Maelstrom Emotions: Part One

BY

inkImpressions

I walked up the twirling staircase that led to the closed observation wing of the astronomy tower, my emotions spinning and twisting, mimicking the staircase, angering and annoying me to no end. I am not an exceptionally emotional person because I do not allow it. I do not allow myself to feel. So currently feeling isn't a positive attribute. Feelings breed problems, breed disaster, and breed death. At least that is what my life has taught me. My life experience has taught me that emotions get you killed. Emotions hint at your weaknesses. Weaknesses get you exploited and murdered. Cruelly. Slowly. It is better to arrest and incarcerate one's emotions. Be apathetic. Apathy is a far, far safer road to travel. Apathy is my method of self-preservation.

"Apathy, ha." I huffed softly as I continued walking, trekking my way to the top of the tower on a cool, blustery October night. I can't even be surprised that she new about the closed observation deck in this part of the tower. Most students didn't even know that the Polaris Staircase—which I currently traversed—even existed. However, Hermione Granger wasn't an ordinary witch. She was exceptionally bright, sharp, and noticing, and worst/best of all she could interpret what she gleaned from these traits. So no, I couldn't be surprised. Many Slytherins knew of this place and route. The "Purple Platform," as we called it, the platform was made from a rare purple veined marble, being a favorite romancing place for his house, favored for its seclusion.

I felt another pang of the pesky emotion spike my system, curiosity. Curiosity being why I was currently freezing my arse off meeting the Lioness of all lioness's in the dead of night. My mind playing over the curiosities that led to this little adventure.

Three Day's previously…

I took my normal seat at the Slytherin House table for Sunday breakfast. We all sit according to house hierarchy and friend groupings among the hierarchy. This landing me in the prize position of across from the Greengrass sisters, left of Zabini, and angled from Malfoy. Giving direct access to everyone but also leaving me slightly on the outskirts, my favorite place to be. I was personally thankful to be a great distance away from the Siamese-troll-twins: Crabbe and Goyle. I truly dodged the proverbial bludger on that one. I was just pouring myself a glass of pumpkin juice when the screech of owls entered the hall. So used to this I took no notice.

I was surprised however when a very unfamiliar owl landed in front of me. I certainly wasn't expecting any post. I gave the honey colored bird a piece of bacon and relieved it of its burden. I gave the envelope a cursory once over before placing it in my bag. Scrawled across the envelope was nothing more than my name, Theodore Nott. I didn't recognize the handwriting, and found nothing illuminating about the letter by my mini-investigation. I rarely open mail with others present, but with nothing identifiable about this surprise piece of post I definitely wanted solitude when I discovered its contents. A message like this had me intrigued, and despite my Slytherin titles I don't positively favor intrigue.

Not wanting to alert my fellow tablemates to anything unordinary. I stepped away from the table leaving an unfinished breakfast; my housemates so used to these types of actions from myself took no notice, really. I had a free period before my first class of the day—advanced transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs. I slipped into an ancient teacher's lounge, hidden by a threadbare tapestry. Not that I was troubled about being disturbed, I was still a cautious and calculating individual, I magically silenced and secured the room. I reached into my dragon hide bag and retrieved my letter. I examined every angle of it thoroughly, and performed multiple spells and charms in an attempt to discern any potential dangers or harms in opening it, innocent though it looked. After about ten minutes of, seeming unnecessary curse breaking, I deemed it safe enough to open.

I opened the envelope and pulled out the rather small piece of parchment wearing protective gloves. I glanced at the parchment and noticed it was blank at almost the exact time I was enveloped in a shimmery, pearlescent mist. It wrapped and twinned around me, hitting and seeping into every pore of my being. It had a gentle, beseeching feel to it, the mist. It was swirling and shifting, as if examining me, yet still searching before passing judgment. I was awed by the complexity and power of what I recognized to be an identity charm. I had only read about a charm such as the one surrounding me, never before experiencing or casting one. The charm would seek out any forms of concealment a person would use to disguise themselves. If it deemed you not to be who it sought, you'd be oblivated with replacement memories. If it found you to truly be who it sought whatever had received the charm would be revealed to you.

