AN: Well, it's been forever since I've posted on here. I kind of thought that my love for Eclare would have diminished, but it's still as strong as ever. I don't know how, but I still have faith that Eclare will pull through in the end. And at the very least, it was a wonderful relationship while it lasted. Anyway, you're not here to listen to me. You want to read the story! So here it is, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, Starbuck's, or any other company or product mentioned in this.
She couldn't believe it. She just….. couldn't believe it. He was her boyfriend, for crying out loud! He was supposed to love her, show her loyalty! Yet here he was, making out with a girl, Clare could have swore her name was Stevie from Jake's math class, on their living room couch. If Clare wasn't so upset with the fact that her boyfriend was cheating on her, she would have been mortified with the fact that the light brown couch used to belong to her grandmother, and here Jake was, practically dry humping a girl on it.
But now Clare stood in the doorway of her home, wondering if she should go in and give Jake a piece of her mind, or if she should just leave and pretend she didn't see it. But as soon as the latter thought crossed her mind, Clare could have sworn that a blindfold had been lifted from her eyes. What was she thinking? A year ago, if she had caught a boyfriend of hers cheating on her, she would have walked right up to him and ended it right then and there. Yet here she was, actually considering turning away and pretending she never saw it. Turning away and coming back home in a few hours to Jake and pretending that he wasn't cheating on her.
Clare saw it pretty clearly now. Jake never really loved her. Liked her, maybe, but never loved her. Not like she loved him. Or at least, thought she loved him. Now though, she wasn't so sure what she's been feeling for him exactly. But she'd figure that out later, it wasn't important enough right now. What was important though, was confronting Jake about this.
"Jake, what's going on here?" she yelled at him. As soon as he heard her yell, he jumped off of the couch, and off of the girl, and began straightening out his clothes and mumbling half-hearted excuses for what Clare just saw.
"I was-I mean we were-we were studying, and yeah…." Jake trailed off lamely as he finished re-buttoning his red plaid shirt.
"Well that looked like a bit more than studying to me!" Clare yelled as she glared at him from her spot in front of the coffee table.
"I know, and I'm sorry." He said with a slight smile as he moved to stand next to her.
"Jake, you said you broke up with her!" The dark brunette-haired girl said angrily to him.
"I know, and I was going to, I just didn't know how to say it, Stevie." Jake said as he turned to her.
Clare had heard just about enough of this. She wanted answers, and she wanted them now.
"Jake, why would you cheat on me?" she asked him sadly. The initial shock had worn off, along with the anger. Now there was only the sadness and betrayal of his tryst.
"Clare, when we first started seeing each other, I liked you. But I didn't want a relationship, I told you that. But you wouldn't let it go, so I eventually just went along with it. I mean, you got your relationship you wanted with an official title of being my girlfriend, and I got the more….physical stuff I was interested in." Jake said, trying to placate her.
But Clare wasn't placated at all. No, she was furious. But whether it was more at Jake or herself, she couldn't tell. She wasn't for sure of much anymore, but there was one thing she was sure of right now.
"Jake, we're done. You never loved me. You played me. I should have realized that all of the times you wanted me to do those things to you, it was for your own selfish reasons, not because you loved me. I'm such a fool." She muttered the last part to herself as she quickly left her house, slamming the door behind her.
Clare began walking, slowly but surely. She didn't know where she was headed, but as long as she wasn't near her house, she didn't care. She looked up at the sky and realized it was dark, and tiny snow flurries were floating around her, making their way to join the already existing snow on the ground. Clare instinctively reached for her phone when she realized it was dark, knowing that she should call her mom and tell her that she's okay. But she then remembered that her mother and Glen were gone for the weekend, visiting Glen's great-aunt in Halifax, and probably wouldn't be back until late Monday night. Not that it would have mattered, she thought sadly, as she realized that she had left her phone at home in her haste to get away from Jake and his brunette mistress.
As she continued walking, she realized that she was making her way into the busier part of Toronto, with lots of shops and restaurants nearby. She made her way into a nearby candy store, and quickly asked the pretty red-haired clerk for the time. After she replied that it was 10:43, Clare politely thanked her and made her way out of the store.
