Writer's Block

By: QDT

Disclaimer: Twinkle, twinkle, little star

This belongs to JKR.

Well…let's get this show on the road, shall we?
It was just a normal breakfast in the Great Hall. People were talking, the sun was trying to shine through the clouds, and the mail was due in a few minutes. Suddenly, an American teenager burst through the doors, frowning at them and their normal-ness.

"Now look here, y'all," she said. "Do something interesting. I can't write about a normal day with a normal breakfast and all that. It's boring. No one will read it and I will go down in history as the worst fanfiction writer ever!"

Everyone in the Hall stared blankly at her. She sighed.

"Hey, I write fanfiction. I have to have something to work with. You can't just sit there. Somebody just do something."

A random Hufflepuff stood up. "Uh…most of us here are minor characters in the books. We're only extras in the movie. You have to address the major characters if you want something interesting to happen." He sat back down.

"Now, what's the fun in that? If you started hula dancing on top of the Head Table I guarantee that someone will write about it. You don't have to be a major character."

"No, but it helps," muttered Ron to Harry.

"I heard that! Somebody has to do something! People will think I've abandoned my story! Like, Hermione go snog someone."

"What!"

"That's exactly the attitude that's gotten us into this mess. If you weren't such a prude I'd have torrid affairs to write about. As it is, no one does anything J.K. Rowling hasn't written about, and I can't write what she does. That's called plagiarism."

"But why do I have to snog someone?" Hermione wanted to know.

"You don't have to snog someone. I'd be content with Snape admitting he's gay."

McGonagall looked shocked. "Severus! What do you think you're playing at?"

Snape glared at the girl who had interrupted breakfast and caused Minerva to go public with him. "I am not gay," he said.

"Okay," she said.

The girl frowned again. "You can't just forgive him. That's only a couple of lines of dialogue. Dialogue gets the story moving, and if you just forgive him, the story stops again. Can't someone do something that results in a longer, moving plot?"

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" asked Harry. "I'm a little busy trying to find all those Horcrux things, you know."

"Oh, screw it," said Draco. He stood up and walked over to the girl, who was standing between the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw tables. "You want me to do something? Fine."

The girl reached into her bag and grabbed out a notebook and pencil, dropping several rolls of duct tape on the floor in the process. "Go ahead."

Draco walked up to Hermione, pulled her off the bench, and pressed his lips to hers. For a second Hermione was shocked and then began kissing him back.

Everyone in the Hall stared wide-eyed at them. Needless to say, they were shocked. The American girl sat down on top of a table and propped her chin in her hands.

"Aw…" she said. "Don't they make such a cute couple?" she asked of no one in particular. Draco and Hermione seemed to realize they had an audience, and stopped snogging, breathing hard.

"I thought you said I didn't have to snog anyone," said Hermione, frowning.

"Technically he snogged you. It's your own fault you kissed him back."

Draco frowned at the two of them. "I'm still here, you know."

"I know," said Hermione, kissing him on the nose.

"Hey," said Ron. "You can't just do that," he told Draco.

"I think I just did, Weasel."

"Oh. Okay."

"Hey!" the girl shouted. "You can't just be okay with that! It's completely against the laws of fanfiction! You have to get really mad to continue the plot!"

"I do?" Ron looked very confused.

"No, you don't, ickle Ronniekins, I have a way to continue this plot thing anyway." No one had noticed that Fred Weasley had walked in while Hermione and Draco were snogging.

"You do?" asked Ron.

"Yeah," he said, and without further ado, pulled Hermione away from Draco and lowered his lips to hers. For the second time in as many minutes, the entire Hall sat in shock as Hermione snogged someone.

"You know, I think he's onto something," said the Queen of Duct Tape, picking her notebook back up again.

fin