Disclaimer: Not mine. Duh. Jk's imagination is so much better. A/N: Felt like distracting myself from my other fanfics and came up with this. Set four years into the future after the Battle of Hogwarts. Slightly AU in parts. Please R&R and point out any mistakes. Edited: 15/06/18.
Don't Mess with the Witches
One
Hermione pulled off her red coat with a sigh. She never liked being late. Ordinarily she would make sure she'd be at a venue at least half an hour before, but she had to work back. She'd suggested this place to them after the idea they should have a girls' night out. It started as a one off just to catch up with everyone but soon it became their monthly tradition.
Her parents had liked this little pub; it was warm and cosy with comfortable lounges in one area and tall stools at the bar. The girls preferred the stools because it was closer to the bar and Lavender liked the bar (especially when it was served by handsome bartenders half her age).
Terrible though she was, Hermione had never been very close to her during their years at Hogwarts, mainly because they were complete opposites and due to the fact Ron Weasley not so subtly broke Lavender's heart when he murmured Hermione's name in the Hospital wing in Sixth Year. Still it had been a long time since then and they seemed to have moved on with their lives.
It was now four years after their first catch up.
They were in their early twenties and a lot had changed.
Lavender swallowed her last mouthful of an extremely extravagant cocktail and eyed the bartender. Her hair was out, dangling over her shoulders unlike her school-girl plaits Hermione remembered. Somehow, and she's still not sure how she came about it, Lavender had gotten herself a job with George at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Hermione could see Lavender's freakishly orange robes under her coat to prove it.
Parvati Patil was more laid back and different to how she remembered.
She had stayed on as Trelawney's protégé and now had her own class teaching first years. She was chatting away to Lavender with her dark hair in a bun and bangles clanking together as she waved for another drink.
Sitting quietly beside her more outgoing sister sat Padma Patil who had grown up in Ravenclaw House. She was wrapped in a faux-fur coat and woolly scarf, while her dark hair hung in waves past her shoulders.
Ginny Weasley who Hermione saw more of and considered a sister, sat beside Lavender covered in a black coat which hid her red and gold Quidditch Uniform for the well-known all women's team Holyhead Harpies. Her cheeks were red from the wind and her hair was tied back in a pony-tail. She seemed to be staring at her drink intensely.
Hermione wondered what was wrong.
"Budge up," Hermione said when she reached an empty stool beside Ginny.
Ginny snapped out of her daydream and jumped up with a yell and hug, while Lavender brought her new cocktail to her lips and cheered, "Congratulations!" then gulped it down. "Ginny told me."
Hermione sighed, smiling as she put her coat on her stool before greeting the Patil sisters. "Thank you, girls. I'm so sorry I'm late. There was a drama at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. How are you all, and how many drinks has Lavender had?" she said amused, as Lavender leaned over the bar and waved her hands at the bartender.
"She's on her second," Parvati said. "Show me your ring?"
Hermione put her hand on the bar and Parvati seized it.
The ring was simple, yet elegant, silver with a diamond about the size of a pea. Even in the magical world, engagement rings were the same to that of the Muggle world.
"It's beautiful," Parvati breathed while Lavender elbowed her out of the way to have a look.
"Well, at least he has taste in rings," Lavender murmured.
Hermione chose to ignore whatever that meant, and Ginny got them all a round of shots.
Hermione looked perplexed.
"We started early." Ginny explained.
Hermione called out for a water to accompany her peach schnapps and the girls caught up while they waited for their drinks.
"So, who wants to go first?" Hermione said, eyebrows raised.
Padma closed her book but only to look at Ginny, who sighed.
"I'm sure Lavender's been dying to say something all night."
Lavender chose this to be her prompt.
It didn't take long for her to dive into her problems, giving Hermione a glimpse into her frustration.
It seemed Lavender had been thinking of another Weasley when she had said 'at least he has taste'.
George Weasley, Lavender admitted. He'd offered her a job as his assistant, giving her a permanent position and an income. What they didn't intend was to become romantically involved.
Everyone gasped.
"You're sleeping with my brother!' Ginny accused as the bar tender arrived with their shots. He looked uncomfortable and hot under the collar, Hermione noticed. Padma paid the boy with a twenty Hermione had thrown at her and he was off to serve his other customers as quickly as possible.
