Kawaii Court
By: Dewfire
Chapter 0: The Disclaimer and Author's Note...they needed a separate
chapter I tell you!
Dew: I do not own tri-colored hair. I do not own coats that defy gravity. I do not own a yami. What in the world makes you think I own anything to do with them?
Yugi: Just say the disclaimer already!
Dew: No! I'm too frustrated! You say it for me! *stomps off to her trailer*
Yami: O.o Since when does Dewfire have a trailer?
Dew: *from trailer* Since my ego grew too large for my bedroom! Now say it!
Yugi: Dewfire does not own Yu-Gi-Oh.
Yami: Thank goodness...
Dew: *from trailer* I heard that!
Yugi: Anything else we should disclaim.
Dew: *yells something from her trailer*
Yugi: What? I can't hear you from way over there!
Dew: *comes out* I said tell them I don't own Bambi!
Yami: Why?
Dew: *shrugs* He pops up in conversation occasionally.
Yugi: Anything else.
Yami: She doesn't own Rambo!
Dew: Why did you say that?
Yami: It's the truth isn't it?
Dew: Yes, but must the readers know?
Yugi: The people have a right to know!
Dew: O.o Okay...
The Author's Note -
Bakura: Joy.
Dew: Yes, I know, but you should put more enthusiasm into it when you say it Bakura.
Bakura: Not if it's sarcasm.
Dew: -_-* Just for that there is a big chance you'll be OOC!
Bakura: Big whoop.
Dew: -_-**
Ryou: Bakura, why don't you try not provoking the authoress?
Bakura: But it's so easy, and the anger is entertaining.
Ryou: Well, it is easy...
Dew: Quit it! Or I'll bring Yami down here from the disclaimer and tell him you want your hair dyed!
Ryou: You wouldn't!?!
Bakura: Haven't you seen what he's done to his and his hikari's hair! Three colors just aren't natural!!!
Dew: O.o And white on a teenager is?
Ryou: I'm albino.
Dew: I thought albinos had pink eyes?
Ryou: What? My yami always told me that I was albino...
Bakura: I never said that, there were no witnesses, I want my lawyer! I admit nothing without my lawyer!
Dew: I object! The suspect's been coached!
Bakura: I object to your objection! I practiced those lines on my own!
Floof: *randomly appears for no real reason* Overruled!
Bakura: I object to that!
Floof: Sustained!
Dew: I object! You can't sustain Bakura! He has no idea what that means!
Floof: Do you?
Dew: No, not really...
Floof: Then you're sustained too.
Dew: I say you're discombobulated!
Floof: I say that word's too long!
Dew: Not really, it's only 15 characters. It just looks long.
Ryou: -_-* Am I invisible?
Bakura: I demand my lawyer call a witness!
Floof: You don't have a lawyer...
Bakura: Than I demand one! I have rights!
Dew: Technically, fictional characters don't have any rights at all. We could send you to a fictional prison for no reason at all! ^_^
Ryou: I think I'm having an identity crisis.
Bakura: This is injustice!
Dew: Turnabout is fair play.
Bakura: I never did this to you.
Dew: True, but do you deny you were planning to.
Bakura: I call upon my fictional right to an attorney.
Floof: What's with all the big words? You could just say lawyer.
Dew: O_O But...that would be boring, and it would make him sound less intelligent.
Floof: ...
Ryou: I can be Bakura's attorney.
Dew: *_* Really? You would do that for him?
Bakura: NO! He doesn't know anything about law!
Floof: *now looking very official* Ryou, is this true?
Ryou: Am I under oath?
Floof: You're under *suddenly interrupted by someone with incredible powers of interruption*
Mony: *interrupts Floof* THE ROOF OF JUSTICE!
Floof: Yes. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted...you are under *not so suddenly interrupted by someone with powers of interruption*
Mony: THE ROOF OF JUSTICE!
Dew: Go away Mony!
Mony: *goes away*
Dew: *does happy dance*
Bakura and Ryou: ...
