By: Shin Sankai
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A young court official for the Imperial Palace was currently residing in his home, bent over his writing desk taking notes from an old scroll with his inked writing utensil. He'd been left to his studies, only asking for a pot of tea to be brought to him by the assistants that lived in his large estate.
Though he was residing within his private sleeping quarters, the shoji which led to the porch lining his home and out into the back gardens was pulled open, allowing the cool evening breeze to ruffle through his unbound dark green hair.
Fujiwara no Takamichi, Vice Minister for Civil Affairs in Kyou was dressed lightly and plainly in a beige evening yukata, he having just come from a nice warm bath. His cheeks were slightly pink from the steam and the ends of his long straight hair were damp, but the rest remained dry and unbound from its clasp. The young Byakko possessor had a slight headache and thought that removing the tight clasp from the back of his skull would help ease the problem.
Placing down his writing brush, happy with the research he'd just completed for the Emperor, Takamichi removed his wire-rimmed glasses and placed the spectacles against the dark wood of his writing desk before squaring his shoulders and raising his arms to stretch. Unexpectedly the back of his left hand instantly came in contact with something very soft.
"Eh?" The young official muttered lightly, turning his head, wisps of forest green hair fluttering over his shoulder as he found a certain General bent over near him. A look of surprise had caught the handsome features of the elder man at being smacked, accidentally of course, across the face. "Tomomasa!" Takamichi voiced in surprise, not realising the military man had entered his private quarters.
"That hurt Takamichi." The wavy teal haired Chi no Byakko feign hurt, rubbing his cheek lightly as he did so. He righted himself since his 'sneak attack' on the seemingly busy Ten no Byakko had been foiled.
"Something like that would never hurt the General of the Left Imperial Guard." The younger of the Byakko duo responded, rising from his seated position, having become slightly flustered at the closeness of the elder man. It was still such a surprise to the Vice Minister that he and Tomomasa were more then just friends and Hachiyou partners now.
"Actually, I recall a slap that nearly cost me everything."
"Th-That was quite some time ago Tomomasa. Haven't you forgotten it yet?" Once again Takamichi blushed when Tomomasa backed him into a dark corner of his quarters, a devilish sparkle within his teal coloured orbs.
"How could I forget? It forced me to look within and helped in bringing us together. Don't you remember Taka?"
"A-Aa…" The younger man stuttered out, mind reeling back to the day he confessed his utmost private thoughts to the man currently caressing a skilled hand through his unbound silken tresses.
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Not too Long Ago
Love was not a word…or a symbol that had ever crossed paths with Tachibana no Tomomasa. Throughout his years, when he'd first discovered the curve of a woman, he had flittered from skirt to skirt, not wholly satisfied with what he chose.
The General of the Imperial Left Guard had spent many hours on the porch surrounding Fujiwara no Takamichi's estate. The young Vice Minister would be sitting prominently at his writing desk in his private sleeping quarters, eyes moving over a book or scroll, but ears carefully listening to Tomomasa's complaints. This day had been no different.
The usually severely in control teal haired General was at a loss as to what seemed to be his problem lately. No woman seemed to satisfy his needs anymore…and it was clearly becoming frustrating as golden orbs took a quick glance to the slumped Tomomasa who let out an exasperated sigh.
"You're the Vice Minister for Civil Affairs Takamichi, don't you have any opinion as to what the dilemma could be?"
"I am not a match maker Tomomasa-dono. There are certain things in life that one is meant to discover for oneself."
"They just don't please me anymore…and that is a sin in itself." Takamichi placed down his writing pen and turned to look at the seemingly distraught and rather overdramatic General slumped near his opened shoji, head turned looking out into his pitch-black gardens. The 19 year old had to smile lightly at the way his Byakko partner was currently behaving. Tomomasa would never show such a side of himself to anyone but his most trusted companion.
"Have you thought about the idea that it isn't the countless women you bed, but perhaps you yourself?"
"Meaning what?" Golden orbs found slightly narrowed teal ones glancing over at him from the entrance to his private sleeping quarters, the autumn breeze sweeping through Takamichi's room, rustling Tomomasa's unbound teal locks of hair and several papers on his desk.
"Meaning, perhaps it is not them that has the issue, but there is something going on inside of you that you have yet to completely grasp." Thin teal eyebrows furrowed at Takamichi's comment. When the General voiced nothing, Takamichi rose from his seated position, bringing forth a tray to the sitting man. "How about some sake to clear your head."
"Aa, now that sounds like a worthwhile gesture. Thinking too much makes me seem far too serious." Takamichi let off a light chuckle at Tomomasa's comment, kneeling in front of the elder man. Trust the carefree Chi no Byakko to say something like that.
"Why is it that some things in life create far too much complication Takamichi?" The Vice Minister bore his eyes to the wistfully spoken deep voice belonging to the military man. The very man was starring far off into the night sky, eyes closing for a moment as he took a sip of warm sake, savouring the taste as well as the cool breeze.
