Author's note: This first chapter reads more like a journal than a story. Its main purpose is to set the stage and background for future chapters, which should read more like a story. Also, sorry for the kind of cliché opening.
The deep, bass voice penetrated far into the depths of his soul.
Your civilization is based on the technology of the mass relays, our technology. By using it, your society develops along the paths we desire.
Commander John Shepard bolted upright as he awoke, unsure of where he was. The first thing he felt was the cold sweat encasing him. His heart raced. Just a dream, he told himself. Just a dream. Again. As his eyes slowly began to discern a faint blue glow and his ears began to hear a familiar quiet hum, Shepard began to lie back, now aware that he was in his bed aboard the Normandy. His heart began to slow to its normal relaxed pace, but his mind was as active as it was seconds ago. He was almost back to horizontal when he felt something under his pillow, and it took him a second to realize what it was.
Mmmph. A barely perceptible sound originated from next to the Hero of the Citadel. Shepard glanced over and his heart began beating slightly faster as he remembered the origin of the sound, then slowed down to a more relaxed pace as he allowed himself to be at ease. Next to him, under the covers, and now stirring slightly from the interruption of an otherwise quiet night's sleep was one of the most amazing women he had ever met. Shepard propped himself up on one arm and just stared at the beauty next to him. Her body faced his, her right arm extended under his pillow and her left arm draped across his waist. Slightly awoken by Shepard's sudden movement from waking up from his nightmare, she now felt a pair of eyes softly gazing upon her. Aware that something was a little off, she opened her eyes and, glancing up, met Shepard's.
"John?" Miranda's voice was soft and comforting. "Everything all right?"
I know she's trying to be supportive, but how do you even begin to answer that question.
Ever since their mission to the Collector Base, nothing had gone according to the way Shepard had planned. During the conversation with the Illusive Man at the Collector Base, Miranda had seemed uncertain about keeping the base. Shepard also had misgivings about simply turning the base over to Cerberus. Spur of the moment, he thought he figured out a way he could "have his cake and eat it too" – use the technology of the base to help fight the Reapers, but put it in better hands than Cerberus. Only it didn't work out that way.
Shepard's plan was simple: Leave the base intact but turn it over to the Council. Shepard saw that as a clear "win-win" – the dangerous technology of the base would be in hands more likely to use it for the benefit of all civilizations as well as have more scientists looking at it than just the staff of Cerberus, and also it would finally prove to the Council that the Reaper threat was real. A slam-dunk.
But there were two things Shepard hadn't counted on. When the Normandy jumped back through the Omega-4 relay into "known space" (as the charted systems are called), Shepard's first act was to establish communications with the Council and let them know of the base. The Council, of course skeptical, wanted to send a Salarian research craft through the Omega-4 relay to verify the claim and size up the scope of work. Shepard willingly transferred the schematics of the Reaper IFF to the Council, but there was a problem: The technology was too advanced to integrate into any current systems. The IFF was able to integrate into the Normandy because the technology with which EDI was constructed with was also partially derived from Reaper technology. So as a result, no ships aside from the Normandy could pass through the Omega-4 relay, ending any hope of sending other ships through.
The second thing Shepard hadn't counted on was exactly how stubborn the Council was. Shepard's Plan B was, if we can't send other ships through the relay, let's just put the Council's investigators aboard the Normandy and ferry them to through the relay. Shepard reasoned that given the stakes, the Council would be willing to overlook that the Normandy was still registered under a Cerberus flag. That by itself may have been surmountable, but when the Council determined that a Cerberus vessel would be ferrying Council research teams covertly through the Terminus systems, the Council decided the risks of triggering a war were greater than the "marginal" scientific benefits which would have come from studying the technology. No matter the angle, it seemed the only way the risk-averse Council would agree to study the Collector Base would be if the base was somehow magically transported right next to the Citadel. So Shepard's grand plan of turning the Collector base over to the Council had failed, the only thing coming from it was a very confrontational conversation with the Illusive Man about Shepard's attempt to circumvent Cerberus. Despite a healthy distrust of the Illusive Man, Shepard still found Cerberus a net benefit to his quest to thwart the Reapers. Repairs to the Normandy at Minuteman Station, after the Collector Base mission, had been carried out much faster than would have been possible at a normal "civilian" shipyard, and with much greater security too. Not to mention free of charge.
Then there was Miranda. Her relationship with the Illusive Man had cooled ever since her hesitation back on the Collector Base – her comment that keeping the base seemed like a "betrayal" had not escaped the Illusive Man's notice. Coupling that with the fact that he knew she had grown closer to Shepard after the events with her sister, the Illusive Man had begun to secretly question Miranda's loyalty to Cerberus and began excluding her from some of Cerberus' more sensitive operations. Sensing the distrust, Miranda had asked for permission to stay aboard the Normandy until a few more "loose ends" were wrapped up (pitched as hunting any remaining Collector vessels) which the Illusive Man was happy to agree to. That was, until he could determine a better way to deal with - what had suddenly become - the "Miranda issue."
