Author's Note: Hello everyone! Yes, this is yet another story by me, unrelated to my main series...i know what my faithful readers are thinking..."What the heck are you doing writing stuff that doesn't have to do with the other stuf?" Well, the truth is, i've been tinkering with this for a while now...since November, actually...and it's served to help me work out stuff that didn't fit with the other stuff...:) This story was inspired by a conversation i had with my buddy Dee (MidLifeCrisis here at FFN...if you haven't read her stories, GO! NOW!) over AIM one night, where we speculated what could have happened in Logan's mind while he was out after the Liberty Island incident...she mentioned "It's a Wonderful Life" and i thought to myself "I can work with that!" So, here it is:)

For all of you out there who also read the comics, my apologies for explaining so much of what you already know...but since LOGAN doesn't know these things, they had to be explained...:) Also, some portions of this story refer back to the prose novelization of the outstanding "Wolverine: Weapon X" miniseries (once again available in graphic novel form, yay!), but i'll make sure to point out exactly when that happens...but this does take place in the movieverse, so adjustments had to be made...lastly, i only have room in my documents thingy to upload one chapter of this at a time (the rest is taken up by the aforementioned other stuff), so i'll update this as i make room...it's very short though, only 4 chapters, so it won't take long...:)

Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men or any of the stuff relating to them...Marvel and 20th Century Fox own all of that...i am making no money and simply borrowed their characters and settings for my own amusement...however, there is an OC in here named Jim that i DO own, but that's it...he's not even a mutant, so he's not really worth the bother...but he is the annoying sort, so i suggest you keep away from him or else he's bound to turn up and haunt you...:)

Life Ain't So Bad

By

Rowena DeVandal

Chapter 1: A Life for a Life

My heart was poundin' in my chest when I cut through the cuffs that bound Rogue to Magneto's damned machine. The skin on her palms ripped away when I removed her hands from the handles, like the metal had bonded to 'em. I shook her gently, tryin' to get a response but she didn't even seem to be breathin'. Some fuckin' protector I turned out to be. I didn't know what else to do, so I took off my glove an' pressed my hand to her face, hopin', prayin', to feel that weird pullin' sensation that meant she was drawin' my healin' factor outta me, but nothin' happened. I closed my eyes an' tried to will it to happen, but it didn't help.

I felt somethin' then, a kind o' ache in my chest that I wasn't familiar with. It just wasn't fair, damn it! This kid had her whole life ahead o' her an' here I was, feelin' 'bout a hundred years old an' I couldn't die if I tried. After a few moments, I moved my hand an' pulled her close to me. 'Jesus kid, I'm sorry,' I thought, knowin' she couldn't hear me, buy sayin' it anyway, 'I tried, I really did.'

Suddenly, it happened, the pull, but it wasn't like before. Last time, it felt like somethin' was slowly drawin' the life outta me, kinda like what I imagine bleedin' to death might be like. This time, it felt like someone had just shoved a fire hose valve in my jugular an' opened it all the way. I felt every cut I'd taken in my fight with Sabretooth, the punctures in my chest an' back open up again. I felt somethin' warm trickle down the inside o' that silly fuckin' suit an' I realized it was blood, my blood. I hadn't bled like that in so long, I forgot what it felt like. It seemed like forever, but I heard Rogue gasp an' she pushed me away. I fell down on the floor o' that damn machine an' everythin' went black.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Jean, you've done all you can for now," Professor Xavier said. "The rest is up to him."

"I know, Charles," She replied with a sigh. "I just don't understand what's happening here. His healing factor…why isn't it working?"

"I wish I could tell you." He looked over at Logan, not quite believing that the seemingly indestructible man was laid out, just this side of a corpse. "I know you don't want to bother her, but perhaps Rogue could tell you."

"How would she know?"

"Well, she did just absorb most of Logan. His memories are most likely still very fresh in her mind. Since we can't ask him, ask her."

"You're right," she said with a nod. "I'll go do that in a few minutes." The Professor patted her hand, then thumbed the control on his chair and glided out of the infirmary. Jean gazed down at the man laying on the table, a man who was a bundle of contradictions. The brief glimpse she'd had of his mind showed her pain, fear and horror, yet he'd risked his own life to save a girl he barely knew. He was cocky, rude and belligerent, yet the gentleness he'd shown with Rogue…yes, Logan was definitely a very complicated man.