"Life, as you so plainly put it, would be rather boring if it were easy Tomomasa-dono." Teal took a quick glance at the kneeling Vice Minister, his slender form resting against the other side of the opened shoji. His sake cup was held lightly between slender hands, cradled carefully on his lap. Pretty golden eyes, which hid so much beneath the surface, were starring in the direction of where a large koi pond was hidden in the darkness of Takamichi's private gardens. "What comes with challenges in life is to truly discover ourselves within. It helps us define who we are, whether that is a simple man…or a complicated man. It allows us to acknowledge our choices and makes us accept the difference in what we think in our head to what we feel within our hearts."
"You're being awfully philosophical tonight."
"Mm, it is probably for the fact that I am not a simple man."
"Oh?" The General was becoming quite intrigued with the way Takamichi spoke. Over the past year his dear companion had begun to change, but he never brought it up with the younger Byakko possessor feeling it would create a gap between them that Tomomasa did not want. He let the small changes go, not truly concentrating on them much over this previous year, but these past weeks however, Takamichi was truly acting strange. "Am I a simple man?" The elder of the Byakko duo questioned.
"If you are a simple man Tomomasa, I'm about to complicate your very life." Gold caught teal and held them for quite some time. The 19 year old watched the eldest Hachiyou tilt his head, due to his words and the fact he'd dropped the honorific from the elder hachiyou's name. Takamichi never did it often, but it had been happening quite a lot over the past several weeks now, especially when they were alone like this.
"And how would you do that?" By now Tomomasa had straightened his back, sitting up properly from his lounging position on Takamichi's floorboards, one leg raised as he rested his elbow against his knee, hand cupped against his cheek and peering over at the Vice Minister. It felt like eternity to Takamichi, as he took in a deep breath and revealed his inner most secret to the very being he wanted to share it with.
"I love you." Silence rained down upon the two men.
"Y-You what…?" It was probably one of the only times Takamichi would ever come upon a dumbfounded Tachibana no Tomomasa.
"I said I love you." Starring with slightly wider teal orbs over at the far too serious Takamichi, the General ended up doing the only thing he could: he laughed. Chuckling was definitely not what Takamichi had been expecting. He was expecting rage, disdain, abandonment from the very man in front of him, but never laughter.
"Has the sake seriously gone to your head that quickly Takamichi?" And that was definitely not the response the younger man had been searching for either. In one swift movement, faster then the experienced military man could have predicted…or reacted to, Takamichi's arm swung out, his palm connecting with Tomomasa's cheek. The military official jolted at the attack, instinct being to strike back, but he faulted instantly when he saw the distraught look wash over the Ten no Byakko.
"Ta-Takamichi…?" The Vice Minister was clutching his red palm to his chest, literally shaking in his seated position; golden orbs thick and watery with emotion while a cup of sake lay upturned on the floorboards at his side. "Were you…serious just now?"
"Of course I was!" Takamichi shouted, his usual stoic and calm character all but lost in front of the very man who had insulted his confession. "How could you ever think that I'd joke about something so serious as my own personal feelings for you?" Tomomasa didn't know how to respond. "To the one who brought me back from depression when my mother passed away. To the one who placed me under their wing, protected me all this time, how could you think…"
"Takamichi…I…"
"Shut up!" The 19 year old blinked tears stubbornly away from the corners of his eyes. "I know the risks about what I have done. I know that our relationship will never be as it once was. I just couldn't go on living without telling you my heartfelt feelings!"
"I'm not…"
"I don't care where you are, what you're doing or who you are with. All I know is that I love you. You are the one I treasure most in this world." It was literally a single second in time when nervous lips brushed across surprised parted ones. Instantly Takamichi was pushed away, the elder of the Byakko duo jumping to his feet.
"Don't be ridiculous!" The teal haired General bellowed back, the back of his palm brushing across his moist lips trying to wipe away the small amount of pressure and warmth that had been their seconds ago. "That is fools talk."
"To-Tomomasa…"
"Do not play such games with me Takamichi, I will not stand for it." Golden orbs widened at the venom held within that deep voice.
"You think…my feelings for you are frivolous?"
"What else could it be?" This time Takamichi was not fast enough to brush away the tears falling down his cheeks. Shakily the younger man rose to his feet, his tear streaked face coming into view with the man that was causing him so much pain.
"You bastard." Teal orbs widened. In all the years that he and Takamichi had been together, language such as that had never left Takamichi's lips. "You dare mock my feelings so flippantly! You've no idea what I've risked in order to confess to you!" Takamichi tried wiping the wetness from his cheeks away once more, but his anguish kept falling. "You've no idea what its like to have to struggle over the years, to realise how different you are from every other man, to have to silently watch you flitter from woman to woman, to observe that you never thought about what your whining was doing to me."
