AN: First of all, I'd like to send out a big thank you to Wepdiggy and mxpw for their help with this Sarina fic. They technically did not do a full beta for me though, so all typos, pronoun confusion, and random unusual verbage are my own.
And now that I've used the words Wepdiggy and Sarina in the same sentence, I'd like to thank the remainder of you who are still here reading (haha). While the boys were an invaluable help with this piece and I really can't thank them enough, please be assured that we have very, very different ideas as to the nature of Sarah and Carina's relationship. I've labeled this a friendship and hurt/comfort piece and I firmly stand by that. I'm hoping that there's a little bit for everybody in here. But, yes, it is technically femslash so the standard warnings about not continuing on if you disapprove apply. I've given Sarah and Carina the same history as my Fallout AU, but I think I can sum this piece up by saying that they go back, way back. Or, as we would say in the South, they've been knowin' each other a minute. For the full story please feel free to refer to Chapter 3 of Chuck vs. the Fallout (And yes there is more of that to come eventually. Files have disappeared and I'm having to do lots and lots of rewriting which is never as much fun as writing something for the first time. I just can't stop myself from skipping ahead).
As this got rather long, I'm breaking it up into two chapters. The first keeps to a K+ or mild T rating for some language and innuendo. The second I've rated M to stay on the safe side, but I don't think there's anything too terribly graphic. I didn't write this as a songfic, but as I was working on the second chapter, my iTunes randomly shuffled to Broken by Lifehouse and I thought it fit in perfectly with Sarah's frame of mind. So for those of you who like a bit of interactive fun, feel free to cue it up along with Chapter 2.
As always, I don't own Chuck. If I did, I'd have it coming back at the end of the month. Hey, maybe things are looking up for me after all! It's a beautiful day in the Chuckverse everybody!
And now, without further ado . . .
Sarah vs. The Dreamless Sleep
by daydreamer 2578
In room 832 of the Maison23 Los Angeles Hotel, two of the country's top secret agents were hard at work, typing up their reports detailing the events of that evening's Nodoni Noir diamond fiasco. CIA agent Sarah Walker was sitting Indian-style in her favorite green chair by the window while her long-time best friend, rival, and DEA agent Carina Hansen had spread out on the room's built-in desk. Without pausing in her typing, Sarah looked up from her report to steal a glance at the now redhead. Sarah couldn't help but think that she liked her better with her natural dark blond waves. Carina was ostensibly still working, but Sarah hadn't heard so much as a keystroke from her direction in several minutes. There was no way she could be done this quickly, particularly given the unorthodox turn the mission had taken.
Sarah grinned to herself as she saw that the other agent was surreptitiously using a pen and paper clip to put together a rubber band launcher. Continuing to type one-handed so as not to alert Carina that she had noticed, Sarah stealthily picked out her own rubber band from the bag she had concealed between her crossed legs. When Carina turned to launch her projectile, Sarah was ready. Without bothering to look up from the screen of her MacBook, she caught the flying rubber band and launched her own out from under the table, scoring a direct hit right in the middle of Carina's forehead.
"Hey!" Carina said, rubbing her brow and pouting.
"You started it," Sarah smiled sweetly back at her, then turned her attention back to her report.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Carina stick her tongue out at her then turn back towards her computer. However, after a few minutes, the sounds of typing from the other side of the room died away again. Switching back to one-handed keyboarding, Sarah brought out a fully loaded rubber band gun and took aim at the redhead's back. When Carina spun around in her chair, Sarah began pulling the trigger rapidly, sending all ten rubber bands flying straight into Carina's chest, one right after the other.
Carina yelped and flew across the room to wrench the gun playfully from Sarah's hand.
"This is great!" she said, laughing and examining the toy. "Where'd you get it?"
"From the Buy More," Sarah stretched out her legs and put the bag of rubber bands on the table. "I thought it might come in handy with you being in town and all."
Carina reloaded the gun and started launching rubber bands randomly around the room. She knocked petals off of the flower arrangements, hooked one on the edge of a wall sconce, blew out a candle on the nightstand, and finished by sending one up in a high arc to land neatly in Sarah's goldfish bowl.