"There go your chances with bar-boy," Padma murmured.
Hermione couldn't help but smile.
"How old was he? Twelve?" Ginny rolled her eyes and threw back her schnapps.
"So, did you sleep with him, Lavender?" Parvati said, her eyes lighting up.
Ginny groaned.
Padma looked shocked and Hermione wasn't sure what to feel, except relieved.
Lavender threw back her shot with ease and continued.
Alicia had broken up with George: the joke shop wasn't doing so well.
Fred's death had hit the Weasleys and his friends hard and for George it had been a struggle to continue the shop without him. Understandably, he'd lost his best friend and twin.
Even she, of all people missed Fred.
Lavender never thought she'd be good at anything like packing shelves, working the till or selling stock, but came to like her job and she was good at it!
"Boys!" Parvati interjected.
Lavender grimaced, "I'd never got on with Alicia, but when she left after a huge row, George shut himself into his office and I had to run the shop on my own. I thought it would be short-term, like for a few days but after a week I'd had enough!" She took a deep breath and continued.
"People were asking me things I didn't know. I was taking deliveries I was sure weren't ours and on top of it all, I had missed five of my dates with eligible bachelors because I had to shut the shop while George barricaded himself in his flat!"
Lavender picked up Hermione's untouched peach schnapps and threw it down her throat.
"Have mine," Padma sighed, pushing it towards Hermione who drank it before Lavender could claim it.
Lavender was still talking.
Ginny waited to find out if her brother had lost his mind and done the deed with Lavender, dare she say it, the whore. Merlin, she was picturing them! She downed her shot glass in a flash and waved for more. The bartender left them with butterscotch schnapps as they were all out of peach.
"What happened next?" Hermione glanced at the clock.
It was only half eight. She needed more alcohol if she was going to get through the rest of the night. Hermione distributed their new shots and listened attentively.
"I did what any normal girl would do. I stormed into his flat and demanded he come downstairs and help me or I'd quit," Lavender slammed her hand down on the table, causing everyone in the vicinity to jump and look at them.
"What did he say?" Parvati gasped.
"Nothing, he just stared and eventually told me I should. He wouldn't want to work for him either. Then he dropped his head in his hands and cried."
"I can't believe I'm hearing this!" Ginny groaned, putting her fingers in her ears.
"Why don't you go to the ladies," Hermione offered. "You can change out of your uniform into something comfy?"
"I am comfortable," Ginny frowned.
"If you stay, you'll only wish you hadn't, after Lavender tells us how saucy George was in bed." Parvati sang.
"Urgh! Ok ok!" Ginny clambered off her stool and hurried to the bathroom.
Hermione almost wished she had gone with her.
She would never see George in the same way.
"So?' Padma encouraged.
Lavender shrugged. "I said I didn't want to quit and that I really liked my job and he kept saying he was a failure and that he was sorry like he was talking to him, asking for advice."
"Who?" they all asked, confused.
"Fred," Lavender whispered sadly.
There was a stunned silence until everyone took another drink.
Ginny returned wearing an off-the-shoulder top and jeans with red heels.
Their mouths dropped.
"Where are you going, clubbing?" Padma asked in wonder. "Now I feel underdressed."
"Well go get a makeover - it does wonders. I've already had three guys ask for my number."
"What did you give them?" Hermione said amused.
Ginny shrugged, "I gave them, six, seven and eight. They didn't seem happy with that answer."
"That's because they were asking for your phone number." Hermione still found it funny whenever wizards pretended to be muggles. She remembered Ron shouting into the telephone receiver once when he'd tried to call Harry over the summer, her lips curved into a smile.
"Oh." Ginny looked disappointed. "Well, can I borrow your number then?"
Hermione sighed, maybe it was the effect of two shots already, or because she thought, why not. But Hermione scribbled her phone number on a napkin and said to the girls, if they saw any potential takers they could give them her number.
Somewhere deep in a draw at the back of her head, a little voice whispered 'trouble' but at the time, she didn't hear it.
"I actually need the loo now. Coming Padma?"
"Why not, Parvati," Padma followed her sister.
Hermione, Ginny and Lavender sipped on their iced water while they waited for the twins.
"How long have you and George?" Ginny asked regretfully.
