This story is for Rachael. She asked for an AU that involved Mark going to LA after the plane crash and who am I to deny the Maddison queen? Also, I'm sick at the moment so I sincerely apologize for any and all mistakes. Also, this will be multiple chapters because I found I still have more to say.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Love is not a victory march,
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
-Leonard Cohen

"Are you sure you're up for this?" They're standing in the hospital hallway with her cold hand tucked into his, a worried look on her face and grief flowing openly between them both. His suit jacket is hanging over his arm and he lost his tie somewhere between the funeral home and his return to the hospital where he'd tucked into Arizona's room to bid her farewell. He'll be back in a week but who the hell knows what will change in a week? He hadn't been prepared for what could change in a matter of seconds. He had said goodbye to Lexie Grey this morning, standing outside on a painfully sunny Seattle day and he felt peace for the first time since the crash.

He licks his parched lips and leans in, brushing a kiss over the apple of Callie's cheek and squeezing her hand. "I need to get away from all the death, Cal."

"You're still healing," she counters. She has all this pent up emotions inside her and she can't spill them onto her wife without threatening everything so she's turned her feelings onto him and that's okay, that's how they work.

"I'm fine, Torres." And he is. His chest still hurts like a bitch if he breathes too deeply but he's walked away fairly unscathed. A miraculous recovery, story of his life.

She gives him a look that makes him smirk because he knows his daughter will be getting it for years to come. "It's a sixteen hour drive!"

"Calliope..." He's never called her by her full name before and it's weird, awkward on his tongue. "Cal, I love you and I'm just going for a week. I need life. I need-"

"Addison," she finishes.

"And Amelia." He actually hasn't spoken to Addison yet. Amelia had called and yelled at him for nearly getting himself killed – as if he could control an airplane – after talking with her brother so he can only assume that Addison knows too. "I'll Skype with you and Sof every day. Twice, if you want."

"Alright," Callie relents and extends her foot, tapping the toe of her sneaker against his shin. He returns the gesture. "You know I just love you, you moron."

He pulls her into a hug then, despite the ache it causes in his chest. Life is so fragile and the people you love can be gone in a split second – he gets that now. "I love you, too, Callie."

–

He split the driving into two days – stopping somewhere in southern Oregon for a few hours sleep in a crappy roadside motel that reminds him of road trips with Derek and Addison on long weekends in medical school. When he rolls into Los Angeles the next day, the sun is low in the late afternoon sky and he has to call Amelia to find out where they are. Addison's house, she informs him and gives him directions to the seaside abode in case he's forgotten since his last trip – he hasn't. He takes his time, enjoying the slow pace the cars seem to be taking, and steels his nerves against whatever is ahead of him. He hasn't seen Addison since she signed off on Sofia's case and he regrets that now because, no matter what, she's always been his friend.

Amelia's caught him up on the state of Addison's love life, how she's back to living with the fiery redhead and how she finally kicked Sam's ass to the curb. Addison is a mother now; a little boy named Henry who is a few months younger than his Sofia. They're parents and it's not the way he ever thought it would happen. He parks at the edge of her driveway and shakes the thought of 'could have been' from his mind.

The screen door slams and he looks up to Amelia sprinting across the quaint yard to throw her arms around him. He grunts at the impact and grumbles about his blunt force trauma but doesn't try to shove her aside. "I'm okay, Amy," he promises. "Derek and I are both okay."

"No you're not," her teary voice replies. She's right but she's still his Amy and he still wants to protect her from all the horrible things she's seen. "Derek's hand is trashed and you almost died and your Lexie did die-"

"I'm alive, Amelia." He pulls back from the embrace and tucks a raven lock behind her ear. "I'm alive and Derek's alive and people are dead. People who shouldn't have died are gone and people are hurt but right now... I'm alive." Amelia pulls him in for another hug and he doesn't care that it sends a fire through his chest, just hugs her back with equal intensity. "I love you, too, Amelia."

She sniffles and punches his shoulder when she pulls away, trying to hide the tears in her blue eyes. "Uh. Addison is upstairs putting Henry down for his nap. It's the... you know, just follow the sounds of Addison's off-key singing and you'll find them."

"And just where are you off to?"

"A meeting." She says nothing more because he needs no further explanation; he squeezes her elbow as she passes him by.