She adjusted the flow on his I.V. and checked the EKG one more time. She reached over and briefly caressed his whiskered cheek. "Logan, if you can hear me, please come back," she whispered, but there was no change. Drawing her hand away, she left the infirmary and went on a search for Rogue.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Next thing I remember, I was floatin' in this kinda gray foggy place. I could kinda hear voices, sounded like Jean an' the Professor, but I couldn't make out what they were sayin'. I just let myself drift along an' I thought to myself 'this must be what dyin' really feels like'. That little taste Rogue gave me before was nothin' like this. I just felt…peaceful. It would be so easy to just let go, let the nightmares stop, let it all just…stop. I closed my eyes, thinkin' that maybe I could finally rest.

I don't know how long I drifted like that, but I realized after a while that I wasn't alone anymore. I opened my eyes an' there was this skinny guy standin' there lookin' at me like I was the world's biggest idiot. "Hello Logan."

"Who the hell are you?"

He shrugged. "You can call me Jim."

"Great. Now leave me alone, I'm tryin' to die here."

"I know. That's why I'm here."

I scowled at him, but he didn't seem impressed. "Dahell you talkin' 'bout?"

"Logan, I can't lie to you. Not only do you always know when people are lying, it's something that simply can't be done in this place."

"An' where exactly are we? Heaven?" I snorted. "An' I thought that bullshit Xavier told me before was the stupidest thing I ever heard."

"No, this isn't Heaven, Logan. It's…kind of like a waiting room."

"So what, no pearly gates? No Saint Peter lookin' down an' tellin' me my kind ain't welcome here, try the other place?"

"It's not like that. When people die, they're not weighed, measured or judged in any way. Heaven is what you make it, so is hell. But every so often, someone comes along before they should and that's where I come in."

"So what, are you s'posed to be God or somethin'?"

"No, I already told you, my name's Jim." He uncrossed his arms and glared at me. "God, like heaven, is what you make it. I'm not here to debate religious philosophy with you, Logan, I'm here to show you why you can't die right now."

"Why not? Why should I go on? Every damn thing I touch goes to shit anyway. Promised to protect that little girl an' what happens? Not five minutes later she's kidnapped by a helmeted psycho an' used to try an' kill a bunch o' people. I got nightmares I can barely remember 'bout somethin' a bunch o' military guys did to me an' oh yeah, I'm a fuckin' mutant. So tell me, what's so great in that life that I should go back to it?" I shook my head an' closed my eyes, done with this asshole. "I'll tell ya, nothin'. So piss off an' let me die. World'll be better off."

"Sorry Logan, but I can't do that."

He grabbed my arm an' my eyes flew open. "What the…" Before I could finish, everythin' started swirlin' 'round me an' we were fallin'.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Rogue, can I talk to you for a minute?" Jean found the girl sitting in the lounge, scowling at a hockey game on the television. When she made no indication that she noticed the doctor, Jean simply sat down next to her. "So, who's winning?"

Rogue grunted and took a swig of her soda. "Anaheim. Dahell kinda name is 'The Mighty Ducks' for a hockey team anyway?"

Jean raised a hand to cover her smirk, swallowing the laugh that threatened to escape. "So, you a big hockey fan?"

"Nah, not really. But Logan is, so here I am." She drank the last of her soda and set the empty on the end table next to three others just like it. "At least it kinda makes sense now."

"I'll bet." She watched the action on the screen for a few minutes, wondering how to broach the topic. "So Rogue, about Logan…"

"How is he?"

"The same." She looked down at her hands, hating the feeling of helplessness that was overwhelming her. "I was wondering if I could ask you something, about his healing factor."

"You wanna know why it ain't workin', right?" Jean nodded and the teenager grabbed another soda from the pack on the floor between her feet. She cracked it open and took a swig before continuing. "Well, I was pretty much dead, ya know. Thought 'bout just lettin' go, ya know? I mean, what kinda life can I have if I can't even shake someone's hand?"

"Rogue, you know once we figure out how your mutation works…"

The girl waved her off. "I know, whatever. But if you ain't been there, been that close to everythin' just bein' over, you don't know what it's like, how simple it seems." She sighed and took another long drink. "This would be better if it was a beer."

"That's Logan talking, isn't it?"