Lavender brushed a hand through her long hair.
"Actually, we've only just started dating, if you can call it that."
"Why?" Hermione wondered.
"Because I don't think he's over Alicia. After he broke down, I wasn't sure what to do. I'd never been with a guy who showed his emotions. I awkwardly patted his head, I felt so stupid."
"That's how we all feel sometimes," Hermione reassured her. "Did it help?"
"What, feeling stupid?" Ginny raised her eyebrows.
Hermione sighed. "No, comforting him. I'm sure it meant something to him."
"I brought him tea," Lavender whispered.
Ginny laughed, probably the worst timing ever, Hermione admitted.
"You brought him tea? That has got to be...I would never have imagined...you of all people!"
"What's wrong with tea? I think it's sweet." Padma and Parvati returned, wearing beautiful dresses.
"So, after the tea, did you?" Padma asked.
Hermione stared at the clock - they'd been discussing Lavender's sex life for fifteen minutes now and she'd only had two shots and half a water. She needed more.
"No. He was so tired he fell asleep. I didn't want to leave him alone, so I tucked him in and slept on the couch. It seemed a good idea because I'd be the one opening shop anyway."
"So, you didn't sleep with him then?" Ginny sounded relieved.
Lavender smiled, "I'm merely tell you how we came about. That was last week. This week however,"
"Oh Merlin, I'm getting more drinks." Ginny got up to find the bartender who was drying glasses with a tea towel down the other end of the bar.
Hermione smiled after her.
"It was after I'd closed up and we were in the back room, stocktaking. We were laughing at something (can't even remember what) and soon we were standing in front of each other and he kissed me right on the lips. I was so surprised I dropped a box of Snurtletoots and stared at him. He gave me this cocky mischievous grin and he was so ...handsome...like I'd never seen him before, and he pulled me close - hands wrapped tight around my waist and I couldn't escape. I swayed, and he kissed me again, and the kisses didn't stop until our clothes were on the floor and our bodies entwined-"
"Ok, I think we get the point!" Hermione said, before Lavender could continue. "What did he do to upset you?"
"Oh, ruin the moment why don't you, Hermione?" Parvati drank her shot, she had been hanging onto every one of Lavender's words.
Reliving it most likely, Hermione thought.
Lavender snapped out of her daydream of George's naked torso, strong arms and flexible tongue and she grabbed the tequila shot from the tray Ginny had procured.
"Merlin, haven't we moved on yet?"
"You missed George having sex with Lavender in the store room." Padma announced much to Ginny's horror.
"After the fantastic sex he left me upstairs with no warning that he'd opened the shop, so I went to see what he was doing and humiliated myself: I was completely naked."
Parvati gasped knocking over her tequila shot. Padma snorted into her drink. Ginny was on the verge of laughing or crying and Hermione was smiling in an understanding, but I feel your pain sort of way.
"The other fourteen people, mostly boys didn't seem to mind considering they wolf-whistled me out the door. That's when I locked him out of the apartment and haven't said a word to him since."
Hermione sighed, "You're punishing him."
Lavender nodded. "Should have told me."
Ginny shook her head, "Trust me Lavender, when I say, all men are stupid. Even my brothers. Hermione should know. But if you really like him and I can't believe I'm saying this, you have to forgive him. I'm sure he didn't plan to show you off like that. He probably just wanted to open shop because he felt bad about not doing it himself and he didn't want to wake you..."
"I agree with Ginny." Padma said, "If you want him to leave a note or to wake you next time, you'll have to tell him that. Men are thick."
Parvati laughed. "If only there were smart guys out there."
"There are," Hermione smiled, thinking of her fiancé. The girls tittered. "Oh shh!" She said but she didn't mind in the slightest. She liked being the centre of attention, even if she didn't mean to be.
"We all know you've found your prince charming, Hermione. How are things with you and Ron?" Padma asked.
Hermione had no regrets, she also loved Ron, even when he could be stubborn and ridiculous.
The only thing nagging her was her wedding preparations while she tried to battle cases about 'house-elves' and 'centaurs' into the late night. It was a good cause and it was worth fighting for but sometimes she just wished she would have some time to herself.
Ron and Hermione were a good match, so Mrs Weasley had told her when Ron had brought her home officially engaged. Ginny was ecstatic having gained another sister (the other being Fleur). Hermione was excited, she really was, she just thought Ron might want to be a little more organised.
