title: all fall down
rated: K+
words: 4,000
characters/pairings: wally west, artemis crock, kaldur'ahm, conner kent, m'gann m'orzz, raquel ervin, zatanna zatara, dick grayson, spitfire, supermartian, chalant
summary: There's nothing even holding them together anymore. Everything that they once had has been blown to pieces. A post-Darkest, origi!Team one-shot. Lots of feels.
a/n: This turned into something that ended up not flowing as well and I wanted to and I rushed the ending because I'm trying to post this before work. But I digress. Let me know what you think. :)
all fall down
He can't even think straight as he walks back from the zeta tubes. He'd left Dick in the Hall of Justice, too frustrated to continue talking to him. Dick just didn't get it. He didn't understand why Wally was so angry he was nearly seeing red. It wasn't about the Cave, it had never been about it, although the loss is like a blow to the gut. It's about Dick, about Conner, about Wolf; about the three members of the Team, barely even teenagers, who'd been captured; it was about Artemis who never should have been there in the first place; and it was about Kaldur, who, Wally feels pained to admit, he isn't sure they can trust anymore. It was about placing people, people who Wally loved, in danger unnecessarily to satisfy the sick idea that Kaldur still needed to prove himself to his father and the Light. Hadn't they already done that?
He doesn't cool off until he's at the apartment, confronted by Artemis' absence once more. As soon as he enters the darkened apartment, all he feels is sadness and regret. His thoughts are a jumbled mess, as scattered as the remains of Mount Justice. Thoughts about what happened tonight surge through his mind again and the anger is there, right under the surface, waiting to be unleashed. One of the kitchen table chairs suffers his fury and ends up a pile of splinters against the tile. He's breathing heavily, seeing in his mind's eye the different places in the Cave: the living room, the kitchen, the gym, the locker rooms, the debriefing room; everything blown to bits. He hears a low whine and turns to see Nelson slinking sleepily out of the bedroom where he's taken to sleeping ever since Artemis left.
"Sorry, boy," Wally sighs, kneeling down to scratch the dog behind his ears. Nelson gives him an affectionate lick before meandering back to the bedroom to sleep.
Wally envies him; the sweet oblivion would be welcome to him right now, but he's too keyed up. He stands and makes a beeline for the couch, slumping down into the couch cushions, arms crossed over his eyes as if trying to block out phantom visions of the night: Kaldur and Artemis breaking into the Cave as enemies; them and their cohorts capturing Blue, Beast Boy, and Bart; Mount Justice, site of so many memories, both good and bad, being obliterated in a split second…
Wally groans aloud. What were Dick and Kaldur thinking? They'd proved tonight how far they were willing to go, what they were willing to sacrifice to make this ruse work. But who was really accomplishing anything here? It seemed like they were doing more for the Light than working against it. It was getting harder and harder for Wally to trust them. Dick, his best friend, his brother basically, seemed barely recognizable to him anymore. He was doing exactly what he said he never wanted to do: sacrifice everything and everyone for the sake of the mission. And Wally knows Dick, really knows him. He knows Dick will do anything it takes to get the Team's captured members back, and he knows that Dick thinks that what he's doing is the right thing, but is it? Wally hasn't questioned his friend's judgement in years, but he's been questioning everything lately, so why not this?
He's been stubbornly trying not to think about Artemis, but inevitably his thoughts turn to her. He can't even begin to imagine how she must be feeling right now having taken part in blowing up the place that had been like a second home to her. It isn't fair, he thinks for what feels like the billionth time since she'd agreed to go undercover. He's barely slept at night since she'd left, staying awake all night, all of the worst case scenarios running through his mind. When he does sleep, he's plagued with nightmares of missions past, except every single one ends in tragedy, no matter what actually happened. He's dreamed of the failed invasion exercise more times that he can count.
The worst part is when he wakes up and reaches his hand over to assure himself that Artemis is there and alive, and she's not. And then there's this awful feeling in the pit of his stomach, it's like a hunger, one that can't be sated because she's out there risking her life and he's here of his own volition. It's enough to make him sick.
