A/N: I do not own Tintin?
"Great Snakes! What will they think of next?" Tintin growled, glaring down at magazine before him.
"What will WHO think of next?" Haddock asked as he entered the living quarters of Marlinspike castle.
"These jokers here!" Tintin angrily handed the magazine to his old friend. Haddock set down his glass of Loch Lomond on the table and took the magazine titled "Critique & Armatures" the magazine was popular for belittling famous reporters and their favourite victim was Tintin. It read:
"Reporter Tintin (Age 15) has got to be the most talented reporter in history…" the Captain read aloud and gave Tintin an odd look "What's wrong with that?"
"Keep reading" Tintin said blankly, not looking up from the table.
"…or so they say! The so called "Reporter" is just a child seeking attention, honestly I've seen better articles from a one legged donkey! This kid is just a big joke, Come on he has a dog and the king of all drunks as co-workers!" Haddock gritted his teeth at the last part and released a chain of his colourful curses "Those Heretics! Parasites! Glutinous Guinea Pigs! Body Snatchers! Noodle Necks!" After several more Blistering Barnacles and Thundering Typhoons Haddock calmed down and started counting to ten. A method that to everyone's surprise actually worked.
"Better?" Tintin chuckled, Haddock nodded.
"You should take no notice of them" Haddock said as calmly as possible, taking out his pipe, popping it into his mouth and started scrunching tobacco into it's chimney. "They're just jealous"
"Really?" Tintin asked turning his attention to haddock.
"Absolutely" Haddock chimed lighting a match. "Not every reporter gets a story AND catch's a criminal in one go" Haddock assured shifting his pipe from the corner of his mouth to the centre and lighting it.
"You're right those guys are just fresh water pirates covered in blue blistering barnacles that are flying through one thousand thundering typhoons!" Tintin laughed.
Upon hearing those words the captain gasped, accidentally inhaling a big cloud of smoke and started choking and beating on his chest.
"Captain?" Tintin asked raising an eyebrow at the old sea-dog.
"What-" The Captain was cut off as he let out a long wispy gasp, the smoke that had been caught in his throat spewed out of his mouth where it disappeared in a matter of seconds. After catching his breath Haddock picked up where he left off "What did you just say!" Haddock barked placing one hand on his hip.
"Huh?"
"How dare you use such language!" Haddock scolded shaking his Pipe at the reporters now shocked expression.
"N-now Captain I hear you use those words all the time?" Tintin said nervously.
"That's different I'm an adult you're a 15-year-old! You're way too young and I for one I'm shocked that you would use them in such a combination!" Haddock shook his head in a disappointed manner. "I'm sorry lad but this can't go unpunished!"
"Beg your par-OW!" Tintin yelped as Haddock grabbed him firmly by the ear, forcing him to stand up. "Captain! Take it easy!" Tintin whined, wincing as a tear dotted the far corner of left eye.
Haddock had an iron grip making escape impossible and with a strong pull started to drag Tintin out of the room. As for Snowy? By now he knew better than to meddle in the affairs of his masters so just crawled under the table, laid down, let out a slight whine and covered his eyes with his paws.
In the meantime Haddock had been able to frogmarch Tintin up the stairs and into the bathroom where he turned on the tap, letting the cold water flow.
"What on earth are you doing?" Tintin asked angrily, rubbing his now free and sore ear.
"Teaching you a lesson!" Haddock scolded grabbing a bar of soap and putting it under the water. It only took the ginger tufted teen a second to get what was about to happen.
"C-captain you can't be serious?"
"I'm Positive" And without another word Haddock Grabbed Tintin's ear again and bent him over the sink and popped the bar of soap straight into his mouth!
"What the-" Tintin spluttered and the foul taste started to spread through his mouth, he retracted his tongue to the back of his mouth to avoid having his tongue suffer the same fate as his mouth that was now filled with suds.
After a few minutes of a good mouth scrubbing Haddock stood him and took the soap out of his mouth.
"Stick out your tongue!" The Captain ordered leaving no room for arguments. Tintin slowly obliged and stuck out his tongue which he had tried so hard to protect.
Haddock rubbed the bar back and forth along Tintin's tongue until it was pinker than it already was.
"I hope this has taught you a lesson lad!" Haddock lectured handing Tintin a wet wash cloth to help him rinse out his squeaky clean mouth.
"Yes Captain" Tintin grumbled from under the cloth.
"Next time you'll get the belt" Haddock warned motioning to his belt before leaving. Tintin would have laughed if he knew the Captain wasn't being completely serious.
"I swear I won't be using any of those words again" He sighed.
A/N Hope you enjoyed