Sometimes he did get it right but sometimes, when she eventually got home, she still had to clean the apartment, make dinner and wash up while Ron sat on the couch listening to the radio. She just wanted one night where she could sit in the bath, relax and not have to worry about anything else.
"I can fix that," Ginny said, "I can get mum to invite him home for dinner, or knock some sense into him? Which would you prefer?" Hermione smiled, shaking her head.
"Here, you need this more than I do," Lavender sighed. "Actually, who am I kidding. Shots for all."
"I'm not going to have any money left, am I?" Hermione groaned.
"We'll pay you back!" Parvati grinned as she raised her tequila.
"Shots on one..." Lavender encouraged them.
"ONE!" Padma said and they all scrambled to pick up their glasses, suck their limes and down the drink in between fits of laughter.
"Who's next? Ginny, Parvati, Padma?" Lavender said loudly. They had all lost count on how many she'd drunk by then. She was still sitting upright - a good sign. "Speak to Dr. Brown."
"Dr Brown!" Parvati giggled, slapping her hand on the bar and making several people stare. "She's Dr Brown, shh!" Hermione told the muggles they were harmless, so much for blending in.
"I'll go. Dr Brown can tell me what she thinks I should do in this case..." Ginny began.
"I look forward to it!" Lavender said, munching on her lime. "This tastes so good!" she added.
"You're meant to spit that bit out," Hermione told her. "Open wide."
"Open wide, I'm inside," Lavender sang oblivious to how crazy she sounded.
Hermione stuck Lavender's finger inside her own mouth and flung the lime out, hitting the bartender in the eye, who had come over to see what the fuss was about.
"Oh my god!" Hermione said, covering her hands with her mouth, mortified.
Ginny was already in hysterics. Parvati and Padma were trying to steady Lavender who was shouting, "I'm Doctor Brown!" while Hermione climbed over the bar and landed on the serving side. The bartender was cursing and holding his eye which Hermione guessed was stinging like crazy. She apologetically grabbed some ice and a wet tea-towel and dabbed it in a motherly sort of way.
"I'm so sorry," she muttered for the millionth time. "Really, it just needs a minute."
Hermione had the boy sitting down on a crate with her hand and the towel over his wounded eye as she pleaded at her friends to shut up and do something.
Ginny was crying so hard with laughter she couldn't see.
Padma and Parvati had lost Lavender to the dance floor and kept pulling her back by her coat every few minutes.
Hermione couldn't leave the poor boy, who really only looked like a teenager with one eye, so she tapped her wand once and muttered a healing spell. The boy protested, saying he was fine and he really could still serve drinks. "I'm sure you'll be fine in just a minute."
"What is going on here?" A deep husky voice interrupted.
Hermione saw a man in a suit and badge which read manager.
"I hear you and your girls are disrupting my pub, if you don't behave I will throw you out."
Hermione froze. "I'm so sorry, sir. Really, it was an accident. He's fine now, see?" Hermione let go of the towel and the boy blinked. The ice had numbed his eye to the point that it felt strange to blink, but apart from that, it was like the lime hadn't hit him at all.
"She just fixed his eye," Ginny started.
The manager looked at Hermione and then at his employee and back at Ginny.
"You should give this boy a raise, he's the best bartender we've ever had." The bartender blushed, embarrassed. "This is also one of our favourite pubs, we've been coming here for over four years, you won't deny us of that privilege will you, considering we do pay, quite a lot."
Hermione was astounded by Ginny's speech.
The manager shook his head.
"And we apologise for the noise, we've been celebrating since our friend is getting married." This had an odd effect on the manager and the rest of the pub. The manager offered to give them a round of free drinks.
Hermione wasn't sure if Ginny had done something to help him along or if her was as awed as she was.
"You're free to go," Hermione smiled.
The boy hesitated, "Uh-thanks…" then he hurried off.
"Let's find Lavender," Ginny said, taking Hermione's hand.
Of course, Lavender was dancing the night away, between two very drunk thirty-something men. Hermione tapped her wand and made them move behind an invisible ring which protected the girls, from theft or anything dodgy.
The girls danced for an hour, until they were ready for their free drinks.