He flings himself forward, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his eyes tiredly. He knows he should apologize to Dick for getting up in his face, but he feels he's justified in doing it because who else would? But he'd been exhausted and worried and maybe he'd taken it too far. With a resigned sigh, he digs his cell phone out of his pocket and compiles a short text to Dick. I'm sorry, is all it says, and as he sends it, he hopes his friend understands that he isn't apologizing for the words so much as the way he'd said them.
Someone needed to get through to Dick, and unfortunately, as his best friend, that task had fallen to him; If he couldn't, Wally wasn't sure anyone else but Batman would be able to, and since the man wasn't readily available…
A picture on the other side of the room catches Wally's attention. He heaves himself up, knowing exactly what he will find as he walks over to the framed photo. It's of the Team, the original 8, celebrating the one year anniversary of the day they'd been formed, July 4th. Wally pulls the picture off the wall, blowing a bit of dust off of it. He studies the picture, trying to ignore the pang in his stomach at the look of complete happiness on all of their faces as they pose for the picture. His younger self stands smack dab in the middle of the group, one arm around Artemis and the other resting on Dick's shoulder. Mount Justice dominates the background, an enduring symbol of their team.
The Cave hadn't just been their headquarters, it was like home. It'd been the place where they'd all met, where they'd become a family. And now with their family in shambles — one "dead," one evil, one retired, and the rest divided — and their home annihilated, everything seems bleaker than ever to Wally. How long are they going to be able to keep this up for?
She sits alone in her quarters, staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, trying to think about anything but what had happened tonight; anything other than attacking her closest friends, kidnapping innocent kids, the feeling of pushing that trigger and watching the first place she'd ever felt at home obliterated by her hand. Inside she's screaming in anguish, raging at the world for being such a unfair, cruel place. Outwardly, she's stoic, head bowed for a moment, before finding her face in the mirror again, hands braced against the sink. She had known that being undercover would be hard, but she never could have fathomed the reality. Artemis had done some pretty awful things in her life before she'd donned her superhero costume, but this; nothing could ever come close to this.
The door to her quarters slides open and Artemis turns to see Kaldur, tall and with an inscrutable look on his face, step inside, the door closing with a hiss behind him. As soon as it shuts, his face seems to morph instantly. In front of her is not Kaldur'ahm, obedient son of Black Manta, but Aqualad, Kaldur, one of her closest friends. He slumps down onto the end of her bed and she walks over to sit next to him. They are silent, staring at the concrete wall in front of them. She knows they should be focusing on more important things, like Kaldur finally being introduced to the Light, but she can't focus on that yet.
"I had some of the happiest times of my life at the Cave," Artemis whispers, blinking back the sudden wetness in her eyes.
"As did I," Kaldur replies somberly. His hand finds hers and she nearly flinches from the cold metal of his suit touching her bare skin. Her thoughts instantly spring to Wally whose body heat sometimes made it unbearable to sleep next to him, but she does it anyway. Thinking about Wally hasn't helped make being undercover any easier, though, so she tries to stop. Easier said than done. She grips Kaldur's hand tightly.
"They're never going to forgive us," Artemis says. She'll probably never forgive herself.
"It was a necessary course of action," Kaldur reminds her. "We needed to get Nightwing that flash drive as well as shore up our commitment to the Light. And we were successful because my father finally introduced me to them and their new partner."
She should be excited about this, but all she feels is apprehensive. "Are we in over our heads here, Kaldur?" Artemis asks, letting go of his hand and standing up to pace around her small chambers. "Were we stupid to think we could do this by ourselves?"
"I understand if you have having doubts, my friend," Kaldur says, standing as well. "Today was a trying day, but do not let it discourage you. We must appear as though nothing is wrong. Our covers depend upon it."
Artemis sighs and stops her pacing. "I know," she tells him. "Sorry, I guess I'm just not as confident as you are that we did the right thing today. It feels too much like a betrayal of everything we've ever done."