Rogue nodded. "Yeah. Still true, though." She glared at the game on the television again, seemingly offended by the action. "Anyway, so there I was, dyin' an' the next thing I know, there's Logan an' the thought in his head was 'Jesus kid, I'm sorry', but I couldn't figure out for what. It wasn't so bad, ya know? But I could feel his healin' thing goin' all through me an' I couldn't make it stop. I opened my eyes an' there he was, lookin' half-dead himself. I pushed him away as soon as I could, but I think it mighta been too late." She leaned over with her elbows on her knees and swirled the soda around in the bottle. "I just wanted to kick his fuckin' ass so bad for doin' that…" She trailed off and took another drink.

"Rogue, it's not your fault."

"Yes it is, damn it!" She shouted, springing to her feet, fists clenched at her sides in the same way Logan would have. "I shoulda never left the school! I shoulda talked to you or the Professor, hell even Logan! But no, I had to do the stupid, dramatic teenager thing an' run off like a fuckin' idiot!"

"Rogue, calm down…" Jean soothed, standing slowly.

"No, I won't calm down!" She stalked towards the stairs, but paused before mounting them. "Ya wanna know why Logan ain't wakin' up? Why his healin' thing ain't workin'?" Jean nodded mutely. "He ain't comin' back cuz he thinks he don't deserve to live. He thinks he's a damn monster 'cause some people thought cuttin' him open an' makin' him into a weapon was a good idea. But the worst part? He thinks he mighta been a monster all along anyway an' that's why he don't remember nothin'." Tears were streaming freely down the girls' face so Jean took a tentative step forward, but Rogue backed up. "He ain't wakin' up 'cause he don't want to." She whirled around and ran up the stairs.

Jean sat heavily on the couch, the television still playing the hockey game, and buried her face in her hands. She could heal Logan's body, but how would she ever heal his soul?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Next thing I saw, Jim an' I were standin' on the lawn o' the biggest fuckin' house I've seen next to Xavier's. Somethin' 'bout it was vaguely familiar, but I couldn't figure out why. "What is this place?"

"Don't you remember?"

I snorted bitterly. "Ya know so damn much 'bout me, you should know the answer to that."

"Yes, your mind is pretty messed up buddy." He started walkin' an' since he was the one that knew his way 'round, I followed him. "This, my friend, is where it all began."

"Whattaya talkin' 'bout? I never been here."

"Actually, you have. Here, I'll show you." He kept walkin' towards the house, past a huge hedge maze in the front, all the way up to an' through the front door. I stopped dead, wonderin' how the hell I was s'posed to get in now. A second later, his head poked back out like that kid Kitty back at Xavier's. "You coming?"

"It's a door, bub an' I ain't a ghost or whatever you are."

"You are so very observant. Yes, it is a door. But we're not really here here, so you can walk right through it."

I glared at him, but tried it anyway. Sure enough, I went right through. "Whoa."

"It's a trip, isn't it?" He grinned at me an' I just shook my head. He walked to the center o' the entry hall, spread his arms an' turned 'round. "Welcome home, Logan."

"Home?"

He nodded. "Yep. You were born here."

I looked 'round the place. It was old, built in the 1800's from the way it looked. I could hear voices in a nearby room, so I went in search of 'em. I went through a doorway on the left o' the entry hall an' saw a little boy 'bout four years old playin' with a toy horse an' cart on the floor, an old lady dressed like a maid nearby. She was talkin' to the kid while she worked, but he wasn't really payin' attention. A few seconds later, a man walked in followed by another one, much older. The younger o' the two sneaked up on the kid an' caught him up in a huge bear hug. "How's my little James today?" He said over the kids' squeals.

The older man scowled. "John, you're going to make the boy soft, treating him that way."

"Father, he's only four years old. I think we have plenty of time to make a man out of him."

The grandfather grunted an' strode over to a huge desk that sat near the floor-length windows. "I am certain you've noticed that young James here does not have your first son's…resilience."

John rolled his eyes an' turned on the old man. "Father, please let's not talk about him, ok? We don't know what happened to him." He looked down at his younger son sadly. "He was such a strong swimmer…" He shook his head, an' put the kid down. "But he's gone now. James will be fine, the doctors all say he'll outgrow all of these problems."

Jim came up beside me an' put his hands behind his back. "Recognize anything?"

"Why the hell should I? What year is it here anyway?"

"Eighteen ninety-three, unless I missed my mark."

"Bub, that was over a hundred years ago. How the hell am I…oh no, you ain't sayin'…are you?"

He placed a hand on my shoulder to steady me. "I am, Logan. That's your grandfather," he pointed to the old man, "your father and you."