Hermione, surprised to find it now 10.30pm, should probably tell Ron she would be later than expected.
Lavender was still calling herself Dr Brown and had slopped her champagne all over her top in an attempt to drink it while tugging on Hermione's arm.
"Who is in need of my service?"
"I am, Dr Brown. Harry hasn't flooed or owled me in a month! Nor does he give me presents. What does that say about our relationship? Should I be upset with him? Or should I be grateful that he did remember to wash the dinners..."
"Dinners?" Padma queried.
"Dishes," Ginny giggled.
Hermione joined them, sipping on her champagne, until she groaned. "Need to pee, be right back." and she hurried away, wondering what Lavender's advice would be. Her head spun, and she made a face at how long the queue to the ladies was when the men's had no-one.
Should she?
"Out of the way, I'm about to pee!"
She pushed the one man aside and rushed into a cubicle to do her business. She stared at the back of the toilet door, waiting until her eyes adjusted to see graffiti on the door. Unlike a Hogwarts, anti-graffiti spells did not exist in the muggle world.
She sat thinking to herself for a minute and smelt the 'smell' the smell of 'man' or 'pee' and of 'god only knew' then gagged. She hadn't noticed it at all, initially too focussed on her task. Now, she rushed out of the toilet only to bump into bartender-boy who looked shocked and scared.
"I prefer men's bathrooms," Hermione blurted, washing her hands as her elbow covered her nose, trying to bar off the disgusting 'manpeegodonlyknew' smells. He looked at her like she was mad. "No lines," she pointed, and glanced at him and the door. Run!
Once out, she sat and sculled the rest of the champagne. "What did I miss?"
"Ginny wants more from her man." Parvati told her. "Harry's not appreciating her. We told her to send herself presents and see if he gets jealous."
"I told them, that sounded ridiculous."
"I'll send you chocolates.." Hermione started.
"I'll send you flowers..." Padma added.
"I'll send you owls..." Parvati beamed.
"I'll floo myself to you.." Lavender grinned.
"Fine!" Ginny said crossing her arms, but they all knew she appreciated it.
"So how are the Patil twins?" Ginny asked, changing the subject.
"I need something stronger if they expect me to come to work on Monday. I swear first years were never so rude or smart or cheeky," Parvati said irritably.
"Haven't you had enough already?" Hermione asked, "I can't drink another or I'll be sick."
"That's because you're a terrible alcoholic," Lavender teased.
"What's the time?" Hermione said, staring at the clock. It was 11.30pm.
"Why, you thinking of leaving already?" Ginny asked.
"I'm keeping an eye on the time, because I told Ron I wouldn't be out too late."
"So, stay til dawn, then it's not late, it's early." Lavender grinned.
"Oh, ha ha!" Hermione frowned.
"Yes, stay!" Padma and Parvati chimed in.
She supposed she could stay just a bit longer, she'd send a message to Ron when she was about to leave. It was their night to go wild after all and Lavender was only just started, she was sure.
"So, Padma?" Hermione asked, putting Padma in the spotlight.
"No news with me," Padma said.
"There must be something juicy you can tell us? New fling? New BF? New shoes? Parvati?" Hermione teased.
Padma rolled her eyes as her sister put her finger to her lips, thinking hard.
"Nope, I've got nothing, this one keeps her secrets to herself."
"Which book are you reading?" Hermione said, changing the topic.
"BORING!" Lavender shouted.
"Oh, something about the wonderful world of Astronomy. It's not too bad. Want to read it after me?"
"I'd love to," Hermione smiled.
"Well, now we know how BORING Padma is, I suggest we drink one round of some seriously disgusting concoction-" Lavender grinned, "COCK." she practically yelled. "TION." she added.
Hermione was counting down the minutes before the manager tossed them out personally.
They were interrupted momentarily by a group of youths; three who were very much in their teens, which Hermione thought was flattering. She opted out and sat with her ring in clear view while the bartender silently removed their fifty empty glasses without trying to be recognised. Hermione thought it easier if she didn't acknowledge him, since things had been awkward since the toilet incident.
Lavender of course had leapt at the chance to dance with some horny teens. Parvati, who was as wild as Lavender sometimes, joined them and to Hermione's surprise so did Ginny and Padma.
"We're only young once!" Parvati called out to her.
