I stand by the front door, practically bouncing out of my heels. I had been itching to spend some quality time with Spencer the past few weeks. The BAU was tackling one of their biggest cases yet, each member stressed out of their minds, Spencer included. He had spent almost every night reading his notes over and over again, mumbling to himself.
But tonight, I was determined to help him relax. He deserved at least one night away from the file.
I had prepared his favorite meal for dinner, donned my sexiest clothes, lit a few candles around the apartment, and even spread a couple rose petals over the bed. Everything was set for the moment he walked in, if he ever would.
I glanced over at the microwave every two seconds to check if the time had changed. He would walk through the door any second now, and I could hardly stand it any-
The door handle jiggled as I heard his key plug into the hole. The door opened, revealing my handsome doctor with his nose buried in his file.
"Surprise!" I shouted, barely letting him walk through the doorway before assaulting him with a huge hug.
"What? What's all this?" he asked, looking up from the manila folder.
"I know you've been really busy with your case, so I wanted to help you de-stress. Look! I made your favorite!" I squealed, taking his hand and gesturing to the food displayed across the counter.
Spencer sighed. "Honey, I've really gotta focus on this case. We're so close to catching the unsub and the team is counting on me to figure this letter out. I can't tonight."
"But…but it'll just be for one night. I miss you, Spencer…"
"I know. And I miss you too, really. And when we finish this up, I'll have plenty of time to relax with you. I'll even take a day off to make up for it, if you want. Okay?" he says, walking over to our bedroom and removing his bag.
I remain standing in the kitchen, feeling stupid for believing he would pay attention to me when there's a serial murder out there, or whoever he was trying to catch. I could feel my stomach turn with emotion and my eyes tingling with the threat of tears.
"Hey. Don't cry! Come here," Spencer coos after emerging from our room. My heels echo through the room as I trudge over to his open arms. "Please don't cry. I know how hard this must be on you," he murmurs, stroking my hair and kissing the crown of my head. "You know, I'm not all that hungry now. But give me a little while and I'm sure I'll be starving," he says, a smile creeping into his voice.
"Really!" I cry, pulling away from his chest.
He nods and presses a kiss to my forehead. "Why don't you go grab a book and you can come sit with me on the couch. We can eat in a little while, all right?"
My eyes light up and I race into our room, snatching my book from the night stand. I check my makeup in my mirror, dabbing on a little more concealer that had started to fade under my eyes before joining Spencer on the couch and snuggling up close.
"You look really beautiful tonight, by the way," he smiles, resting a hand on my exposed shoulder. I giggle in response, burying my face in his chest. He chuckles, the laugh vibrating his chest under my face.
Hours fade away. My stomach growls for the third time.
"You can go ahead and eat without me. I'll just be a little longer," Spencer states, not looking up from the pictures. When I didn't get up from the couch, he turned to me and smiled. "I'll be there in a minute."
I walk over to the kitchen and reheat all the food I had prepared, making two plates. I rested one on the counter opposite me and sat down with mine. "I made a plate for you," I called, taking out forks from the drawer they rested in.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Yeah, great. Thanks, sweetie. Just a little longer…"
I waited for nearly an hour before my hunger over-powered me. I sank my fork into the cold food and munched on it tentatively, not really tasting any of it. Every now and then I would scratch the plate and make a noise in an attempt to remind Spencer of eating with me, but he didn't look over once. I sigh, putting his plate in the microwave to keep warm and cleaning my dishes in the sink.
More hours pass. I walk aimlessly around the apartment, picking up my finished book from the coffee table and placing it back on the shelf, cleaning all the dishes in the dishwasher by hand, arranging my makeup on my vanity, anything to keep myself from looking at the clock. At around 2 in the morning, I sit myself down on the chair directly facing Spencer, who hasn't moved an inch besides shuffling his papers.
I begin dozing off in the chair, my legs pulled up to my chest and my arms holding them close. I rest my head on my knees, struggling to keep my eyes open.
"It's getting late, Spencer…" I murmur.
"What was that?"
"I said, it's getting late."
"If you're tired you should go on to bed." Spencer shuffles his papers again, squinting at the writing.
"Come with me," I whisper.
"I'll be there in a bit."
"You said that about dinner…"
Spencer looks up from the devilish file. "I did?"
"Yeah. Like four hours ago. Your food is still in the microwave!" I cry, standing from the chair.
"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize –"
"I know. You didn't realize how late it was. Well, guess what. It's 2 in the morning and I'm tired. So please, just come to bed," I plead.