"Takamichi…" The elder of the Byakko duo placed out a hand but the appendage was smacked away.
"You're an exceptional man of the military court Tomomasa, but anything personal; you can't see it…or you don't bother to try and see it or understand it at all. Not once have you perceived what your talks about the countless women you've bedded have done to me. Not once have you observed that I've always been here, beside you, waiting patiently for you to take notice of me!"
"Takamichi…"
"Leave." That one defiant word struck hard in the chest of both men. "I said leave!" Takamichi shouted painfully this time, possibly waking those that resided in his estate. Golden orbs were too blurred with tears as the Vice Minister didn't notice the General fleeing his room, moving swiftly across the porch, down the stairs and out through the gardens, his silhouette fading into the blackness of the evening. When all that was heard was the crickets in the late night, Takamichi crumbled to the ground, body racked with sobs as his tears soaked into the polished floorboards.
It had been several days since that eventful evening. The two Byakko Hachiyou had not come in contact with each other since that very night. When general meetings were held with all Hachiyou, either one of them had not been present. If there were meals to partake in at Fuji-hime's, again, either one of them would have declined.
The sudden separation of the two Hachiyou began to be noticed. No one had interfered in the matters concerning the duo, however as the days rolled on and the once tight companionship that had been there was lost, it worried many.
"Ah, gomen nasai." The young Ryuujin no Miko mumbled as she'd been circling the porch lining Fuji-hime's estate several times now and had accidentally run into someone. Rubbing at her nose, the young teen looked up and focused her emerald gaze onto one of her Hachiyou. "Tomomasa-san!" The General smiled down at her, but though Akane was young and seemingly 'a child' she knew it was but a false smile etching onto the flirtatious soldier's lips.
"How would you be this fine morning Miko-dono?"
"I am well. And you Tomomasa-san?" The pink haired teen walked alongside the elder man, the both of them making their way to the stairs to sit down.
"It is a beautiful day so one cannot complain."
"To-Tomomasa-san…" Akane shyly squeaked out the teal haired man's name. Those same coloured orbs peered down at her quizzically. "Ano, is everything alright?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Please don't lie to me." Her words were whispered, but the hurt within them struck hard in Tomomasa's chest. He let off a sigh, pulled out his fan and flipped it open. No man alive could ever keep anything from the Ryuujin no Miko.
"Things are…different."
"Between you and Takamichi-san?"
"You could say that."
"Is there a way to fix it?"
"I don't know." The military man was surprised when Akane kneeled in front of his seated form, her small hands cupping his downcast face, the waving of his fan now completely forgotten.
"Will you promise to try and find a way?"
"Miko…"
"Everyone is concerned. The two men that many look up to aren't as they once were. Something has brought them much pain and nobody knows how to help. The two that have been constantly together, the trust and the friendship that has been built since Takamichi-san was a child has gone. I'm so worried…"
"Miko…" Tomomasa mumbled softly observing emerald orbs water with tears.
"My Chi no Byakko, my Ten no Byakko, something has happened to them. I can feel their pain, their anguish and it hurts me for I can do nothing for them. We are all connected Tomomasa-san. If you hurt, we all hurt. If Takamichi-san hurts, we all hurt. Through the dragon beads we are linked. All the Hachiyou feel it, but I…I feel it the most. I'm the Ryuujin no Miko and I know my Byakko's aren't happy. Something is terribly wrong and I can't help them fight it."
"Akane-dono…" Tomomasa pulled the weeping teen into his arms, allowing her to cry against his muscular chest. "I promise to find a way to repair what has been broken. For causing grief on such a cute girl, this I can never forgive myself for."
"Tomomasa-san…" Akane whined, noticing his teasing ways were slowly coming back. Though it was sometimes embarrassing for her to be the brunt of his jesting, she was glad that the old Tachibana no Tomomasa was returning. "Can you speak with Takamichi-san for me? Tell him how worried I and the others are?"
"I am certain he already knows this." Pink hair swished against his chest, Akane having shaken her head negatively.
"He wouldn't even spare a moment to see me. The Takamichi-san I know is not like that. Whatever has occurred, his pain is far greater then what I felt within you. Though yours worries me just as much as his, Takamichi-san's seems far different from yours. I am uncertain as to how deep his anguish goes for he doesn't raise his eyes to look upon me."
"It is my fault." The 31 year old pulled the puffy eyed teen away from him, wiping carefully at her tear-streaked face. "My careless words have opened up a ravine between us that I don't know whether it can be closed."
"Then jump over it!" Tomomasa quietly blinked down at the young girl. "If it cannot be repaired, if it cannot be closed, then the only thing that is left is to move forward."
"You always know what to say Miko-dono."