I approached the kid an' his father, lookin' for somethin' familiar, some part of 'em that reminded me of me, but they were so very different. "How? Jim, what the hell're you playin' at? Is this some kinda telepathic trick?"

"No, no tricks, I promise." He came up beside me an' smiled at the boy. "You were such a cute little thing. What happened?"

"Fuck you, Jim."

"Come on, there's more I want to show you." He took my arm an' led me outta the great room with its huge windows an' marble floors. None of it was even a little bit familiar, nothin' sprang to mind, and yet…it did feel kinda right. If this was some kinda hallucination, I sure wouldn't have dreamed myself a beginnin' like this. Streets o' Vancouver, sure, but the lap o' luxury? Never in a million years. I let Jim lead me back outside an' into the hedge maze. As we got further in, I could hear the sound o' someone trimmin' the hedges. We went 'round a corner an' stopped. "This is the gardener and groundskeeper for the Howlett estate."

"Howlett?" So that's my real name, eh? James Howlett? Hell if I know. I've been Logan for so long, nothin' else really sounded right. I looked at the man closely, then back to Jim.

"Yep. His name's Thomas Logan." I jerked my head 'round. Was this guy really my father an' the man inside didn't know? "Oh, don't worry, we'll explain that later. Tom here's got a son about your age. No one knows his real name. Mostly, people just call him Dog."

"Ya sure that kid ain't me an' the one up there's someone else?"

"Positive." We left the maze an' when we came out to the front o' the house, a carriage was pullin' up, a man bringin' a pretty little girl with red hair. I noticed the air felt different, cooler. "Yes, we've moved forward in time a bit, quite a bit."

I looked at the little girl as the man helped her out of the carriage. Somethin' 'bout here was familiar, like I should know her but I didn't. "Who is she?" I whispered, almost fearin' the answer.

"Her name's Rose. Your father brought her here to help take care of you, sort of like a nanny."

"Where's my mother?" In all this time, he hadn't even mentioned her.

"That's a bit…complicated. After your brother died – you were only two, so you don't remember him anyway – she went a little crazy."

"Finally, a family resemblance," I muttered.

Jim scowled at me, but continued. "She's around, but she keeps to herself mostly, stays in her room. Sometimes she comes out on her balcony for a little air, if you can catch her."

He continued to walk, but I was already over this shit. "Jim, none o' this means a damn thing to me. Can't ya just let me go?"

"No, I can't. There's no sense in telling you where you're going if you don't know where you've been."

"You get that from a fortune cookie?"

He laughed. "You are a very funny man, you know that?" I glared at him, but he just laughed again. "Do you want to see this or not?"

"Not."

"Good thing that was a rhetorical question." Reality, or whatever this place was, shifted again an' it was the middle o' the night. I could see Tom Logan an' his son sneakin' 'cross the lawn, both of 'em carrying shotguns. They climbed up the trellis near the balcony Jim had shown me before, my mother's balcony, an' jimmied the lock on the windows. Next thing I know, we're up on the balcony lookin' in as Tom Logan tried to grab the woman who must have been my mother. She screamed an' my father came runnin' in. They struggled for a bit, an' I watched as the little boy – now 'bout thirteen years old – came into the room just as my father was knocked to the ground an' I heard a gunshot.

What happened next happened so fast I almost missed it. The boy that was s'posed to me screamed, but it quickly turned into a howl of rage. I jumped a bit, startled, when three six-inch bone claws came burstin' through the kids' hands an' he slashed Tom Logan to shreds. The other boy, Dog, came runnin' over an' he slashed him too, right across the face. The boy, James, screamed again but this time it sounded more like horror, somethin' I'm familiar with, an' ran out.

"Hey Logan, you ok?" Jim asked, but I wasn't. I was shakin', rubbin' my hands – especially between the knuckles – an' I could tell I was pale. "Logan?"

"Are you sayin' I always had these…these…things?" I whispered.

He looked down, shiftin' his feet. "Uh, yeah actually." He shrugged. "Sorry."

"For what? Cuz I've always been a fuckin' monster?"

He turned on me then, his eyes hard. "Logan, you have been many things in your life, but a monster is not one of them, do you hear me?"

"How the fuck can you say that? I thought…damn it, Jim!" I popped my claws – which strangely didn't hurt here – an' waved 'em in his face. "I thought these were somethin' that was done to me! An' you're standin' there tellin' me they've always been here!" I retracted an' scrubbed my face. "I'm a bigger freak than the rest of 'em."