"We could have used one of these back in Mrs. Wilcox's class," she grinned.
Sarah took the gun back before Carina could do any more damage. She shuddered to think about the repair bill the CIA would be receiving from the hotel after her dramatic entrance two nights before.
"Please," Sarah said, "you spent enough time in detention as it was. And give my poor fish a break, will ya'? You've traumatized him enough already."
Carina leaned down to the glass bowl and gave the goldfish an apologetic kiss through the glass. "Sorry fishy," she said, and then turned back to Sarah. "But I do seem to remember always having plenty of company in detention whenever you were around."
"Only because you always insisted on dragging me into your crazy schemes," Sarah scoffed.
"Hey, who was it that brought in that giant, plastic jumping spider and nearly gave old Wilcox a heart attack?"
"You."
"Oh yeah, that was me," Carina admitted with a grin. "But what about the Super Soaker in gym class?"
"Also you."
"The super glue and Mr. Frasier's toupee?"
"All you. But that one was pretty funny."
"What about the sleeping pills in Mr. Ritchie's coffee?"
"That would be you too."
"Not so! If I remember correctly – and I'm fairly certain that I do – you were the one who handed him the poisoned cup."
Sarah widened her eyes and feigned innocence. "How was I supposed to know what you put in there?"
"Uh, huh," Carina retorted. "Ritchie didn't buy those big, blue innocent eyes then, and I certainly don't buy them now."
Sarah batted her eyelashes several times, giving Carina a large dose of those big, blue innocent eyes. But she couldn't hold the face long under Carina's disapproving smirk, and eventually both women started laughing.
"Just don't forget that it was these baby blues and my sweet little innocent act that kept us from getting expelled."
"Yeah, I guess I should have thanked you for that," Carina conceded.
"Damn straight," Sarah retorted. "But instead, you had to go and provoke him again and land us cleaning the bleachers after every game for a solid month."
"Fine, fine. But the frogs in Biology lab were totally you."
"That was a political statement."
"Uh, huh. Sure."
"Just finish your report, Carina. Looks like you still have a few sections to go," Sarah said, glancing over at Carina's laptop.
"I don't know what to say!" the frustrated DEA agent wailed, throwing up her hands. "How am I supposed to explain how an analyst – who shouldn't even have been in the field in the first place, mind you – managed to send the world's largest drug diamond –"
"Terrorist diamond," Sarah corrected.
"Terrorist diamond," she amended, "to the Pentagon via FedEx? Can I just read what you wrote?"
Sarah laughed. "No," she said, hitting the return button to send her own report and closing the cover of her laptop. "When did I ever let you cheat off of me?"
Carina looked incredulous. "How can you be done already?"
Sarah stood, stretched languidly and flopped backwards onto the bed. "With Chuck, I'm starting to get used to it," she explained. "My first report, I got to describe how he used porn to disarm a bomb. The second, I had to explain how he ended up behind the controls of a helicopter and had to land it solo."
And Sarah had thought that Carina had looked amazed before. "How on earth do you disarm a bomb with porn?" she asked, eyes wide.
"Some things are just more entertaining when left to the imagination, don't you think?" Sarah teased.
Carina considered for a second. "Maybe you're right," she said, a slight smile playing across her face. "And he really flew a helicopter?"
"Well, I don't know if you'd exactly call it flying . . . "
"And here I thought that this was just a boring babysitting assignment."
"Please, do you really think that the CIA would send me out just to babysit?"
"I don't know," Carina mused. "I thought maybe it was fallout for Bryce or something."
At the mention of Bryce's name, Sarah saw a flash of red and all of her anger towards Carina over the events of the last two days came bubbling back up to the surface. How dare she bring him up again? Sarah thought bitterly, sitting up on the bed to glare at her.
"Don't even think about mentioning Bryce to me right now," she growled from low in her throat.
Sarah's abrupt change in demeanor was not lost on her long-time friend. Carina let out a low whistle, leaned back against the desk and held up her hands. "Okaaay. I touched a nerve there. I get it."
"That's all you ever do is touch people's nerves!" Sarah snapped. "You think one day you'd learn."
