I had been counting down since I'd first heard that I was being summoned by Internal Affairs. I'd known that it was only a matter of time, but didn't know exactly what that meant until it finally hit me that short of losing the squad, the only punishment the brass would see fit for what I had supposedly done to save my detective was to force me out. But, of course, they weren't going to make it look like they were forcing me out. Pretty much what I was told was that I could stay if I wished, but I probably wasn't going to like what would happen if I did. The art of threatening someone without really threatening them.
I went inside, not surprised to see that most of the lights were off, except for the one over the stove, because that one was almost always on at night. I didn't hear anything, and was under the impression that whoever was there was asleep, but footsteps told me I was wrong.
"Thought that might've been you," said Angie's voice, and I looked up from where I sat, taking off my shoes. There she was, standing in the kitchen doorway, in one of my shirts and a pair of shorts that came to her knees. I had the feeling they belonged to one of the girls rather than to her, but it didn't matter.
"I didn't wake you coming in, did I?" I asked, glancing at the clock as I did. Eleven-thirty. Relatively early, given my recent reluctance to leave the squad room. Angie shook her head.
"No," she said. "I was already awake." But she yawned, and it was this that gave her away. I knew she'd been asleep, and that she didn't want me to know, because she didn't want me to feel guilty, but in all honesty, I didn't. As much as I didn't want to admit it, even to myself, I'd been hoping she'd come down. I said nothing and she spoke again.
"So, how goes it with the hierarchy?"
As if she really wanted to know. I felt guilty, thinking this, because it figured that she'd ask, she always did. And usually, I told her. This time, however…it was almost different, and it bothered me, because it shouldn't have been. Of course, the only reason it was different this time was because I was the one who was in for it, whatever 'it' was, but there we had it.
"It goes unknown," I said, finally. "I doubt any of us are going to find out what happens until it's actually happening."
Angie rolled her eyes. "Figures," she said, and then, "I want coffee." She walked over to where the coffee pot was and set about making it. I shook my head at her.
"It's this close to midnight, and you want coffee," I said. "You're never going to go back to sleep, you know."
"I wasn't particularly intending on going back to sleep, honestly," said Angie, and then, "Damn, you did it again."
"I already knew you'd been sleeping; you yawned right after telling me you were already awake," I replied dryly. "You don't fool me."
"Sure I don't." She turned and leaned back against the counter. Silence fell for a moment before she spoke again.
"So it goes unknown," she said, parroting my earlier remark. "Do I want to know?"
Hell, I didn't even want to know. I didn't want to think about it, either, but she'd asked, and I'd answered, without thinking, because somewhere along the line, we'd discovered that it was useless to hide anything from each other. Of course, this was probably because we'd both been cops once upon a time, and had found out everything anyway, whether from the rumor mill or our partners, so it hadn't mattered. In any case, there was no getting out of the conversation now.
"Switch on the radio, will you?" I asked, finally, in what I knew she would see as an attempt to change the subject. "It's too quiet in here."
"I'm talking and it's too quiet in here," said Angie, eyeing me intently for a long moment before shaking her head. "Who are you and what've you done with my partner?"
"I haven't done anything," I said, and meant it in the context in which she'd asked, and in a departmental sense, too. "I'm sitting right there in front of them, and they're acting like I'm not there. What the hell is that, anyway?"
"Of course they're going to act like you're not there," Angie said dryly. "They don't want it to appear like they condone whatever it is that they think you've done, which would be….?"
She trailed off, leaving it a question, the way I'd known she would. She'd also left the radio on, which gave me a perfect excuse to make like I hadn't heard her, but I wasn't going to do that.
"They're all convinced that I paid someone off to keep Logan out of hot water with IAD, and now we're all into it, or rather, they would be if IAD hadn't decided to come after me."
She stared at me. I hadn't told her that much, only that I was into it with the hierarchy, again, which wasn't exactly new. I hadn't mentioned anything about IAD, and apparently, no one else had, either. I was actually mildly surprised by this, given the fact that it had always seemed before that she knew what was going on before I did. Once again, things were different.
"Well," she said finally, "Guess a few people forgot to mention a few things." She glanced towards the coffee pot and sighed. "This thing takes forever."
That it did. I was almost wishing that there was a way to make it hurry up, but I knew there wasn't. And I knew that there wasn't a way to make any of this go away, either. It wasn't that I was afraid of facing whatever would be handed down, but the fact that it would be handed down for no reason bothered the hell out of me.