"I will not lie to you, Artemis," Kaldur says, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I have been undercover for a year, and it does not get any easier. But you must have faith. We are that much closer now to stopping the Light. We've come too far to turn back now."
That much is true, but it doesn't reassure her. She nods anyway, mustering up a small smile. "You're right," she agrees. "Now, what did you learn in your meeting?"
They are both tired and heartbroken, but there is no resting until they've gone over all of the new information. Nonetheless, Artemis finds herself having a hard time concentrating on what Kaldur is saying. Her thoughts rest with their friends and teammates on the surface, dealing with the chaos that they have reaped.
He's only ever had one home. He doesn't count his pod at Cadmus; that was more like a prison cell. Now, the only home he's ever known has been destroyed, taking every happy memory that occurred there with it. He's homeless now, nowhere to go. His whole life has revolved around the Cave and it's unthinkable that it just doesn't exist anymore beyond a pile of smoking rubble. They'd found nothing in the remains of the mountain to suggest that there had ever been anything there in the first place, and Conner just, he doesn't know what to do with himself. Captain Atom had set up temporary quarters for him at the Watchtower, but it isn't home. He doubts he'll ever be able to call anyplace home again.
"Recognized: Miss Martian, B-05; Zatanna, 25; Rocket, 26."
Conner turns from the viewport in the main hub of the Watchtower to look at the zeta tubes. He's been dreading this moment all night, or morning technically. Rocket and Zatanna, closely followed by Martian Manhunter, emerge from the zeta lights. In an instant, Martian Manhunter transforms back into M'gann's familiar features. Her eyes meet his and the three girls hurry over.
"What happened?" M'gann asks urgently. "The League issued an alert about a break in at the Cave. Why aren't we there?"
Conner took a deep breath. "Because the Cave is gone."
Zatanna and Raquel exchange a startled look, while M'gann scoffs harshly, a sound that he's come to hate. "What? How can the Cave be gone? That's impossible."
"Tonight, Kaldur infiltrated the Cave along with Icicle Jr., the Terror Twins, and some new ninja girl," Conner explains, the words feeling heavy in his throat. "They planted the same kind of bomb that obliterated Molina Island. Nightwing and I just barely made it out."
"Nightwing was there?" Zatanna asks, her voice full of concern. "Where is he now?"
She already backtracking to the zeta station. "Last time I saw him he was at the Hall of Justice," he calls after her. "He's fine, Zatanna!"
She gone already though, the zeta tube announcing her departure. He turns back to Raquel and M'gann who both look as awful as he feels, the realization creeping over both of their faces.
"What about everyone else?" Raquel asks hesitantly, as if fearing the answer.
"The Cave was empty when it blew," Conner tells her, figuring he should start with the good news. He can't hold the truth in any longer though. "But Kaldur and his thugs didn't just enter Mount Justice to blow it up. They detained and captured Blue, Impulse, and Beast Boy."
"They took Gar?" M'gann exclaims. Raquel looks equally horrified. M'gann's shock quickly turns to anger. "How could you let this happen? How could you let them take Gar?"
"M'gann," Raquel tries to interject, but it's been a long, horrible night and Conner can't help reacting.
"I didn't let them do anything!" Conner retorts. His hands clench into fists when he remembers how helpless he'd felt at the hands of Tommy Terror and Icicle Jr. "They snapped inhibitor collars onto us before we could even react. If we tried to go after them, they would have blown up the Cave!"
"Well, it looks like it happened anyway," M'gann says scathingly, her eyes nearly glowing with rage. "You at least could have tried! Now Gar is lost, just like Lagaan." Just like that, her anger fizzles out and her eyes fill with tears. "I'm all alone."
Conner wishes things weren't so messed up with them, that he could go and comfort her. Even after everything she's put him through, he still loves her. The world is a cruel place like that.
Raquel has made herself scarce, probably to avoid their confrontation or to go mourn the Cave in her own way. Conner shuffles closer to M'gann who sobs quietly into her hands. He places a hand awkwardly on her shoulder. When had simply touching her become so hard, given him this awful feeling in the pit of his stomach?
