Confused. Anxious. Guilty. Worried.

All these emotions and so many more were on a constant loop inside of Toby's brain, each one taking its turn to put him through more agony then the previous. He knew what he could have done; he could have been there with Caleb trying to protect her from this monster instead of joining forces with it.

No, he couldn't have. That wouldn't be enough- even if Spencer would have let him try to help her fight "A". What was he supposed to do when she wouldn't even admit that she was being tormented and threatened again? He had made his decision weeks ago to go behind her back. It was the only way to protect her-wasn't it? To know the master plan and do everything in his power to stop it before she got hurt.

He knew that all of this was true, but still something inside him was bursting through the seams. It brought him back to the days when people would cross the street when they saw him coming, the day he found himself sobbing in the alleyway all alone, most of all the day of homecoming when he had tried to explain to Emily what really had happened with him and Jenna only to find her feeling threatened by him. He felt it more so now than he ever did then. He felt shame.

As he walked back from the tiny apartment where he performed his latest task from "A" to his very own tiny apartment, he thought about all this and more. How could he betray Spencer so harshly only after the amazing afternoon he had shared with her? Sure he hadn't seen her in weeks and that itself had driven him crazy, but it was keeping this lie from her that put him over the edge. He had to spend one more precious day with her. He knew it was selfish, but he had to, what if he got caught by "A," or what if Spencer had discovered his betrayal? They had waited for the perfect time to make it special for a long time. Sure it was more than special but right now he felt more than guilty.

He was debating what his guilt should belong to more when suddenly a beeping sounded out of his pocket. Startled, he awoke to find harsh reality hit him when he looked at his phone and saw the most beautiful smile pop up on the screen.

Call me when you get a chance it's important. Xoxo -Spencer

He already knew what she would say, but he didn't know how he was going to act surprised when she tells him that Caleb's been shot and Emily was assaulted by Maya's killer and had killed him in return. How could he act like he wasn't the one who tried to save Emily? He knew everything and more –much more than he ever planned to know.

At first he was just simply spending a couple of afternoons visiting Mona when Spencer thought he was out of town on for work. All he wanted to know then was more about this new "A," but it soon turned into a much bigger mess then he had ever imagined. He knew she was crazy, which was the whole reason she was sent to Radley not prison right? But she did care about Hannah, he knew that too. He had to get close to her to figure out "A"'s tactic's.

So he did little things, like stop by and say hi –even though she didn't say it in return at first. Then he would tell her little things about Hannah, then slowly incorporate little things about the other girl's into his stories –the only way to make her trust him, was to give her what she lived off of most –secrets. She slowly came back to life, like a vampire sucking sins out of a soul in order to thrive in the dead of night once more.

After that, things worked out better then he could have ever hoped for. She would ask more and more about his stories, mostly about Hannah at first. Out of the blue one day she asked him if he would throw out the pills she had piled up hidden under her pillow. He knew this was risky and he was playing with fire. Obviously it was a test, but a test he seemed to pass.

Every couple of days she would test him again. Finally one day she asked him to pick up a cell phone hidden inside a random mailbox and hide it in a doll stored away in the abandoned room down the hall from her own. He did as he was told, just as he had done with the tests before. He wondered how long until he would find out one of Mona's own secrets about "A," but it was his phone that rang with the sounds of betrayal from an unknown number that interrupted his thoughts that day, without thinking twice he took the call.

And that was the last brick he had to tear down from the wall of ignorance that Spencer had built to surround him. From now on he would stand strong on his own, fighting for the girl he loves, protecting her without her knowledge or approval, but most of all loving her more than she would ever know.

Thank you Thank You Thank You to anyone that took the time out of their day to actually read this. Most of this was just me trying to process what Toby was thinking after watching the season 3 mid-season finale. If you wouldn't mind taking just another couple of seconds of your time to review I would love you forever and always. Seriously let it rip - the good, the bad, the ugly, I don't care I wanna hear honest thoughts only please!

-Much love 3

Katelyn

ps. Wow, I can't even begin to process all of the amazing feedback I've gotten on this. This was only my first attempt at a fanfic, and I honestly thought a total of five people would read this, not 500. That's amazing. Thank you for all of your kind words it means the world to me. xoxo