The Jellicle Menace
Teazer Kitten: Hey all!
Misto: Run! It's Teazer Kitten!
They all try to run.
Teazer Kitten: Too late. I've locked all the doors.
Skimble: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Munkustrap: What are we doing this time?
Teazer Kitten: A tale of action, drama, and even a pinch of romance.
Pounce: So what are we doing?
Teazer Kitten: The Jellicle Menace!
Victoria: That wouldn't happen to be the Phantom menace, would it?
Teazer Kitten: Yupperdoodles!
Mungo: She's mad I tell you, mad!
Teazer Kitten: Hush. Let's go.
We hear music.
Text scrolls across the screen.
Not too long ago,
in a place not too far away…
JELLICLE WARS
Episode 1: The
Jellicle Menace
Turmoil had
engulfed the-
Misto: Whoa, whoa, wait a sec. Do we have to go thru this? I mean, okay, there's a blockade outside of Naboo.
Teazer Kitten: Correction: Baboon
Misto: Good lord. Okay, they block off the planet and the Chancellor-
Teazer Kitten: Correction: President.
Misto: You really enjoy this, don't you? Fine. The PRESIDENT sends two ambassadors to look into it.
Teazer Kitten: Thank you.
Cut to a small ship heading toward a planet. Cut to interior of ship.
Tugger: Tell them we wish to land.
Alonzo: (to holo of Mungo) The two ambassadors wish to land.
Mungo: Sure. We have nothing to hide. Right, love?
Rumpel: Right.
The ship lands in the docking bay of the viceroy's ship. Cut to two Jedi going into a room. We se they are Tugg-Gon and Misto-Wan.
Misto: I have a bad feeling about this.
Tugger: Really? Do you know something I don't?
Misto: Shut up! It's something elsewhere, elu-
Tugger: Don't let your mind wander, Misto-Wan. It might not come back!
Tugger collapses on the floor in a fit of the giggles.
Cut to Mungo and Teazer.
Mungo: What? Jedi?
Rumpel: Great.
Mungo: I'll contact Lord Skimbious. You distract them.
Rumpel: Me? Why me?
Mungo: Cause I said so!
The two get in an argument which results in them sending a droid instead.
Mungo: Droids. They're so gullible.
Cut to Tugger and Misto sipping drinks.
Misto: I wonder why they're not coming.
Tugger: (leans close to him) I think they're scared.
Cut to Mungo and Teazer talking to a hologram of Lord Skimbious. They tell him of their suspicion that the ambassadors are Jedi.
Skimble: Kill them. Kill them at once.
Cut to Alonzo and his ship being blown into a million pieces.
Alonzo: WHAT!?!?!? You can't do this to me! It's too early in the film!
Teazer Kitten: Someone had to die.
Cut to the Jedi's room filling with gas. A large fight scene ensues. Many droids are killed. Tugger tries to go thru the bridge door, but they get attacked by destroyer droids.
Tugger: It's an invasion!
Misto: Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Tugger: We have to get to the surface and warn the Baboons!
Tugger and Misto snicker briefly.
They split up and head down to the planet surface.
Cut to the viceroy talking.
Mungo: What do you mean they're not on the ship?
Rumpel: They're not on the ship! How many times do I have to tell you that?
Mungo tells the droids on the planet surface to keep their eyes peeled.
Rumpel: Sounds painful.
The communications screen flickers on. It is Princess Jemidala, warning the viceroy that they will not get away with their evil plan.
Cut to the princess' Throne Room.
Etcetera: We lost communications!
Jemima: This can only mean one thing: (dramatically) Invasion! Right?
Etcetera: (shrugs) How should I know?
Cut to Tugger running thru the swamps of Baboon, trying to escape the droids. He knocks down a strange creature.
Munkustrap: Mesa Munk Munk Binks!
Tug-Gon and Munk Munk have a discussion. Because of the Bongan Life Debt, Munk Munk is now Tug-Gon's servant.
Munk: WHAT!?!?!?
Tugger: All
right!
Misto: Hey!