Floof: this court has established that Ryou knows nothing about law and therefore will be Bakura's lawyer. This also solves Ryou's apparent identity crisis which saves me from having to order him to go to a psychiatrist and having the *interrupted* Mony: ROOF OF JUSTICE! Floof: -_- Yes, from having the thing I will not even attempt to say, fall on me for cruelty to the kawaii. Those who disagree will face punishment from *interrupted*
Mony: THE ROOF OF JUSTICE!
*Roof of Justice falls in on Mony*
Dew: O.O I gotta get this roof fixed...
Floof: What is Mr. Bakura on trial for?
Bakura: Nothing!
Ryou: I dunno?
Dew: *glomps Ryou* So kawaii! The defendants win!
Floof: There were no defendants! There was no case!
Dew: Fine. Ryou wins because he's kawaii!
Ryou: ^_^
Bakura: ...whatever...as long as my side wins...
Floof: This made no sense!
*Roof of Justice falls in on Floof*
Dew, Bakura, and Ryou: O_O
Dew: Uh...yeah. That's how a typical court proceeding will go... This story doesn't quite have a plot yet...but don't worry, it's on the way! ^_^
Bakura: Sounds like a reason to worry to me.
Dew: -_- That's it. You get a new lawyer and a new trial.
Ryou: I'm fired?
Dew: No! You've been...uh, promoted! Yeah, that's it! Promoted...
Ryou: I'm not gullible.
Dew: you're kawaii, that's close enough.
Ryou: *gets teary-eyed*
Dew: Oh no! I can't resist! *sigh* What do you want?
Ryou: *smirks*
Bakura: That's my job!
Dew: You're on trial, you have no job except to sit there and look unhappy at the injustice.
Bakura: And if I refuse?
Dew: then the Roof of Justice shall deal with you! Now silence so Ryou may speak!
*silence*
Dew: Good.
Ryou: I want a pay increase and fringe benefits.
Dew: ...and those are..?
Ryou: -_-;
Dew: Okay, you've convinced me! You get whatever it is you asked for!
Bakura: This court is biased in favor of all those cute!
Dew: No, not ALL those cute. Bambi couldn't win a case here.
Bakura: Rambo could win.
Dew: We're not talking about Rambo!
Bakura: We are now.
Dew: You're in contempt of court!
Bakura: What does that mean?
Dew: I don't know that either, but the Roof of Justice is about to fall in on you.
Bakura: ...
Dew: ^_^ Okay! Bakura's new lawyer is Marik!
Marik: *appears*
Dew: What do you have to say for the defendant.
Marik: We would like to plead temporary insanity.
Dew: For you or your client?
Marik: ...both.
Dew: Call your first witness.
Marik: I call to the witness stand...Sam!
Sam: *appears* My name is not Sam!
Marik: Then what is it?
Person who claims his name is not Sam: You of all people should know! You're my yami!
Marik: You don't look familiar...
Bakura: *trying to escape through a conveniently placed window*
Person who claims his name is not Sam and that Marik is his yami: My name is Malik!
Marik: Fine. Malik, if that is your real name, do you think Bakura is insane?
Person formerly known as Sam: Bakura? Yeah, he's definitely nuts. Have you seen how he suddenly goes into those maniacal laughing fits?
Marik: yeah, I've got it on tape.
Bakura: *fails to escape through window he now realizes is barred*
Dew: How do I know Malik isn't lying?
Malik: Isn't the fact that I'm a hikari enough?
Dew: No.
Marik: If it pleases the court may I ask the witness if he thinks Ryou is kawaii?
Dew: Yes, that would please the court very much.
Marik: Sam, do you think Ryou is kawaii?
Malik: Sam I am...NOT! And yes, Ryou is kawaii.
Dew: Okay, he's telling the truth. Call your second witness.
Marik: I don't have anymore.
Dew: Oh, then I pronounce Bakura guilty of insanity!
Bakura: What!?!
Dew: those were the charges against you, and you've proven them to be correct.
Bakura: this is insanity!
Marik: No you are. That's what I just spent all this time proving.
Bakura: *attacks his lawyer*
Malik: Maybe you should just continue with your note...
Ryou: *watching fight along with Yami and Yugi who snuck in through one of the recently formed holes in THE ROOF OF JUSTICE!*
Dew: Okay. Let me see, anything else you readers should know? Oh yeah!