"It's not my fault that people leave those raw ends just dangling out there for the world to see," Carina defended herself.
"Well some people wouldn't see those raw ends if they weren't snooping around listening to other people's private conversations instead of just picking up a phone like a normal person."
"Please," Carina shot back. "You know that there's no such thing as a private conversation in our world."
"I know that," Sarah spat, "but Chuck doesn't. He's not like us. He had no clue you were there. I lied to him about Bryce for a reason. I knew he couldn't handle it yet. And then, not only do you try and seduce him, you had to use what he said to hit him exactly where you knew it would hurt the most."
Carina softened slightly. "Look, I'm sorry," she said. "I had no idea he'd get so . . . sensitive . . . about it."
Sarah was anything but appeased and continued her berating in the same scalding tone of voice. "Chuck's not a spy and you knew that. He's a genuinely good guy who got roped into all of this against his will. He's in completely over his head and he's floundering. In his first two times out, he barely escaped kidnapping, torture and being thrown off of a balcony, and he's terrified of heights. I was finally getting to a good place with him, and then you have to go and . . ." Sarah flailed her hand about looking for the right word, "complicate things. And with one of your damned cheap shots no less."
Carina sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. Really. I just didn't buy the nice guy act."
"It's not an act."
"But if he's such a genuinely good guy, what's he doing with that level of clearance? Nice guys don't know government secrets."
"It's none of your concern why," Sarah snapped again. "But like I said, none of this has been his choice. Trust me." Exasperated with the whole situation – leave it to Carina to get her all riled up when all she wanted to do was chill out and de-stress for a while and then go to bed – Sarah flopped back on the mattress and pulled a pillow over her head. The last thing in the world she wanted was to be having this conversation, but she also knew Carina well enough to know that once she had started on a topic, she wouldn't let it drop until she was satisfied. She had the exclusive ability to get Sarah angry and frustrated even faster than Chuck could make her freeze up and start stammering things about kissing him that she didn't really mean. Or did she mean them? Dammit, she didn't want to think about Chuck right now. She did more than enough of that on her own without Carina's help, thank you very much.
Gathering her focus, Sarah took a few deep breaths and began systematically clearing her head of thought. She focused her attention on the feel of the sheets beneath her, the heat of her breath against the pillowcase, willing her mind to silence. She tried to will Carina to silence as well. Please just shut up already.
"Soooo," Carina continued on, oblivious, eliciting a frustrated growl from Sarah. "However Chucky Boy got himself in, he wants out bad, and it's your job to keep him happy and compliant?"
"Pretty much," Sarah mumbled from under her pillow.
"And are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Keeping him happy?" Carina asked suggestively, raising her eyebrows knowingly.
"That's none of your business either," Sarah retorted quickly, glaring at her from around the pillowcase.
Carina's mouth shot open again, most likely to make some sort of lewd suggestion or another, but something on Sarah's face must have let her know that she was deadly serious. Carina closed her mouth again, apparently having decided to let that sleeping dog lie. She pushed off the vanity with an exaggerated glance around the room, and sauntered over to sit on the bed beside Sarah.
"And so keeping Chuck Bartowski happy and compliant buys you this beautiful hum-drum existence of board games, penguin movies and corn dogs?"
"Yup," Sarah said simply.
"How can you stand it? Don't you miss it out there?
Sarah sighed and sat up on the bed, hugging the pillow to her chest. "I don't know," she tempered, undecided. "It's really different, you know? It actually feels more like a con than an assignment. But still, it's kinda nice. I mean, we spend all our time out there fighting to protect the big 'American Dream,' and now I get this little glimpse into what it is we're out there working for; what's it's like just to be a normal person."
At this, Carina couldn't help but snort. "So working for the Burbank Nerd Herd is the new American Dream?"
"No, not that," Sarah admitted. "But I actually do think I'm enjoying myself more cooking hot dogs and messing with the stoner kids' heads than I would be if I were stuck with an asset who worked in a cube farm."
