How To Blow The Man You Love A Raspberry?

"Where the devil are my slippers?"

That sentence stuck in Eliza's mind. She laughed at her own naivety quietly. He was so calculable. If you had enough time to psych him out, you could always be one step ahead of him. She walked to the fireplace, put her ring on the finger of her left hand. She apparently sunk in her thoughts.

Higgins bared his head, and looked at her in astonishment.

"What the devil are you doing, you squashed cabbage leaf?"

"I'm trying to imagine how my engagement ring will fit on my finger which I shall receive from Freddy."

She heard a sort of thud. The hat of Higgins fell down onto the floor, but he didn't care about it. Eliza surmised that her statement disobliged the professor very much.

"What the hell? Do you still insist on that infantile, that brainless, that heartless thing? You... you..."

"... you would deserve better." He finished his sentence only in his mind, but Eliza saw through him. However she didn't melt due to the untold confession at all.

"I've already announced it at your mother's house. We are going to organize our wedding very soon..."

"How will you gain enough money for the wedding? How will Freddy earn his bread, my dear Eliza?"

"As I said, I shall be the breadwinner by working as a..."

"DON'T YOU DARE TO MEDDLE WITH MY PET SUBJECT WITHOUT TEN YEARS OF BEING QUALIFIED, YOU INFAMOUS CREATURE! FUHTERMORE, IF YOU DARE TO TAKE ONE STEP IN KARPATHY'S DIRECTION, I'LL DESTROY YOUR REPUTATION."

Higgins took a deep breath in order to have a normal pulse.

"Don't you think that I wouldn't do it.' he continued in a much primer voice.' If I did my best, I could arrange that none of the reputable chaps would propose to you. Your father, Alfred P. Doolittle will be thrown back into the gutter where he actually belongs to."

Tears appeared in Eliza's eyes. She wiped off them very quickly.

"Would you really do it with me? Would you really disgrace me?"She started to gaze hard at her ring and tittered bitterly."With friends like you, who need enemies?"

"Don't be hypocritical. You would do the same, if you didn't have any other chances... did you forget what you had told me an hour ago?"

Eliza was paddling with her ring and looked into her previous teacher's eyes.

"I've never thought it seriously to betray you. I know, I've no right, without your consent, to exploit the knowledge you've given me."

Eliza drew herself up majestically.

"I might be poor and ignorant, but I'm not invertebrate. I'm a good girl, I am."

"Eliza: if you say again that you're a good girl, I shall tell Mrs. Pearce to drag you by the hair from my residence."

Higgins discovered fury in her eyes. Eliza bit her lip and clenched her fists.

"You can't treat me this way. I'm not dirt under your feet. You're not my father, and you're not my teacher anymore. I'm a human being, just like you."

Higgins kept silent and cleaned his throat. This gesture was equivalent to an apology in that case.

"By the way, I just wanted to get my ring back. I think, it will give me confidence and strength in the rest of my life, it doesn't matter what difficulties I shall have to face."

"Don't be superstitious, Eliza. Only God can give you power for life. It's nothing, but a ring which doesn't possess any kind of supernatural power."

"Well, it still means a lot to me... it was a present from you above all. It will always remind me of that wonderful fellowship which I could come to know by you and the Colonel."

Although Higgins flipped indifferently, his heart swelled exultantly and he was above cloud nine. How could a bloody jewel be such an important thing to anybody?

"Oh, it was nothing... really nothing."

"... you saved my life in Brighton, Henry Higgins. I was drowning and you pulled me out of the sea. If you hadn't been there, I..."

She didn't finish her sentence, but began sniffling. Higgins walked over her, and cupped her face with his hands.

"You would have deserved drowning, you little insect. It's really easy to get a cramp in the deep water and you are not a very talented swimmer at all."

"I've never returned thanks for it. Thank you."

Higgins smiled and shook his head in a paternalistic way.

"Only children beg for permission, ask for forgiveness all the time, and return thanks for everything. Adults don't speak about it, but do it. You were a great pupil of mine... I must confess that. You were accommodating and hard-working... there was no need to your words. I knew that you were grateful to me."

At the next moment they were cuddling. Higgins pressed Eliza to his breast tenderly and placed his jaw on the top of her head. He closed his eyes and inhaled her sweet scent. He felt her soft skin. Concerning his heart, he would have locked her into a small room, not letting other chaps approach her... including Freddy.

In spite of she was a fiancée, Eliza was very content in his arms. She didn't feel herself either guilty or adulterous, since they weren't embracing as lovers, but as very close pals... yes, very close, good chums who have been a bit nostalgic. Friends... he's nothing to him, but a good fellow... she is going to marry, for God's sake. She started stroking his back. She wanted to show him, how much she appreciated his friendship, his care... his affections.