Jim grabbed me by the shoulders an' shook me, which he didn't appear strong enough to do, lookin' more pissed off than anythin' I've ever seen. "Will you get this through that adamantium plated skull of yours! You are not a monster, or a freak, you hear me!" He gave me a shove an' I fell right on my ass.

"Are we lookin' at the same shit here? Cuz I coulda swore I just saw some kid – which you claim is me – kill a man in cold blood with the fuckin' claws comin' outta his hands. How can you stand there an' say I ain't a monster?"

"That man you killed had just been a party to your father's murder! I hardly think that constitutes 'cold blood'!" He frowned at the scene of carnage then closed his eyes, an' we were back out in front o' the house. "Do you want to know what would have happened if you hadn't done that?" I didn't, I really didn't, but I found myself noddin' anyway. "Tom Logan, after your father was dead, he killed the maid, the butler and Rose, then kidnapped your mother. Six months later, her body washed up on the banks of a river about seventy miles from here. A few months after that, the brutally beaten and raped body of an eleven year old girl was found in a ditch three miles from where Tom Logan was living. Three weeks later, when the local sheriff came around to ask if he knew anything about it, Tom got caught red-handed with a twelve year old girl, who would eventually succumb to her injuries. With such a clear-cut case, Tom was hanged for his crimes." He walked over an' stood in front o' me, crossin' his arms. "You saved those little girls, Logan, whether you knew it or not."

"But…my mother. What about her?"

Jim pulled a face an' sat down next to me. "Well, nothing was going to save her either way. See, it turns out your brother was a mutant too, same mutations actually. And contrary to what you believe, I do not know everything, because I don't know who killed your brother. I have an idea, but…" he shrugged, "if I was a betting man, I'd say it was John Senior, your grandfather." He looked over at me, but I wasn't fallin' for it this time. He sighed an' went on. "Anyway, your mother was already pretty crazy, she'd been there when your brother manifested and got hurt. When she saw you with the same thing, it drove her over the edge and she took her own life." He placed a hand on my shoulder an' I had to resist pushin' it away. "Logan, even if she hadn't done it herself, Tom Logan would have done it for her. Or something else would have sent her over. Really, it was only a matter of time. I'm sorry."

I sighed, feelin' mortally tired o' it all. Which was actually kinda funny, since I was dyin' anyway. I buried my face in my hands, not wantin' to hear anymore an' hopin' Jim would just go away. He didn't say anythin' for a long time, but I knew he was still there. But somethin' finally occurred to me an' I looked up. "Rose. What happened to Rose, was she ok?"

"Ha! I knew you'd want to see more!" He grabbed my arm an' the Howlett estate faded away.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Marie sneaked out of her room a few hours later, unable to sleep due to the memories that were running around her head courtesy of Logan. None of them made any sense to her, fragmented as they were, but the overwhelming sense of horror and helplessness that accompanied them pretty much guaranteed that she'd never sleep again – or at least not for a very long time. However, the enhanced senses she now had made sneaking out a breeze. She could hear that everyone who shared this hallway with her were deeply asleep – she had no idea John snored that loud before – and by stretching her hearing just a little, she could hear Dr. Grey puttering around in the kitchen making tea. Perfect.

She slipped carefully down the stairs to the first floor, bypassing the elevator in favor of the stairs that led to the lower level. Again, she could blame the Logan in her head for that, a faint whisper that told her to take the quieter route to avoid being detected. She hadn't really probed everything that had been dumped into her head yet, partly because she was afraid of it but mostly because it felt kind of voyeuristic to do that. Those were Logan's memories and she didn't feel right poking into them. But some of them weren't memory so much as instinct, behaviors that were repeated so often that Logan was probably not even aware that he did them anymore. Like walking into a room and immediately sussing out the different ways to get out, the strengths and weaknesses of the people in there, the different things that would make a fight interesting if one were to break out, items that could potentially become weapons if the need arose. Without the Logan in her head, it would normally take Marie about ten minutes to get all that information squared away into something coherent – Logan did it in a single eyeblink. Not for the first time, Rogue wondered just who and what Logan used to be.