Shit. Sarah realized her slip in calling Chuck an asset instead of an analyst too late. She was slipping far too much when it came to Chuck these days. She glanced over at Carina to see that she had indeed noticed her mistake. Sarah could tell that she was filing the information away in her head as another clue as to what Team Bartowski was actually doing in L.A. Carina was always far too pugnacious when it came to sticking her nose into places it didn't belong. And, national security matters aside, Sarah couldn't have Carina finding out about the Intersect – it would put her in too much danger. She mentally prepared a quick denial, but it seemed that the redhead had decided not to mention it.
"Yeah, but at least if you were working in an office building you'd smell better," Carina teased instead with a wicked grin on her face.
Sarah breathed a sigh of relief, put a mock-scowl on her own face and threw her pillow at Carina. "Hey!"
"Please," Carina laughed, dodging the pillow, which crashed into the vanity, knocking over a fake flower arrangement, "you've been off work for hours and I can still smell you from across the room."
"Fine," Sarah rolled her eyes, "I'll go take a shower."
"Want some company?"
Here we go again, Sarah thought with a grin. She had been wondering when Carina was going to get around to the flirting. She had actually made it a remarkably long time – for her, anyways.
"Funny. Why don't you just finish up your report and order some dinner? I'm famished."
"Sure thing. Champagne, strawberries, whipped cream and chocolate syrup coming right up!"
Sarah decided not to dignify this with a response and just shot her friend another exasperated eye roll. Removing the rubber band from her ponytail, she shook out her hair, picked up the other pillow and began rubbing it all over her head.
"What in the world are you doing?" Carina asked, bemused.
"Just making sure to get plenty of my eau de Weinerlicious on your pillow before I wash my hair," she said, winking at her.
"My pillow?" Carina asked, "Am I staying the night?"
Sarah stood up and casually peeled off her tank top, getting ready to hop in the shower. Despite Carina's flirting, she didn't even give a second thought to taking off her clothes in front of her. In the nearly twenty years she had known her, Carina had seen everything she had to offer more than once. It would actually be a false display of modesty that would be more likely to give her the wrong kind of ideas.
"Sure. Why not?" Sarah asked lightly, balling up her shirt and tossing it towards the bathroom. "It's been what? A year? We can catch up, watch a movie, go for a jog in the morning."
"Bet I can still kick your ass over five miles," Carina challenged.
"I'll bet ya fifty you can't," Sarah said, swinging her legs over to the other side of the bed and sliding out of her jeans. "I've had a lot more time to run lately." She kicked her jeans across the room and stole a quick glance over towards the mirror to see Carina eyeing her thigh muscles. Or maybe her thong. Probably her thong. "We on?" she asked, rolling her eyes again.
"Sure, why not?" Carina said. "A regular Snoresville sleepover party. We can even do each other's hair and talk about boys."
Sarah snatched up the pillow and smacked Carina across the face with it a couple of times. Carina wrestled it away from her and made a production of smelling it and pretending to gag. Sarah laughed and sent her lockpick hurtling towards Carina's head as she walked towards the bathroom. Carina ducked, rolled off the bed and came up with the rubber band gun, firing a stream of projectiles that landed, stinging, on Sarah's exposed torso and backside. Damn, she had to admit that the girl was good; Sarah hadn't even noticed her reloading the gun.
Sarah dove into the bathroom, quickly grabbing a handful of random cosmetics off of the vanity and moving into a crouch near the door. She lobbed tubes of mascara, lipstick and eyeliner over the bed, listening as they landed in order to ferret out where Carina was hiding. She picked up a canister of loose powder, unscrewed the lid halfway and took careful aim at a spot on the carpet just to the right of the wall. After a few seconds, Carina rolled out from behind the bed, standing quickly to put her back flat against the wall and start stalking towards Sarah. Sarah lobbed the powder box which burst open as it landed, coating Carina's black clothing with a thick, peach mist.
While coughing and waving the cloud of powder away with her left hand, Carina calmly raised the gun in her right and emptied the clip in Sarah's direction. Her supply of cosmetics exhausted, Sarah reached into the mini-fridge behind her coming up with a container of vanilla yogurt. As Carina neared her location, Sarah let fly with the yogurt, hitting Carina in the abdomen. Unfortunately, this container also broke open, leaving large gobs of white paste on Carina's shirt, the wall and the floor around her. Looking down in disbelief at her ruined shirt, Carina burst out laughing and held up her hands. "Ok, you win this one."