"Iie, I had to seek much advice." The General tilted his head at her words. "Yorihisa-san has been at his wits end lately for he doesn't know how to protect you this time. He is always at your side during battles, but something like this, something personal; he doesn't know where to begin in trying to help. We sat together one evening and he poured out his inner thoughts on the matter and knew that I would be the one to ask you openly what is wrong."
"Well isn't he just an observant little samurai." Tomomasa mockingly voiced, a hint of humour etching his sultry voice. "As you request of me Miko-dono," Tomomasa began as he rose to his feet, taking the short teen with him. "I will speak with Takamichi."
"C-Can you observe him first." Once more the teal haired General tilted his head, awaiting for further explanation on what the Miko meant. "Takamichi-san is not as he once was. His eyes…they never lift from the ground. And his gentle smile…it has gone. I don't wish for you to be shocked by this sudden change. I want you to be prepared for it."
"I will observe as you request of me." Tomomasa lightly bowed to the teen standing on the stairs and walked towards the entrance gate of Fuji-hime's estate, to begin his surveillance on the supposedly different Vice Minister. He stopped in his tracks when he noticed Yorihisa walking in; one hand adjusting his sword at his side while the other wiped a cloth over his face. He had probably finished sparring with Tenma, his Seiryuu partner.
"Tomomasa-dono." The blur haired samurai gave him a quick bow. The younger of the men was stopped when Tomomasa placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I shall proceed forward so please do not worry any longer."
"As you wish Tomomasa-dono." The General smiled lightly, this time slapping the 25 year old on the back.
"Do look after our Ryuujin no Miko ne?" An awkward blush rose on Yorihisa's face and the General couldn't help but chuckle lightly as he strolled off, heading towards the Archives Office.
It was but a short stroll to the Archives Office, Tomomasa passing several people on his way. Usually the military official would stop to chat with each and every one of them, but today he paid them no such attention. What Akane had voiced to him, about Takamichi not being his usual self, made him feel restless.
Once Tomomasa arrive, he moved around the porch lining the building, heading for the back, to where he would usually find the young Vice Minister engrossed in old books and scrolls. Several of the windows were open, bringing a cool breeze into the office. Just before Tomomasa reached his destination he heard an almost hesitant voice call out to Takamichi.
"T-Takamichi-dono…" It was one of the young court official's assistants. Tomomasa leaned against the wall of the building, head turned to the opened window, listening to the less then confident voice of Takamichi's most trusted assistant. "I…brought you something to eat and some tea as well."
"I said I wasn't interested." Teal orbs widened at the impolite way Takamichi spoke to his subordinate. His voice was lifeless, borderline on silently commenting that his assistant was being a nuisance to him.
"But Takamichi-dono…you have not eaten in days!" Tomomasa jolted slightly in his hidden position at the sound of pottery smashing on the floorboards within the office.
"I said not to bother me!" In all the 7 years Tomomasa had been with Takamichi, the young official had never raised his voice to any one person who he worked alongside.
"I…I'm sorry…" Rushed footsteps disappeared and Tomomasa stole a quick glance into the dully-lit area to see Takamichi leaning against a writing desk. His head was downcast, looking upon the shattered pieces of pottery, watching as tea, fish and rice made an unpleasant mess on the floorboards at his feet. Tomomasa observed, hands clenching at his sides as Takamichi placed his fisted palms against his temples.
"Why…" He heard the distraught soft voice of his Byakko partner question and felt his breath hitch in his throat when the Vice Minister swayed and then collapsed.
"Takamichi!" The General swiftly climbed through the window, calling immediately for help. Footsteps came running, two of the assistants surprised to see Tomomasa there, as he'd not come through the front entrance like he usually did. "Call for a healer at once." One of the assistants ran off, while Takamichi's personal assistant crouched by Takamichi's unconscious side. Tomomasa had turned the official over, placing his head within his lap, fingers absently caressing a clammy forehead.
"I'm so sorry Tomomasa-dono. I tried several times to get him to eat, but he would not listen to my requests." The 18-year-old who Takamichi had personally selected to be his assistant two years ago frantically tried to explain.
"There is nothing that you could of done Satoshi-san. A great stubbornness lies within Takamichi, one that is rarely shaken. If there is something he doesn't wish to do, it takes a great man to shake him of his decision."
"Someone like you Tomomasa-dono?" The teal haired General let out a bitter chuckle, eyes falling upon the relaxed face of his partner.
"I am not a great man, merely a blind foolish one who never saw what was truly there."
"That is not true!" Teal gazed over into passionate cinnamon coloured orbs. "Takamichi-dono always speaks of your triumphs. He always makes sure those that are close by know what an important man you are within Kyou. He tells us often of your successes, of your influence within the Court at the Imperial Palace. Only someone of Takamichi-dono's stature, who has been at your side for so long, would know this. Surely he is not wrong!"
"What have we got here?" Tomomasa had no time to comment on what was being said to him as a puffing healer had immediately come to aide in Takamichi's collapse.
