A/N: I do not own "Supernatural".
I wrote this story in just a few hours and I actually never thought I would write something like this ever let alone post it. Should you find any mistakes, they are all mine.
Please be warned that it is about sexual abuse. However, it is nothing too graphic. Please do not read if this triggers, hurts or offends you in any way. I do not intend to do so.
If you decide to read on, I hope you enjoy it.
Sam's secret
"Dean, I think, I wanna go home."
"Already?" Dean stared at his younger brother with unbelieving eyes. The party they were at was awesome. Lots of people. Lots of girls. Most of them even hot. And the drinks were good. The music was nice. Dean surely enjoyed himself and was pretty certain he could and probably would get laid tonight.
And Sam wanted to go. Great!
"Yeah, I've had enough."
"Mad if I still stay?"
"No, no. 'Course not. But take a cab, 'kay? You're drunk."
"'m not."
"Please?" Sam's puppy-eyed-look made Dean agree.
"Alright. Alright." Dean gave in to his little brother's pleas.
"Thank you. See ya later then. We can get the car in the morning. I've had too much to drink myself."
Dean scrutinized his brother. Sam did not seem very drunk. He probably had a few beers. Enough for him to decide not to drive anywhere anymore. Maybe not too bad an idea. Dean would be mad as hell if there was so much as a small dent or scratch in his lovely Chevy Impala.
Dean watched his taller but younger brother leave, shaking his head. How could they be brothers? In things like these they were so damn different. But he would enjoy himself tonight.
Sam walked down the streets. It was somewhere close to 1.30 a.m. He probably was not too drunk to drive Dean's baby back to the motel but he needed some fresh air and the two-mile-walk would do him good. A slight headache pounded at his temples.
He drew a deep breath while walking through the chilly February night. The party was at the outskirts of town and he enjoyed the silence of the night and the incredible view to the sky. He could even see the Milky Way. He smiled at the beauty as he felt as if he was five years old again and he had seen it for the first time.
Something made the hair on the back of his neck rise. In a curve of the street he turned his head to see some guys behind him. He fastened his steps. The loneliness he had just savored so much now made him uncomfortable.
He got closer to the middle of the town. Still he heard the giggling of the group behind him. They had gotten closer. How was that possible? He had walked faster and he had not realized that they had picked up their pace, too.
Dad would kick his ass for being so careless. "Use your abilities as a hunter!" His father's voice echoed through his mind.
Sam switched to the opposite side of the road just to see if this group was following. It was not. The men stayed on their side. They even walked down another road. Sam sighed in relief but still kept his pace.
"Hey big boy."
What? Again these men had been able to get around his hunting skills.
"Wanna give me a blow job?"
The rest of the group burst out laughing. Sam just kept on walking not turning around. He decided to ignore them. Maybe then they would lose their interest in him.
"Hey! I'm talking to you, big boy!" The men caught up with Sam and walked at his side.
"No", answered Sam in a firm voice. He kept his eyes trained in front of him. An unsettling feeling settled in his gut and slowly crept around his body. A lump formed in his throat and he had trouble swallowing around it.
"Would be fun." The man mocked.
Again laughter filled Sam's surroundings.
"No, I don't wanna."
"But I do." The man said harshly and stepped in front of Sam who stopped to avoid running into him. A cold chill coursed through Sam's body and he was sure it was not from the cold night.
Suddenly Sam found himself pushed against a wall in the alley they had just been walking. Three man holding him in place while the fourth approached him.
"Oh big boy, you could have had it so easy. But now, I don't know if you deserve to have it easy."
Sam felt as if he could not suck in enough air to fill his lungs with the much needed oxygen. The men holding him were stronger than he thought and they held him pinned tightly against the bricks behind him. His eyes wildly darted around in search for rescue. His throat tightened so he was unable to scream. His horror became more and more evident. There was no escape. He struggled to get free but the men just held tighter.
"I was just asking kindly for a blow job. All you would have had to do is give it to me. Now, I think we need more than that."
The man's voice and words were horrible, evil, cruel. His actions even more.
At some time Sam's mind shut down. It was as if his mind and body were separated from each other.
Dean quietly opened the door to the motel room so to not wake his brother who was probably fast asleep in his bed. His gaze fell on Sam's bed. His assumption had been right. Sam lay sprawled face down on it, soft, deep murmuring rolling from mouth.
"Party pooper." Dean snickered drunkenly. "Shh, shh, shh. Sammy's asleep." He chided himself in a low sozzled voice. He closed the door behind him, shrugged off his jacket and his boots and fell into his bed not caring to take care of anything else before getting into bed. He was too content with the way his evening had turned. A hot petite brunette and he had an awesome time. Smiling he drifted into sleep.
At some time Dean woke with a start. Even though he did not know what had awoken him his drunken mind sobered within seconds. He looked at his mobile phone to see it was 5.47 a.m.
"What the..." he muttered trailing off looking around. His gaze fell on Sam's bed.
