Krillin Talk
Krillin wears a red robe, and is looking at a book in a random study, seemingly taken out of a movie, and looks up at the audience.
"Oh hi, I didn't see you there, my name is Krillin, or Kuririn if you prefer that…" He trailed off "But anyway, I'm sure you're all wondering why I came to talk to you today, and that reason is because of baldness." Krillin walks over to a chair that is next to a lit fireplace and sits down.
"I used to be bald once" Krillin stated as he rubbed the hair on his head "But all that changed when some retards decided that I should re grow mine." He rolled his eyes and continued "What I've been forced to come here and tell you today is that baldness is the coolest thing ever in Dragon Ball Z, and why, in fact, that it is." Krillin pulls out a remote from seemingly nowhere and clicks a button which makes a white screen scroll down. He then clicks another button that turns on a projector.
"Exhibit A" Krillin says as a picture of Xzibit comes on the screen. "This, my friends, is Xzibit." Krillin chuckled at his own joke "get it? Exhibit, Xzibit…" Krillin regained himself after realizing how lame his joke was. "Anyway, here is the real exhibit A." Krillin clicked a button that made another slide show up, this time it was one of a bald Krillin on one side and a Krillin with hair on the other.
"Just look at that loser on the right." Krillin stated, shaking his head in disgrace at the Krillin with hair. "Obviously he was on crack when he decided to grow hair." Krillin clicked the button again to show another comparison slide.
"As we can plainly see, the bald version of me looks way cooler than the one with hair." Krillin looked up and seemed to reminisce about his hairless days, but shot back into his train of thought.
"Exhibit B!" He said as another slide came up, this time it was with Piccolo. "While true that it is actually impossible for Namekians to grow hair, barring that one weird one who no one really cares about, it is true that for the most part, they are very cool." Krillin nodded his head. "Today we have a very special guest, everyone welcome Nail!" A fake audience applause was made as Nail walks in the door.
"I cannot believe I'm doing this…" Nail uttered under his breath as he sat down on the chair opposite of Krillin's.
"So tell me buddy, what is it like with no hair?" Krillin asked the Namekian, who was looking down while clenching the bridge of his nose with his index finger and his thumb.
"Hair sucks, you have to keep grooming it and keeping it clean and I'm glad I don't have to do it." Nail said rather quickly, almost blending the words into one giant one. "Now can I go? This is embarrassing." Krillin whispered to his guest:
"Just humor him for a while, then you can go back to..." Krillin paused as he wasn't really sure where Nail had come from. "Weren't you permanently fused with Piccolo or something?" Nail nodded his head and looked up at the small man.
"Just be quiet Krillin, its fan fiction, what do you expect?" Krillin wobbled his head from side to side a bit, seeming to say 'I guess you're right' and went back to being serious.
"Alright! Let's give a big hand to Nail!" Krillin said as he started to clap, while Nail walked out of the room, relieved. "Wasn't he just the coolest?" Krillin asked, clicking a button that revealed another slide, this time with Tien.
"Ok ladies and gentleman, look here." Krillin pointed at the picture of Tien. "Wouldn't you agree that while Tien may not have been a very prominent character in the series, that he was cool?" Krillin asked the fake audience. "I mean seriously! He held back Cell for like… half an hour! And he was waaaay weaker than Cell was. It amazed me at least." He said, putting his hands together to try and make the tri beam symbol. "Oh, anyway, this is an artist's rendering of what Tien would look like, WITH hair." Krillin clicked the button once more and showed a poorly drawn Tien with about 10 hairs sticking out of his head.
"Obviously he looks much better bald." Krillin stated.
"Hey! Didn't I tell you that you couldn't put that picture on there?" Commander Red yelled at him while filming, with Staff Officer Black right by his side.
"Just let it go, were already rolling…" Staff Officer Black told his partner, who grumbled and allowed Krillin to continue.
"Ok, now we have another guest on our show, welcome Yamcha!" The fake audience clapped once more as Yamcha walked in, waved, and sat down across from Krillin.
