CONVERSATIONS

The day that Lois had that talk with Clark, she had come by to talk with Martha on support for a Bill Martha was working on. Martha was in the Kitchen reading the Smallville Ledger and drinking Coffee, when Lois came to back door.

"Hey Senator!" she said with a smile. "I have some good news for you, you have just gained enough support for you education bill to get it passed. Senator Johnston even sent me these funding proposals. I reviewed all the figures and it looks very promising!"

"That's great Lois, Here sit down and have some coffee." She walks over and picks up the coffee and pours a cup for Lois. She then sit down and starts looking at the briefs that Lois brought in. Lois picks up the paper and starts looking at the front page. On the bottom of the page, it has a story on Lex and Lana. Suddenly, she feels sorry for Clark and sets it back down.

Martha glances over, and speaks, "it's bad enough on him, without it being on the front page everyday." she says in a worried tone.

"How is Clark holding up?" she decides to ask.

"I can't get him to let go of it. I just wish Jonathan was here, he always knew what to say to Clark"

"God, I know it's gotta be so hard on you, How are you holding up?'

"Me? Oh I'm fine, but I am so worried about Clark, Sometimes I think he will never get over it. I just wish I knew what to do."

"He does tend to take things pretty hard. You know it's funny, he's so easy on everyone else, and yet so hard on himself."

"Don't I know it," Martha says as she roles her eyes at the thought of it. Actually, now that I think about it-Jonathan was the same way!"

"Hard headed huh?" Lois smiled as she looked at her.

"Yea" Martha smiled back.

"Then he'll be fine. After all, he has Jonathans strength!"

"Yea, he does, doesn't he?" Martha smiled and gives Lois a hug;" Sometimes you know just what to say!"

"I'll go check in on him when I leave" Lois says as she hugs Martha back. How lucky Clark is, she thinks to have such a great Mom!

He was in his Barn Moping about Lana, when he saw her car drive up. She went in the house. "Probably to talk to mom about work" he thought. She was in there a good hour, and this was a little aggravating at the time to him. Not that he liked arguing with her. He was hoping she would distract him from this awful mood he found himself in. He felt like everything that had happened to Lana was his fault. And nothing he could do would change it. She seemed like such a stranger to him. She was not at all like the innocent girl he had once longed for. But then he wasn't the same either. They had both done things they had regretted. He looked out the window, and still she was in the house. He could go down and talk to her, but then his Mom would be around, and all she would do is tell him to leave Lana alone.

That is the last thing he needed to hear.

"How can I leave her alone?"She is making such bad mistakes." He never could understand how she could trust Lex! No matter how he hurt her, for her to be so foolish, just made him realize that he couldn't trust her with his secret. She wasn't strong enough for that burden, and he knew it and it hurt.

He had his Dad's copy of Huckleberry Finn, and started reading it. As he turned the pages, he found himself wishing that he had his Dad's inner strength. Finally he heard someone coming up the stairs, and was pleased to find it was Lois, but his heart felt too heavy to give her a smile this time.

"How's it going Smallville?" she said in an unusually gentle tone.

He took a breath and let it out. He looked at her and down at the floor. Before he could reply, she spoke again.

"You're Mom is really worried about you, you know."

"Yea" He looked at her briefly and said in a heartfelt tone" I just wish I could move on."

She pulls up a chair across from him and looks at him, and waits for him a moment. When he doesn't say anything else, she continues.

"Okay, so what exactly is it that's keeping you from moving on?"

"That's a good question." he thought. "I don't know…It's just that she has been hurt so much. And no matter what I do, everything seems to get worse."

"You know," She started, "I don't understand why you feel responsible for everything that happens"

"It's my fault" he says. He then gets up and walks to the loft window, remembering when he use to look out in the distance at Lana.

She gets up and stands behind him and continues.

"Why, because you broke up with her?

"That's when everything started…" he looks down.

"So are you upset because you still love her, or because you feel guilty and responsible for her?"

He turns his head momentarily and looks at her, not sure himself of what he is feeling, "I don't know…" he says as he looks back down.

"Look," She says firmly, "It's not your fault that she decided to trust Lex. What I don't understand is why are you determined to make it your fault?" She stops and looks at him, but he gives no answer. He can't even begin to get into why it's his fault.

"Is it because by making this "your mess", that you think that you have a better chance of fixing it?" She wonders out loud to him

He looked at her in astonishment. It's true; this is something he hadn't thought of.

"Look Smallville," she continued, "as noble as your intentions are, there is nothing you can do to fix this. Everything that you have tried hasn't changed a thing, and that's because Lana is the only one who can decide to turn this mess around. All you're doing in the meantime is putting your life on hold waiting for her to wake up, I mean, your making yourself miserable!"

"Maybe you're right…"

"I know I'm Right."

"Clark, This mess, This Wedding- it's not your fault. My God, everyone knows that you have done everything you can to try to help her." She hesitates and gives him a comforting look.

"You have a right to move on; you need to find someone that makes you feel good about yourself, someone that makes you want to smile all the time."
"His biggest problem", she thinks to herself, "is he just never started dating after Lana."

She tries to think of something more to say to help him realize he has a choice, and then says,

"Just because you allow yourself to be happy, that doesn't mean you can't help your friends when they need help, does it?"

"No, it doesn't…" He says thoughtfully

He just looks at her and smiles weakly.

"Maybe if she sees you moving on, being with someone that you care about, and being happy about it, it will make it easier for her to move on."

He just looks at her

"I don't know how she feels…"

"Then maybe that's the problem. You need to know where you stand when you're in love, and neither one of you have never been on the same page. I don't think that its bad luck or a coincidence, you have too many other things that are part of both of you that's in the way. And that's not your fault or hers either."

He looks down and thoughtfully reflects, "How can she see things so clearly without knowing much of anything?"

"I have always thought that there are always things in the way between us."

"Like I said, that's not your fault, or hers. You just have to realize that maybe you both are better off as friends. Then maybe those 'things' won't matter anymore

"You don't know how much I wish that were true."

"Clark…" She takes and puts both hands on his face and gently pulls it to look at her and then says "You have a choice, and you can choose to be happy!" The feel of her hand on his face made him feel a rumble dip in the pit of him. It was a sudden urge he had to put his hands on top of hers and then kiss her palms. Instead, he shoots her a large smile. She smiles back as she removes her hands, and places one on his shoulder.

"You know Clark; you don't have to carry the world on your shoulders." She squeezes his shoulder as she says this to him

He looks at her and still smiling and says

"No, I guess I don't..."

She shoots him a big smile and says, "Glad to hear it Smallville!" She squeezes his shoulder again. Then she turns and starts walking away down the loft stairs.

"Now start going easy on yourself for a change!"

"No wonder I wanted to see her..." he thought to himself as he watched her leave the barn.

After that conversation, he realized he wanted to see her every day, even to argue with her, or annoy her. It all felt good whatever he was doing with her.