- 'thoughts'
- "speech"
- /Hikari to Yami/
- //Yami to Hikari//
-Yami no Bakura will be referred to as Bakura, and his hikari will be referred to as Ryou.
Bakura: That was obvious...
Dew: ;_; You don't have to point it out.
Ryou: Bakura, maybe you should just let Dewfire continue her note...
Bakura: Why? So she can continue to tell the readers things they already know, that is if there are any readers.
Dew: Why!? Because if you don't I will feed you to Sam! That's why!
Malik: My name is not Sam!
Yami: O.O It's not?
Malik: *lunges at Yami*
Yami: *runs*
Malik: *chases*
Yami: *is caught*
Malik: *chews Yami's hair*
Yami: *screams* Not the hair! Not the hair! Malik: *chokes on hair gel* Yami: *smirks evilly* You don't think I wear my hair like this for just the incredible fashion sense do you? It also serves as an incredible self defense mechanism! *laughs maniacally* Bakura: That's my job! I want to sue that guy, and I demand a better layer than Marik! Marik: Hey, I'm an excellent lawyer. I proved you were insane! Bakura: First of all it isn't very hard to prove me insane. Second of all as the defendant's lawyer your job is to prove me NOT guilty of SOMETHING!
Marik: Oh.*taking notes*
Dew: O.o Now, Yami Yugi will be called Yami, and of course Yugi will stay Yugi. Bakura: Is she talking about the pharaoh and his wimpy hikari?
Yugi: I am not wimpy!
Bakura: Oh, you're right.
Yugi: *nods* You bet I'm right!
Bakura: I meant shrimpy. Yugi: ;_; Ryou: Bakura, quit picking on Yugi. Bakura: Are you cheating on me with the shrimp, hikari!? Ryou: O.O Of.course...not.Bakura. Yami, Dew, Malik, and Marik: O_O Bakura: *in shock* Yugi: *blushing* Uh, let's forget this conversation ever happened. Dew: Fine by me. Malik and Marik: Thank Ra! Ryou: *agrees* Yami: *in deep thought* Does this mean Ryou is my hikari in law? Dew: Yamis say the most random things. Yami: You've been calling us that, haven't you? Dew: Calling you what? Yami: Yugi and I. You've been calling us Yami and and Yugi throughout this Author's Note. Ryou: *sigh* And what a long Author's Note it's been. Dew: Well.technically yes, but I thought that people should know that I will continue to do call you guys Yami and Yugi, and not change it in a later chapter or something. Yami: That's the reason you said it? Dew: Yes. Yugi: Yami's right. That isn't the best reason. People could just assume you'd be consistent. Dew: Will you stop with the criticism already!? Yugi: Sure. Yami: I guess.
Dew: Finally I can finish!
Bakura: You mean this torture is almost over!
Dew: Yes.
Bakura: Then continue woman!
Dew: You seem to have gotten over the thing with Ryou and Yugi quickly. Bakura: No, I actually forgot about it. Dew: Oh. Bakura: -_-* Thanks for reminding me. Dew: No problem! Bakura: *glares at Dew* Dew: O.O Oh dear. Moving on! Last, but not least, or they'd come after me with the Millennium Rod, Yami no Malik will be called Marik, just because, and his hikari shall henceforth be known as Sam!
Malik: *Millennium Rod appears in his hands*
Dew: O.O Did I say Sam? I meant Malik...yeah, Malik.
Malik: *Millennium rod still in hands* I'm not leaving until I decide this Author's Note is satisfactory.
Dew: What does that mean?
Malik: That I will NOT be called Sam, and that it does not feature Yugi.
Dew: You're late on both counts.
Malik: Really, oh, then I'll just hang out here and freeload off of you.
Dew: -_- Oh joy.
Malik: I know, you're one lucky authoress. Dew: *sigh* Well, that's it. The ludicrously long note has ended! ^_^ Review this if you like, you don't have to. Oh yeah, and I'm glad I got those guys out of here before I said this or this darn Author's Note could actually get longer. I know they're not called hikaris, but it's kawaii. ^_~
*End Note: There were some problems with the chapter I couldn't figure out how to fix, sorry if it got confusing!
