[A/N: Hi there! Okay, so I don't really know what I'm doing but after seeing TLJ, I can't stop thinking about where this story can go and the thought of waiting two years is agonizing! I didn't really see or think about Reylo in TFA but after seeing TLJ, let me tell you, I am HERE FOR IT. XD

Anyway, this is my first Star Wars fanfic. I'm a little nervous so please, if you have any thoughts, suggestions, corrections, etc., please let me know. There's so much to remember in the Star Wars universe and I just watched all of the movies for the first time two years ago. While I am indeed in love with this world, I'm still new to it so help a writer out, eh?

Like I said, I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this but I have theories and emotions I want to explore with these characters and if you guys dig it, I may flesh this out into an actual story.

Also, I of course do not own Star Wars or anything from it. (If I did, I'm sure I'd feel like less of a n00b XD).

Anyway, thanks for reading and please let me know what you think.]

He hadn't expected to see her again. When the bond resurfaced, inducing a deafening quiet over the room as he knelt in the now decimated control center, he'd almost thought he was imagining her presence until he looked up. In that moment, he could feel her falter for the briefest of moments, their eyes locked on one another as each attempted to sort through the conflicted waves of emotions that were crashing down on them like the tides on Ahch-To.

Amidst the emotional upheaval happening in his mind, one realization rang out like a siren. He was seeing her and by the expression on her face, she could see him, too. Snoke had told them in no uncertain terms that he had been the one to initiate their bond. The manipulation and devious way in which he'd boasted his power over Kylo's weakness left a bitter taste in his mouth. But how could they be having this encounter if Snoke was dead? Perhaps the connection, once established, didn't require the originator to be alive to continue. Or, as his mind drifted into the beckoning calls of self-loathing, could it have been that their connection had been genuine? For what purpose, he wasn't sure, but if Snoke had lied… if their connection was based in something real and not his master's manipulation…

Rey paused for the briefest of moments after ushering the remaining Resistance members onto what he could only assume was the Millenium Falcon. In that moment of quiet, her eyes spoke volumes that he couldn't read, but he felt. He felt her hesitation, her disappointment, and when her brow fixed and she steadied herself, he sensed her resolve as she abruptly shut the door, effectively breaking their connection.

As the dice in his hand disappeared into nothing, he could feel a familiar darkness encroaching over his chest, enveloping his heart like quicksand and it was suffocating. Snoke had been right. As he felt the familiar entanglement of regret and self-doubt and loathing wash over him, he mentally chastised himself for his weakness. This was his problem. Why was he like this? Why couldn't he be stronger? He'd done everything possible - everything he could think of. He'd killed his father, he'd killed his master, and countless other innocent lives across the galaxy and for what? He'd believed it would become easier with time. He'd believed he could fully immerse himself in the darkness if he gave into it. If he embraced it. What more did he have to do to eliminate the unspeakable pain that burned through his soul like acid? Now everything seemed to be for naught. He felt weaker, more broken, and the sight of Rey's piercing gaze would surely haunt him in his restless sleep.

"Supreme Leader?" A stormtrooper tentatively stepped into the room, despite his command for them to wait outside.

"Out!" Kylo nearly screamed, lifting his hand and throwing the stormtrooper across the room where he collided with the wall.

He knew it was only a matter of time before General Hux grew impatient and decided to pester him to leave Crait and seek out the Resistance once again. Truth be told, he hated them. He'd hated Snoke and Hux, the First Order - all of it. But it'd given him purpose and when he'd killed Snoke, breaking free of his master's hold on him, he'd expected to feel some sort of liberation. Instead he felt lost, wearing shoes that didn't fit and that he didn't want… but they were all he had.

He could have had Rey. The things they'd shared in such a short time felt more poignant that any interaction or accomplishment he'd experienced thus far in his life. He'd seen a future with her and he wanted it, far more than he could have ever imagined. He knew they could be powerful together, that they were meant to do great things together, and yet, she'd rejected him.

A small part of him gnawed at the back of his mind, reminding him that he could have chosen differently. But could he? He quickly shook the thought from his mind but it hadn't been the first time it'd appeared, taunting him.

"Arghhhh!" He stood up abruptly, storming the room for something to destroy. Much of the equipment and structures had been damaged by the cannon so he found himself punching sheets of metal and breaking plates of glass that had yet to crack. He felt like there was fire in his veins, burning him from the inside out and in his agony, he could feel nothing but rage and an animalistic desire to escape it.

He felt out of control, wild and spinning like a free-fall in zero gravity. In his anguished rage, he was blind and numb to the ache in his wrists and the way he'd split his knuckles even through his gloves. As his adrenaline ebbed, his breathing shallow and haggard, he settled into the omnipresent loneliness that seemed to tear through the very core of his being.

Kneeling to the floor once more, he willed himself to shake it off, to push aside the weakness that threatened him. He was the Supreme Leader now; he couldn't be weak. Yet the image of Rey's gaze, still fresh in his mind, induced more struggle in his heart than he'd experienced before. The hope in her eyes, the understanding in her words… he wanted to shed the memories like a cloak but they were embedded within him now and he could sooner shed his own skin than be rid of the disappointment in her eyes. She'd let him down and yet he almost felt like he'd betrayed her. And despite the First Order's embarrassing loss and his tempestuous duel with his uncle, it was the way she'd look at him that made him feel like a failure most of all.

[A/N: The quote in the story description is by C. Joybell C.]