Teazer Kitten: What?
Misto: Let me tell Munk Munk something.
Teazer Kitten: Fine. But be quick about it!
Misto grins evilly and leans into Munk's face.
Misto: If they catch us, they will grind us into tiny pieces and eat us, and after they eat us, they will-
Teaser Kitten: Gross! No way!
Misto: (smirks) Girls!
They swim down to Munk's home where Munk is promptly taken into custody.
Misto: All right!
Tugger: We have to find Boss Jelly!
Cut to the two Jedi standing before the Bongan Leader.
Jelly: We don't particularly care for the Baboons.
Tugger and Misto snicker briefly.
Tugger: Let's make this quick.
He waves his paw.
Tugger: Give us a ship and Munk Munk.
Jelly: Okeyday!
Misto: Okeyday?
Cut to their ship going thru the planet core.
Alonzo: Let's skip this!
Teazer Kitten: You're dead!
Alonzo: Right. Let's skip this anyway.
Teazer Kitten: Fine. They go thru the core and end up in Baboon. The princess has been captured and the viceroy is pressuring her to sign a treaty.
Misto: Great! We'll never get her now!
Tugger: NOW!
He pulls Misto
over a balcony and they free the princess and take her to the hangar.
Misto: When did we get out of the boat?
Tugger: Shut up!
Etcetera: Let's go!
They head towards the ships. Misto and Tugger fight many droids.
Misto: Talk about action!
They fly to safety but are low on fuel.
Misto: Let's land on Flatooine.
Tugger: That's cool.
Cut to the Council Chambers.
Skimble: (as a hologram) Has the princess signed the treaty?
Rumpel: To make a long story short, she escaped and we can't find her.
Skimble: Fools! I'm sending my apprentice, Darth Meni to help you.
Admetus: Wait a sec. Meni? Lord help us all!
Teazer Kitten: Meni is a friend of mine. A Jellicle to the core.
Mungo: Oh no, Meni as a Sith? This is awful!
Cut to the princess' ship landing on the outskirts of Flatooine so as not to attract attention.
Misto: We need a new Super-Powered High-Energy Astronomical Radioactive Abnormal Whatchamabobber.
Tugger: A WHAT??!?!?
Misto: An engine.
Tugger, Munk, and Jemi (the princess' servant) head into town.
Munk: No one finding usa hera!
Tugger: Let's try a small shop.
They go into the shop of Jenno, a sly junk dealer.
Jenny: Good day sir!
Tugger: We need a (glances at piece of paper) Super-Powered High-Energy Astronomical Radioactive Abnormal Whatchamabobber. Got one?
Jenny: Um, I think so…
Jenno takes Tug-Gon out back, leaving Jemi and Munk Munk alone. Munk Munk gets into some sort of trouble right off the bat. Jemi looks at a small boy behind the counter.
Jemi: Who are you?
Pounce: Are you an angel?
Jemi: What?
Pounce: I'm a pilot.
Jemi: Now you lost me.
Pounce: I'm a person and my name is Pouncikan!
Tug-Gon finds out that he doesn't have enough money to pay for the…engine. They go out to wander the streets. Munk Munk gets in trouble with a dangerous Dig called Sillabulba.
Pounce: See you at the podrace tomorrow!
Sillabub: (completely forgetting about Munk) I'm gonna kill you then!
Pounce: Here comes a sand storm! You better come have dinner at my house.
They go and have a nice dinner with Pouncikan and his mother, Vicmi. They discover Pounce has Jedi reflexes.
Cut to the planet of Coruscant. Two figures are walking on a dark balcony.
Meni: Flatooine is small. I will find them soon, Master.
Skimble: Get the Jedi first.
Meni: Yes! At last we show ourselves! At last we have our……….. REVENGE! BWA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Skimble: Meni, you're scaring me.
Meni: Let's go get 'em!
Cut back to the dinner at Pounce's house.
Pounce: Enter my pod in the race!
Victoria: I don't know, I-
Tugger cuts her off.
Tugger: OK!