Marie padded carefully down the stairs, emerging in a featureless hallway that was all polished steel walls and bright white lights. She followed her nose – literally – to the infirmary, the scent a combination of disinfectant, sweat and thanks to the single patient in there right now, Logan. The doors slid open as she approached them and she gasped when she caught sight of him. She thought he'd looked bad when they were still on the jet, but if it was at all possible he looked even worse now. Bandages covered his chest and torso, while tubes snaked out of his arms to deliver fluids. His color was almost gray in the harsh light and the Logan in her head whispered 'I'm dying' even as she thought it herself. A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away impatiently. She walked over to the table slowly, pulling up a wheeled stool she found nearby and sat down. She reached over and tentatively took his hand in her own gloved one, taking care not to disturb the I.V. that was taped there.

"Hey Logan," she whispered, her voice a little husky, "I just thought I'd come down an' see how you were doin'." She wiped another stray tear away and watched his chest rise and fall as he breathed. The monitors behind him beeped steadily, which she was pretty sure was a good sign, but he still looked like he was barely holding on. "Now, I know what you gotta be thinkin' right now, 'cause I got pretty much all o' you in my head right now, but you gotta stop thinkin' it, all right? 'Cause ya made me a promise, remember? You said you'd take care o' me an' you can't do that if you die." She looked at him hopefully, but nothing had changed and she sighed. "I know the last thing you ever wanted was to be stuck with takin' care o' someone else, but you have to know that you did. Take care o' me, that is. I was dyin' up there in that machine but ya knew ya could save me no matter what happened. But it ain't worth you dyin' too, ya hear me? I ain't the only one who needs you 'round here. I think they all need you here, even if some of 'em don't wanna admit it. You got somethin' they don't have, somethin' they'll never understand in a million years. They all think that it's all gonna be ok for us someday, but you've been out there all this time, so you know that ain't true. You're kinda like the reality check they all needed, even if they didn't want it."

Logan continued to just lie there, machines beeping, his breathing steady, but otherwise completely oblivious to her presence. Two more fat tears slid down her cheeks and she dashed them away impatiently. "Now, I got a lotta you in my head right now an' I can tell that he's pretty pissed off at you. 'Cause you ain't the kind to give up, not ever. There's too much you still wanna know and have to do before you can do that. An' you gotta keep your promise to me, 'cause if you're not here to take care o' me, I don't know what I'll do." She leaned her head down and rested her forehead on the back of her own gloved hand. "So come on, you stubborn bastard, wake up. I need you, damn it."

"Rogue, what are you doing?" Marie started as Dr. Grey came into the infirmary, a cup of tea in her hand. "You should be in bed."

"I know, I'm sorry," Rogue replied, wiping off her face again. "But I just can't sleep, knowin' he's down here like this 'cause o' me. An' well, the stuff in his memories…"

Jean sighed. "Yeah, I can understand that." She crossed over to a small desk on the other side of the room and pulled out another wheeled chair, then took it over to where Logan and Marie were. "He kind of dared me to read his mind the other day and if his dreams are anything like what I saw…" She trailed off with a slight shudder. "I don't blame you for not sleeping. But you should still be in your room."

"Dr. Grey, please, let me stay here for a little while. I promise, I won't get in the way. I just…I can't leave him alone like this, not when it's my fault in the first place."

Jean frowned as she looked at the teenager, her emotions warring with her clinical side. She could tell the girl had some kind of emotional attachment to the man before them, but if it was a crush or something else was hard to say without violating her privacy. On the other hand, they did seem to have some kind of tenuous connection, even though they'd only known each other a few days. It wasn't too much of a surprise though, since the girl had absorbed Logan twice in as many days. Something like that was bound to inspire closeness of a sort. "Fine, you can stay for another fifteen minutes, but then you have to go back to your room. And if you want something to help you sleep, let me know and I'll see what I can do for you, all right?"

Marie nodded, clearly not entirely happy with the situation but knowing it was the best she would get right now. "All right. Thanks Dr. Grey." She turned back to Logan and resumed her vigil.

Jean checked the monitors and adjusted the flow on one of his I.V's before settling into her chair with her tea. Outwardly, she appeared perfectly calm, the very picture of clinical detachment, but her mind was another story. 'Logan, if you can hear me, please come back. Marie isn't the only one who would miss you if you were gone.'

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jim did whatever it was he did an' I found myself in the middle o' some kinda mining camp. I looked 'round, but nothin' stood out in my mind as familiar, so I turned back to him with a scowl. "Dahell is this about?"

