"Yes, badfic cliches. I know "Those Lacking Spines" is a hilarious spoof that handles horrible cliches with finesse and humor. But I'm curious to see if you guys can write half-way seriously the following and turn them into goodfic.
1. A self-insert character gets sucked into their PS2."
-- (challenge from ChaosRamenCup at Kingdom Hearts FanFiction Rants)
That is the basic premise of this fiction. It was a challenge inspired by CupRamenChaos at KHFFR, and it is nothing more. Consider this your warning-- this fanfiction will involve many, many OCs, various Disney worlds, swearing, a girl's frustration, Americans, American girls swearing in frustration, alcohol, underage drinking, various jabs at bad fanfiction and jokes about clichés, and various cameos by the original KH characters. Yes, I said cameos. Mix with two pints "WINE AND BEER!" and a heaping tablespoon of Awesomeness; bake 10-12 minutes until ego is thoroughly puffed up and inflated. Deflate with toothpick.
Sound like your cup of tea? Then read on, and please enjoy. (Also, a warning: The first chapter is indeed short. They are much longer after this. I promise.)
--
Disclaimer: This story and all elements contained herein (unless noted), are property of Disney & Square-Enix, 2001-2007. PlayStation and its associated devices are property to Sony. No profit is being made (here or on FanLib, ever, thanks much), and no copyright infringement is intended.
Dresden Richards is property of Epoison.
Chapter One
In Which The Sanity Of Villagers Is Debated
- - -
Somehow… she wasn't quite sure this was where she was supposed to be.
You know, unless Ohio had suddenly managed to sink underground, or the earth had finally achieved synchronous rotation with the sun and therefore this side of the earth would forever be looking off into the vast reaches of space.
Highly unlikely in either case, she figured. She would have noticed either way (not to mention in order for the latter to be true, she'd have to have lived hundreds of millions of years—and she wasn't about to consign herself to being old just yet). So with those two possibilities excluded, and nary a moon in the sky (hadn't it been full when she looked out her window?), Dresden Richards was stuck.
"So if I'm not at home, and I'm not anywhere instantly recognizable…" she wondered aloud, "just where the hell am I?"
Possibly the first and most important question to be answered. Where was she, how had she gotten there, was there anything to be avoided, and how was she getting gone—maybe not all necessarily in that order, of course. Avoiding potentially dangerous things was probably a good thing to put to the top of the list if she wanted to live long enough to figure out where she was.
"Another one," she heard a man sigh, and she jumped. Okay, revise the list: Checking for people around needed to come first! That way she wouldn't be so startled when they snuck up behind her. Not good.
"Another one what?" Dresden asked cautiously, twisting around and clambering to her feet, wary. Never trust anyone until they prove themselves to be deserving of it, right?
"Another refugee," the man responded, head lilting ever so slightly in his bemused state. "This's where they all come when the Heartless strike."
…
…
…wait a moment. What had he just said? "Excuse me?"
"The Heartless," the man repeated, still giving her that odd look. "Ye must've hit your head if ye don't remember."
Dresden shook her head. "No, no," she disagreed. "Because I definitely hit my head, but these Heartless things you're talking about? They don't exist. They're fictional. Fic—tion—al." She dragged out each syllable as she spoke it, as though it would underscore her point.
The man shook his head again. "And I think ye'll be wanting to see a doctor about that bump before ye decide to be doin' anything. The Heartless are very real, miss, t'be certain."
…maybe it was time to back off. Someone speaking with an accent and claiming that the Heartless were real? Had definitely been playing way too many video games. "I'll be sure to remember that," Dresden said instead, holding up her hands for a moment before looking around. "So—" she added casually, fairly certain now that she could at least ask questions without being a total fool, "—where are we, anyways?"
The man shook his head. "A world called Traverse Town, miss. Where survivors of Heartless attacks flee." He smiled slightly then, reaching out to pat her shoulder in a manner that was meant to be comforting. "You'll be safe here."
Was he insane, maybe? If he was, how should she break it to him? Was it even wise to tell an insane person they were insane? Maybe not… it probably wasn't smart. And would probably lead to some of that arguing and life-threatening that she rather preferred to avoid. Yeah, avoiding it sounded like a good idea. So instead, Dresden shook her head, turning to look again at her surroundings. Brown fence, cobblestone wall, dark sky above, and the distant glow of neon lights ahead. "I think I'm going to go that way," she decided to herself, nodding decisively and pointing up. "Er…" What to say to the weird inane one? "Thanks for your help."
Or not-help, as it were. But that was okay! She'd just go toddle onwards and see what those lights were all about. Cities, right? And she'd hopefully be able to find someone up there who'd know where they really were.
- - -
"What do you mean, my world must have been destroyed?"
Well, it seemed inanity was a relatively common thing around this area. Dresden shook her head, arms folded as she walked out of the shop. "The world has gone insaaaaaaane," she sang out quietly, pushing through a set of doors. "Whoever heard of a—"
She stopped dead, looking ahead of her. And then, slowly: "Ohhh, you have got to be kidding me."
At first? She'd been relatively able to ignore how things seemed to be scarily familiar. Even the names could be ignored. But she'd just pushed through into a very, very familiar sight, and there was no denying it: "I don't think I'm in Ohio anymore, my non-existent Toto."
In fact, she was standing smack in the entranceway of Traverse Town's First District.