Tugger enters Pounce in the podrace.
Misto: This is going nice and fast!
Tugger tells Misto his plans.
Misto: Whatever.
Tugger finds out that Pounce may be the Chosen One!
Misto: Whoopdedoo.
Cut to Darth Meni's ship landing on Flatooine.
Meni: This is great!
She sends out her
search droids.
Teazer Kitten: Now it's time for a Super-Compressed Scene
Monologue™! At the race the next day, Tug-Gon persuaded Jenno to also betting
Pouncikan on the race. Jemi finds out that Pounce has never won a race before.
The race itself is long and hard.
As Tugger and Pounce head for the ship, and ominous figure on a speeder zooms up behind them.
Tugger: Pouncikan! Drop!
Pounce: Huh?
Fortunately for Pounce, the speeder swerves at the last second. The figure dismounts and ignites her lightsaber, challenging Tugger.
Tugger: Run Pounci! Tell them to take off!
Darth Meni and Tug-Gon get in an exciting lightsaber duel, but Tugger gets away by the skin of his teeth.
Tugger: Misto-Wan! It was a Sith! But it wasn't just any sith… it was a MENI Sith!
Misto: No…
They get to Coruscant to meet with the Senate.
Skimble: Your Highness!
Jemima:
President Exotica: We're glad you're safe.
Jemima: We have much to discuss.
Cut to the governor's chamber.
Skimble: Don't worry, your highness. I'll pull a few strings and have the blockade gone in no time!
Jemima: But, but, that's dishonest!
Skimble: Who needs to know?
Jemima: Well, I, um…
Skimble: Let's vote for a new president, okay?
Jemima: Well…
Skimble: Great!
Admetus: Wow Skimble, you'd make a great politician!
Cut to the Jedi Council Chambers.
Tugger: I encountered a Sith, Master Plato.
Plato: I'm Yoda?
Teazer Kitten: Stick with it!
Plato: Alright, alright! (ahem) The Sith are gone, Master Tug-Gon.
Tumble: He's a poet and he doesn't know it!
Plato: Huh?
Tugger: It wasn't an ordinary Sith…… it was a MENI SITH!
All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Plato: It's impossible! There must be another explanation, and we will find it! May the Force be with you.
Misto-Wan bows and starts to leave, but Tug-Gon stays.
Plato: What else do you want to say?
Tugger: I found a boy whom I believe to be the missing link!
Plato: Missing link?
Misto: He means the one who will bring balance.
Tugger: Let's just train him to be one of us.
Cut to Pouncikan asking for Jemi to wish him luck.
Cut to Princess Jemidala in court.
Jemima: Let's get a new president.
Everyone agrees.
Exotica: Drat it! I never get good roles!
Cut to Pouncikan being tested.
Plato: I think you're afraid.
Pounce: Well…
Plato: We can't train you. Sorry.
Cut to the princess looking worried.
Etcetera: Governor Skimbatine has been nominated to be President!
Skimble: Cool, huh?
Jemima: Congrats. I'm going back to Baboon.
Skimble: Are you trying to make this thing long?
Jemima: (shrug)
Skimble: Whatever.
Cut to ship going to Baboon. Cut to interior of ship.
Misto: We skipped all the boring stuff. In short, Pounce won't be trained and we are going BACK to Baboon. Clear? Great.
Cut to Mungo and Rumpel talking to hologram of Lord Skimbious.
Mungo: We have the planet wrapped around our little fingies!
Skimble: What on EARTH is a fingy? Never mind. I'm sending my apprentice, Darth Meni to join you.
Rumpel: A sith here? (gulp)
Mungo: Not just any sith…… a MENI SITH!
Both: Nooooooo…
Cut to the interior of the princess' ship.
Tugger: Your Highness, this isn't going to work.
Misto: Let's skip this, okay? The princess has a plan.
Teazer Kitten: You're skipping too much!
Misto: Too late! Let's move on, shall we?
The ship lands in the swamp. Munk Munk sets out to talk with his people. When he returns, he has interesting news.
