Heartbreakers
She chose him. She chose him.
She chose him?
If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that she wasn't in love with him, at least. Oh, sure, she loved him. She just wasn't in love with him.
But she still chose him. And not me.
I was always the one left alone, forgotten, ignored, hated. And why not? Everything in my life had always gone so horribly, so why would this be an exception? Kotone chose Wataru, the one who was always there for her when I so obviously was not. Kotone and Wataru… the Perfect Couple… two champions of the Indigo Plateau, two incredibly strong trainers, two people who had managed to take my heart and smash is to pieces.
I wanted to be happy for Kotone (and, meanwhile, I could care less about Wataru). She was the most important person in my life, the only person I truly cared about. So, if she was happy, I felt obligated to be, as well. I hadn't always felt that way. But with maturity came a few other things, one of them being obligation. I was in love with Kotone. But shouldn't I have been happy to see her with someone else if she were happy with him? After all, that meant that I could move on without her… Why did I need her, anyway?
But I wasn't happy. At all. I was miserable, my heart broken, all of the happiness in my life stolen from me. And unless she chose me, I knew I wouldn't be able to move on. How could I, when I didn't have anyone else in my life to turn to? She was the only one I had, the only one I had convinced myself that I needed now, the only one who truly understood me and everything that I had been through. So, how could I move on?
How could she chose him?
"Oh, I'm so flattered, Silver. So very flattered. And I wish that I could say the same to you. I do," she said when I told her how I felt. Her politeness was killing me. I wish she would just slap me, punch me. That wouldn't hurt nearly so badly as this. Her rejection. It wouldn't be so bad if she were quick about it, like if she were ripping off a bandage. But she was dragging it out, killing me slowly instead of quickly.
"I just… Silver, please believe me, I do love you. You've been such a wonderful person to have around, and I enjoy your company. You've been the greatest rival anyone could ever ask for, and the greatest friend. I want to stay your friend. I love you. I'm just not in love with you. Please don't hate me… I want to still be friends. Don't let this change anything, all right?"
In love. She wasn't in love with me. Funny. Because she wasn't in love with Wataru, either, but that didn't make a difference to her, apparently. Maybe she was just drawn to him; he was older, wiser, and she definitely had more in common with him than she did with me (but what about that whole "opposites attract" thing?). But it was just infatuation. I could assume Wataru was in love with her… but she was obviously too young to return those feelings just yet. How could he take advantage of her like that?
"He doesn't, Silver. He's so courteous and thoughtful," she'd say when I brought it up (I had, once again, felt obligated to remain friends with her—she held the reigns here, not me). She looked so clueless, so attached, and I hoped that I didn't look like that. Maybe real love gave maturity, whereas attraction just gave stupidity. And Kotone, who I knew to be a fairly intelligent girl, was acting just that: stupid. Yeah, I knew that and still couldn't give her up to that Dragon Tamer.
"And I know he's been worrying about the age difference, in spite of what I've told him. Do not think for one minute that we haven't noticed and considered it very carefully, Silver! Wataru feels quite uncomfortable discussing it, actually. He gets a flustered. I know he's just worried about me, but I've never been happier." She sighed then, looking at me with a far-off gaze. I glanced behind me to see if she was actually looking at me. She was… maybe. "I only wish that for you, Silver. I want you to be happy, okay?"
At that point, I just rolled my eyes and turned away. How could she ever say that to my face and still be so…? Ugh. My heart was screaming to her, "Be happy with me, be happy with me!" But my mind, all of the logic in my head, was telling me to forget about her. Because how could she possibly be so happy when she wasn't with me? And how could she even say that to my face without second guessing herself? Didn't she care that she was breaking my heart one word at a time, and each time she spoke to me, I was hurting more and more? Couldn't she look at me and see it in my eyes? Didn't she realize it?
No. So, I asked myself, how could I be in love with someone so ignorant?