My eyes widened and I gasped when the mist sent a pulse through my body and a whispered question of "Theodore Nott?" reverberated throughout the pulsing. I felt the question being asked in the entirety of being, so odd; I felt it, instead of hearing it. The mist began dissolving and forming solid bands of silvery-twisted light. The light moved around me and pushed unto the parchment, making words. The cool voice of mist and light continued, and my eyes widened more, if possible when the voice morphed into one I quite recognized.

I shook my head to clear it when the charm receded from me; surprise and curiosity pulsing in my body like the charm had seconds before. I couldn't think of an earthly reason why Hermione Granger would go to such depth to converse with me, nor an earthly reason why for that matter. Such a charm made sense when I realized from whom I received the letter; she definitely was capable of such magic. I glanced down at the now readable parchment. It said…

Nott,

I know this letter must come as a slight surprise, and you of course must be wondering why I would even contact you and what possibly about. In response to these foreseen questions I say:

1) I have something of a very confidential and important nature to discuss with you.

2) Such measures of security were needed due to this time of war and the dangers it presents.

3) Therefore I needed to be positive that my letter reached the appropriate person.

Considering our position in house rivalries this seemed like the best way to reach you and be heard.

With those questions answered I am beseeching you to meet me in the abandoned portion of the astronomy tower, Wednesday night at 2:00 AM. Use the Polaris Staircase; I will have bewitched it, so you should be perfectly safe from discovery. I will talk with you then if you are amenable to this. Please write a response on the parchment and I will hopefully see you Wednesday.

Honest intentions,

Hermione Granger

I couldn't possibly fathom the reason Granger wanted this, but knowing her there was definitely something to it. I hastily scribbled an affirmative response, and left the room.

Present

So that unsatisfying letter is why I am currently seeking the Queen of all Bookworms. I only hope this little tete-a-tete is worth the trouble. I was now approaching the base of the platform; I could tell as the air grew cooler and whipped about my person in fiercer bursts. I stepped onto the purple marble of the deck and glanced around me. I spied Granger, her back was to me and she was leaning out over the viewing parapet. Her head tilted up towards the sky, glancing thoughtfully at the spangled sky. I could tell from her stance that she hadn't noticed my approach. I'm not really surprised; I have an innate ability at stealth, often catching the most covert of housemates unaware. I used her preoccupation as a time to study her.

Granger had changed a great deal since our first year together. She wasn't a bucktoothed and bushy-haired girl anymore; she was a rather pleasing looking young woman, if one took the time to notice. Most males wouldn't notice the changes; in most of the male population's eyes she was still tainted by her earlier appearance, and her studious attitude. She wasn't the easy shag or the average girl, who was practically depthless, so no; I wasn't surprised that my gender still overlooked her.

In being honest as well, I should note that isn't the only reason. Granger is more womanly than girlish. From the swell of her bust, the nip in of her waist, and the width of her hips, she had the pronounced curves of a mountain road. Normally hidden by her bulky uniform, but very apparent in her nutmeg colored sweater, and denim jeans. I imagine my contemporaries find her physically intimidating, and personality wise as well. She is secure and comfortable with whom she is her abilities. She is womanly. It is something I certainly appreciate considering many of the girls I tolerate around the castle.

My appraisal of her was cut short when she turned out of the wind and noticed that I was standing there watching her. When her eyes met mine I spoke, "Granger, you wanted to talk to me."

"Yes, I do" she responded maintaining eye contact and making no attempt to continue speaking. Watching me like it was the only thing she needed to accomplish in the next ten years. I wondered what she was about, calling me up there, and now acting like she had no agenda. It sent a wave of vexation through me. I leaned back against the cool stone wall crossing my arms in the process, giving her my, well, get on with it look. Apparently she got the message when she turned, the wind whipping her hair wildly, and gestured towards a previously invisible door.

"I'd rather speak in here, Nott," she said, "thank you for meeting with me by the way." She continued speaking as she walked to open the door. I moved quickly opening it for the both of us before she could reach her hand out. I gestured for her to move in before me. She glanced at me queerly, surprise registering in her face because of my actions, before offering me a hesitant, yet genuine smile. I was different than much of the elitist half of the pureblooded community. I give everyone the same treatment; it's just part of who I am.