As if that was not enough, there was then the ill-fated attempt to rescue Dr. Amanda Kenson. That certainly did not go according to plan either, resulting in the destruction of the Bahak system including its five planets and hundreds of thousands of Batarian colonists. Even his attempt to warn the colonists – which would have had the side-benefit of supporting Shepard's case that he wasn't trying to murder them – was thwarted when the indoctrinated Dr. Kenson cut off the communication. The Normandy escaped, and evidence that Shepard and the Normandy were present at the incident quickly circulated throughout the galactic community. Admiral Hackett's debrief of Shepard left the Admiral convinced that Shepard's reasons were just, but both knew it was only a matter of time before a trial would be the only alternative to the Batarians declaring war against the Alliance.
The Bahak incident had also left Cerberus in an awkward position. Although many had labeled Cerberus a "terrorist organization," the frequent use of that label by politicians trying to drum up support had diluted its meaning and most people saw Cerberus as simply a ruthless human special-interest group. However, the Illusive Man was well aware that should word get out that Cerberus was providing "aid and comfort" to the destroyer of the Bahak system, there was little doubt the organization would be implicated as well. As a result, Cerberus had de-registered the Normandy yet continued to provide Shepard and his crew with some funding through a series of untraceable shell corporations. It had made Yeoman Chambers' life difficult constantly adjusting the payroll through the many changing bank accounts, but better that then have to find some other means of funding their operations. But Shepard knew that he was currently operating on borrowed time, and things would be coming to fruition fairly soon.
"Hey." Shepard's right arm gently found itself settling on Miranda's left shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Miranda loved the way Shepard seemed to know the most intimate way to connect with her – sometimes through a look, sometimes through a laugh, sometimes through a gentle touch. As he was doing right now.
"Talk to me, Shepard." Her reply was soft, but the use of his last name meant to convey a little more authority than just random pillow talk.
Shepard let out a long exhale before he began to speak, trying to arrange his thoughts. There were so many of them.
"Miranda, the path forward is going to be rough. The demand for a trial over the Alpha Relay incident is growing to the point where the current 'an investigation is ongoing' answer isn't going to work much longer. You know that I believe in the Alliance, and even though it has its bad apples, it's a force of good in the galaxy and I want to be a part of it again. I've never hidden that from you, and I love that you support me in that." In the split second after he uttered it he realized he had used the word love – he had been careful about using it in any context as he had no idea how she felt about him. He did know that there was little chance he could end up feeling that way about her, but he truly had no idea if the opposite were true. But in this instance, and in the context, she didn't seem to mind. In fact, he almost felt her warmth even more at the sound of it, but wasn't sure if that was her, him, both, or just his imagination.
"I know John, but –"
"Just let me finish..." Shepard said gently, not meaning to interrupt her but wanting to complete his thought before it became jumbled with others. "When that happens, whatever the galaxy is doing to prepare for the Reapers is likely the course it will stay on until the trial is over. We have to make sure we've set enough of the right things in motion so progress will be made while we're shut down. And by 'we' being shut down I mean the Normandy and whatever crew come with me, which I won't allow to include you."
Miranda's soft smile faded as Shepard concluded his sentence. She wanted to tell him that she would surrender herself along with him, but she knew that not only would he never allow her to get caught in any fallout related to him, she also knew that HE knew she could do a lot more good preparing for the Reapers if she had no encumbrances.
"I know John. But until that time comes, promise me you'll not let concern of the future affect you and I in the here and now." Miranda's words were always soothing to Shepard. This time was no different.
"That would be a lot easier, Miranda, if I could be sure the knowledge anyone will gain from the Collector Base will be a net benefit to fighting the Reapers."
Miranda's look went from soft to quizzical. "How do you mean Shepard? They certainly couldn't have expected us organics to capture the base."
Shepard was well-prepared in his response, as he had been agonizing over it for months. "Yes, but remember Sovereign's admission, that all known advanced technology is based off their technology. If we spend time researching along the same paths, even if we are better prepared they might be able to adapt a lot faster to whatever advances we make because they are familiar with the technology. Had we instead spent that time trying to invent completely different ways of fighting back, it would be more likely to uncover methods the Reapers wouldn't be expecting. We'll never know what tools we won't have to use against them as a result of studying the tools they left behind in the Collector Base."
"All true, Shepard." Miranda's response alarmed Shepard, as he was expecting her to try some words a little more consoling. "But think of it like this...the only people researching the Collector technology are Cerberus. The rest of the galaxy is free to develop other methods to fight the Reapers."
Shepard breathed a little easier at Miranda's kind words, but he knew there was still a vast struggle ahead. "You're right. So I guess it goes back to what I was thinking, that we need to get as many things working in the right direction as possible before our time is up." Shepard let out a long exhale, finally breathing a little easier for the first time in quite a while. "Thanks."
Miranda's left leg gently raised itself up along the length of Shepard's lower half, finally coming to rest at his midsection, just under her left arm. Shepard could feel her warmth now, pressing gently against his left hip. Shepard removed his left arm from holding his head up and gently placed it under the pillow beneath Miranda's head, their faces now just inches away. Shepard felt Miranda move slightly closer as she softly uttered the words, "Kiss me."
Shepard was happy to oblige. For a moment, the universe could wait.