Sarah had collapsed back against the wall, wiping away tears of laughter. "That's two for me this trip."
"I'd call the last one a draw."
"Whatever," Sarah said, waving her hand dismissively. "Give me your shirt. I'll rinse it out in the shower. PJs are in the second drawer."
Carina peeled off her tank top and threw it over Sarah's head, covering her face and hair with gobs of yogurt.
"Damn, you look cute when you're wearing food," Carina grinned at her.
Sarah grinned back, ran her finger down her nose, scooping up some yogurt and popped it into her mouth. "That reminds me," she said, "don't forget about dinner, I'm starving."
"Right on," Carina said, "since the CIA's buying, I'm feeling like some surf-and-turf."
"Uh uh," Sarah shook her head, getting up, "better make it dad-style surf-and-turf. I've already burned through most of my expense allowance this month."
"That much, really? What on?"
"It's L.A. I needed new clothes! Do you have any idea how many shoes there are here?"
"They should know better than to let you go shopping unattended," Carina laughed, "nobody will ever see you in the same outfit twice. So I'm trading your Ferragamo slingbacks for a cheeseburger and fish sticks. What do you want?"
Sarah waggled her eyebrows playfully as she drew the bathroom doors shut between them. "You know what I want."
*****
Sarah lingered in the shower, giving Carina plenty of time to finish her report. When she heard room service knocking on the door, she quickly toweled dry and threw on a cotton camisole and a pair of boy shorts. Listening to the conversation from the bedroom, she heard Carina's tone of voice change quickly from light and conversational to sultry and husky and she figured that Mike must be on duty tonight. She had to admit the kid was cute – early twenties, fit, killer smile – he was just the type that Carina would go for. Hell, was there really a type that Carina wouldn't go for?
She pulled open the doors and walked out into the bedroom. Mike was transferring their dinner from the cart to the table by the window as slowly as he possibly could, ogling at Carina the whole time. Carina, who had thrown on Sarah's smallest black T-shirt over a pair of skimpy, black lace panties, was well aware of the attention being paid to her and was smiling and flirting back at him. When Mike spotted Sarah walking into the room, still damp from her shower, he pulled up short, his eyes darting between the two scantily clad women, temporarily speechless.
Carina took note of his piqued interest and sauntered over to Sarah with an exaggerated sway of her hips. She wrapped her arms seductively around the blonde, and nibbled lightly on her neck, sneaking a glance over her shoulder to gauge Mike's reaction. Unthinking, Sarah leaned her cheek against Carina's head and started to bring her arms up to return the embrace before her logical mind kicked in and she pulled back.
"Wanna give the kid a thrill?" Carina whispered into her ear, sending an involuntary shiver down her spine.
Sarah rolled her eyes heavenwards and pushed her away. "Carina, behave yourself," she admonished.
"Oh, don't mind me," Mike said, having found both his voice and his killer smile again. "You two can just go on with . . . "
It was only then that he seemed to really take in the condition of the room; the rubber bands and cosmetics lying everywhere, the upset flower arrangements and pillow lying haphazardly on the dresser, the clothes strewn about the floor, the powder on the carpet, the yogurt dripping down the wall, the guns, knives and handcuffs tossed casually on the nightstands, and the picture of Casey gagged and handcuffed to a hotel room bed prominently displayed on Carina's open laptop.
" . . . whatever it is you were doing," he finished, the tips of his ears turning red.
Carina smirked and waggled her eyebrows at him suggestively. Sarah fought the urge to hide her head in her hands and blush. Instead, she smiled indulgently over at Carina and reached for the check, signing it in a business-like manner.
"Thank you Mike," she said, doing her best to sound nonchalant. "How's your grandmother doing?"
Mike snapped out of his bemused contemplations when he realized that Sarah was asking him a question. "She seems a bit better, thanks. I think the radiation's working."
"That's great," Sarah said sympathetically. "I'm happy to hear it. Have a good night."
Clearly dismissed, Mike took one last glance towards Carina and wheeled his cart towards the door.