"Hi Krillin!" Yamcha greeted as he kept waving to the camera.
"Yamcha, would you admit that you and Tien are kind of the antithesis of one another?" Krillin said, reading the word antithesis from a piece of paper, not knowing what the word really meant.
"Um… what?" Yamcha said, still smiling and waving at the camera.
"Uh… would you say that you and Tien are kind of opposites? Like Goku and Vegeta?" Krillin asked.
"I guess so." Yamcha stopped staring at the camera and looked at the table in between him and Krillin.
"And wouldn't you say that Tien is cool?"
"Yeah! Totally!"
"And would you say that the tri beam is cool?"
"Yeah! It's the best!"
"Better than your nonexistent special ki move?"
"Well I mean… I never really took the time…"
"And wouldn't you say that the person he hangs out with is cooler than the one you do?"
"Who? Chiaotzu? Well I mean…"
"And isn't it true that he's never been rejected by a girl?"
"Well that's not fair! He's never even asked…"
"And wouldn't you say that he's always been stronger than you?"
"Well I guess so…"
"So wouldn't you say that Tien is all around better AND cooler than you?" Yamcha was startled by this revelation and started to cry.
"Yes! Yes it's all true!" He said while bawling his eyes out.
"Um… can we get someone to… you know." Krillin asked, suddenly Yamu and Spopovich both came in quickly and forcefully escorted Yamcha out.
"I'm a joke!" Yamcha screamed as he was dragged out the door.
"Well… let's give a hand to Yamcha everyone!" The fake audience clapped once more.
"Ok, let's get back on track with exhibit D!" Krillin said, pulling up a slide of Master Roshi. "First of all, for those of you who don't like master Roshi, then F**K you!" He yelled.
"Whoa Krillin! You just went too far!" Commander Red yelled over to the small one. Krillin calmed down and stroked his hair.
"Sorry about that ladies and gentleman, I lost my cool there for a minute…" Krillin shook his head from side to side quickly, like he was trying to get water off of his face or something like that. "Anyway, while being a weird old perverted guy, everyone has to admit that Master Roshi is pretty much the guy that kept DBZ going." He stated "After all he did train 2 of the series main characters."
"Three!" Yamcha was heard yelling off screen.
"Shut up Yamcha!" Spopovich yelled also off screen as he pummeled the man into the ground.
"Anyway! Here to tell us all about Master Roshi's coolness is a past version of me!" The fake audience was at it again as Krillin with no hair came walking in, confused and wondering what was going on.
"Wait, I thought they said that I was the host of this show, who is this guy?" No-hair-Krillin asked as he pointed to the one with hair.
"Um, I am you… with hair…" The other Krillin started to laugh and fell to the floor in hysteria, to which the host Krillin looked to the ground in shame.
"That's insane! I would never do that! Unless I was on crack or something!" The Krillin with no hair screamed out as he kept on laughing.
"C'mon man! Let's just get on with this already!" The hairless Krillin struggled his way to the chair as he kept laughing hysterically. "Ok, now what do you have to say about Master Roshi?" Krillin asked himself.
"Master R-roshi…" Krillin said while trying to hold in his laughing fit "Is a gr-great…" He held on as hard as he could, but suddenly busted out laughing again, bringing the haired Krillin near tears.
"Guys, can we get him out of here?" Krillin asked as Yamu and Spopovich came in and escorted a laughing Krillin off the set.
"Oh man... What the hell were they thinking?" Krillin asked himself as he looked back up at the camera "Well now that my entire argument for Master Roshi was just thrown out the window, let's move onto our last argument." Krillin said as he pulled up the last slide, this time it was of Mr. Satan.
"Ah Mr. Satan…" Krillin started to chuckle "Do I really have to explain anything?" Everyone in the room shook their head no.
"This has been Krillin talk, and I'm your host Krillin! Tune in next week, or day depending on what this guy wants us to do, to hear the ranting of Vegeta!"