"This is where Rose took you after the night your mutation manifested. Your grandfather pretty much disowned you and bribed her to get you out of his sight. It seems that the local authorities were blaming you and Rose for the death of Tom Logan as well as your mother and father, so she did the only thing she could think of and brought you here." He started walkin' towards a small building near the center o' the camp, leavin' me no choice but to follow. He once again ghosted through the door an' I thought 'bout walkin' away from him so I could go somewhere an' die in peace, but he reached through an' dragged me in after him. Sittin' at a desk was one o' the prettiest girls I've seen in my life – at least that I can remember. When she turned, I could see that it was Rose, all grown up. "Rose remembered her father telling her about these quarries and mining camps up here and she figured that the remoteness would hide you both better than anything. She started working here in the office, keeping their books in order, while you worked in the quarry. When the foreman asked her for your name, she told him you were her cousin, Logan."

Well, that at least explained why I always used that name, but I still snorted. "You tryin' to tell me that skinny kid actually made it up here?"

"He must have, since you're standing here with me now, relatively speaking. Besides, you didn't stay skinny for long."

I was about to ask what he meant by that when the door burst open. I turned with my fists clenched at my sides, an inch from poppin' my claws, but stopped when I saw who came in. It was…me, no doubt 'bout that, 'cept it was a much younger me. The man that stood there in front o' Rose didn't look anythin' like the skinny, sickly boy that I'd last seen at the Howlett estate. "Holy shit," I breathed.

"Yeah I know! It's amazing what a little hard, manual labor can do for a guy, eh?" I nodded absently, not listenin' to what Rose was sayin'. No matter that the proof was standin' before me, it was still kinda hard to believe that this guy was that same skinny kid.

But there was somethin' else I noticed an' I s'pose I shouldn't have been surprised by it. It was clear that I had been in love with her. "So why are we here anyway?"

"I'll show you." The scene twisted again an' we were on the side o' the mountain. From the rockfall all 'round us an' the way there were men diggin' frantically everywhere, there had been a cave-in. I didn't remember any o' this, but I'm smart enough to know that it wasn't likely anyone could survive that. I watched as the scene sped by, like a tape on fast forward, til it stopped on a big guy who was movin' rocks with his bare hands long after everyone else seemed to give up. "That's Smitty, the foreman. He put you on the demolition team just a few weeks before this. What he didn't know was that Cookie, the cook for the camp, had a huge vendetta against you, though no one knew why. Anyway, he cut the fuses on some of the dynamite and that didn't give you enough time to get away before the whole thing blew."

"Jesus Christ," I muttered, watchin' as Smitty worked like a man possessed. Off to the side I could see the covered forms of the men who hadn't survived the blast an' it seemed a miracle that anyone could. Anyone 'cept me, that is.

I dunno how much time went past, but a man finally came up to Smitty, his face streaked with grime an' sweat. "Smitty, come on. Ain't no way he's still alive in there!"

"You don't know that!" Smitty shouted, shiftin' another huge rock outta the way. "We haven't found him yet, he could still be alive!"

"Come on, you know better'n that! We can come back in the mornin' an' dig him out, give him a proper burial, but you gotta know there's no way he coulda survived that!"

"I have to try!" He kept diggin', even as the man tried to pry him away from the grim task, when suddenly a cry rose up from the other side o' the rockslide. Smitty dropped what he was doin' an' scrambled over the treacherous pile, runnin' to where a circle o' men with lanterns had just turned over one o' the heavy wheelbarrows that they used to haul the rock outta the quarry. Jim an' I followed him as though we were attached to him an' I watched as Smitty fell to his knees next to the wheelbarrow.

I moved 'round him to see what was there an' took a step back. There I was, lyin' there without a scratch on me, curled 'round a kid no older than ten who also looked unhurt. Jim came up beside me an' clapped a hand on my shoulder. "You saved that boy's life."

"Wouldn't have needed savin' if I wasn't here in the first place," I muttered. "You said that guy Cookie had it in for me an' that's why he cut the damn fuses."

"Logan, if hadn't been you, it would have been someone else. Cookie was just an evil, bitter man. No one liked him, he shorted rations all the time. If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else and that boy wouldn't have survived."

"So what's so special 'bout him anyway?"

"Him? Nothing directly. But one of his descendants went on to make several significant breakthroughs in cancer research. Had he died, those discoveries wouldn't be made until much later and millions of people would have been without treatments that saved their lives."

I felt the strength go out o' my legs an' I collapsed on the ground next to where Smitty was now frozen over the prone forms of the past me an' that little kid. "You're shittin' me."

Jim shook his head. "Nope. You saved this boy and ultimately a lot of other people, just because of who and what you are."

