Soooo, just to let you know, this is crackish. Yeah. I've always wanted to write a crackfic, but I never had anything to write one about. But… I went and saw Jeff Dunham (my favorite ^_^) Saturday, and I decided I wanted to write something funny. So, this was me, trying to write humor.
Also, in this fic, Sheik is his own male character, but this isn't a slash fic. I know, me writing a Legend of Zelda fic that isn't LinkxSheik slash!
So, try to enjoy the randomness that my brain thinks is humor.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Legend of Zelda.
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Link winced, red potion stinging his throat. He felt his recent, angry-Sheikah-inflicted wounds close up. With a sigh, Link replaced the stopper in the bottle he held and tucked it away. He paid the palace potion-maker and avoided her raised brow; it wasn't every day that she had the Princess's personal Sheikan guard carry in the wounded Hero of Time, drop him on the floor unceremoniously, and walk back out without another word.
It hadn't even been Link's fault. He just wanted to see what was under Sheik's mask. The Sheikah didn't have to attack Link; Link was sure that Sheik could have stopped him without causing injury.
With another sigh, Link trudged through the halls of Hyrule Castle. Sheik's mask was driving him crazy! Link just wanted to know what was under the stupid thing! Why did Sheik insist on wearing it?
Setting his face determinedly, Link turned around and headed the other direction. It was time to get to the bottom of this!
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"Hey, Zelda?"
The Princess of Hyrule glanced up from the papers that she was reviewing to see Link standing at the door, looking sheepish. She sat the paper down.
"Is something wrong. Link?"
"Actually, I was wondering…"
"Go on."
"Well," Link shifted from side to side, "Do you know why Sheik wears that face-mask-thing?"
"It's a cowl, Link," Zelda said.
"It does not make him look like a cow!" Link protested. Zelda dropped her head on the desk in front of her.
"I don't know why he wears it, Link."
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Link stepped into the room, approaching Impa. He figured that if anyone knew why Sheik wore his mask, it would be his Aunt.
"What do you want, Hero?" Impa said without looking up from the dagger she was polishing.
"I was wondering, why exactly does Sheik cover his face?"
Impa paused in her polishing. She sat there for a moment before looking up at Link.
"Don't ask me," she said, looking embarrassed. You know, if stones could look embarrassed. "Please," she said, and Link would have sworn that she was begging, but that word wasn't in Impa's vocabulary.
Sighing in defeat, Link left Impa's room.
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Link stepped outside, walking into the castle gardens. He spotted Saria crouched in a bed of flowers. Walking up to her, he sat down next to her.
"What wrong, Link?" Saria asked, glancing up and brushing her hands off.
"Why do you think something's wrong?" Link asked. Saria laughed.
"You have that look," she said.
"Ok," Link admitted, "I can't figure out why Sheik wears his mask. Zelda didn't know, and Impa was acting weird when I asked her. Do you know?"
"If you want to know so badly," Saria said, "why don't you just ask Sheik yourself?"
Link looked at her like she was crazy.
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"Nabooru, I need your help," Link called out as he walked into her room. "I-augh!"
Link was tackled, a pair of strong arms pulling him into a headlock. A wickedly curved knife was pressed to his neck.
"What do you want?" the Gerudo asked.
"I have a mystery to solve," Link choked out. Nabooru released him.
"Why didn't you say so?" she asked, walking over to sit on her bed. Crossing her legs, she looked at Link curiously. "What's the problem?"
"I'm trying to figure out why Sheik always keeps his face covered by that stupid mask," Link told her. Nabooru nodded.
"I was wondering that myself."
"It's not a Sheikah thing," Link said. "Impa doesn't wear one."
"Maybe he's hideous under there? Like, he has a huge scar, or some nasty burns?" Nabooru guessed.
"That's not it," Impa called out as she passed Nabooru's door while walking down the hall. Nabooru huffed in annoyance.
"Well, there goes that idea…"
"What if he's really handsome?" Link asked, eyes looking off into the distance. Nabooru scoffed.
"That's no fun."
"Hmm…" Link hummed. Nabooru snapped her fingers.
"I know!" she shouted. "Sheik wears that mask because he's actually a girl!"
Link looked at Nabooru. The Gerudo looked back.
They busted out in loud laughter.
"Yeah right, like that would happen!"
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"Ruto! I need you-"
"I knew it!"
Ruto jumped on Link's back, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms holding his neck in a choke hold.
"OUR LOVE, IT LIVES!"
"Get off me!"
Link threw Ruto to the floor and took off running.
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"What do you need, Brother?" Darunia asked as Link sidled up to him.
"Honestly, why do you think that Sheik wears that mask on his face?"
"Well," Darunia nodded, "I was once in contact with a family that covered their daughters' faces when they were promised to another. Perhaps Sheik is betrothed?"
"Sheik's not a girl," Link reminded the Goron.
"Details, details."
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"This is stupid!" Link shouted. He was standing out in Hyrule field, yelling at the open expanse. "Why does he do it?"
"Why are you shouting at the sky?"
Link jumped with a yelp. Sheik himself had appeared beside him out of nowhere. Determined, Link turned to the Sheikah.
"Sheik, why do you wear that face mask? Zelda didn't know, only said something about a cow, Impa acted weird when I asked her, Saria was no help, Nabooru couldn't figure it out, Ruto is useless, and Darunia called you a girl!" Link ranted. Sheik shook his head.
"You could have just asked," he said.
"Ok," Link said, frustrated, "why do you wear that thing?"
"I thought it was cool."
"What?" Link looked at Sheik in disbelief.
"When I was a kid, I thought keeping your face covered made you mysterious, so I did it. I just never stopped."
Link stared at Sheik open-mouthed. Sheik sighed.
"I was thinking about getting rid of my mask, for a change," Sheik said, shrugging. Link nodded.
"Yeah, I want to see!"
Sheik reached up, undoing his cowl. It slipped off of his face, pooling around his shoulders. Link gasped.
"You're face… is completely normal!" Link sighed. "That's it, I'm going to go train."
Link wandered off and Sheik watched him go, confused. That Hero of Time sure was a strange one.
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Yeah, that was weird. Sorry, that was the best thing I could come up with for humor. Did I do alright? I really just wanted a challenge (I love to challenge myself with my writing), so I tried something different.
My favorite part was the scene with Ruto! ^_^
Please let me know what you thought. It only takes a moment to write a review!
Thanks!
-Snow-