Clare continued on her walk, going forward for approximately ten more minutes before stopping at bench that rested in front of a tall building in which Clare couldn't tell who owned. She realized that she had made her way to a more quiet part of Toronto, not as many people out at this time of night. Clare looked to her right and saw that there was an alley just a few feet away, and knew that there could be dangerous people there. But she could still see a Starbuck's just a block or two away, and figured that if anything were to happen, the late night coffee-goers would hear the commotion.
Now that she was no longer walking and away from the busier part of Toronto, she could no longer focus on the little details of Toronto's night life. That also meant that she had no distractions, and would be forced to think about what had happened earlier.
How could Jake do this to her? She tried so hard to make him happy, she had even been considering giving up the thing that was the most important to her, her purity. Maybe that was it, maybe Jake had been expecting her to give that up sooner. But still, she had done other things to him. She had touched him in places, and let him touch her in places. Shouldn't that have been enough? They had done many of the things that Jake wanted to do. Things that, Clare realized, she didn't want to do. Things that she regretted. Jake had wanted to do all of these things, and Clare had gone along with it, hoping that it would keep Jake satisfied, that it would keep him around. Clare now realized that she was afraid of Jake leaving her, and she was willing to do anything to keep that from happening, including doing things that she didn't really want to do, things that made her feel dirty.
By now Clare was in hysterics, sobbing uncontrollably and trying to catch her breath. Clare tried to focus on the buildings surrounding her, the few cars that would pass every few minutes, in hopes of calming herself down. As she looked at the most recent car to come her way, she realized, with a shock, that the black car looked eerily similar to Eli's dad's car. She realized that she wouldn't have enough time to hide from the car, and prayed that it wasn't Bullfrog in that car. She was sure that Bullfrog didn't own the only car that looked like that in Toronto. But as the car came her way, it seemed to slow down a bit, and as it passed by her, she made eye contact with the driver. And she knew, without a doubt, it was Bullfrog.
As the car continued its way down the road, Clare began to pray that Bullfrog didn't recognize her. It is dark after all, and it had been at least six months since Clare had last spoken to bullfrog, so maybe he didn't know it was her. Clare hoped he didn't, because she didn't want him to tell Eli about seeing her alone on a bench at who-knows-what time of night.
She didn't want Eli to worry, and she knew that if Bullfrog told Eli about this, he most certainly would. Clare didn't deserve his worry or protection, though. Now that she was no longer blinded by the jerk who is Jake Martin, she realized that she had been treating him terribly ever since the end of their relationship. She now felt the awful guilt for treating him like she did, leaving him to deal with himself alone, avoiding him whenever possible. She didn't even bother to see how he had been doing after his diagnosis with being bi-polar, and his newfound need to take medication for it, she thought with a sob.
So no, she most certainly did not deserve Eli's worry, and if Bullfrog told Eli about this, he definitely would. So she hoped with all her might that Bullfrog didn't recognize her. And maybe it was the slight twitch that Bullfrog gave when he turned his eyes back to the road, but something told her that he did.
He couldn't believe it. The new issue of The Goon, the one that wasn't supposed to be out for another two weeks, was resting in Adam's palms as the two spent their night hanging out at Eli's house.
"I know dude, I know. I had the same reaction when Drew gave it to me this morning." Adam said to him with the most serious face that the situation could call for.
"How in the world did your brother get his hands on this?" Eli asked Adam as he stared in awe at the beloved comic book.
"I have no idea, he said he knew a guy or something like that. He said that it was supposed to be my birthday present and planned on giving it to me next week, but he said if I did his chores then he would give it to me now. I had to work my butt off to get my paws on this, but it was so worth it!" Adam said dreamily as he too, stared at the comic book.
"So what are we waiting for? We need to get started on this!" Eli said excitedly.
Adam didn't respond very quickly, savouring the moment. It wasn't too often that Eli got very happy about anything these days, so we he did, Adam cherished it.
"Okay, but I will read it first since it is my birthday present. So I will sit in that chair by the wall, and you can read it when I'm done, but feel free to look over my shoulder as needed." Adam said with a grin on his face.
"You know it dude, you know it." Eli said with a similar grin.
Adam went over to the chair by the wall and began reading. Eli sat there, reading a new book he got recently, and tried not to look over Adam's shoulder too often.
After about ten minutes, Bullfrog arrived home looking very deep in thought. Eli didn't think much of it. He figured that Bullfrog was thinking of new ideas for the radio show. He'd been trying to think of ways to switch it up and make it more entertaining lately.
