This story is NOT a happy sweet one, not for fragile hearts. You're warned :)

Well, in this story, EO had been partnered for 11 years, and Alex had never been in the WPP.

Please R&R

Enjoy! :)

PROLOG

Where am I?

Reopened her sore eyes and slowly blinked the fuzzy away, Olivia surprisingly found that all the pain and coldness were gone. Uncountable times, she'd tried uncountable times, to concentrate, to think, but always ended up falling asleep or passing out.

Only this time, things were different.

She actually saw things, things dragging her back to the present. Trees, pine trees, snow… hell, she was still standing in the knee-deep snow with bare feet and legs. No, not only this, she realized her body was literally naked up and down.

Funny thing was, she didn't feel anything, also, she couldn't move any part of her body any inch.

Shit…

She remembered, remembered how she ended up here and how desperately she'd wanted to run, to fight… But now, with her mouth gagged, she was deadly tied to a tree, exposing in this world of ice and snow.

Just how fucking long I've been staying like this?

Damn, seemed she overrated her brain…

Now, the whole world drifted into some creepy silence, making her heartbeats sounded a bit too loud and unreal.

Am I dying? She wondered.

But didn't know since when, she began to feel less fear about death.

No such a path without its end.

Well, at least, life treated her not too bad, which she always told herself whenever this world felt too cruel to be true.

Yes, she could die. She could take it, if her destiny said so, without complain, fear, or rage... Although the death felt so damn alone.

But wasn't it how life truly taste like?

In all these years, seeing death and blood, Olivia had thought about moment like this hundred times already. Being shot, stabbed, strangled…

It was just...not like this.

Not in this way.

No.

...

I'm sorry, for not saying a goodbye to you even... Elliot, sorry...

…

CHAPTER 1

Before

Putting one hand on her partner's forearm carefully, Olivia kept her voice as calm as she could.

"El, let go of him. Come on, hey, you're choking him..."

"Get off me, bi-" he bit off the last word.

Olivia stilled, and blushed in anger and hurt.

She closed her eyes, hearing their perp coughing, gasping, and Elliot storming out of the interrogation room, leaving the door trembling like hell.

Olivia still couldn't believe her ears. Did that bastard just call her "bitch"? Well, no doubt he was the F-words master, but this, this was new for her.

Even for her.

Indeed, this case was really a pain in the ass. Because it had been more than one month since the first victim showed up, who was a 14 years old girl, raped and beaten to death. By now, they had got seven teenage girls died in the same M.O.

Series cases were always stressful for cops, especially when they got family problems. Therefore, Olivia Benson had already been holding on in the hard days and never really spat a harsh word to her moody, rude, always-slapping-things-around, partner.

But now, the good-tempered Olivia was barely there.

Catching her partner by the entrance of squad room, Captain Donald Cragen was already doing what she wanted to.

Standing toe to toe with his red-faced detective, Cragen forced his hands in pants' pockets, as if fighting the urge of twisting Elliot's head off.

"You, are, suspended, Stabler! From now on, DO NOT show your face in my bullpen again, till you got the fire on your fat tail extinguished! You understand?"

Elliot breathed out a chuckle, "Whatever, boss." Immediately, he pulled out his weapon and badge, shoved in Cragen's hand, before grabbing his coat and left.

"And you, detective Benson," Cragen didn't even turn, already knew Olivia was on her way to catch Elliot. "Just leave your partner alone and get into my office, NOW."

Damn. She stopped in half way, flushed for drawing so many attentions from her co-workers, as if she couldn't just leave her partner for a second or something. And she ducked into Cragen's room quickly, before actually heard what people whispering about.

"How many times do you think you can cover for your partner, Benson?" Cragen throwing out his rage even before Olivia actually shut the door steady. "He's been acting like some silly rookie for nearly... what, half month maybe? And I'm sure as hell it's not the first time he attempted to beat the confession out of the perp! "

He took a breath; eyes never left Olivia's guilty face. "You think just keeping me in the dark and pretending everything's fine, so you can work all the problems through as well as the case, don't you?"