"You're not alone, M'gann," he tells her. You have me, he wants to say, but doesn't. "We're going to get them back; Gar, Jaime, Bart…Lagaan. I promise we'll get them back."
M'gann sniffles and nods, wiping her eyes. "The Cave, I can't believe it's gone. How could Kaldur do this?"
"He murdered Artemis," Conner reminds her, as if she needed one. "We should have been more careful. He's capable of anything."
"He won't be when I'm through with him," M'gann says. She utters it matter-of-factly, and that scares him more than if she'd shouted it because he's come to learn that M'gann is capable of anything as well.
He retracts his hand and shoves it in his pocket. If this had happened even as short as a year ago, he would have gathered M'gann up in his arms and comforted her, maybe exchanged memories of the Cave: meeting there, sneaking around to be alone, birthday parties, just holding each other at night. But too much has happened between them now; he can't be there for her the way he might wish he could be.
"Captain Atom's set up some temporary quarters for us here, and the rest of the Team's been informed about what happened," he tells her brusquely. "I'm gonna go get some sleep."
And then he leaves her because he doesn't know how to help her. He doesn't know how to help himself, and that's part of the problem.
He's barely even had time to take off his uniform when there's a loud pounding on his door. He quickly pulls on some sweatpants and a shirt and answers it, fearing his neighbors wrath. He isn't exactly surprised by his visitor.
"Dick," Zatanna breathes in relief, nearly knocking him over with the force of her embrace.
"Zee," he greets, his arms magically winding around her. He presses his face into her dark hair and takes a deep breath, already feeling better. He always feels better around her.
"Conner told us what happened," she says frantically, arms in a vice like grip around him. He can feel a wetness against his neck from her tears. "F-first, Ar-Artemis and now t-the Cave. I had to come see if you w-were okay."
She pulls back, scrutinizing his body for bandages or casts, some physical evidence of the explosion. "I'm fine," he assures her, keeping his arms loosely around her waist. "Just some bumps and bruises. Slight concussion."
Zatanna huffs, wiping away stray tears from her face. "Slight concussion, no biggie," she repeats sarcastically, taking his hand and dragging him over to the couch.
He obediently follows, allowing her to push him down to rest on the cushions. She sits as well, tucking her feet underneath her, looking at him with those big, blue, concerned eyes of hers. It's been one of the worst days of his life, second only to the day his parents had died, and yet being with her is like a soothing balm against all of his wounds, both external and internal. He pulls her close to him, resting his head against her chest, enjoying the feeling of her fingers coming up to stroke his hair. Dick knows this peace can only last for so long, though, and isn't surprised when she breaks their comfortable silence.
"What happened today, Dick?" she asks quietly.
He tries to feign ignorance. "You said Conner already told you," he says, not wishing to relieve the whole hellish night all over again. He can still feel the heat of the explosion on his face, and is thankful that his suit is burn resistant.
Zatanna's a smart girl, though; smart and persistent. She also knows him too well. "He did, but I want to hear the whole story from you," she insists, pushing him away gently so that she can see his face. "The Cave was my home, too, once upon a time."
Dick almost feels like laughing at that, though it's not in the least bit funny. Zatanna's life has been no fairy tale, no matter how hard he's tried to be her Prince Charming. If anyone deserves the truth, it's her, but he can't give anything up. Not yet. Their lives all depend on it. So, he'll have to settle with whole lies for now.
"Kaldur and his team, consisting of Icicle Jr., the Terror Twins, and a new henchman, codename Tigress, accosted Blue Beetle and Impulse tonight in El Paso," he rattles off, knowing the story like the back of his hand. "Blue and Impulse escaped, acquiring the alien tech Kaldur had used to track them. They brought it back with them to the Cave; a rookie mistake. I didn't realize it until too late that the attack had been a setup, designed to get the device into the Cave where it would bypass all security. They ambushed us. Snapped inhibitor collars on everyone. Took Blue, Impulse, and Beast Boy and left the bomb."
