WAY BACK INTO LOVE
I don't own ER or any of the characters mentioned in here. They all belong to NBC, Warner Bros. and their show-writers. Not even the nameless soldiers are mine – they were there already in season 10 to torture a handsome Croatian doctor. Only Sharifa and Richard are mine.
I don't earn any money from that, it's just for entertainment.
It begins somewhere in early season 13, but only follows it in the first chapters. The rest is completely AU and therefore never happened in the show.
WARNING: This story contains violence and some sexuality so if you might feel disturbed by it – please don't read it.
That's why the rating might change.
A/N This one is dedicated to my sweet friend Sem who lost hope in a possible Reela-reunion, so I hope that will make up for the lack of them we had during the whole season. Thanks for the great help with that, Susie, hope you'll enjoy.
Another big thank goes to Starryjen and Dockrock for betaing this for me.
CHAPTER 1
Ray Barnett collapsed onto the sofa in the doctor's lounge. He sighed
deeply trying to regain his composure. He was sure that he wasn't meant
to witness it, but he had seen them – Neela (his Neela, well not
exactly, but does it matter?) and that asshole Gates making out in the
conference room. He wasn't sure what he had expected, but it wasn't
Neela turning to Gates – of all people; why did it have to be him.
He had taken Pratt's advice and had given her as much time and space as
she needed to grieve and now Ray was standing on the outside and the
woman of his dreams had turned to the next man who was available. Ray
was sure that she meant nothing to Gates; that she was just someone to
warm his bed but how could he tell her? She wouldn't even listen to
him. She was avoiding him as much as possible lately. It was like she
dreaded to be anywhere near him. Sometimes when it was impossible to
get away, like when a surgical consult was necessary, the tension
between them was nearly unbearable for him and he was pretty sure other
people had noticed as well.
Other people – there it was, his next problem. He had never wanted to be
one of those people who let their personal life interfere with their
professional life, but when it came to Neela he wasn't able to think
straight anymore. They had had a heated argument in front of
the whole staff and now everybody knew – he was madly in love with her.
For the first time in his life he really loved a woman - but couldn't
have her.
He had seen the pitiful looks of the staff after she had told him off.
The scene in the conference room only made it clearer to him;
he couldn't stay here any longer. He had to leave County, leave Chicago
and leave her if he ever wanted to save the rest of what was left of his sanity.
0-0-0-0-
Still staring at the ceiling Ray heard someone enter the lounge.
"Hey, are you okay?" Abby quietly asked.
"Sure, I've never felt better" he snapped.
"I'm sure you haven't; so what happened?"
"Leave it Lockhart, I just need to go home and catch some sleep"
He almost laughed at this thought; sleep. He hadn't slept properly since
Neela had moved out months ago. So who was he fooling? Surely not Abby
because she always seemed to know exactly when someone was lying.
"Liar, so are you going to tell me the truth?", she probed further.
"She's your best friend; go ask her, I'm out of here."
Just as he was about to leave he turned out; an idea came to him and he thought Abby might be able to help him after all.
"Abby, are you still in contact with Carter?"
"Not really but Luka corresponds with him from time to time; why you ask?"
"I'd like to get a hold of him; asking him something. Do you think you could get his email or a phone number for him from Luka?"
"Sure; I'll see what I can do."
"Thanks Abby."
-0-0-0-0-
Ray wasn't sure if this was the answer to his problems but he would hopefully find out soon after getting the chance to talk to Carter. He had remembered Luka saying previously that they were in need of physicians over in Africa where Carter was continuing his medical missionary work.
Carter seemed to find the answers he needed in put his life into perspective. Maybe; just maybe he would too. Maybe helping those who were far less fortunate than him would take the focus off his own problems and the hurt would eventually disappear in time.
-0-0-0-0-
A few days later Kovac took him aside to ask him why he needed that
e-mail-address.
"I heard you talking to Dr. Carter a while ago. He said they needed more
doctors over there in Darfur, so I thought I take a sebatical from County and go help out over there" Ray said.
"You want to go over to Dafur? Is this because of Neela."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I just need a change."
"Well if you need some time away from County; I'm sure you have some vacation coming to you."
"I don't need a vacation Luka. I want to do something more."
"I know about wanting to do more Ray. I felt the same way; still do at times but I came to realize that I was running away from problems rather than facing them. I almost lost my life because I refused to accept the truth of why I let things get out of control."
"Are you telling me I can't have the time off?"
"Ray; If you want to help out over there; that's your choice and I can't stop you but you need to know that it's a completely different world over there. Chicago has its share of poverty and sickness but over there its far worse then anything you could possibly imagine. One thing for sure is if you manage to get out of their alive; you'll come back her a completely changed man."
"So you don't think I can do it; that I couldn't handle it over there?"
"I believe you can do anything you set your mind to do; Lord knows you were able to turn things around for your self at County when several people thought you were just another hot shot punk."
"I don't know what's going to happen over there but I just know I need a change; a big change."
Luka knew that Ray had made his mind up and there wasn't anything he could say or do to change that. Though he still had reservations about Ray going over to Africa Luka found him self telling him how to reach Carter.
-0-0-0-0-
Sooner than Ray had expected the weeks until his departure were over and
he had to leave. Much to his relief Neela had decided to fly to England
to visit her parents for a holiday a couple of days earlier; not that it really mattered since
she still wasn't talking to him for the most part these day. It was probably for the best that she didn't know he was leaving and where his destination was.
There was a time when Neela and he had seemed to share just about everything. They had been more than just room mates. They had become the best of friends and he had felt more connected to her than he had been with any other woman he had dated. Unfortunately it seemed those days were gone and the time they had spent together; just a faded memory. Well at least a faded memory to her it seemed but one that continued to linger on for him. Abby and Luka promised not to tell Neela where he went.
She would find out soon enough. Maybe it would bother her, maybe not –
he couldn't figure her out anymore. She might be a little disappointed at first that everyone knew but her but he figured she would eventually get over it and move on just like she's always done.
Part of him wanted to tell her he was going to Africa just out of the mere hope that she would beg him to stay. He knew all too well that she was the only one who could convince him to
stay, but she wasn't here so there was no chance of that happening now.
Maybe she would be furious to find out he'd
gone to a war zone; put his life in danger like Michael had, maybe at
least she still cared that much for him? Ray had to stop thinking about
it over and over again – it only made his head spin and his heart ache.
With all his friends (well, almost all his friends) around and one last
beer at Ike's he finished his days at County and headed home to pack.
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