"Cap, I uh... he," not sure where to start, Olivia only felt like a five-years-old wetting bed got caught. "… He's in lots of stress recently, you know, and I've always been keeping an eye on h..."

Cragen cut her off impatiently, "You've babied him all the time and you never questioned a bit his professional attitude?"

Now, Olivia got his point, which was more for yelling than learning.

"Sorry, sir." she said simply.

"Cut the crap... Olivia, just what the hell is going on? I know something is bothering him."

Uh, great... he got the point, but where to start?

How about "In the so-called end of my partner's long-term divorce fight, he almost kissed me the day before he confessing his newly succeed in making baby with his wife? "Or, "he hates me for keeping distance from him?" Or, "my partner just couldn't concentrate on the job, cuz he began to use alcohol to smooth all his pain in the ass?"

Then she realized it might be the first time she turned all these ridiculous messes into words, going through them in her mind.

And it hurt.

Finally, she heard her voice. "He, uh... he's having some family issues... and I... tried several times, to talk with him, but he... we just..."

"Ok, look..." pinching the bridge of his nose, Cragen interrupted her, "You two have been partnered for over 11 years, and what shit you haven't been through?" he paused a while, looking at his only female detective straightly in the eye. "Lately, I've been hearing gossips,"

Her heart quickened immediately.

"… gossips about you two… Though, I don't buy any of them. You two can work things like Gitano... " he almost said "Dani Beck", "… out... I believe you can handle this, too."

Cragen broke the eye contact, leaving Olivia trying her best to cool down her burning face.

"So, solve your problem, and solve it quickly. Understand?"

"Yes, cap..." she breathed before escaped out.

After three no answer calls, Olivia slapped her phone shut and cursed, "Son of a ..."

She was so tired of this "hide and seek" kinda game, according to Cragen.

Recently, she always needed to find him, take care of his drunken body and find all kinds of excuses to cover for him... Yeah, technically, she knew it hadn't been that long since Elliot turning into such a dick. But hell, why it felt like forever? Or, perhaps Elliot Stabler was totally an ass, only she was just too stupid to find out earlier?

God, do the shitty days ever pass?

Olivia running her fingers through her hair, shot a look at the table calendar.

Uh, no... Now the calendar reminded her why it needed to be buried deeply under the files. Because time flew so damn fast, and their case just didn't go any little further. And the paper works... Hell, looking at her desk, Olivia wondered maybe Elliot could just shoot her right in the head, better than leaving these living tortures here.

Doing her job, the brunette only found her concentration slipped off every now and then. Damn, she couldn't stop wandering where the fuck her jackass partner was and what the fuck he was doing.

And before she knew it, she drifted in dreams, even while her eyes half-open and fingers still stuck on the keyboard.

She went back to a scene happened almost one and a half month ago. They were standing in the doorway of her apartment, and she was face to face with her partner, staring at that pair of baby-blue eyes, sensing his pine-scent aftershave... Their mouths half-opened, but no one dared make a sound, until she found he lowered his eyes to her lips as she did the same, feeling her heart slamming…

"Liv?"

"Hum?" Jerked her eyes open, Olivia actually took awhile to recognize the woman standing by her desk.

"Shit, Alex, you scared the hell out of me." she blushed, feeling as if her inappropriate dream was read by the smart blond.

"Go home, sleepyhead. when was the last sleep you have?"

Alex had been living in Olivia's place recently, though she hated to bother her friend. She just broke up with a reporter, whom she'd been with for months. And this bastard just kept coming to bang her door every night. A couple of times,she almost called 911.

"Just one more hour. I had to finish this today." Olivia rubbed her eyes.

"Seriously, Liv, you look like hell." Alex said concerned, eyeing the files piled up on the desk. That was when she raised voice. "Did Stabler shove the paper work to you, again?"

The brunette put a hand on the sheets as if covering something. "No, ... Yes, I mean, he uh... got some emergency."

Alex rolled eyes, "Of course. So not only babysitter, you're his secretary now."

"Alex, please..." Olivia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She really didn't have the strength for this.

Moving eyes back on the detective, Alex's heart softened.

Was it that long since the last time she took a good look at her current roomie? Her friend seemed so exhausted and upset, not like the sharp stunning woman she ever remembered, not at all.