"He's not eaten in days." Satoshi-san commented as he moved out of the way for the healer to begin looking over the unconscious Takamichi.
"I will administer a herbal tea, with several nutrients I am sure he's been lacking and then we shall move him to a more comfortable area."
"My estate is close, can we take him there?" Tomomasa questioned the healer.
"He will be delirious when he awakens, so familiarity would be best."
"He's been to my estate many times, I know where he would be most at ease in my home."
"Very well then, we shall transport him there once I've finished looking him over. Please organise an ox and cart to be ready for us." Satoshi rushed off at the order while Tomomasa still remained kneeled on the floorboards with Takamichi's head within his lap.
"I'm so sorry." The healer did not respond nor even acknowledge that he heard the words Tomomasa had mumbled to the unconscious Vice Minister.
It was late in the afternoon as Tomomasa sat within a particularly dark corner of his library. When Takamichi had visited his estate, it was no surprise that more then half the times Tomomasa had found the official within this very room, dainty fingers gliding over the spines of the hundreds of books kept on shelves.
A double futon had been set up in the very room for Takamichi to rest in. His usual kimono and robes lay washed and folded on a nearby table along with his hair clasp and round glasses. Oil lanterns were positioned around the large room, allowing for Takamichi to grasp his whereabouts once he awoke. During the past several hours Tomomasa had nursed Takamichi with medicine and herbal tea as instructed by the healer. The young official was about due for another round when a groan came from the futon. Instantly Tomomasa felt his heartbeat speed up as he carefully sat up within his chair, teal orbs intensely watching as Takamichi slowly sat up in the futon. One hand rose to brush strands of hair from his eyes, flicking the silken mass behind his ears. It was then golden orbs, slightly hazy due to not having his glasses on moved around the room.
"Tomomasa…"
"I'm here." His deep voice made Takamichi jerk within the futon, wide golden orbs turning in the direction from where it came. They narrowed, trying to find the General's silhouette within the dark corner of the room.
"How'd I get here?"
"You collapsed at the Archives Office. I asked the healer to transport you here."
"I never saw you at the Office."
"It is because I was cowardly hiding from you."
"Like now?" Takamichi bluntly questioned the elder man.
"Yes, like now."
"Why would you do that?"
"I fear that what has happened, what I did, what I said, can never be undone."
"It cannot." Those words struck hard in Tomomasa once more, he still very much positioned within one of his chairs, eyes focused on Takamichi's golden orbs. To think such careless words had completely changed his entire being. The sparkle, which usually could be detected within Takamichi's orbs, was no longer there. The twitch at the corner of his lips, which occurred when in the presence of Tomomasa, had also gone. The slight passion and determination within his soft voice had disappeared also, leaving nothing but a lifeless shell of a man. "We cannot change the past Tomomasa, this you should know."
"Even though this is true, it doesn't stop the guilt within oneself that I have caused great pain to someone who was once close to me."
"Know this Tomomasa, he does not blame you at all."
"Wh-What?"
"In fact, after much thought, he understands the rejection completely." Takamichi turned his head, so his eyes were focused on his hands resting on his blanketed lap. "I know that you were not just thinking of yourself back there, but also for me and for those we associate with. For anyone to find out if there was ever a relationship between us, it could severely damage your important role within the military and my role as Vice Minister. If there was ever conflict within the court, it could be used against us. You would never allow those around you to scrutinise and look down upon the man you are."
"Takamichi that's…"
"Its alright. I also know how inexperienced in love you are."
"Excuse me?" Teal eyebrows in the darkness furrowed at Takamichi's bold comment.
"Though you have been with many, this doesn't fall under the laws of love. I am certain the rejection you gave me was in actual fact out of fear. Fear that it was never possible that another person, be it man or woman would ever completely fall in love with you and yet it happened. It happened right underneath you and you are angry with yourself for not having realised it, for not being able to do a thing to stop it from occurring. I've been at your side for 7 years Tomomasa. In those years I've grown with your guidance and influence, observed your every movement, witnessed your triumphs and defeats. I've been at your side through the good and bad times. I know you. And I love you."
"Taka…"
"All of you." Teal eyes widened when Takamichi continued on, not allowing him to respond. "Your flirtatious behaviour, your beauty, your strength, your cockiness, the displeasure you try to hide for yourself, everything about you I treasure wholly." Tomomasa rose from his seated position, moving little by little out of the darkness and into the light as Takamichi continued to shed more of his inner most thoughts and feelings while starring at his pale hands. "Your rejection stems from your mother's death. To have someone solely love you, vanish before your eyes; not being able to prevent it from happening is also why you don't want anyone to love someone like yourself. Because if someone were to love you entirely, the thought of having that person disappear is too much for your heart that you cannot accept such confessions. You could never bare the thought of another soul falling in love with you and then leaving you all alone in the world. Right now, being as you are, hiding behind your smile, hiding behind your carefree ways is fine by you, so you never have to confront your demons."
