What if it's all just too much?

Chapter 1

Ever since the first time Miranda had seen Gary after all those years she couldn't get her eyes off him, she knew she had been in love with him at uni and it was really hard to get away from her feelings but she actually thought she would feel different after all these years they had spent sepererated from each other.

They had been best friends since as long as she could remember and when Gary moved away, she was totally a mess and it was all just a hell in the beginning. As time went by, it became easier to live without him, even if they had only been friends, she knew she wanted more from him back then. But then he surprised her 2 weeks ago, he had moved back to London and was actually working next door.

Why did he have to do that? She was sure she wouldn't be able to get over him a second time. When she saw him at the restaurant, she was as shocked that she couldn't move, she couldn't think, she just stood there, panicking. And as always, things got awkward when she freaked out and started posing and making the biggest smile she could ever do. Then he looked up, seeing her for the first time in years.

"MIRANDA? HI, how are you?!" Gary asked. He said walking nearer her. She continued standing like that, smiling.

"Are you okay? It looks like you're in pain" He said again.

"No, no I'm fine, It's just trapped wind" She said and let go and looked at him, how gorgeous was he? There was so many flashbacks going through her head.

Since that moment they had spent every day with each other, she either went to the restaurant, eating a meal or he went to her store to have a chat with her. Or some nights, he'd even taken her out, but he made it sure it was only as friends, which Miranda had been disappointed about. Because the fact that he had been exactly this at uni, they obviously had chemistry between them and she felt like he just ignored it and she was tired of waiting.

They were going out tonight again and he had told her to dress up really nice, he was taking her to a very fancy restaurant. He made Miranda feel so unsure all the time, Stevie had told her that he obviously had feelings for her because why would he take her out on romantic dates just as friends? But Miranda didn't want to get the wrong perception in case that he didn't have feelings for her.

She was taken away with her day dreaming by the doorbell ringing and realised it must be Gary. She opened the door and there he stood, in a black suit and a white shirt under that was a little unbottoned. He literally took her breath away. She wore a red dress that shaped her body perfectly and a white cardigan over the dress. She had curled her hair and had put make up on.

"Wow, you look beautiful" He said.

"You don't look that bad yourself" They shared a smile and started walking to the restaurant.

They reached to the restaurant and they got their table. Gary helped Miranda with her chair as she sat down and Gary sat down himself after. They both ordered seafood risotto with white wine and a cremebbrulee as dessert. They were waiting for their food and sat andchatted about a lot of things. "It seems like things went smootly when I was gone, Even if it was for 4 years" Gary said. "Yeah.. Well it didn't go as good as you think Gary, my best friend left mewith only a goodbye, I know you'll say that I had Stevie and I know, I wouldn't have gone trough what I did without her by my side but it was terrible without you here. Knowing that I probably would never see you again. We spend over 5 years together, both at uni and after and then just one day, you were gone, how can you expect me to be okay with that?" "I'm sorry, I just, I'm here now, It's okay" "No it's not okay Gary, because you can't think that you can go away for 4 years and find everything the same as you left. I've changed as a person since you left, maybe you can't really see it but I've grown up. I'm still as awkward as ever but I started living a new Life Gary, a new life without you." "I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do, all I can do is to try to be here for you, to make up for lost times" "Yeah" Miranda said and smiled. They were interrupted by their food that was now standing on their table. After they had eaten, they paid for their dinner and started walking home. The food was delicious. As they reached Miranda's flat he grabbed her hands looking into her eyes but she slowly looked down to their tied hands. She let go of her hands and Gary looked at her confused. "Gary.. I'm so sorry, I can't, like I said earlier, it's been terrible without you here.. I went through a tough time and I nearly didn't make it through and now you're showing up again and I don't know what to do-" "Just give me a chance to make it right" "No, let me speak, I'm tired of waiting Gary, I don't know how to say this... I was in love with you at uni, you must have realised that, I must have given you signs. And after you went, i really wanted to forget you, I wanted to let my feelings disappear and I started dating other people but I just ended up even worse because it didn't work. Then I got through it with Stevie's help and I can't go through it again, I can't risk it. I still have strong feelings for you and I'm waiting for you to realise that I'm right here! I'm waiting for you to just open your eyes and realise. I've waited 9 years and I'm just about to give up. I'm going away to Dublin tomorrow and I don't know if I'll be coming back. I need to go away from everything, to start a new life." She saw how Gary got tears in his eyes. "But, Please don't go away, we can work it out" "No, don't make it worse than it already is, we can't Gary, we can't make it the way it was and I don't want it the way it was, i'm tired of it. I'm so so tired of this and ugh, you're making me angry... SO DON'T YOU DARE GARY!" Miranda felt a tear falling down her cheek as she looked Gary in the eyes. She didn't want to argue with him, but it seemed like she didn't have a choice, he didn't understand. "Miranda.. You're not being fair" "I'M NOT BEING FAIR? YOU WERE THE ONE LEAVING ME, THINKING I WOULD BE OKAY WITHOUT YOU, IF YOU'D NEVER LEFT THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN RIGHT NOW!" "Don't you realise that you're doing exactly the same thing to me?" "Yes but maybe it's for the best, it's already ruined Gary, it's too late to fix this" and with that, she gazed into his eyes for the last time. Taking his tear away with her hand and then went in to kiss his cheek. "Atleast i'm not leaving without you knowing that I love you" she said teasing him. "Bye Gary" With that, she left and he looked at her direction in minutes hoping she would decide to come back. It was too late, he thought to himself: What have I done? I have just let my best friend, yet the one I cared for the most in life go away. What am I? Stupid? Oh how he regretted that he had gone away in the first place. She had just told him she loved him and he had just been standing there, practically saying nothing. It was too late now, nothing could ever make her stay.