized he hadn't seen the man all day long, not even at breakfast. Conrad hadn't even shown up for their morning run. He sighed and berated himself. No reason to take it personally, Conrad was probably busy and on patrol or doing some other soldierish thing.
He didn't know why he decided to take that as a good excuse to re-visit the room. Just because Conrad wasn't around didn't mean the room shouldn't still be off limits. But even with that thought he soon found himself retracing his steps from the last time he had decided to explore. This part of the castle was still creepy, but his curiosity was too much for him and he continued. He hadn't had much time to look around the last time he'd been there, and he was curious to find out more about the room, and the person it had belonged to.
He felt a vague sense of guilt; he had promised not to go back to the room. But then again, Conrad had said he was allowed to. And after he'd realized it was only Yuuri, he hadn't seemed that angry. At least, not anymore. Yuuri shuddered as he remembered the look of rage he'd seen on Conrad's face. The man was not one to be taken lightly and Yuuri had a new appreciation for how their enemies must feel when faced with his wrath.
He paused as he reached the door before slowly easing it open and stepping inside. He almost left immediately when he saw that the room already had an occupant. Something stopped him, however, and he continued inside. There was Conrad, standing near the window, looking sad and a little worn. He looked up as Yuuri entered and nodded slowly and respectfully when he realized who had joined him.
Yuuri fidgeted uneasily as the silence stretched. He wanted to leave but didn't know if he should excuse himself or just go silently. Conrad seemed like he wanted to be alone, but Yuuri had wanted to see him all day long, and now that he'd found him, he couldn't bring himself to leave. But the silence was too much, it felt like a living thing, filling Yuuri's senses until he couldn't stand it anymore and blurted out the suspicion he'd had since he'd last been here.
"The room belonged to Julia, didn't it?"
"Yes," The response was so soft Yuuri almost didn't hear it. He glanced around the room once more, taking in the lack of dust and the well cared for furnishings. Even the bed had been remade and set back in place, no longer in disarray as it had been the last time he'd been here. He realized with a heavy heart how special this room must be for Conrad. And he had barged in on those memories without a thought. It was bad enough he had stolen the soul of someone Conrad had loved; he didn't need to go destroying the sanctity of her memories as well.
He looked up at the man who had grown to mean so much to him and wondered how he could be so kind when Yuuri had taken away such a precious person. Conrad always acted like Yuuri was more important than anything else. He'd always felt ill at ease because of this, but now he was starting to worry that maybe it wasn't him that was so treasured. He worried that it was the memory of somebody that Conrad had once loved that lead the man to cherish him like he did.
So many people had loved Julia and had mourned her loss. How could Yuuri, the mediocre baseball boy, compare? He should feel lucky that Conrad didn't hate him for taking her away. But even with these admonishments, Yuuri couldn't help but wish that Conrad liked him for his own sake, not because he had the soul of a loved one. He didn't quite understand why he felt this way, but lately he had felt depressed every time he thought of Julia, and how Conrad had loved her. He wanted the soldier to himself and he couldn't understand the feelings of possessiveness that welled up inside of him whenever he saw the man with someone else. Conrad didn't belong to him, but Yuuri wanted him to, and these thoughts scared the young king.
The silence felt awkward and Yuuri was starting to wish he'd never come here. But he still wasn't quite sure how to excuse himself. He glanced at Conrad but the man didn't seem to be thinking about moving anytime soon. Yuuri finally couldn't take the silence anymore and moved to leave.
"I'm sorry," he whispered with his hand on the door. "I shouldn't have come here again."
Before he could leave he saw Conrad unfold himself from the window. Yuuri turned back toward him to and dropped his hand.
"Yuuri," Conrad murmured as he met the young king's eyes. "Don't go."
Yuuri's breath caught at the tone in Conrad's voice. His name sounded so different said in that way. He'd almost never heard his true name from the soldier unless his life was in danger or unless it was their usual teasing exchange. Conrad sounded more open now than Yuuri had ever heard him before. Nothing was hidden in his voice, and Yuuri felt his knees grow weak at the fond affection apparent in it. Their gazes caught and held and Yuuri knew then that his tentative feelings were returned.
There seemed to be a deep sense of sadness in Conrad's eyes. It called to Yuuri, asked him to comfort and sooth, asked him to love. Yuuri wanted to answer but he was afraid. Afraid of what he was feeling, afraid of what people would think, about breaking his engagement. He wanted Conrad so bad but he couldn't give into it. Not yet. Not when things weren't resolved with Wolfram. Conrad deserved more than to just be some clandestine tryst.
The moment was thick in the air and he was afraid to move in case he would break it's fragile hold on them. Conrad wanted this, wanted it badly. Enough that he would risk so many things to have it. But he also knew that Conrad would never push him, never ask for anything more unless Yuuri initiated it. The choice would always be Yuuri's. He could chose to walk away and never speak of this and Conrad would understand. He wouldn't blame him for his cowardice. Yuuri wasn't ready yet to give voice to his emotions. But he would be eventually.
Simply leaving now would send the wrong signal and probably cause Conrad to think he was rejecting him. Yuuri was torn for a moment with all the possibilities. He could see all the paths that he could walk, like a map of threads woven in a complicated pattern. He plucked what he hoped to be the best one and raised his eyes again with his decision before slowly advancing.
"I'm not ready yet to act on this," he breathed out against Conrad's lips. "But I promise that I will be soon. Wait for me, please."
Conrad slowly nodded and raised a trembling hand to cup Yuuri's cheek. Yuuri sighed once before erasing the last few inches between them and sealing their promise with a kiss. Conrad would wait, and Yuuri would eventually be ready, but until then, they could share this memory. And dream about that many more that would come.