It was too big, too much for me to take in. Jim was standin' there tellin' me I was somehow responsible for savin' more people than I could imagine, all 'cause I saved this one little kid. I shook my head, not wantin' to deal with it an' it jarred another thought loose. "Wait, we came here 'cause I wanted to know what happened to Rose."

"You're right, we did," he replied.

I waited for him to go on, but he didn't. I stood up an' glared at him. "So, what happened?"

Jim sighed an' started walkin' away, time movin' forward as we did so. We finally stopped in front o' a headstone with roses planted on either side of it an' I knew it was hers. "Months after the explosion, Rose and Smitty announced they were getting married. You were heartbroken - you were quite in love with her as I'm sure you could tell – but you ultimately knew that Smitty could give her a life that you couldn't, not at that point. He was selling off everything he had of value, desperately trying to get the money together so they could get out of here, but he was still a bit short. So, he signed up for a cage fight in hopes of winning the purse, about two hundred fifty dollars, which in those days was quite a lot of money."

"Lemme guess," I sighed, "I signed up too outta some misguided notion that I could prove myself the better man to Rose."

"Got it in one, my friend. But to get to the finals, you had to beat a lot of guys. In the semi-final, you were up against none other than Cookie himself."

"Why do I get the feelin' this is gonna end badly?"

"What, the semi-final? Hardly! You beat Cookie quite handily, which impressed the other guys in the camp. See, for the most part, you had trouble standing up to him, probably because you'd never had to stand up to anyone before in your life. After all, you'd been born into the wealthiest, most powerful family in your area, so the idea of having to stand up to someone with more power was pretty foreign to you. But Cookie stood in the way of what you really wanted out of that fight – to beat Smitty.

"Now, meanwhile back at the Howlett estate, your grandfather lay dying and for the first time in his miserable life, he regretted a decision he'd made. Miraculously, Dog had survived the attack that night, although he would sport three scars across his face for the rest of his life. Your grandfather didn't want his money or his estate to fall to the state, what with a lack of an heir and all, so he sent Dog to look for you and Rose. What your grandfather didn't know was that Dog wanted two things more than anything – revenge on you and Rose for himself. He was in love with her too and always had been."

"Now I know this is gonna end badly," I muttered, turnin' away. "Just stop there, all right? I don't need to know anythin' else." I pointed to the grave in front of us. "I know she died before Smitty could get her outta here, otherwise she wouldn't be buried here."

Jim sighed and took my arm. The scene faded away an' we were back in the foggy gray place. "You're right, Logan, she did die before Smitty got her out. But for the record, you took a fall for Smitty so he could win the fight, but you made him promise to always take care of her or else you'd hunt him down yourself. Later that night, Dog found the camp and attacked you, but you'd done a pretty good job of forgetting about the night your father died. But Dog wasn't about to let that go, so he kept at you until it all came back to you and you remembered something really important – Dog was the one who killed your father, but for all those years you really thought you had done it."

My head snapped up an' I scowled at him. "Whattaya sayin', Jim? That I forgot all that on purpose?"

"The human mind is an amazing thing, Logan, and if it thinks that you're better off not knowing something, it'll bury it. So yes, you did. In fact, much of what you've forgotten you did so by choice. Not all of it, not by a longshot, but a good portion of it for certain."

"So what happened? Did Dog kill Rose?"

He shook his head. "No, he didn't. In fact, it's one of the few things that isn't really clear, not even to me." He shook his head again, lookin' for all the world like he ate somethin' that disagreed with him. "As soon as you realized that Dog really was the one who killed your father, you popped your claws and drew your hand back to finish him off. What you didn't know was that Rose was pushing her way through the crowd that had formed around you to try and stop you. Someone tripped her, Logan and she fell…"

My legs went weak again – I really didn't need him to finish. "She fell on my claws, didn't she? I killed her."

"No, you didn't. I'm pretty sure it was Cookie who tripped her, but it happened so fast and there were so many people there. So if you're gonna blame someone, blame him."

I shook my head an' sat back down. "It was still my fault, Jim, can't you see that? Me, my claws, my fuckin' fault!" I closed my eyes an' felt a strange warmth flow through me. "I'm just bad news to everyone, ain't I? Everyone I care 'bout always ends up dead." I sighed an' stretched back out, lettin' the weightless feelin' steal over me again. "So let's do the new people I care about a favor an' just let me fuckin' die, all right?"

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