That heart-to-heart scene was interrupted by Rose, the maid.

"Excuse me, sir"

Higgins immediately opened his eyes and pulled away from Eliza. He looked at Rose with such a rancorous and disgusted look, as if she was a prostitute or a thief. In fact she was a thief… she's stolen some pleasant moments from him.

"What the devil do you want, Rose?"

Poor Rose blinked awfully, then continued.

"It's half past twelve o'clock, sir. The cook wish to how many people will lunch here."

"It's lunchtime, isn't it? By George, time passes rapidly."

He looked at Eliza with a jaunty smile on his face.

"Would you like to lunch with us, Eliza? Pickering is arriving very soon. He had worried about you too, you silly girl. I suppose, the cook's grown accustomed to make lunch for three people. Actually I don't care, if she hasn't. I pay them for doing their duties, not for doing what they want to."he added, glancing at Rose.

"Thank you, but I'm afraid, I have to refuse your invitation. Freddy had already invited me for lunch in order to be able to do the preparations of our future wedding."

His serene, ethereal look suddenly vanished. He felt, that Eliza twisted the heart in him. How she dared to do this? Isn't she aware of the fact that it hurts him deeply?

"If Mrs. Eynsford-Hill meets your father, she'll make you break off your. You can take my word for it. What a shame! Poor woman... she's going to be the mother-in-law of Alfred P. Doolittle's daughter."

Eliza's face turned red.

"Don't insult my father. I must admit, that he wasn't a good father of me, but he is still my relative after all. I don't let anyone revile him. And anyway, he is very popular among the members of upper class nowadays."

"Until he opens his mouth. You can make a monkey wear a suit but that doesn't make it an intellectual."

"STOP IT NOW, YOU BRUTE!"Eliza totally lost her temper.

Rose thought that it was the ideal moment to leave the study room. She was sure that she was going to be one who Professor Higgins would vent his gall on, since she saw him arguing with Miss Doolittle.

Higgins felt that he had crossed that line now. Although he desperately wanted to hold her hand and caress her cheek, he just put his hand in his pocket instead.

"I'm sorry, Eliza. I've gone too far now. Eliza," he continued" why do you want to be the Freddy's wife at any rate? You shall have many opportunities to marry... you shall have many admirers. Dukes, earls, barons... they shall be as infatuated about you as Freddy."

Eliza looked around theatrically.

"Where are they? I can't see any of them. Freddy is the only one who is disposed to ask for my hand in a marriage. And I won't care for anybody that doesn't care for me."

"Commercial principles, Eliza. Like s'yollin voylets, isn't it? 'He reproduced her Covent Garden pronunciation with professional exactness."

"Don't sneer at me. It's mean to sneer at me."

"I have never sneered in my life. Sneering doesn't become either the human face or the human soul."

Eliza snorted ironically.

"… I am expressing my righteous contempt for Commercialism. You shouldn't trade in affection. Do not marry someone you don't love."

"And what am I fit for? My father doesn't mind whether I'm dead or alive. I have no real friends, but you and the Colonel. I don't speak Latin which would be necessary for running a flower shop. I'm not fit for anything…"

She flumped into the chair, where Higgins had sat earlier, and turned on the waterworks. She was sobbing desperately and loudly.

"By George, why do you do this all the time?' Higgins rolled his eyes and sat down on his heels in order not to lose the eye-contact with Eliza.' Listen to me, Eliza. You are... BY GEORGE, STOP WEEPING, WOMAN! I CAN'T HEAR MY OWN VOICE BECAUSE OF YOUR SNIVEL."

Eliza collected herself and looked into his professor's eyes. Her eyes were full of tears. Higgins took his old, gules handkerchief, and gave it to Eliza.

"Just like old times... Blow your nose, if you're a good girl."he chuckled.

Eliza blew her nose obediently.

"At last! Now listen to me, Eliza! Don't you dare to tell me, that you're fit for nothing. Understood? I don't want to hear such a silly thing. You've evolved such a logical system in my life which Mrs. Pearce was unable to. And you've living here only for six months, and Mrs. Pearce's been working as my housekeeper for at least 15 years. You are essential, you are bloody important... you are the most important person in my... my... household. Without you my life would be a mush, it would be meaningless, pointless. You... you..."

He sighed. By George, why is that so difficult? Why aren't women able to simply find out the thoughts of men without forcing them to say those words aloud? Why couldn't he simply know what Eliza has in her mind? Did she love him too? Would he make a fool of himself by his confession? Or would Eliza break off their engagement and they could live happily ever after?

"Eliza, please... don't marry Freddy. He's a poor devil who couldn't get a job as an errand boy even if he had the guts to try for it!"