"Why?"
"Eh?" Takamichi jerked his head up, when he felt fingers glide across his cheek. He never even noticed that Tomomasa was now kneeling at his side, one battle experienced hand cupping his cheek lightly.
"Why must you always be so honest with me?" Teal orbs shimmered as they glanced into large golden ones.
"Because you, Tomomasa, are the most important person in my life. And I want you to understand me for just a single moment. Even if after today we can never be as we once were, I still wish with all my heart that you would remove your mask and look back on all the times we've been together, to understand that my feelings are not frivolous at all." Takamichi shifted in the futon, the blankets falling off his yukata clad slender form as he kneeled in front of the seemingly awestruck General. "Whether we are friends or not, I will always support you Tomomasa. I want you to understand that if something were to ever happen to you, my life would never be the same. That is how much you mean to me."
"Takamichi…" The teal haired court official was shushed quietly as Takamichi pressed cool lips to his forehead.
"Thank you for looking after me, today and all the times in the past. I don't believe I ever thanked you enough. It must have been hard on you, taking in a 12 year old under the orders of Mikado's father. If I ever were a burden to you Tomomasa, I truly and honestly apologise from the bottom of my heart." Tomomasa's lips parted as Takamichi slowly rose to his feet. The Vice Minister gathered his folded clothing, hair clasp and glasses and padded quietly to the shoji.
"Takamichi…wait…" Tomomasa was still kneeling on the floorboards of his library, but the 19 year old did not turn to face him.
"What I have longed to say for several years now has finally been spoken. I am at peace with myself that now I can return to the real Fujiwara no Takamichi and apologise to those that I have worried over these past few days. I ask you not to dwell on unnecessary thoughts Tomomasa, as I don't wish to cause any more problems for you. Just always know that I am forever grateful that I was placed under your care. You are a great man, no matter how much you deny it yourself."
When the shoji defiantly closed with a soft click, blocking off Takamichi's form from teal orbs, the oldest of the Hachiyou grit his teeth, nails digging into his palms as he sank to the floorboards, wavy hair cascading about his face, blocking it from view. Emotions that had not surfaced in so long, not since the passing of his mother, finally broke free, tears splashing upon the floorboards, darkening the wood.
A week had passed since that fateful day and though normalcy had seemed to return, Tomomasa himself could feel the unease within Takamichi when they were together with the other Hachiyou. Though his unease went unnoticed by the others, the teal haired General was certain it still remained for when he glanced Takamichi's way, the Vice Minister would jolt in nervousness because of it. Even if the young court official stipulated that he was at peace with himself, it appeared he was still yet to allow everything to be forgotten. Tomomasa believed the main reason to be because he had not whole-heartedly responded to Takamichi's confession of love.
What had been on Tomomasa's thoughts this past week was what Takamichi confessed to him while sitting within the double futon in his library. The way he confessed his love for him shocked the teal haired man immensely. The 19 year old knew he was not perfect, knew of his achievements and his failures, knew of his frequent sake drinking and his visits to the red light district and yet still he remained in love and completely loyal to him. These very thoughts frightened Tomomasa just as Takamichi had said they would. His own mother had been the one being to ever truly love him and yet years later, here was another confessing to him, meaning every word they spoke, knowing everything about him and yet he had sat there and done nothing about it.
The guilt that had followed after this discovery had sent Tomomasa to the red light district several times. He had ended up surrounded by women, just like his usual flirtatious self granted and yet…nothing. Not once did he bed the women while he was there. All he did was drink and brood…and Tomomasa was never one to brood. He would stumble home at ungodly hours of the morning, his fuzzy head knowing he was being watched by another, but knowing the being doing the watching was not a threat. Yorihisa had quietly, from several feet back watched over Tomomasa, helping to guide him to his estate if need be.
One a couple of occasions Tomomasa had not so kindly or softly informed the samurai not to interfere with him and to leave, but of course the blue-haired Hachiyou never accepted the drunken order. He was one of the two in the Hachiyou that still knew something was not right about the Byakko duo. The other being Yasuaki, but the Onmyouji would never interfere in business that was not his own. He was just not 'built' that way. And unfortunately for Tomomasa, Minamoto no Yorihisa was quite a stubborn man himself and forced the issue upon the military official. The samurai remained quiet as the story was laid out before him. Afterwards the General had questioned Yorihisa that evening as to whether he was surprised and/or disgusted at such things in which the samurai had shaken his head. His comments later on, as he handed Tomomasa over to his house assistants, had made the teal haired man think long and hard over what had happened between himself and Takamichi.