By: Dewfire
Chapter 0: The Disclaimer and Author's Note...they needed a separate
chapter I tell you!
Dew: I do not own tri-colored hair. I do not own coats that defy gravity. I do not own a yami. What in the world makes you think I own anything to do with them?
Yugi: Just say the disclaimer already!
Dew: No! I'm too frustrated! You say it for me! *stomps off to her trailer*
Yami: O.o Since when does Dewfire have a trailer?
Dew: *from trailer* Since my ego grew too large for my bedroom! Now say it!
Yugi: Dewfire does not own Yu-Gi-Oh.
Yami: Thank goodness...
Dew: *from trailer* I heard that!
Yugi: Anything else we should disclaim.
Dew: *yells something from her trailer*
Yugi: What? I can't hear you from way over there!
Dew: *comes out* I said tell them I don't own Bambi!
Yami: Why?
Dew: *shrugs* He pops up in conversation occasionally.
Yugi: Anything else.
Yami: She doesn't own Rambo!
Dew: Why did you say that?
Yami: It's the truth isn't it?
Dew: Yes, but must the readers know?
Yugi: The people have a right to know!
Dew: O.o Okay...
The Author's Note -
Bakura: Joy.
Dew: Yes, I know, but you should put more enthusiasm into it when you say it Bakura.
Bakura: Not if it's sarcasm.
Dew: -_-* Just for that there is a big chance you'll be OOC!
Bakura: Big whoop.
Dew: -_-**
Ryou: Bakura, why don't you try not provoking the authoress?
Bakura: But it's so easy, and the anger is entertaining.
Ryou: Well, it is easy...
Dew: Quit it! Or I'll bring Yami down here from the disclaimer and tell him you want your hair dyed!
Ryou: You wouldn't!?!
Bakura: Haven't you seen what he's done to his and his hikari's hair! Three colors just aren't natural!!!
Dew: O.o And white on a teenager is?
Ryou: I'm albino.
Dew: I thought albinos had pink eyes?
Ryou: What? My yami always told me that I was albino...
Bakura: I never said that, there were no witnesses, I want my lawyer! I admit nothing without my lawyer!
Dew: I object! The suspect's been coached!
Bakura: I object to your objection! I practiced those lines on my own!
Floof: *randomly appears for no real reason* Overruled!
Bakura: I object to that!
Floof: Sustained!
Dew: I object! You can't sustain Bakura! He has no idea what that means!
Floof: Do you?
Dew: No, not really...
Floof: Then you're sustained too.
Dew: I say you're discombobulated!
Floof: I say that word's too long!
Dew: Not really, it's only 15 characters. It just looks long.
Ryou: -_-* Am I invisible?
Bakura: I demand my lawyer call a witness!
Floof: You don't have a lawyer...
Bakura: Than I demand one! I have rights!
Dew: Technically, fictional characters don't have any rights at all. We could send you to a fictional prison for no reason at all! ^_^
Ryou: I think I'm having an identity crisis.
Bakura: This is injustice!
Dew: Turnabout is fair play.
Bakura: I never did this to you.
Dew: True, but do you deny you were planning to.
Bakura: I call upon my fictional right to an attorney.
Floof: What's with all the big words? You could just say lawyer.
Dew: O_O But...that would be boring, and it would make him sound less intelligent.
Floof: ...
Ryou: I can be Bakura's attorney.
Dew: *_* Really? You would do that for him?
Bakura: NO! He doesn't know anything about law!
Floof: *now looking very official* Ryou, is this true?
Ryou: Am I under oath?
Floof: You're under *suddenly interrupted by someone with incredible powers of interruption*
Mony: *interrupts Floof* THE ROOF OF JUSTICE!
Floof: Yes. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted...you are under *not so suddenly interrupted by someone with powers of interruption*
Mony: THE ROOF OF JUSTICE!
Dew: Go away Mony!
Mony: *goes away*
Dew: *does happy dance*
Bakura and Ryou: ...