She is silent for a long moment, studying him, staring deep into his eyes. He doesn't look away, but whatever she sees must not convince her. "You're lying," she blurts out suddenly. "There's something you're not telling me."
Dick wills his facial features not to betray him, instead attempting to adopt an earnest, apathetic expression. "Zee, I wish I was lying, believe me," he says, situating himself on the couch to face her dead on.
"I know you, Dick," Zatanna , standing up and pacing around his coffee table. "An inhibitor collar would never stop you."
Her words seem to hang in the air between them. He wants to flat out deny them, spew out crap about not wanting to put the kids at risk, but he finds he can't. She crosses her arms, staring him down, and he wishes he could just tell her; god, the words are on the tip of his tongue. The whole lie: about Kaldur undercover, about Artemis, about how blowing up the Cave had been his call, everything. Telling her would mean not having to lie anymore, would let him be completely free with her. This tangled web of lies he's been weaving for the past year has been slowly suffocating him, and having her know and possibly support him about it would make everything just a little bit easier.
But he can't tell her. It's not that he doesn't trust her. It just wasn't in the plan. So he breaks their gaze to look at the ground and lets his silence answer for him.
Her voice catches in her throat when she speaks and it's like a fist squeezing his heart. "I always hate reminders of why we broke up," she whispers brokenly. When he lifts his head to look at her, Dick is startled to see her blue eyes swimming with tears. She's purposely ignoring his gaze now, focusing instead on a spot in his kitchen. "You love your secrets. You're your own worst enemy, Dick."
"Zatanna," he pleads, slowly rising from the couch, but she backs away from him, the words continuing to flow out of her.
"Do you want to know why I decided to leave the Team to join the League?" she asks him, blinking rapidly in an effort to keep her tears from falling. "I wanted to keep an eye on Dr. Fate like I told you, but that wasn't the only reason. I couldn't bear to see you drowning in all of your secrets and guilt, Dick. You'd been pulling away from me, from Wally, from everyone since—," she stops for a moment, and Dick knows what she's going to say and closes his eyes tightly.
She plunges on much more gently, but just as firmly. "Since Jason died. If you had just let me in," she starts to say, but stops again. He opens his eyes to see her hand outstretched as if she'd reached out to him. Their eyes lock and she retreats into herself again. "I can't help you if you won't let me," she finishes.
"I want to, Zee, but—" Dick starts to say and he feels like he's falling. He's completely lost control of this conversation and he doesn't know how to get it back. All he knows is that he can't lose her, too. First Wally, and now Zatanna?
"But you just can't, right?" she supplies for him, a sad smile on his face. "I know. I've heard it all before, Dick."
She walking back towards the door, and he lets her, although on the inside he's screaming about the unfairness of it all. She opens his door, but turns back to him just before she exits. "I'm glad you're okay," she says, but there's none of her usual playfulness, her spunk; the sparkle in her eyes is gone. He wonders if in breaking everything apart, he's broken her as well.
The door shuts behind her and he slumps down onto his couch, face in his hands. He'd known this wouldn't be easy, but he was kidding himself if he hadn't thought they would have been farther along in combating the Light by now. Maybe Wally was right. Maybe they are taking too many unnecessary risks, going to extremes for a plan that would never in a million years work.
No, I know what we're doing is right, Dick thinks to himself, and it really is a struggle to cast aside his doubts after everything that's happened today but he does it anyway. Even if there's no one else on his side, he knows that he could never stand aside and allow the Light to grow stronger without doing something to try and stop them. And tomorrow is a new day, a day that will be spent working out Kaldur's instructions for rescuing his three kidnapped teammates.
Tonight, however; tonight will be spent in mourning because, contrary to what he said to Wally earlier, the Cave wasn't just a place. The Cave had been like another teammate, with a presence and a personality of it's own, and it had meant unity and shelter, and it had been full to the brim with memories of happier times when they'd all been young and fearless and innocent.
When the truth comes out, he won't ask for forgiveness.
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