"I don't get it," I said. "I mean, I do, but at the same time, I don't. It feels like a setup, but I can't for the life of me figure out why."
"Let's think," said Angie, half-joking. "Who out there would wanna screw you over like this?"
There was an easy answer to this question. I looked away. "Let's not go there," I said, and there was silence again. The radio filled the empty space until I spoke again. "You know, I'm almost thinking I don't want to know what's going to happen."
"You think it could go that far?" Angie asked, and I knew that she knew what I'd meant, even without my elaborating.
"Yeah, I think it could go that far. I'm hoping it doesn't, but it's always a possibility. Suppose the only good thing that can really come of this is that when it's over, I'll be able to say whatever I want about the hierarchy and not have to get yelled at for it."
She laughed. "Yeah, I suppose you could say that's a good thing, but it doesn't exactly tip the scales."
It didn't and I knew it, and so did she. There wasn't much that could tip the scales from one side for another. If it went the way I was starting to think it would, then…A mug of coffee appeared in front of me, and Angie sat down in the empty chair across from where I was.
"So what are you going to do?" she asked, taking a sip from her own mug. "You can't just stand there and let them throw this mess at you."
"I know that. But there isn't much else I can do about it, either. Let's just say that the hierarchy might actually get their way for once when it comes to the eleventh floor."
"I'd smack you for that one, but I'm feeling too lazy to move. They're not going to get their way unless you let 'em have it. And honestly, I don't see that happening."
"You're the stubborn one, not me. I might fight with them, but I'm hardly one to actually stand in the way when they're determined to do something."
"And if they're determined to shove you out of Major Case? Then what?"
I hadn't thought about it. Had been determined not to think about it, to the point where I'd have stayed in the squad room all night, if it weren't for the fact that I'd have looked like a hypocrite after ordering the detectives home. And now, I was thinking about it, and I wanted nothing more than to forget it all. Come morning…technically, it was already morning, but that was beside the point. In a few hours, I'd be back in front of the lot of them, and I had other things to worry about, and they knew it, but of course, they didn't particularly care.
"I don't know," I said. "I didn't think about it. In fact, I don't want to think about it. Suppose you could say that I always figured it'd be the squad I retired with."
The irony of my words hit me as soon as I shut up. Sure, I had figured they'd be the ones I retired with, and now, more than ever, it seemed like that would be the way it went. Angie seemed to notice that I'd figured this out, because she abandoned her own mug, rose to her feet, and tugged me to mine.
"Dance with me," she said, in such a way that left no room for argument. I rolled my eyes.
"You know, for someone who hates formal events and the like, you sure as hell like poking me into this in the middle of the night."
"Someone's not a morning person." Angie nodded towards the clock, as if I hadn't noticed what time it is. "It's past midnight."
"I'm aware of that."
"Then you're also aware that this isn't just something you can walk away from."
"Why on earth would I want to walk away from you?"
"That's not what I meant. You can't avoid this. Suppose they're trying the theory of threatening someone without actually outright doing it?"
"You know the department too well."
"I know you too well. You wouldn't be like this if they hadn't pulled a stunt like that. If you want me to go tell 'em off, I will."
"I think you'd only make things worse, honestly."
"They could do with getting hell from someone on the outside every now and then."
"Well, sure they can, but that doesn't mean you've got to be the one to do it. You're retired, remember?"
"That would be why I said they'd be getting it from the outside. They can't jam you for something you haven't done."
"You'd be surprised." I'd heard the evidence they thought they had. I'd even seen the one cop they'd said I'd paid off, which honestly, the whole thing was almost funny, because I'd never met the kid before, and here they were, trying to screw me over because of something they thought had happened.
"I'd love to know who the hell they think they are, anyway," said Angie, obviously not noticing that I was only half-listening to her now. "I mean, maybe you're not being paranoid, and this is a setup. You'd think they'd be able to see it."
"If they cared to…well, never mind. I don't want to start that debate. All I know right now is that it doesn't look good, and I doubt it's going to get better."
"At least tell me they've thought to talk to your detectives about this. They'd know what was going on better than anyone else."
"I'm inclined to think that you'd know what was going on with me better than anyone else."
"Well, sure, but they're not gonna talk to me, now are they?"
"If they've talked to the squad, I don't know, and they're not likely to tell me. Do we still have to talk about this?"
Somewhere along the line, the song had changed, but neither of us had moved from where we were. Angie glanced up at me, and sighed.
"No," she said, finally. "No, we don't have to."
I didn't answer. Silence fell, and lasted, broken only by the music, until we finally went to bed.