"Nighty night Mikey," Carina called after him. "Why don't you come back up and see us when you get off?"
"Carina!" Sarah scolded.
Mike suddenly looked hopeful, glancing between the two agents again and turning on his smile. "I get off at midnight," he said.
Carina ran her hand teasingly down Sarah's spine and pinched her ass cheek. Sarah slapped her hand away, shooting daggers at her with her eyes. "We have an early morning," she said pointedly to Mike.
"Hey, ya can't blame a guy for trying," he shrugged, then winked at Carina. "I usually grab a couple of drinks at the bar before I head home."
"I'll keep that in mind," Carina winked back.
After Mike closed the door, Sarah turned to Carina. "You just can't help yourself, can you?" She sat down at the table, took a sip of her chocolate milkshake and uncovered her cheeseburger. Carina did indeed know just what she wanted. She lifted the bun off her burger, then shot a glare up at the other woman – no pickles.
Carina laughed and uncovered a full plate of bread and butter chips with a flourish. Sarah grinned and popped a pickle into her mouth.
"The department shrinks say that I seek inappropriate male attention because of my lack-of-daddy issues," Carina explained in a pedantic tone.
"Sure," Sarah scoffed, dipping a french fry into her milkshake. "Just like I form inappropriate emotional attachments due to the absence of a mother figure during my formative years. You're just a nympho."
"Whatever," Carina said around a mouthful of cheeseburger. "It works for me." But then her face turned serious. "You do, you know," she said.
"I do what?" Sarah asked absently, spreading mustard onto her burger.
"Form inappropriate emotional attachments."
"I do not!" Sarah retorted, bringing up her knife and inadvertently flicking mustard across the table.
"Really? Am I the only one who remembers Brian Jorgensen?"
"That was lust."
"Yeah, lust enough that you went and wrote him a long, tearful letter confessing everything that nearly got all of us arrested."
Sarah sighed. Carina never got tired of dragging that one up. "We were minors, and what our parents did to his family was just wrong," she repeated for possibly the hundredth time. "I wouldn't have shed a single tear if they both ended up in jail for that one."
"You and your damned morals. How many times do I have to tell you that life is easier without them?"
"Well forgive me for being human."
"And what about Bryce?"
Again, at the mention of Bryce's name, Sarah felt a surge of anger and she slammed her mental walls back into place. "I told you I don't want to talk about Bryce," she said, tight-lipped, looking down at her plate.
"Look, I know I was flip earlier, but I really am sorry." Carina reached across the table to squeeze Sarah's hand.
Sarah looked up to find real, honest sympathy in her friend's eyes and her anger faded, leaving in its place the dull, aching grief she had all but become accustomed to. "Thanks," she said quietly. "It really has been hard."
"I'm sure," Carina replied gently, giving her hand another squeeze. "I barely knew him and I'm gonna miss the hell out of him. I understand what you saw in him."
"Apparently I didn't see enough," Sarah mumbled.
"Yeah, maybe. But who would have guessed it? I flat up refused to believe it when I heard he'd gone rogue."
"He didn't just go rogue, he betrayed everything we believe in."
"You mean he betrayed you."
At this, a hot tear slid unbidden down Sarah's cheek. She snatched her hand back and wiped it away in annoyance. Carina had already succeeded in making her furious tonight, damned if she was going to get her crying too.
"He betrayed his country," Sarah corrected her.
"Sarah, please," Carina said, reaching across the table again, "you're no more of a patriot than I am. The agencies recruit kids like you and me and Bryce because they need skilled, sanctioned criminals in the field and they know they can buy our loyalty by expunging our records."
"Bryce wasn't a criminal. Not like us," Sarah said defensively. Damnit. After everything Bryce had done, she was still defending him.
"He wasn't a saint either."
"Yeah, he got into some trouble, but it was stupid college shit. It wasn't the CIA or jail for him. He had a family, a good place to go home to. He made an honest choice."
"Which is why it hurts so bad that he betrayed you," Carina said with understanding. "You thought he really did have a good heart."