I didn't completely understand my feelings for Kotone, and I didn't act like I did for a single moment. I had, after all, started off hating her and what she stood for—innocence, peace, victory. She was always so annoying, showing up where she clearly wasn't wanted, trying to play the heroine. But she kept showing up and showing up, and I was never left alone. Then somewhere along the line… I fell. Who knew when? Certainly I didn't. All I knew was that I was gone, fallen, and before I knew it, I had let it slip. And she said no.
Wataru entered the picture next. He had been there for a long while, but the more years passed by, the more Kotone noticed him. They soon became inseparable, and I became disposable. Kotone had someone else that she needed, someone else that apparently made her "happy". And so what happened to me? My existence didn't matter any longer, though Kotone made an effort to continue communication between us. I just didn't want to hear it anymore.
But I just couldn't let her go.
It came to the point where I hoped each day that she would come to me and tell me how sorry she was for leaving me alone for so long, tell me how stupid she was for picking Wataru instead of me, tell me how much she loved me—no, how much she was in love with me. Then she would chastise me, jokingly, of course, for being a stupid boy, not chasing hard enough after her. She would have surely changed her mind if I had tried a little harder to win her, after all.
The problem was, I was just so sick of chasing that I couldn't chase anymore. No matter how much I loved Kotone.
Still, when she came to me during one of my nights training, a sliver of hope still murmured in my chest, screaming to her. I wanted her to say all of those things to me, to just reach a hand out and kiss me, to give me everything I wanted and more. She looked so happy as she approached me… I just couldn't picture her happy without me. I couldn't picture her happy with Wataru, despite her saying so. And she just looked so happy now that there was no way in my mind that she would say anything other than what I wanted her to say.
But she did.
"Silver!" She was bouncing as she came up to me, so enthusiastic in her greeting that I couldn't help but be a little surprised. She pulled me into a tight hug as soon as she got close enough to me, and something inside me flipped. "You will not believe it! I am just so happy right now, Silver. Well, I bet you can believe that just by the look on my face, but—" She let go of me and stared right at me, her dark eyes on mine. The smile never faltered. "I'm in love with…"
This was it! Everything I had been waiting for, realized.
"Wataru."
Wait… what?
"Oh, isn't it just wonderful, Silver? I just told him, and I wanted to tell you that we are just so happy together. He's going to take me to the Hoenn region next week so we can celebrate. It's just so exciting." She was still smiling, completely oblivious to my feelings—despite my having told her before. "Gosh, Silver, I've never been in love with anyone before. And it's the most amazing feeling that I have ever experienced."
Really? I thought. Because it's the worst feeling I've ever experienced.
I couldn't do this anymore. But how many times had I told myself that? I just kept crawling back and back, getting my heart smashed over and over and over again. She just kept taking advantage of me, my feelings, and my life. I just couldn't handle it anymore. How was this fair to me? How did she not realize what she was doing to me—how did she not realize how selfish she was being? I had to get out.
And that was when I turned around and walked away.
She could do whatever she wanted; I had no control over her actions. But my heart had been tampered with enough. I was done, ready to leave, ready to get away, ready to move on with my life. It was time to think of myself now.
It was time to mend my broken heart.
Author's Note: This is incredibly short (for me). Like REALLY short. Less than 2,000 words is very strange for me, and I feel weird about it. But at the same time, that was all I needed to get my point across. I hope you all agree.
It was so hard keeping Kotone in character for this one, just because I completely the sympathy factor. Seriously, does anyone here sympathize with her in this? Because I don't, for sure. She's very cruel to Silver—doesn't even consider his feelings. So… for the purpose of this fanfiction, I'm not sure I needed to keep her in character…but… I dunno.
This didn't end unhappily. I mean… I'm sure most of you hoped Kotone and Silver would end up together. But it still ended happily for Silver, I think, just because he doesn't have to deal with the torment anymore.
Still, this definitely isn't a happy fic. Compared to my other ones, at least. But, I hope you enjoyed it, nonetheless!
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!
