Your Little Bird
Summary: Quinn reflects on the last four years of her life, contemplating on her last chance to say goodbye before finally leaving McKinley High.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own anything...yet.
You're lying to yourself again. You're so deep in your denial that you don't even know how you let it go on for so long.
She's in front of you now. Singing her heart out with the most amazing voice you've ever had the pleasure to hear. You feel the small butterflies in your stomach as she hits a particularly difficult note. But, her eyes are across the room, directing the song's meaning to the one and only Finn Hudson.
Your heart drops and you feel your chest constrict and try to tear your eyes away but can't help but stare as you watch her face focus on finishing the song.
You see that smile. The smile she only wears when she has the satisfaction of performing a great song.
People clap and begin to exit the room. You watch as she jumps happily towards Finn, his arms wide open awaiting her embrace.
You frown as she jumps into his arms a permanent smile gracing her face. Her eyes never leave his. She never turned her gaze once.
She never does.
You continue to stare at them when you feel a light tap on your shoulder.
"You ready to go Q?" Santana questions as she follows your gaze across the room.
The moment her eyes land on Rachel you snap your head away.
She gives you a sympathetic look as your eyes meet hers. She questions you but you shrug it off and give her a stare that states; don't start.
The Latina casts one more glance to the Rachel and Finn as a frown graces her features but quickly disappears as quickly as it came.
Santana steps out holding Brittany's hand, leading you away from the lovesick scene. You internally struggle with yourself not to turn and cast one last glance at the couple.
You don't know why, but you so badly want her to turn her head and possibly glance your way.
Lie.
You know why.
So, finally you give in, opting to listen to your better judgment of not staring at the couple. You know it will only lead to trouble.
It will unleash the green monster that's in you. The one that you've been struggling to keep locked up for the duration of time, since you've known the shorter brunette.
You don't know exactly when this all started. At first, you thought you just despised her for trying to be an annoying know-it-all trying to steal your boyfriend. But, once he broke up with you and he got with her. You thought you would be insanely jealous and heartbroken because of him, but it wasn't.
It was because of her.
It wasn't because you hated her, and it wasn't because you were jealous of her.
It was because she was everything you wanted for yourself. But, would never allow yourself to have.
So, you let Finn have her, or at least that's what you tell yourself.
Like everything else in your life, it's always been the early bird that catches the worm. Unfortunately for you, you've never been too fond of punctuality and so she was snatched up right before your eyes, not even given a chance to fight for her.
So you continue to follow Santana and Brittany, trailing slightly behind at a slower pace, but then you stop. You stop because you're right in front of her locker.
You cast one look ahead to see if they notice your missing presence. They don't. You take one glance around the hallway and find it completely empty.
It's just you and her locker.
You take a step forward and face the cool metal.
Glancing at it hard, you debate on what to do. But, finally you give up. You decide that this has gone on too long. You're so tired of hiding and doing your best to not be affected by the brunette.
But, today it ends. Today you let her know how you feel. After all, it is Graduation day. What better way to end your school career, than with the way it started.
Confident and with nothing to fear.
So with that in mind, you reach inside your pocket and clutch at the letter that you've been carrying around for the last 5 months.
You've thought about giving it to her, but you could never find the courage to admit that everything in the past four years was a façade. Giving her that letter, symbolized everything that you wouldn't dare voice aloud.
You grip the paper harder and lift it between your face and the little slots in the metal.
This is your last chance to back out.
It's now or never.
You hesitantly push the letter half way in, half of its surface disappearing into the darkness of the unknown.
You know once you let it go, she'll know everything. So, you hold on a little tighter.
Taking one last deep breath and closing your eyes, you push the rest in, feeling the weight of gravity pulling the letter down to the darkness as it leaves your fingertips.
The moment you let it go, you instantly feel gratification and relief.
You take one step back and give the cool metal one last glance as you turn away, a small smile gracing your face.
You turn to your side and see Santana and Brittany waiting at the end of the hall. A look of concern is etched on Santana's face as you lightly jog your way over to her.
She silently questions you as you give a slight nod.
No words are exchanged, all she needs is that look in your eyes and she knows you're okay.
You give them both a small sad smile and take one last glance down the hallway.
It is done.
Taking everything that's left within you, you follow your best friend's lead. You follow her out the doors of McKinley High and leave everything behind you in that single letter.
The single letter that has now fallen to the floor as a certain brunette opens her locker door.
You don't see her as you turn the corner and she doesn't see you.
You don't see her pick up the letter and open it.
You don't see her read it.
You don't see the tears that stream down her face from reading your words.
You don't need to.
All you need is the knowledge that you know she will read your letter.
Your words.
Every single thing you could not utter aloud but could pour into paper.
Your love in verse.
Dear Rachel,
I know this may come to you as a surprise, but I couldn't bare the thought of leaving McKinley without letting you know. For the past four years I have watched you grow into this beautiful, inspirational, mature woman.
And now, as I watch you pursue your dreams of living in New York and becoming the Broadway star that I know you're destined to be, I can't help but feel proud. I'm proud to have witnessed who you have become, and I'm proud to know who you will be.
You were born to fly and I'm just lucky to have seen you flown.
You deserve this Rachel. You deserve this, and so much more.
I wish I could tell you this face to face. You deserve that, but unfortunately, I'm a coward.
You deserve the truth, and so this is the best that I can give.
I love you Rachel Barbara Berry.
I know that doesn't make any sense. But, please know that someone loved you, and that there will be someone who will always love you. I'm sorry that I couldn't do more. I wish I could take back a lot of the mistakes that I made over the years and I wish I didn't regret not taking any chances on you, this being one of them. I will always regret not having the courage to tell you this face to face. But I know that if I told you in person, I wouldn't be able to let go. And I can't be the one to hold you back.
Leave Lima with your head held high, and never look back. Everything is ahead of you. Don't every doubt yourself. It's your self-confidence that made me fall for you so deeply. I have never met someone so passionate or motivated to achieve their dreams. You inspired me to strive for bigger things, things that I didn't dare dream of nor did I deserve, but still I tried.
You made me want to try.
And I will continue to try everyday, knowing that you are out there still trying too.
Rachel, your talent is meant to be witnessed by the world and I'm excited to know that in just a few short years, the world will get to witness what I have had the honor of witnessing for the last four years.
They will get to see the woman, whom I have loved, perform with such passion that they will instantly fall in love too. And I'll be there witnessing it too. I will be there opening night when you first step on that stage making the audience fall in love with you and your amazing voice.
If there's one thing that I can promise you, it'll be that I will be there opening night.
I'll be there, but, you just won't know it…
I know that's a horrible promise to make, I'm not proud of it and I know that its selfish of me, but that's the most I'll allow myself to do. I'll feel better knowing that you have done well for yourself, without me getting in the way of anything.
Rachel- I-I love you, please don't ever doubt that, or your self.
But, if you ever do feel that inkling of doubt, just look into the sky and I promise I'll be right there flying above you, reminding you that you were made to fly.
Now, there's a promise that I'm proud to keep.
Goodbye Rachel.
Love,
Your Little Bird