Munk: There's nobody dere!
Tugger: They're probably dead.
Munk: Nope. Bongans go to Secret Place. Let's go!
Cut to Bongan Secret Place. The princess begs Boss Jelly to help her people.
Jelly: Sounds good to me.
Everyone cheers.
Cut to the Throne Room.
Mungo: We found a ship in the swamp. We'll catch them soon, sir.
Skimble: This is unexpected. Darth Meni, let them make the first move.
Meni: Yes Master.
Cut to the Baboon woods.
Pounce: They're here!
Jemima: Good! The pilots!
Etcetera: This isn't gonna work…
Jemima: We have a plan. Me, Captain Etcetera, and the Jedi will capture the viceroy, the pilots will knock out the droid control ship, and the Bongans will create a diversion.
Tugger: Okay!
Cut to Mungo talking to the Skimbious hologram.
Mungo: We'll catch them!
Skimble: Good. Kill them all!
Cut to Bongans on the war path. They meet up with the huge droid army.
Munk: Wesa gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!
The droids fire on the Bongans but can't get thru the shield bubble thingy.
Cut to Jemi and her team breaking into the palace.
Mungo: We are gonna DIIIIIIIIIEE!
Cut to the pilots getting in their ships to attack the droid control ship.
Cut to Jemi's group heading down a passageway. Evil music plays. The door opens to reveal Darth Meni blocking their path.
Tugger: We'll handle this.
Misto: We will?
Jemima: Okay. Everybody this way!
Jemi and her team leave.
Darth Meni, Misto-Wan and Tug-Gon slide off their cloaks.
Misto and Tugger pull out their lightsabers.
Darth Meni pulls out her saber and ignites BOTH ENDS.
Misto: Is she allowed to do that?
The foes clash.
Meanwhile, Pouncikan had SOMEHOW become trapped in a spaceship and is now fighting in space!
Pounce: Oh no! I mean, now this is podracing!
Cut to the Bongans losing miserably in battle.
Cut to Jemi and her team running thru the palace.
Jemima: We have to get to the throne room!
Cut to the energy chambers. Tug-Gon, Misto-Wan, and Darth Meni are precariously leaping from walkway to walkway, taking blows at each other. Darth Meni is better than the two Jedi combined.
Cut to Pouncikan accidentally destroying the droid control ship.
Cut to the Bongans
knocking down the lifeless droids.
Cut to the energy
chambers. Misto-Wan gets knocked off the walkway. Darth Meni leads Tug-Gon into
a hall off energy beams. The two are fighting around a melting pit. Misto-Wan
watches helplessly from behind the energy wall as Darth Meni stabs Tug-Gon.
Full of rage, Misto-Wan explodes from his prison and chops Darth Meni in half.
Meni: I don't think so!
Meni (ahem) pulls herself
together.
Meni: I will never die!
She flies away,
leaving a dazed Misto.
Tugger: Ahem?
Misto: I will train the boy.
Tugger: How did you know I was going to say that?
Misto: Let's get this thing over with, okay?
Tugger dies.
Cut to the viceroy being arrested. Skimble is congratulating everyone.
Skimble: Congrats, all!
Misto: I will train Pouncikan.
Plato: Fine! You can train him.
Cut to funeral of Tug-Gon. Everyone is sad.
Plato: Always two sith there are. No more, no less.
Misto: But which one did I almost kill? The master or the apprentice?
Skimble excuses himself.
Cut to the parade.
Jelly: Bongans and Baboons can live in peace!
Tugger and Misto snicker briefly.
Jemima: We have peace!
Everyone is happy. Cut to credits.
Teazer Kitten: Now that wasn't so bad, was it?
Misto: Don't give me any REAL lightsabers…
Munk: I got the key! Everybody run!
All the cats run.
A shadow materializes next to Teazer Kitten.
Teazer Kitten: Well done, my apprentice.
Meni: We will get them next time, my master……
Disclaimer: I do not own CATS, nor do I own Star Wars. I do, however, own Darth Meni. So there.