Sarah conceded the fact with the barest of nods and a few more tears slid down her face. Carina leaned across the table to wipe them away with the faintest brush of her fingertips. Sarah softly took hold of Carina's hand as she laid her palm alongside her face. She closed her eyes for a long moment and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself, then looked up to meet the other woman's intent gaze. Their eyes stayed locked for what seemed a short eternity, communicating the emotions that words never could.
"And now you're rebounding onto Chuck," Carina finally said, softly.
Sarah clenched her teeth and strengthened her grasp on Carina's hand. She dug her nails in, and pushed the other agent away from her.
"I am not!" she all but yelled it, jumping up and away from the table. "He's just an asset!"
"I thought you said he was an analyst," Carina replied, unfazed by Sarah's sudden change in emotion.
Shit. She had slipped again and hadn't even realized it. "Whatever," she said dismissively; starting to stalk across the room, suddenly wishing very much that she were somewhere, anywhere else. She had started to hope that Carina wasn't going to bring up Chuck again tonight. But Carina, true to form, had jumped from one painful subject straight on to the next.
"My job is to protect Chuck and keep him compliant," Sarah said defensively. "That's all."
"And how exactly are you keeping him compliant?" Carina asked lightly while popping a french fry into her mouth, seemingly oblivious to her friend's current state of agitation. "Screwing him into submission?"
"No. I wouldn't," Sarah shot back as she paced restlessly.
"Why not? That's certainly your typical MO."
Maybe, but Sarah's situation with regards to Chuck was certainly anything but typical. "It wouldn't be professional," she said.
Carina scoffed. "Since when do you care about professional?"
"Since now," Sarah stated simply. "And . . . and it wouldn't be fair to Chuck."
"Aha! So you do care about him."
"Of course I do," Sarah admitted. "I already told you that he's a good guy who doesn't deserve any of this. I know him well enough by now that I don't want to see him hurt, and that includes by me."
"Hurt him? You'd be giving him the thrill of his life. You have to see that he's head-over-heels for you."
Sarah stopped her pacing and turned to face Carina. "Yeah, I see it. I just don't know what to do about it."
"What do you mean you don't know what to do? Let the horse out of the barn and take him for a ride! You know the lanky guys are almost always hung."
Sarah turned away from Carina, willing herself not to blush. Thanks to Casey constantly teasing her with highlight reels from Chuck's surveillance feed, she already knew the answer to that particular assumption. She was still trying to figure out a way to suggest to Chuck that he take his clothes into the bathroom with him when he showered, without tipping him off about the camera in his room.
"Don't be vulgar," Sarah said, resuming her restless walk around the room. "And even if I did want to – and I'm not saying that I do – and even if it wouldn't get me reassigned in a heartbeat, it would still hurt him and I don't want to do that."
"Wow," Carina said with wide eyes, "I never knew you were so kinky."
"Funny," Sarah retorted. "He's just not the type of guy who can take that kind of thing casually. He'd get even more attached to me and it would be that much worse for him once the assignment's over and I leave."
"This coming from the girl who left a trail of broken hearts behind her from Cleaveland to Vegas and back again?"
Sarah sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, putting her head in her hands and letting her hair fall in a curtain around her to shield her face. She had, in fact, broken more than her fair share of hearts in her day, most of them without a shred of remorse. As soon as the knobby knees, pointy elbows and oversized feet of an early puberty had given way to the soft curves and long limbs of her adolescence, her father had not hesitated in using her to con her way into the teenaged boys' pants – and their parents' bank accounts. But those boys were rich, spoiled, most of them lazy and arrogant with a sense of entitlement that knew no bounds. For the bulk of them she had been happy to crush their hearts and walk away whistling Dixie. But with Chuck . . .
"I don't know," Sarah said from behind her hands. "Chuck's just . . . different."
Carina snorted. "Different I'll give you. But how can you say that and still say you're not falling for him?"
Sarah raised her head and met Carina's eyes directly. "I'm not falling for him."
Keeping Sarah's gaze, Carina moved from the table to sit next to her on the bed. She put her hand softly on Sarah's shoulder and looked her intently in the eyes. "I don't believe you."
"I'm not falling for him," she repeated adamantly. Sure Sarah, just keep telling yourself that and maybe one day you'll believe it.