"What shall I do according to you?"

"You've decided to marry someone, and as I can see, it doesn't matter who will be your husband. Then... if you want to marry at all events... you might be my wife. You're acting very irresponsible and childish, but it would be a quite enjoyable marriage."

Eliza's jaw dropped. She dried her eyes and started trembling. He wasn't planning to propose to her, was he? It would ruin everything...

"Your wife?"

"Yes. Think about it! You met that good-for-nothing kid just a six weeks ago, but we've grown accustomed each other's face during the last six months. As you mentioned it, we were quiet pleasant together... actually we ARE pleasant together. Freddy will be fed up with you sooner or later, and will run away with social-climber heiress from... for instance, New York. Those sort of chaps who belong to upper class, but don't have a penny to bless always marry upstarts. Upstarts need relatives from upper class, and poor members of the upper class need money. They complement each other. However I consider myself rebellious from this point of view: I don't care how much money you have, or what your surname is. Everybody can run out of money, and your social rank depends on fortune. Look at your father, my dear! Despite his laziness and the fact that he's a grab-all, I like him very much, because he will be quite at home in any station of life to which his eccentric destiny may call him. And that's why I like you also."

Higgins shyly grabbed Eliza's hand and started to pat her palm. He didn't look up to her, but stared at her palm.

"You're clever, adroit, and very talented. You've learned how to be a proper lady. As my consort you could meet well-connected people and gain some encyclopedic knowledge. You could start a new life as the member of upper class. Your class background would be passed by. As Freddy's consort you would be down on your uppers."

Eliza's eyes widened. What's going on next?

"So? Did I persuade you with my arguments?"Higgins raised his eyebrows. His voice was calm, his smile was cynical, but there was some kind of hopeful spark in his eyes.

Eliza stood up and crossed the room. She wanted to be as far from Higgins as possible.

"A man and a woman should not marry without being in love with the other one.You told me that a few minutes ago."

"Who told you that I wasn't in love with you?"That sentence just slipped out of his mouth.

Eliza's jaw dropped. She opened her mouth to say something, but she was unable to say a word. In her heart's content she would have screamed, jumped into his arms and kissed every inch of his face. Instead, she turned back to him. Her face was as long as a fiddle.

Higgins blinked uncomprehendingly. What's got that wrench. What the hell does she expect from him?

"What's amiss with you? Did I say something wrong. I told you that I loved you. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to write you two or three times a day sheets and sheets? Shall I spend the half of my income on buying and sending you flowers? Shall I serenade every night? However the last one wouldn't be achievable, since I can't sing."

Higgins chuckled then continued in a more serious way:

"Seriously, Eliza. I shall not be Romeo, I shall not be your leading man. I've offered marriage, and told you I was in love with you. Don't expect more from me."

"I'm going to marry Freddy."she said crisply.

Henry was thunderstruck. He could die of broken heart at that moment.

"Why are you sticking to your guns? Why do you choose that ninny over me? What does he have that I don't?"

"I would have a happy and balanced marriage with Freddy. He would never possess me, but would be observant of my independence."

"Independence? That's middle class blasphemy. We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth. Which romantic novel bore on you so much?"

Higgins walked over Eliza grabbed Eliza's wrist and pulled her into his arms.

"Now you can't fence with the question. Do you love Freddy or not?"he shouted.

He shook her gently which made Eliza terrified and awkward. She shook her head.

"Are you in love with me, Eliza?"

She pressed her lips and nodded with tears in her eyes.

"By George, why don't you want to be my wife?"

Not getting any answer, Higgins kissed her impatiently and hard. Eliza lost her presence of mind and wrapped her arms around his neck. When she realized what she was doing, she wrenched away, white and furious. The professor was in astonishment. He had thought that a kiss would have been effective.

"Don't you dare to tell anyone this."she said stonily.

She walked to the door.

"I shall never be your wife."

She was a tower of strength now. Higgins knew that it wasn't defiance or stubbornness: she announced a well-considered decision.

He knew that his speech would have been piffle, everything he could do would be fiddling. He was barging along to his study. He lay down onto the sofa, put his hands behind his head and lost in his miserable, hopeless thoughts.

"... what happened to Miss Doolittle, sir? She's just left your house without saying a word. She was as quick as lightning."

Without looking at Mrs. Pearce, Higgins laughed bitterly and absently.

"She's going to marry Freddy. Ha ha!"

He roared with laughter.

"Freddy! Freddy! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Hope you like it. Shaw's Pygmalion inspired me very much. I don't want to plagiarize. The fanfiction belongs to me, but the orginal story belongs to G. B. Shaw. The rights belong to Shaw and Warner Bros.