Disclaimer: Don't own yu gi oh
Authors note: thought of this in the shower (not in a weird way) and I just felt like writing a light fic ^^ this was really easy to write so I'm HAPPY!!
Bakura lay on his bed staring up at the uninteresting ceiling. He was pining, pining for his hikari.
The innocent light had captured Bakura's attention a lot recently and Bakura had decided he was in love with him. He loved the way he couldn't find fault in anyone or the way he would cook you a three course meal if you said you were peckish.
Bakura sighed. The problem was he had no clue how to woo Ryou. He knew he'd be into all that 'romance' crap so Bakura was going to have to declare his love in some over the top way to prove to his light he meant business.
He ground his teeth in annoyance. Why couldn't he have fallen for Malik? He bet all he'd have to do to prove his love to him was to give him a hand job.
Just then Marik walked into Bakura's room holding some sort of alcoholic beverage which was a sort of blacky- brownish colour and he sipping it every now and then. Bakura considers being annoyed with him for not knocking but then remembers his door got kicked in last week when he was drunk so lets him off.
"What's your beef Kura?" Marik asks sprawling out on the end of Bakura's bed. Bakura sighed and debated whether this is a problem you keep to yourself or a problem in which you complain about to everyone except the party involved. Well he would slur it to Marik when he inevitably drank away his problems later so might as well spill now.
"It's my hikari; I think I'm in love with him." Bakura said bluntly, sitting up. Marik looked thoughtful for a moment.
"So what's the problem? You know the kid laps up affection like a puppy, why deprive him?"
"Duh!" Bakura said exasperatedly, wondering when he started saying 'duh'. "You can't just tell someone like Ryou you love him, you have to worm your way into his affection slyly, then make your move. Giving him flowers and shit, you know."
"What like trick him into loving you?" Marik said raising an eyebrow and sipping the smoking slightly drink.
"Well yeah I guess. That's what all people do in the thingys, the movey stories." Bakura stated, waving his hands around as if that would elaborate more into that the hell he was talking about.
"The films?" Marik asked.
"Yeah that's the one, they're the things Malik likes."
"God Kura, I lived in the mind of a person in a cave for like 13 years and I still know more about modern life than you." Marik sighed.
"Shut your trap! Back to my problem here!" Bakura said shoving Malik and sloshing the substance in the glass onto the blanket.
Marik merely covered the stain with more blanket and sat on in.
"Ok, it seems to me you are more or less retarded in the field of romance, so you either need to 1)give up on Ryou, 2)hope he doesn't want romance and try your best without it or 3)get some much needed help."
"Like a tutor?" Bakura asked being slightly suspicious of the last one.
"Yeah a tutor," Marik smiled. "Of course it would have to be an all round tutoring. Etiquette, romance, paying the bill, the works."
"hummm this all seems like a lot of work." Bakura said.
"Do you want Ryou or not?" Marik asked folding his arms, thusly spilling the rest of the liquid on the already stained floor. "Because it sounds to me like you just want Ryou as a distraction and not as the real deal."
Bakura blanched.
"What? Yeah of course I do!" he said defiantly.
"Good," Marik said getting up."I find you a tutor if you want seeing as you probably can work the telephone."
"Hey Ryou's teaching me!" Bakura said chucking a pillow at Marik. He step aside easily and the cumbersome object just flopped on the floor pathetically.
"Ok, I'll find one that also teaches remedial gym too." Marik snickered. Bakura had a sort of screaming fit and Marik quickly exited chuckling.
Bakura trudged to school slowly. The others hadn't bothered to wait for him because if they did, they'd all have as many late marks as him and at least one of them had to go home early instead of having detention to cook food for the others.
Bakura was pondering the Ryou situation. He was even more sure he was in love with him now. This morning he had woken up to a perfect full English sitting next to his bed, equip with coffee and a note apologising for leaving without hm. It was a little cold but Ryou couldn't control time so Bakura let him off.
Ryou reached school -expertly slipping past the teacher writing down the names of all the late students- and skulked into his class.
He spotted Marik at the back with his seat waiting for him. Marik was carving some profanity into the cheap desk and didn't even bother looking up when Bakura sat down.
When Marik had finished the childish masterpiece (I wouldn't like to see a child with that vocabulary) and admired it for a bit, then turned to Bakura.
"I've sorted the tutor situation."
"Oh really?" Bakura said looking up from reading the desk carving.
"Yeah, the tutors in the phone book were like £100 per session so I hooked you up with someone for free" Marik said proudly.
"Oh really?" Bakura said sounding a lot less enthusiastic and a lot more apprehensive. "Who is it then, you cheapskate?"
"Kaiba." Marik said turning back to the desk.
"You what?" Bakura yelled. The prudish looking teacher glared in their direction and they both pretended to read the set pages in the textbook.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" Bakura hissed at Marik from behind his book.
"I was thinking "Hey look a free tutor for Bakura! Won't he be grateful?" Obviously I miss judged the situation." Marik hissed back equally as vicious.
Bakura gritted his teeth. He had forgotten what a little bitch Marik could be.
"Sorry Marik, I meant to say "Thank you so much for finding me a relationship tutor who is the most frigid person I have ever met, let alone the creepiest!" Bakura growled.
"The guy may not be slutty but he is like social royalty and will know all about manners and shit. You know like how to flatter people and stuff." Marik pouted.
"Wow you have such a way with words Romeo, maybe I should just get lessons form you!" Bakura hissed his eyes almost popping out.
"Anyway that guys friggen creepy, I've hardly ever even heard him speak before, all he does his read and go on that laptop of his." Bakura added.
"Hey listen buddy, give Kaiba a chance it's good of him to agree to this." Mark said calming down.
"Yeah why did he agree to it?" Bakura said, anger being overtaken by curiosity.
"Probable wanted a side project." Marik mused.
"mmm," Bakura mumbled. Kaiba defiantly didn't seem the type to help out anyone let alone tutor them on romance, it would be more fitting for him to give lectures in mechanics or card games *shudder*.
"Any who you can ask him at lunch, I asked him to meet us in the cafeteria to sort out lessons and shit." Marik said turning to the textbook to try and work out what class they were in and left Bakura to wonder whether having a relationship with Ryou was worth having long periods of time alone with the most antisocail person in school.