Broken
Disclaimer: I do not own YuYuHakusho, otherwise Hiei would be more angsty.
I wanted to hold her at night, soft hair fanned out on the pillow, beautiful lips slightly apart so that her quiet breathing slips through...
In reality I am outside, the small of my back pressed against the trunk of my tree. ' Hn.' She can never know how badly my desire is for her...just one kiss. A touch of the hand will satiate this hunger, I am sure. One look...Dear Kami what the Hells have you done to me, Onna?
Her eyes are brown. Chocolate brown...the color of dirt...I'm no damn poet! She reminds of me of myself sometimes when I look into those eyes. ' She's lonely, desperate, she would accept you! ' I suppose that you're desperate enough too? ' ...Hn! ' Deep down in my heart I know that nothing good would come if she were with me. But then why in the Hells do I dream about her? Deep down in my heart I also see myself kissing her, marking her as mine...
Get out of my mind, you damned ningen!
During the day she smiles, always, even when she doesn't mean it, even when she has to force it. I don't see any point in that. I never smile unless I mean it. But I want to shake her and scream until she stops flashing everything that damn smile...frozen, reserved for moments like that. I wish to make her truly smile. Just one.
This is another reason why ningens are so fucking weak. They can't face their own demons.She's broken inside, weak, all an act. No motivation for a true relationship. I would bet my life that she couldn't handle anything real...If I gambled.
I need to show her that she can be loved! Damnit! But she doesn't need my love, she has no desire for it. She longs for that bastard.
Why the Hells should I give a damn if she cries in her sleep? It's her own fault she hasn't gotten over her fucking mental problems!
I can't help but think that maybe I could help her.
I need nobody. I've fended for myself perfectly well my entire life. Why should I start to depend on somebody now?
I know she depends on her friends. ' Pathetic! Weak! ' Why? Because she actually smiles once in a while? She can love ? ' I am the Forbidden Child, made out of love. Love only brings pain...solitude. Which is why you are alone when you love her? ' Fuck off!'
I am alone. I am a criminal, my sword has tasted the blood of many...I deserve nothing of this happiness she could bring me...
Just like Yukina and she deserve to never know? They deserve someone pure, correct? ' Don't mock the truth.' ...They shall know nothing then. But that will still leave her broken. ' I will only break her more.'
Whose fault is that?
Damned ningen onna. She makes me want to throw every dark thing away and start anew. This is my fault, I suppose. I let myself become entangled in the Ningenkai far too long. They have weakened me. Loving her only makes me want to hate her. Loving...I only wish to hold her while she sleeps.