Floof: this court has established that Ryou knows nothing about law and therefore will be Bakura's lawyer. This also solves Ryou's apparent identity crisis which saves me from having to order him to go to a psychiatrist and having the *interrupted* Mony: ROOF OF JUSTICE! Floof: -_- Yes, from having the thing I will not even attempt to say, fall on me for cruelty to the kawaii. Those who disagree will face punishment from *interrupted*
Mony: THE ROOF OF JUSTICE!
*Roof of Justice falls in on Mony*
Dew: O.O I gotta get this roof fixed...
Floof: What is Mr. Bakura on trial for?
Bakura: Nothing!
Ryou: I dunno?
Dew: *glomps Ryou* So kawaii! The defendants win!
Floof: There were no defendants! There was no case!
Dew: Fine. Ryou wins because he's kawaii!
Ryou: ^_^
Bakura: ...whatever...as long as my side wins...
Floof: This made no sense!
*Roof of Justice falls in on Floof*
Dew, Bakura, and Ryou: O_O
Dew: Uh...yeah. That's how a typical court proceeding will go... This story doesn't quite have a plot yet...but don't worry, it's on the way! ^_^
Bakura: Sounds like a reason to worry to me.
Dew: -_- That's it. You get a new lawyer and a new trial.
Ryou: I'm fired?
Dew: No! You've been...uh, promoted! Yeah, that's it! Promoted...
Ryou: I'm not gullible.
Dew: you're kawaii, that's close enough.
Ryou: *gets teary-eyed*
Dew: Oh no! I can't resist! *sigh* What do you want?
Ryou: *smirks*
Bakura: That's my job!
Dew: You're on trial, you have no job except to sit there and look unhappy at the injustice.
Bakura: And if I refuse?
Dew: then the Roof of Justice shall deal with you! Now silence so Ryou may speak!
*silence*
Dew: Good.
Ryou: I want a pay increase and fringe benefits.
Dew: ...and those are..?
Ryou: -_-;
Dew: Okay, you've convinced me! You get whatever it is you asked for!
Bakura: This court is biased in favor of all those cute!
Dew: No, not ALL those cute. Bambi couldn't win a case here.
Bakura: Rambo could win.
Dew: We're not talking about Rambo!
Bakura: We are now.
Dew: You're in contempt of court!
Bakura: What does that mean?
Dew: I don't know that either, but the Roof of Justice is about to fall in on you.
Bakura: ...
Dew: ^_^ Okay! Bakura's new lawyer is Marik!
Marik: *appears*
Dew: What do you have to say for the defendant.
Marik: We would like to plead temporary insanity.
Dew: For you or your client?
Marik: ...both.
Dew: Call your first witness.
Marik: I call to the witness stand...Sam!
Sam: *appears* My name is not Sam!
Marik: Then what is it?
Person who claims his name is not Sam: You of all people should know! You're my yami!
Marik: You don't look familiar...
Bakura: *trying to escape through a conveniently placed window*
Person who claims his name is not Sam and that Marik is his yami: My name is Malik!
Marik: Fine. Malik, if that is your real name, do you think Bakura is insane?
Person formerly known as Sam: Bakura? Yeah, he's definitely nuts. Have you seen how he suddenly goes into those maniacal laughing fits?
Marik: yeah, I've got it on tape.
Bakura: *fails to escape through window he now realizes is barred*
Dew: How do I know Malik isn't lying?
Malik: Isn't the fact that I'm a hikari enough?
Dew: No.
Marik: If it pleases the court may I ask the witness if he thinks Ryou is kawaii?
Dew: Yes, that would please the court very much.
Marik: Sam, do you think Ryou is kawaii?
Malik: Sam I am...NOT! And yes, Ryou is kawaii.
Dew: Okay, he's telling the truth. Call your second witness.
Marik: I don't have anymore.
Dew: Oh, then I pronounce Bakura guilty of insanity!
Bakura: What!?!
Dew: those were the charges against you, and you've proven them to be correct.
Bakura: this is insanity!
Marik: No you are. That's what I just spent all this time proving.
Bakura: *attacks his lawyer*
Malik: Maybe you should just continue with your note...
Ryou: *watching fight along with Yami and Yugi who snuck in through one of the recently formed holes in THE ROOF OF JUSTICE!*
Dew: Okay. Let me see, anything else you readers should know? Oh yeah!