I looked about; taking inventory of the room we were now in. I recognized it as the old astronomy keeper's quarters. Still intact with a kitchenette, sitting area, and bedroom, along with spectacular windows, be-spelled to be seen as walls from the outside. The room had been magicked to always be ready for use, despite the fact that I knew it hadn't been used in over eighty years. It was nearly impossible to get into this room, I and only a few other Slytherins to my knowledge had ever found it, in our generation. I'm once again not really surprised Granger did as well.

"This is your party Granger; care to enlighten your guest to the itinerary." I spoke without any ascertainable emotion glancing down at the short little witch. I am quite impressed by the way she looks directly into my eyes, their mitch-matched blue and green unnerves many people, but at the same time I felt an odd stirring in myself. I'd been feeling it off and on since I had received her letter three days ago. A rumbling in me, a rumbling in my reservoir-ed emotions, something in those cinnamon eyes caused a twinge of feeling, I didn't like it.

"I intend to get straight to the point Nott." She spoke to me. "I don't think you want this war."

I looked at her wondering how she drew this conclusion; I felt another of those twinges inside of me as she spoke. Each twinge of emotion annoying me more and more as she continued on.

"I've been watching you; I can see you're under strain, even though you hide it under a thick façade. You're not like so many of the others, you care Nott. It shows just by you opening the door for me. You're not brutal, you don't want the destruction."

I looked at her feeling a wave of emotion roll through me at her words, as I audibly made an amused scoffing sound. Wondering why in Merlin she was telling me this, perhaps a Gryffindor saving complex?

I spoke in an apathetic voice, "are you sure about that Granger?" I kept my face perfectly smooth as I spoke to her.

"Of course I am, otherwise I wouldn't be here. If I didn't know how you felt…"

"Know how I feel." I interrupted in a deadly calm voice. Something in me snapped at that moment, that she would dare say she knows how I feel. Indignation sang through my blood. I looked at her severely, knowing my eyes were quite likely frightening twin windows. "You can't know how I feel Granger, I don't feel. PERIOD." I said in a low, tight voice. Danger pulsating out from me in waves, if she felt it she didn't show it. A distant part of my brain notified me that their might be something to Gryffindor courage after all.

Know how I feel, I thought. Impossible! I CAN'T FEEL! I screamed in my head, feeling a storm building in me. She looked at me levelly, not backing away. Tension fogged between us.

"You feel, I can show you," she said with certainty.

I sensed her arm moving preparing to use her wand. I was probably the best dueler in my house and reacted instinctly. Casting a silent "Expelliarmus!" As I heard her begin her incantation—a feeling revealing spell. She looked shocked by my skill; I processed through the anger howling in my mind and body. She took a step back then. I was not having that and ghosted each of her steps until she backed into the wall. I stopped a good pace away from her, examining her face as I did so. She looks nervous but contemplative.

"You do have feelings." She spoke again firmly. "I'll show you."

I growled in response, stepping towards her, and this time she ghosted my movements. When I met her she did the last thing I expected. She stepped into me and kissed me, hard. She battled me trying to deepen the kiss. I was angry beyond words, and began to fight back through the kiss, putting all my anger into it. Forcing it through our connection, as I did this something inside me broke. The dam of my emotions was overcome, and great gushes of emotion became a rampaging flood in my body. I broke the kiss leaving both of us panting in need of oxygen. I felt lighter; tension had been pulled from my body by that kiss. It gave me an emotional outlet, something I never wanted.

I was angry, angry at my defenses being broken. Angry at being forced to feel. It made me want to lash out at her in revenge for her crime against me. The only just punishment being to make her feel as well. I knew she was an emotional creature, I knew she felt. I couldn't make her feel emotionally, no, but I could make her feel sexually. I am NOT a rapist. I wouldn't rape her ever, but she would acquiesce to me. I would make her FEEL too good, too much, uncontrolled just like me. I could awaken that part of her life, break her open the way she broke me. I had never given away emotion, the way I just had. Just as I knew she had never given away anything sexually. She took my anger, and I would take her virginity; a fair trade, the Ministry Foreign Exchange would be proud.

A/N:

Thank you to all my readers. I would appreciate it if you would please review and let me know what you think. I have most of this fic written and it will not be very many

parts:4-6 at the most I think. Please let me know if I should update. Also to anyone who is reading my other fic The Cloaking Veela, I should hopefully be updating this week.

Thanks-a-mill

inkImpressions