The day after his talk with Yorihisa, Tomomasa had gone looking for Takamichi when he had sobered up. The Vice Minister was out of Kyou on business for Mikado and would not return till evening. This had given Tomomasa even more time to think over what his response to the Ten no Byakko would be.
As day turned to night, clouds had rolled in and much needed rain had been falling. When Tomomasa finally decided to make his presence known to Takamichi once more he left his estate for the walk to Takamichi's home. A light drizzle was still falling but not enough to warrant Tomomasa an umbrella. He held a lantern within one hand as he made his way to the bridge to cross over the river towards Takamichi's estate, but instantly froze in his footsteps once he reached it. There on the bridge a lone figure was leaning against the railing. It was Takamichi.
The young Vice Minister was hunched over, hair unclasped and drenched against his sodden clothes. Clearly by looking over his palely lit form the 19 year old had been standing on the very bridge for quite sometime. Just looking at him, in the middle of the bridge, lost in thought, Tomomasa made the assumption that perhaps Takamichi was debating as to whether he would take that step over to his side of the bridge, moving towards Tomomasa's home or to turn back and to never face him again. The latter thought sent an unpleasant feeling into the pit of Tomomasa stomach, one that he wasn't sure he could ever bear with.
"You shouldn't remain in those wet clothes." Tomomasa heard his deep voice mutter before he realised what he was doing. Takamichi jerked up from his slouched position, golden orbs not framed with his usual round glasses turned to look over at him. "Many will worry if you become ill."
"Tomomasa-dono…" The suffix at the end of his name made the General frown. The elder man took a deep breath, still remaining where he was as his lips parted, words he'd been meaning to say for quite sometime now flowing from them.
"You were right Takamichi, I do hide behind false facades in order to protect myself. It just shows how much of a cold man I am."
"You are not." The older of the Byakko duo let out a bitter chuckle.
"Even after all that has happened, you still believe that?"
"I know you best." Teal and gold locked, neither man moving from their positions.
"You know me better then I know myself."
"That is not true and you know it. Even after all that has happened, I still don't know what you truly think."
"What I truly think?" Tomomasa repeated, eyes breaking from Takamichi's as they took a quick glance about their surroundings. It was but them and the drizzly evening. Not a single soul was about. This was a perfect chance for Tomomasa to speak with Takamichi without interruptions. "You were right, the only person to ever love me completely was my mother. When she died, I changed, grew cold."
"Not cold. You just decided to protect yourself from others affections."
"If you wish to believe that then so be it."
"I do believe that." Tomomasa raised his eyes to look over at Takamichi once more. "Though we are quite different, you and I have some similarities. Our mother's left us at such young ages. They were the ones to love us completely no matter who we were. When hahaue died, I was distraught, broken, unable to feel anything. That all changed when I was brought to you. You allowed me to experience life again, to willingly share in wonderful memories with me. Though you were a busy man, you always made time for me. You always showed me that I was something important in your hectic day-to-day happenings. Though I must have been a burden…"
"You were not!" Golden eyes blinked owlishly at the immediate response. "I admit at first I did not want you around. I was a new General and having a child at my side was very displeasing indeed. However, after some time I finally understood why you were brought to me. I was skilled in every sense of the word at being a man of the military court, however emotionally, psychologically I wasn't. Mikado's father knew of my disdain for many things, knew of the distance I placed between others and myself. He knew all this and brought you to me so that you would help me mature."
"I never knew of this."
"Whether you knew or not doesn't matter. I need you to understand that you aren't a burden to me Takamichi."
"Alright." Tomomasa chuckled lightly, one hand flicking wavy strands of hair back over his shoulder as he gave off a slightly reserved smile.
"In actual fact I would say that you, Takamichi, have been my greatest achievement and will always remain as such."
"Eh?"
"No matter what else happens in this world, I know that your hahaue would be most proud of you now. And in some selfish way, even though I never once met her, I would hope she is pleased with me. You have become what you wanted to be, what you promised her you would be…and in a way I was able to help you accomplish that. To be part of such fulfilment, such joy, I can never ask for something else."
"Then, why are you here?"
"To ask for something else." Tomomasa quickly responded. "I am once again selfishly requesting something of you, even if I know I don't deserve anything else. However…"
"However?"
"I beg for your forgiveness. I know it is not something that can be asked lightly of either. The way I have treated you and your feelings for me, I am not worthy to ask such a thing, but…"
"There isn't anything to forgive Tomomasa." Teal darted to look over at Takamichi. It had been so long since he'd heard his true name fall from those lightly smiling lips. "To be able to stand here, to speak with you, this is more then enough for me."
"Not for me." Takamichi tilted his head in slight confusion. "While we were apart, I visited the red light district often." Golden orbs lowered to the wooden blanks of the bridge.
"I see…"
"Nothing happened. It appears that the ever flirtatious General of the Left Imperial Guard could think of nothing…but you."
"M-Me…?" Takamichi gulped down the lump in his throat.