Up the front porch steps, through the vaguely familiar living room now littered with baby toys, halfway up the stairs when Addison's voice finds him. She's singing what sounds like Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves as a lullaby but he has no ground to stand on because he's pulled out ACDC to get Sofia to sleep. He finds her in the nursery, red hair hiding her face from him as she leans over the crib to brush her son's hair from his face. She's more in her element as a mother than he's ever seen her before. His heart aches for a second, a split second of could haves and should haves. "Hey Red."

"Mark!" Her sharp voice threatens to wake the baby and he grins at the way she covers her mouth as if to take it back. She stands by the crib, stock still, for what seems like hours before she's rushing to him. Her arms go gently around him, the first hug in three weeks to not cause impossible pain, and hot tears gently pepper his shoulder as he brings his arm around her. "God, Mark. I thought we had lost you both."

"Don't you know by now, Addison?" His voice is teasing as his lips brush over the shell of her ear. "The only thing with the power to take Derek and I out of this world is you... And probably Amelia. Maybe Mama Shepherd. Not an airplane though," he promises, fingers ticking her side. She pulls back from the hug to roll her eyes at him and he tugs on an auburn curl causing her to smile. "There's my girl."

She chuckles and wipes her teary eyes with the knuckle of her pointer finger. She curls her piano fingers around his elbow and guides him out of the baby's room after flicking on the monitor, leading him down the stairs to collapse on her couch. She tucks a foot under her, angling herself to look at him, and raking her fingers through her hair. "Alright, Mark, honesty hour. Are you okay? Callie sent me a text after you left yesterday... Lexie's funeral?"

"I'm... sad," he settles on the word after careful consideration. "She was conscious for awhile after the crash... I got to say my goodbyes then and she got to say hers. She's gone and I'm unbelievably sad about that but I got my goodbye."

She nodded and reached out, lacing her fingers with his – it wasn't a romantic gesture, just the simple reassurance that she was there and would always be. "And your injuries?"

"My chest still feels like it has a linebacker sitting on it but it's mainly just a dull ache."

Her thumb rubs over the knuckles of his hand. "And I'm sure sixteen hours behind the wheel did wonders... Amelia and I would have came there if you had wanted."

"No," he replies too quickly. "I need space, Addison. Everything up there just reminds me that nothing is the same anymore. Arizona is still in the hospital, fighting infection after infection, and steadfastly trying to save her leg when we all know that she's gonna lose it. Derek's hand might never be the same. Yang won't speak to anyone. Meredith is... Meredith. She just keeps going. And Callie... I need to be there for her but I just can't right now."

"Mark, you just went through a life altering tragedy-"

"Yeah but she's always had my back and I need to have hers..." He shakes his head. "She's holding it all together somehow. She exhausted herself running back and forth between me and Blondie until they released me and still keeping up with her surgeries, trying to save Derek's hand and Arizona's leg."

Addison nods, knowing all too well how she and Callie are alike that way. "And the sweet Sofia?"

"She's the only part of being there that doesn't hurt," he answers solemnly. "She's everything left there that is good and pure and untainted by all of this. She doesn't look at me like I'm broken and fragile, she doesn't treat me with kid gloves, I'm just... daddy. To her I am still the indomitable force."

"Are you on pain killers," she asks out of the blue.

His brow furrows and he shakes his head. "I have some if I need them but I've only taken a couple since they released me last week."

"You need a drink," she decides and moves to grab the bottle of wine she had on the rack. His eyes tracked her as she moved around the kitchen seamlessly, filling glasses and moving silently across the wood floors to give him a glass. "You're not broken, Mark Sloan. You are strong and resilient. You are Sofia's indomitable force."

"Cheers." He nods and clinks his glass against hers before taking a sip. "Thanks, Red..."

She cocks an eyebrow in his direction. "I haven't even done anything."

"Yes, you have," he promises and takes her free hand in his again.

It isn't much; the pain is still very real, his body is still healing, and his soul might never be quite complete ever again but it's a start. He'd been stuck in stasis in Seattle; a purgatory of sadness, grief, and sidelong glances. She'd breathed the air back into him, sitting and listening, reassuring him that he would heal. He'd been there an hour and she was already helping him begin to heal.