"But, I'm so close to figuring this out," Spencer complains, gripping the paper.
"Spencer, please!"
"What's the big deal? Just go to sleep if you're tired! Why do you need me to come with you?"
"You wanna know why? It's because they came back and I'm afraid! Okay?" I shout, tears pricking my eyes at the thought of the horrific nightmares that plague me each night.
"What?" Spencer asks, standing from the couch for the first time all night. "When?"
"Just after you got this case," I murmur, turning my face away from him.
"Baby," he whispers, reaching for my face.
"Don't touch me," I warn. I move away from his grasp and cross my arms over my chest, tears flowing down my face.
"You haven't been sleeping…" he notes, watching the tears ruin the concealer under my eyes that hid the deep, dark circles of sleep deprivation. "Why didn't you tell me this was going on?"
"When would I get to do that!" I explode. "You're always so busy with those stupid files that you barely even talk to me when you get home! You said you would eat the food I made special for you and you didn't even move! The least I ask is that you come to bed with me and you can't pry yourself away from that damned file for one second to see what's right in front of you!" I shout, throwing my arms violently around.
"Right in front of me…" Spencer picks up the file again, his eyes darting around the page.
"Are you kidding me?!" I snatch the folder from his grasp.
"Give it back! I think I see something!"
"No! Not until you talk to me!"
"I need to do the case!"
"Well you're not doing it here!"
"Fine! Then I'll leave!"
"Then go!" I scream, tossing the file over my shoulder as I run to our bedroom. I slam the door behind me and turn the lock before throwing myself onto the bed covered in rose petals.
I can hear Spencer walking across the floor, shuffling papers, and the front door clicking open then shut. The emotional pain sky rockets at the soft click.
I scream and cry into the mattress until I can't find my voice anymore and the tears dry up in my eyes. The effort and turmoil plunge me into a deep sleep that is invaded with horrifying images of faces I've never seen before.
The voices surround me, pushing in. I squeeze myself tighter, wishing as hard as humanly possible for them to go away. I watch a little boy with missing eyes reach for me, a nasty, blood-filled grin stretching over his marred face. The little girl beside him, with her missing lips and cut-up face, beckons me to the window with her fingers.
I can feel them all get closer and closer to me, their scarred limbs pulling and tugging at the air around me. I fly off the bed, running into the bathroom in search of my medication. The bottle jumps around in my fingers and the letters churn across the label, like they're being flushed down into a black hole.
The cap comes off in my fingers and the bottle flies from my hands, the remainder of the pills skittering along the bathroom floor. I stare into the mirror, blinking rapidly at the frail woman before me. Her eyes are dark, matching the deep circles under them. Her skin is almost translucent and her hair falls flat against her face. The little boy and girl appear beside her, clawing at her pale shoulders. I can hear her blood-curdling scream and I try to reach for her hand, but she's already gone.
I back away from the mirror and slide down the wall, gripping my hair. My breathing is erratic; my hands shake violently in my twisted hair. I feel like I'm choking on the air that surrounds me.
Slowly, a single voice shines over the rest. It calls my name frantically, pulling me up from the darkness. My eyelids fly open and there's Spencer, his face inches from mine. A small smile appears on his lips before I bury myself in his arms, heaving sob after sob into his chest. He rubs my back, gently rocking me back and forth.
"It's okay. It was just a dream. It's not real," he murmurs over and over into my hair. I squeeze him tight until I've calmed down enough to speak.
"What time is it?" I sniffle.
"Almost 5. I could hear you screaming from the stairs…"
"Oh….did you figure it out?"
"Yeah, actually, I did. Thanks to you. We caught him just as he was about to take another victim."
"Good," I mumble.
Spencer swallows hard, licking his lips and fidgeting around me. "I'm sorry. About our fight. I shouldn't have been ignoring you, especially if the nightmares came back."
"I'm sorry, too. I know what you do is important and that it takes a lot of work. I just feel like you're not with me all the time, even when we're in the same room," I breathe.
"Hotch said that we can take the next couple days off. I promise we'll get in as much as we possibly can to make up for me being gone so much. We can finally get caught up on Doctor Who!" Spencer cries, a giant smile spreading over his face.
"Sounds like a plan," I laugh. I move closer into him, pressing my forehead up to his. "I love you,"
"And I, you," he sighs, kissing me in such a way that I can feel the demons dissipating with each passing moment.