"The feeling within my chest, when you are not near, it hurts more then any wound I've ever been subjected to on the field. Having you not at my side, I don't feel like myself. This feeling, I've never experienced something quite like this before and it frightens me immensely and yet…I cannot break from it."
"What is it…that you are saying?"
"I think it means…I love you utterly and completely as well." Tomomasa watched Takamichi take in a deep breath. "It has been a long time since I have felt like this. Perhaps this is why it has taken so long for me to come to terms with it, because it is far different from what I felt for my hahaue. This feeling is so much more powerful that I cannot control it at all. In the end, I'm willing to accept it, no matter the costs, even though I don't know how I will cope should you ever wish to leave me."
"I will not!" Takamichi passionately cried out, hands fisted at his sides, his body suddenly letting off a shiver when another cool breeze swept through Kyou, his damp clothing sticking to his cool skin. "I will not…" Takamichi decided to reiterate, warmth shining within his golden gaze, hoping to convince Tomomasa that he would always be by his side.
"You really should get out of those wet clothes Takamichi."
"Yes…I…suppose I should." Takamichi turned his head, looking over his shoulder and back over that part of the bridge to where his estate was located far into the distance of the pitch-black evening.
"Takamichi…" The handsome General's voice intercepted his thoughts as his eyes turned back to the older man. They blinked several times; noticing one of Tomomasa's hands was reaching out for him. "Home is this way." Slowly Takamichi placed one foot in front of the other as he drew closer towards the older man. When their hands met, Tomomasa's closed tightly over his own, warm skin entwining with chilled. Once more their eyes met and this time Tomomasa was greeted with a tender smile from the young Vice Minister.
"I know, I just felt the need to farewell my other life."
"Life will not change as much as you think Takamichi." The older of the Byakko duo quietly spoke as he removed his outer flower printed kimono and draped it across Takamichi's slender frame.
"Even so, mine has already become more fulfilling, warmer too." Takamichi smiled, while his eyes took a quick glance down at their still entwined hands. "Thank you for your kimono robe."
"Hmm, its about to get warmer back in my quarters too."
"To-Tomomasa!" The wavy teal haired military official laughed heartily as he pulled the blushing 19 year old towards his estate.
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Back to the Present
"To-Tomomasa…there is such a thing as a time and place." Takamichi gulped when lips softly caressed the side of his neck.
"Well, I have the time…and you certainly have the place." The General sultrily replied. His ministrations were finally battered away by the red faced Takamichi. "I don't get you Takamichi. You confess your undying love for me and then you won't even allow me to caress you." Golden orbs observed the General pout as though he were a petulant child.
"It is because I'm still in utter disbelief that this actually happened! You actually reciprocate my feelings and because of this I have to pinch myself daily to realise it."
"I could pinch you."
"Stop saying perverted things and listen to me."
"I am listening." Tomomasa chuckled lightly as he pulled Takamichi from the corner of his sleeping quarters and towards his laid out double futon. He motioned for Takamichi to sit down with him. "You may not realise but I too sometimes don't believe this is for real either. I have many dreams that…" Tomomasa watched the narrowed look appear in Takamichi's eyes. " And they aren't perverted!" The General snapped. "Well…not all of them. Back to my point, several of my dreams have you disappearing before my eyes. I wake up in cold sweats and cannot sleep for the remainder of the evening. Only when you are in my arms am I at peace. If I am unable to see you, I believe you will be taken away from me."
"Nothing will happen to me." Takamichi softly voiced, hands clasping Tomomasa's in effort to help get his confession across.
"You cannot promise me that Takamichi. Life is full of uncertainties; love is full of uncertainties and only if I'm able to see you, feel you, can I allow any demons within me to fade away."
"Love is unpredictable as is life, but I know deep down in my very soul that I will never be able to feel what I have for you with anyone else Tomomasa."
"That's rather…feminine of you to say."
"Don't make fun of me." Takamichi grumbled slightly, something very unlike him. "I was making a declaration of love. If you are happy with me, I will always remain at your side, now and always."
"Now that sounds rather like a proposal."
"And if it was?" Teal orbs widened, eyebrows rose and lips parted open in slight shock. Takamichi couldn't help but chuckle lightly.
"And what's so funny?" Tomomasa pushed the now surprised Takamichi backwards, making him flop ungracefully onto his back, his form pressed into the futon as Tomomasa loomed over him.
"It's always so rare for me to make you speechless that when it occurs I cannot help but treasure it."
"I'll be more then happy to make you speechless." Takamichi's golden orbs widened and his cheeks darkened at the smirking older Hachiyou above him.
"Tomo…" The rest was cut off because lips fell upon his parted one's.
"Now…and always." Takamichi smiled up at Tomomasa, arms rising to wrap them around the broad shoulders of his lover. No more words were needed as bodies moulded as one.
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The End.