- 'thoughts'
- "speech"
- /Hikari to Yami/
- //Yami to Hikari//
-Yami no Bakura will be referred to as Bakura, and his hikari will be referred to as Ryou.
Bakura: That was obvious...
Dew: ;_; You don't have to point it out.
Ryou: Bakura, maybe you should just let Dewfire continue her note...
Bakura: Why? So she can continue to tell the readers things they already know, that is if there are any readers.
Dew: Why!? Because if you don't I will feed you to Sam! That's why!
Malik: My name is not Sam!
Yami: O.O It's not?
Malik: *lunges at Yami*
Yami: *runs*
Malik: *chases*
Yami: *is caught*
Malik: *chews Yami's hair*
Yami: *screams* Not the hair! Not the hair! Malik: *chokes on hair gel* Yami: *smirks evilly* You don't think I wear my hair like this for just the incredible fashion sense do you? It also serves as an incredible self defense mechanism! *laughs maniacally* Bakura: That's my job! I want to sue that guy, and I demand a better layer than Marik! Marik: Hey, I'm an excellent lawyer. I proved you were insane! Bakura: First of all it isn't very hard to prove me insane. Second of all as the defendant's lawyer your job is to prove me NOT guilty of SOMETHING!
Marik: Oh.*taking notes*
Dew: O.o Now, Yami Yugi will be called Yami, and of course Yugi will stay Yugi. Bakura: Is she talking about the pharaoh and his wimpy hikari?
Yugi: I am not wimpy!
Bakura: Oh, you're right.
Yugi: *nods* You bet I'm right!
Bakura: I meant shrimpy. Yugi: ;_; Ryou: Bakura, quit picking on Yugi. Bakura: Are you cheating on me with the shrimp, hikari!? Ryou: O.O Of.course...not.Bakura. Yami, Dew, Malik, and Marik: O_O Bakura: *in shock* Yugi: *blushing* Uh, let's forget this conversation ever happened. Dew: Fine by me. Malik and Marik: Thank Ra! Ryou: *agrees* Yami: *in deep thought* Does this mean Ryou is my hikari in law? Dew: Yamis say the most random things. Yami: You've been calling us that, haven't you? Dew: Calling you what? Yami: Yugi and I. You've been calling us Yami and and Yugi throughout this Author's Note. Ryou: *sigh* And what a long Author's Note it's been. Dew: Well.technically yes, but I thought that people should know that I will continue to do call you guys Yami and Yugi, and not change it in a later chapter or something. Yami: That's the reason you said it? Dew: Yes. Yugi: Yami's right. That isn't the best reason. People could just assume you'd be consistent. Dew: Will you stop with the criticism already!? Yugi: Sure. Yami: I guess.
Dew: Finally I can finish!
Bakura: You mean this torture is almost over!
Dew: Yes.
Bakura: Then continue woman!
Dew: You seem to have gotten over the thing with Ryou and Yugi quickly. Bakura: No, I actually forgot about it. Dew: Oh. Bakura: -_-* Thanks for reminding me. Dew: No problem! Bakura: *glares at Dew* Dew: O.O Oh dear. Moving on! Last, but not least, or they'd come after me with the Millennium Rod, Yami no Malik will be called Marik, just because, and his hikari shall henceforth be known as Sam!
Malik: *Millennium Rod appears in his hands*
Dew: O.O Did I say Sam? I meant Malik...yeah, Malik.
Malik: *Millennium rod still in hands* I'm not leaving until I decide this Author's Note is satisfactory.
Dew: What does that mean?
Malik: That I will NOT be called Sam, and that it does not feature Yugi.
Dew: You're late on both counts.
Malik: Really, oh, then I'll just hang out here and freeload off of you.
Dew: -_- Oh joy.
Malik: I know, you're one lucky authoress. Dew: *sigh* Well, that's it. The ludicrously long note has ended! ^_^ Review this if you like, you don't have to. Oh yeah, and I'm glad I got those guys out of here before I said this or this darn Author's Note could actually get longer. I know they're not called hikaris, but it's kawaii. ^_~
*End Note: There were some problems with the chapter I couldn't figure out how to fix, sorry if it got confusing!