Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from either Buffy or Supernatural
Pairing: Buffy/Dean (they are soooo made for each other!!!!!)
A/N: WARNING This is pure angst. And probably crap but still I love this song and this is what entered my head while listening to it for the bizillioneth (billion and zillion rolled into one, and yes I made it up!!) the other day
Oh and bold means lyrics – yes I know yet another songfic!!
Spoilers: After Chosen and last episode of Angel. After John dies in Supernatural
Please Read and Review!!!!!!!
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It's over. We won. Well, cleaned up Angel and Spike's little mess. Spike. He's alive. He's been alive for months and he never told me. I've mourned him. Mourned an alive man. I mean how hard is it to lift up a phone? I wasted months of my life mourning for him and for what? He and Angel just had to annoy Wolfram and Hart didn't they! And now I'm lying here in my own blood. Dying. Again. If only I had known that Spike was alive when he first came back, I could have put his memory to rest, moved on with my life sooner because he was right. I didn't love him, at least not in the way he wanted me to. I could have let go of my guilt and maybe we could have had longer. Me and Dean I mean. Oh God Dean. He is so not going to be happy. He's been through so much, seen so many he has loved die, his mum, dad and now me. I don't know how much more he can take. I love him. I'd do anything for him. All I've ever wanted to do is heal all his pain, kiss it all better but it seems that in the end all I'm going to do is to inflict more pain and I don't know if he can take it. Don't get me wrong, he's the strongest person I know but everyone has a limit. I should probably stand, try to find someone. But I can't, too much blood loss. I'm going to die alone, my greatest fear. We all got separated during the battle. So many lives lost, I can see Rona lying about ten feet away from with a broken neck. I saw it happen and I couldn't stop it, couldn't save her. Yet another failure of mine. She was in my charge and now she's dead. I'll be joining her soon though. And that's okay. I just wish I could see Dean one more time before….
"Buffy!"
Wow, someone out there does care. "Dean?" I croak out
"Baby, it's going to be okay, everything's going to be fine, you are going to be fine." Dean was now on the ground beside me pulling my head into his lap. "SAM!! Get Willow! Buffy needs…."
"Dean, no" I say, "It's too late, I'm dying"
Sam stops in his tracks and stares at me and at the same time Dean's shaking his head furiously at me. He starts to yell at Sam again but I shush him by placing my fingers on his lips.
You and I we were one
And I swore I'd stay forever
But they say all good things come to and end my friend
"Dean….don't. Sam leave it. It's okay. I know I'm going to die and so do you." I say quietly, tears brimming. Sam looks one more time towards where Willow and all must be before sitting down beside me and Dean, placing his hand in mine.
"Buffy, baby please." Dean rasps, "Don't speak like that. Don't give up. Fight!"
And now it's time to move on
And don't think that this is easy
'Cos it's hard to be leaving you behind
You'll be fine
"I can't Dean, I can't survive this. And I've accepted it. You need to as well. Death is my gift remember?!"
"I don't want to accept it. I love you….I can't lose you, not now."
"Dean…"Tears are running freely down both are faces now as I pretty much beg for him to let me go.
Oh so if you believe
Say a prayer for me
I won't be here tomorrow
Somewhere I got to be
Things you want to say
Save them for another day
Cos I can here the angels calling
Angels calling for me
"Dean…it's my time to go. I've already done all I was meant to do and more. I finally done. I can go back, back to Heaven. Dean, I'm going to be okay. I love you, never forget that. I've never been so happy as I have been these last few months with you and Sam. I love you both." I squeeze Sam's hand gently and give him a reassuring smile. He's openly crying and I can't help but love him even more. He's my little brother.
Does it help if I say
That I'm really truly sorry
And that I never meant for it to end this way
"Sam, look at me." I capture Sam's gaze with mine. I'm finding it harder and harder to remain conscious and breathing keeps getting shallower. "Look after Dawn. She's going to need you. You have to be strong for each other. I love you just as much I love Dawn, remember that. You are as much my brother as you are Dean's. Tell Dawn I love her and that I'm sorry. Tell her this isn't the same as last time. I don't want to die, I didn't sacrifice myself. Tell her I'm so proud of her, of the woman she has become." I'm finding it hard to speak; the words feel like they are being ripped from my chest.
There's a place in your heart
Where you know you'll always find me
And I'll be with you wherever you are
Near or far
"Hush baby, don't speak. You're wearing yourself out". I shake my head at Dean. I need to finish this.
"Dean, tell Giles I forgive him. And that I'm sorry it took me so long. Tell him I love him and he has been the best Watcher, no Father, a girl could ever have. I was so lucky that he considered me as one of his honorary children. Tell Xander that he is my best friend and I love him. And tell the same thing to Willow. I have faith in her, she's going to be fine. Just make sure she doesn't try to bring me back this time." I try to smile at him but I think it comes out as more of a grimace. Dean smiles back at me as does Sam through their smiles.
Oh so if you believe
Say a prayer for me
I won't be here tomorrow
Somewhere I got to be
Things you want to say
Save them for another day
Cos I can here the angels calling
Angels calling for me
I start coughing blood, I don't have much time left. "Tell Faith that she's going to be great. That she already is and there are no hard feelings; she's my sister, just the same way Dawn is."
Oh so if you believe
Say a prayer for me
I won't be here tomorrow
Somewhere I got to be
Things you want to say
Save them for another day
Cos I can here the angels calling
Angels calling for me
A few more hacking coughs at know it's over. "Dean, baby I love you…..always. Don't….let your grief…..for you. You…have….so much to live…for. And I'll always…be here. As long as you….remember me…I'll never…be gone."
Our heads are pressed together, our tears intermingling. Sam is still holding my hand crying silently. I take a deep breath.
"I love you" Dean whispers.
"Love….you….two." I smile. And that's it. I'm dead. Left my two boys sitting there, covered in my blood until the scoobs find them, sharing their grief. With one last look I turn and head to where I belong, where I was ripped from three years ago.
"Hi mum."
You and I we were one
And I said I'd stay forever
But they say all good things come to an end