"Nope, still not convinced," Carina said lightly.
"I'm not!"
"Please, I know you better than that."
Sarah jumped up angry again. So now Carina was going to play the 'I know you better than anybody' card. Granted, she did, but that was beside the point. "You don't know shit!" she yelled. "About me, my life, or this assignment. Why won't you just let it fucking drop already?"
"Parce que tu es magnifique quand tu es furieux," Carina said simply.
Because you're magnificent when you're furious, Sarah automatically translated. This drew her up short, no doubt as Carina had intended it to, and she had no idea how to respond. Her emotions quickly cycled through anger, flattery, humor, and back to anger again. Only Carina could send her into this kind of emotional tailspin so quickly, but as much as Sarah often wanted to hate her for it, she just couldn't. After all, healing always required a certain amount of pain, and she knew that this was just her best friend trying to help. In fact it had only been a few years since a very similar conversation had played out in a Pakastani hotel room, only that time, the agents' respective roles had been reversed. After holding on to her anger for another long moment – anger always was easier, after all – she finally landed on a combination of desperate humor and reluctant indulgence.
"I mean it," Carina said, looking up at her. "A Sarah Walker full of righteous anger is truly a sight to behold. No matter what name she may be going by at the time."
"Don't press your luck," Sarah said wearily, sinking back down next to Carina on the bed.
"I wouldn't dream of it," she replied innocently.
Sarah punched her lightly on the arm. "Oh yes you would."
Carina put her arm around Sarah's shoulders, who sighed heavily and sank tiredly into the embrace, resting her head on the other woman's shoulder and taking her hand in her own.
"So, there's not even one carnal thought about my boy Chuck floating around in that brain of yours?" Carina asked while running one fingernail lightly across Sarah's knee.
Unbidden, Sarah's thoughts ran back to the conversation she and Chuck had had by the fountain the week before – in the spot Sarah was very quickly coming to think of as their spot.
"What's the good of being a hero if nobody knows about it?" Chuck had asked, frustrated and upset.
"You know," she had comforted automatically, which should have been enough. It was certainly enough for any other agent. But her mouth had had to go a step further and make it personal. " And so do I."
Something on her face must have given Chuck a glimmer of hope. "You know," he said, his voice deceptively casual but his heart swelling in his eyes, "if we were really dating, this would be the part where I'd be forced to kiss you goodnight."
Sarah should have responded with some sort of dry line straight from the Academy manual on cover relationships, or at the very least kept her traitorous mouth shut. But instead, she found herself responding like an actual girlfriend who was being teased. "Forced? Would it be so bad?" she asked.
"I'm sure I could suffer through it," he said earnestly, smiling slightly and pinning her with that look of his that always made her feel that he could somehow see straight through her and all of her bullshit.
Run! the logical side of her brain had screamed at her, just shut your mouth and get out of here before you give him the wrong idea! But the rest of her had been too wrapped up in staring at his lips and wondering if they were as soft as they looked. "Me too," she had said, without even fully realizing that she was speaking. She looked into his eyes and bolts of electricity ran unbidden down her spine as his smile faded and a smoldering hunger came into his eyes. Sarah had found herself fighting not to pull him down and crash her lips into his, not to finally find out how it would feel to sink her fingers into that thick mop of curls and grab hold. Forcing herself to tear her eyes away from his gaze and walk away had been almost physically painful.
"Ha! I knew it!" Carina exclaimed, obviously noticing the wistful look that must have been playing across her face.
Sarah, defeated, put her head back into her hands. "It's just too soon," she said, fighting back a wave of fresh tears. "I keep slipping and I'm not ready to deal with this yet."
Carina rubbed her back sympathetically. "I think you pretty much have to," she said.
Sarah dropped her hands and let them dangle apathetically between her knees. She turned to face Carina, for once not bothering to try and disguise the desperation on her face. "How?" she whispered.
Cliffhanger? Well maybe a little bit, but this was originally intended to be one longer piece, so deciding where to put the break was a little arbitrary. It does get more adult from here on in though, so please feel free to read on or not as you choose. And if you've got a moment, let me know what you think so far!