It was empty.
"Sam?" Dean called out concerned. He had been in bed when he came back to the motel, hadn't he? When had Sam gotten up? Why had Sam gotten up?
And most important: Where was Sam?
Dean got up to turn on the lights. Once he had the lights turned on he looked around calling out for his brother. He knocked on the bathroom door before he opened. "Sammy? You in there?" There was no one inside.
Worry spread inside Dean. His baby brother was missing. No! Not on his watch!
His breathing quickened. He quickly slipped into his boots, grabbed his jacket and stormed out the motel room door.
Where he knocked into Sam.
"Sam!" He shrieked.
"Dean", answered Sam flatly.
"Where the hell have you been?"
"Walking." Again that flat tone to Sam's statement but Dean did not pick it up. He was too deep in his anger and worry mode.
"What? It's 6 in the morning." Dean scolded his little brother. It was his way of showing his concern.
"Yeah. I needed to clear my head." Sam held up a bag. "And I got breakfast." He pushed past Dean into the motel room. He left the take-out bag on the table. Carelessly he threw his jacket to a chair. It slid off. He did not bother to pick it up. He took off his sneakers and let them fall on the floor next to his bed. Then he flopped down on it not caring to take his other clothes off or changing into something more comfortable. He turned his head away from Dean facing the wall.
Dean stared open-mouthed at his brother. This was so not his brother. Sam never was so careless with his stuff. Sam always called Dean on him being reckless leaving his clothes and things strewn around. "Sam, Sammy? You alright?"
"Yeah, just tired. Headache."
The older brother moved towards the bed on which Sam lay on his stomach still facing away from Dean. Dean sat down on the edge.
Sam felt the movement of his brother coming over to the bed and the dip in the mattress. He restrained himself from recoiling. He knew it was his brother sitting there. But he still felt so raw, so exposed, so humiliated.
God, why did he come back here so soon after leaving? He should have stayed out to get himself under control again before facing Dean. His brother knew him to well and would see straight through him.
Nononono. Not happening! Nobody could know about that. He would never ever talk about this... this incident. Least of all Dean!
Sam fought for control of his breathing knowing full well that once Dean picked up on his distress he would not be left of the hook until he came up with an explanation. And right now he did not have one except for the truth. And he would not... Sam slowly closed his eyes to keep himself from the cruel world behind his closed lids. The world inside was not better. But there at least was no Dean who fired questions at him, made him feel guilty, ashamed and worthless - even more than he already felt.
Dean looked down at his brother. He put a hand on the other side of Sam's body to bend over his back to get a look at his face. He looked just in time to see Sam close his eyes. Dean was sure he caught a glimpse of despair.
Was he in so much pain? It was as if Sam had had a vision or was caught right in the middle of it.
Sam tensed when he felt Dean leaning over him. "It's Dean, it's Dean, it's Dean", he told himself in his mind over and over again.
Eventually, Sam's breathing evened out and Dean leaned back rubbing his hand over Sam's back. Sam could not help himself but flinch at the touch and Dean immediately pulled his hand back.
"Sammy, is it really just a headache?" he asked.
"Yeah. I think I just need some time to sleep it off", answered Sam in a gentle and small voice.
"Did you have a vision? Or is it some sort of precursor of that or something?" worried Dean.
Sam almost sighed in relief. Why hadn't he come up with that? Perfect excuse! "Dunno. Yeah, probably a vision coming up."
"Want some painkillers to ease the aches?"
Under normal circumstances Sam would have appreciated Dean's concern but right now his hovering and closeness was too much for the younger man's tortured body and soul. He knew he would not get any sleep but maybe some rest. Rest that he needed to get his act together. That was all he wanted.
"Yeah, might be a good idea." Sam just answered to get rid of Dean although it would only be for just some moments. His big brother was so close Sam felt his body heat radiating off him. Too close for his liking. Sam was not even sure if there were any pain killers or enough pain killers in the world that could numb him sufficiently.
Dean rubbed one hand over his face before he got the pills and some water for Sam. When he had retrieved both he handed them to Sam who just rolled on the bed enough to swallow the medication and fluid down. Then he fell back down on the bed into the same position as before unmoving.
"So, I'm eating alone, huh?"
"If ya don't wanna wait for another few hours...", Sam slurred feeling the medication kick in. Sam tried to fight it afraid of what happened when he fell asleep. But mental exhaustion finally claimed him and he dozed off.
Dean watched his baby brother lose the battle against the fatigue. The pain lines in his face smoothing a little but not completely. But Dean was grateful for every little bit of release of hurt his brother might get.
"God, I hate these visions!" he fretted lowly and decided he would only drink the coffee before it got cold. He would wait with the breakfast until Sam woke.
A/N: Thank you for reading. Did you like it? Good? Bad?
Please leave a review if you like. I really appreciate them.
And it's a way to know if you liked it or not and for me to improve. :-) Thank you.