"Liv, I just come to tell you, my mom sent me her homemade cheese, again. Like it?"

Olivia couldn't help but grin, "Oh yes... my favorite."

Giving a gentle squeeze to Olivia's cold hand, Alex finally met the brown eyes, "Then come home a little earlier, ok? Don't push yourself too hard."

"Yeah, I'll try. Thank you..."

Olivia promised to herself, just one hour. One last hour later, if she still couldn't find something juicy from the ocean of security videos, she'd go home.

Taking another sip of her cold coffee, Olivia didn't even feel it cold at all, she just staring at the screen, ignoring the burning eyes, and her headache.

Not sure since when, just every time she got anxious, or stressed out, her head throbbed. And it got worse recently, thanked for the damn case and her helpful partner.

Just as she about to give up, something appeared on the screen.

It was a little girl, seven or eight year's old, long blond hair, looked just so like their last victim. This girl walked from east to west, stopped beside the road as if waiting for the traffic lights.

Widened her eyes, Olivia leaned to the screen.

Then, a blind-like guy with a cane appeared, drawing Olivia's attention. He was wearing a baseball cap and a dark-color hooded sweatshirt, walking to the little girl and "accidently" jobbed her with his cane, which couldn't be more obvious as intentional. They talked, and the girl held his hand, leading him across the road, out of the view.

Olivia immediately reviewed it, and recorded the timeline at the first time.

Yes, it kicked all her sleep away, making her let out a long breath through her nose. Though, she knew perhaps it didn't mean anything, but she felt, felt it in gut, it would be a valuable clue, their only clue for now.

She reached for her phone to tell Cragen.

But just as she touching it, it went off.

The caller ID read Elliot.

"Finally showed up, huh?" she was a little surprised by how many bad moods his name could bring to her.

There was no answer, just some noisy background music and noises.

"Hello? Elliot...?"

Two seconds later, his muttering voice came through. "Liv... did, did I wake... you up?"

Fuck. He was definitely drunk, again.

Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose, "Don't tell me you finished a whole bottle of vodka again."

"Mmmm… No, I, I …"suddenly, there was a loud "bang", then someone yelling in the background, "Wow, wow… watch your… oh dude… You ok?"

What the… Did he just fall or?

"Elliot? E…"

"Hello?" an unknown man's voice answered, "Hey, I'm the bar-tender. He's, uh, seems he's pass out, so…"

Great…

"Ok, ok, could you just… " what? Let some bartender keep his wallet and gun? "… just tell me the address... Yeah, I'm coming to pick him up."

Hanging up the phone, Olivia took a glance at her watch. Fuck… It was the God damn midnight of December, and she had to drive through half of the city to drag her drunken motherfucker partner out of some rotten bar, leaving the burning case behind.

I'm really gonna kill you, Stabler, I swear…

Or, maybe she can call Kathy?

But picturing the pregnant woman walking clumsily in some dark slippery alley...

Damn. Every time, every fucking time he put her in the mess, there was no other choice left for her.

Almost an hour later (due to the snowy road), Olivia pulled her car over and killed the engine, rushing toward a small bar.

The night felt as cold as some freezing hell. But she just didn't bother. If wasn't so totally out of energy, Olivia felt like maybe she would just lift him on her shoulder, ran back to his apartment and threw him into the bathroom, where he could vomit his gut out and sleep his numbness off.

Scanning the foggy little bar, Olivia spotted her partner within a minute.

Elliot sat on the floor, leaning on the end of the bar counter, unconscious. His shirt half opened, sweat seeping down his neck and chest, twinkling slightly.

"El?" patting his cheek gently, Olivia downed her eyes to check his weapon and badge. Lucky him, nothing out of place.

"Elliot, wake up."

"He's not gonna answer you, sweetie."

Rising her head, Olivia saw a middle-aged guy smiling at her, with an almost empty vodka bottle in hand.

"Jesus... " Olivia rolled eyes, running fingers through her hair. "C'mon, El, let's go." She lowered her body, attempted to get him up.

The tender stepped forward. "Wow, sweetie, do you think it's a little soon to leave?"