"My feet are killing me from our last session," Hermione called back, smiling over at the people who were staring at her oddly. "These heels are just for walking, that's only what they do."
Hermione had a vague feeling the alcohol was addling her brains. When she started singing lines to popular muggle songs and chatting nervously to strangers this was her sign to leave.
"My name is Doctor Brown!" Lavender huffed off the dance floor with Parvati and Padma chasing after her, while Ginny came to sit beside Hermione.
"What was that about?" Hermione asked.
"They kept calling her 'Babe'. I just thought of something I should never have thought of."
"What?"
"What if Doctor Brown is something George calls her?" Ginny looked disgusted.
"If it is, it's kind of cute, in a way."
"And horrifying," Ginny shook the image from her head.
"Do I need to knock some sense into Harry?" Hermione asked, exchanging the favour Ginny had offered for Ron.
"I think we'll leave them both to Mrs Weasley." Ginny put her arm around her. "Then we can both go have a massage or something."
"Merlin, we should do that next time we meet!" Parvati said suddenly.
"Where's Dr Brown?" Ginny asked suspiciously.
"Padma has her," Sure enough, Padma brought a flailing Lavender by the arm. "Come along."
"Well, I think we should call it a night," Hermione yawned. "It was great catching up." She hugged Parvati and wished her luck with the first years.
"Well, there are other things which keep me entertained."
"Like?" Hermione asked.
"The new Potions Master."
"Anyone we know?" Ginny asked.
Parvati grinned like she had a big secret and she wasn't going to share it. "I'll tell you more next time I see you."
"No fair!" Lavender pouted.
As they exited the bar, with their coats and goodbyes, Hermione wondered if they were ok to apparate back home or if they were too drunk.
"Who can walk in the straightest line?" Hermione asked with a giggle.
The girls took turns to walk.
Hermione was slightly wobbly, second to Lavender who was very wobbly and then Padma and Ginny raced it out with Ginny falling on her face after Lavender stuck out her foot and tripped her up. Ginny pulled Lavender down to join her, both howling like hyenas.
"What is this racket? I'm calling the police!" It was the Manager again. His angry stance did not do him justice. Once Lavender and Ginny were gone it was hard not to join them. The girls were laughing so hard they cried, while the Manager dialled the police.
Hermione cast her patronus; a silver otter with one quick movement and wondered how long it would take for Ron and George to find them.
She didn't think apparating in this condition was a very good idea after all.
About ten minutes later, Hermione was the one probably the most sobered up as the sirens wailed and two police officers hauled them up from the cement.
"GETTOFF ME!" Lavender screamed.
"Stop struggling!" One of the men hissed.
Hermione hadn't noticed his unkempt uniform and red hair at first, she stared with her mouth open for a full five minutes before strong arms picked her up and she recognised, George Weasley's grin.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed.
"Got your message. Now hurry up and get in before the real cops arrive." George pushed Parvati and Padma into the back of the car, with a surprised Ginny and went to help Ron.
Hermione stood by the car and hopped into the front seat, which she saw had been magically enhanced. She had only heard of the last car the Weasley's owned and it had come to a sticky end when it crashed into the Whomping Willow. It also flew.
She was apprehensive already, this was a bad sign.
The manager was pointing fingers and cursing while George held Lavender's arm.
"I've got this one Ron," George said. "We'll take it from here."
"I should think so!" The Manager said, crossly.
"Lavender, it's me." George hissed, "You're off your head. I'm taking you home."
Lavender swayed but nodded, the strange muggle smelled oddly wonderful, like someone she knew...like George...she gasped. "Get in, Lavender." George pushed her inside beside Hermione while the Manager looked confused.
George tilted his hat and bid them goodbye.
"I'd like to make an official complaint."
"My response to you, fat man is DON'T MESS WITH THE WITCHES!" Lavender yelled out the window.
"GO!" Ron slammed the door where he sat beside Hermione and Lavender as George stepped on the gas pedal and with extreme talent for a wizard, roared the car across the grass and into the sky.
"Where to first?" George said, looking over his shoulder with a grin.
A/N: I'm officially knackered. It's 1.39am and I've written 5000+ words. I need sleep, but I had fun writing this. I'm enjoying the couples; especially George/Lavender, can you tell? x