"What?" Olivia glared at him.

"Sure you can handle your guy? Maybe you need a little help here, baby."

"Back off." flashing her badge, Olivia held his eyes, "before I ruin your party."

Almost with all her strength, she finally supported Elliot's dead weight up.

"Hey, police or not, you have to pay me." The tender blocked their way.

"How much?"

Soon, she paid for him.

"I swear, Stabler, I'm gonna take interest for real, and you maybe need to payment by installment." Olivia signed, doubted his consciousness, "Ok, let's just, leave. C'mon, watch your step! ... Yeah, easy... Good... "

"Liv... I ... I'm sorry... I didn't ... you know... "

"Just shut up and watch your step, Stabler!"

She hated this, all of this. Alcohol breathing, muttering words, bumbling around, hysterical… only reminded her so much of the old days, her mother...

After almost tumbling forward, Elliot regained his balance. And it somehow made him giggle like a fool, "... Am I... am I under arrest, Detect...tttive Benson? You are, so...pissed..."

"Yes, you are under arrest for screwing our case, asshole."

"What? Me? " he stopped, glaring at Olivia with his blood-red eyes, "You bitches blame every, every, fucking thing on me, don't you?"

One look at his bull eyes, Olivia decided to ignore this insane. "Just keep moving."

But within a few steps, he jerked off her. "Fuck off!"

His sudden pushing almost made both of them tumble down.

"You kn-know what? I've… never f-felt, so… fucking pathetic in my, fucking, life!"

"Elliot," she forced herself to be patient. "C'mon, let's talk about it out here."

"I gave every…, every fucking thing I have... to this fucking job... " he closed eyes, rubbing his face with both hands, "... look what I ended up... After half, half my life... screwed, I really... " he swallowed, as if fighting vomit or maybe tears, "... screwed up every thing... Can't beli-... what kind of..."

"Elliot... " stepping forward, Olivia helped him up. "Not here." she hated putting on such a show here.

Finally made it to her vehicle, she opened the door of backseats, and helped hin in.

All of a sudden, a powerful strength pulled her down, making her collapsing on Elliot's muscular body.

Olivia tried to pull up but failed, cuz his strong arms were wrapping her tightly. Then, their eyes met. The blue eyes darkened, full of desire, hunger, and something she couldn't identify.

World went straightly silent. Olivia felt their pounding hearts slamming on each other soundly.

And before she actually reacted, their lips met.

He leaned up and kissed her, hard and passionately, while her shocking eyes widened, closed, then closed tightly.

Though, she didn't let herself kiss him back all the way, not at all. Instead, Olivia found her mind somehow drifted thousand miles away, drifted in some ice-cold, blue, and dumb place.

Just as he trying to deepen the kiss, she jerked away.

"What...?" searching her eyes, he struggled to focus, to read her.

"We've gotta go." she breathed, pulling up, got out, and slammed the door behind.

Shit...

Leaning on her car, Olivia took a couple of big swallows of the cold air out there. Suddenly, she was pissed.

So it was. His kiss, his lips, his warmth…, which had appeared thousand times in her dreams all these years, good days, bad days…

What the hell... ? After drinking your ass stupid, getting bored with self-pity, then you came to find some distractions from me?

Her tears threatened.

Wiped the wetness in her eyes roughly, Olivia got back in the car, started the engine. She just wanted to drive him home quickly, safely, and then went straight to her place, no, to the crib might be better, to isolate the whole damn world.

"Liv, I'm..." he murmured from behind.

"Shut up, El... Just, take a nap and do NOT puke on my car." she cut him off, and before he could continue, she turned on the radio.

For the rest of the way, the music noised meaninglessly, filling the emptiness and silence.

Staring blankly ahead, Olivia drove like a robot. She shut down most part of her brain, making sure there was nothing in her mind, 'cause she was too damn exhausted, mentally and physically. In addition, she was so sick of this endless, pointless thinking, which more like some self-torture.

In all her life, countless experiences had proved her that life was not something she could dominate, not at all. You chased, struggled, bit, yelled, expected... did everything you could. But still, life went on its own way.

We were meant to be partners, just partners. And isn't that good?