When Bullfrog slowly finished taking his boots off, he made his way to the couch, sitting down with a sigh. After a few minutes, he coughed to get the boys' attention.
"Eli, I need to talk to you about something. It's a serious matter, and after I tell you what's going on, I want you to take a second, and decide what you want to do about it."
Eli, sensing the sudden seriousness in Bullfrog's voice, said "Sure, Bullfrog. Just tell me what's going on."
"Eli, I saw Clare just a few minutes ago on my way home. She was sitting on a bench, alone, and she looked like she had been crying." Bullfrog said seriously. Adam looked up from his comic book, slightly worried about the girl who he still considered his friend, though they hardly ever spoke anymore.
"What! Dad, did you stop and make sure she was okay? Please tell me you made sure she wasn't hurt!" Eli said, worried and panicked.
"No boy, I didn't. I figured if you wanted any of us to be the one to check on her, you'd want it to be you."
"Okay, yeah, you have a point," Eli said after a minute. "But Clare's still out there, alone, at-"he paused to glance at the clock, "11:30 at night. I gotta go make sure she's okay!" Eli yelled the last part, back into protective mode.
He quickly put on his boots, only stopping briefly to grab his phone, wallet, and his dad's car keys that were all sitting on the coffee table, knowing that Bullfrog would be okay with him using his car to go check on Clare. He quickly made his way out the door and started his dad's car, and making it only a few feet from the house before realizing that his dad never said exactly where Clare was. He quickly pulled out his phone, and after Bullfrog explained where he had seen Clare, Eli was off.
Clare was still on the bench, reviewing the past mistakes that she'd made recently. She knew that she should probably start heading home, but she didn't leave her spot on the bench for three reasons. The first one being that she was beginning to get scared. The later it got, fewer and far between it was when the coffee goers would enter and exit the Starbuck's. She knew that if someone came to hurt her now, there wasn't a good chance that anyone would hear. The second reason was because if Bullfrog really did see her and tell Eli, then he would most likely come looking for her at the place that Bullfrog had seen her. And she knew if she wasn't there then Eli would panic even more, and she didn't want him to do so. And the third reason was that she just plain didn't want to go home. Neither her mother nor Glen were there, so it would be just Jake and whatever friends, or girls, he decided to have over. And Clare would hide out in her room, leaving Jake and his guests to do as they please. Clare wished she had someone she could have over, but she lost all of her friends. She never did make up with Alli after the incident at Jake's cabin, Clare stopped talking with Adam after he started spending a lot of time with Eli after his diagnosis, Katie could hardly be considered enough of a friend to hang out with outside of the Degrassi newspaper, and she treated Eli so horribly that she was pretty sure he would never want to trust her again, not that she blamed him.
A few minutes later, Clare could hear the sound of another car engine making its way towards her. It had been a good ten minutes since another car had passed her, so the sound startled her a bit. She just now realized exactly how cold she was, now that she wasn't lost in her thoughts. She quickly looked down to see what she was wearing, and knew that her grey jeans, black sneakers, long-sleeved red shirt, and thin plaid jacket did nothing to keep the cold out. She suddenly heard footsteps coming her way, and looked up in surprise to see Eli running towards her bench.
"Clare! Clare, thank God! Are you okay? Are you hurt? You were crying, who hurt you?" Eli asked her quickly as he sat down next to her, taking off his leather jacket and wrapping it around her quickly, hoping to warm her up.
Clare saw that he only had on a black band-T, and though she had to appreciate the way that shirt hugged his body, she knew he'd get cold all too quickly in the shirt alone. So she tried to give the jacket back to him, explaining her concern, but Eli refused to take it.
"No, you've been out here for who knows how long, and you're freezing. My main concern is you, Clare. Now tell me please, are you okay? I'm dying over here." Eli said with a small smirk.
"Yeah, I'm okay." She said softly.
"Yeah, and I'll believe it when you aren't sitting by yourself at this time of night with tears on your face. Speaking of which, what in the world possessed you to come out here alone? There are bad people out there, Clare, and you could have gotten seriously hurt. Not to mention it's what, negative three degrees out here, and you're wearing a thin jacket like this?" Eli said with a frown and a disapproving tone.
"I know, Eli, I shouldn't have done this. But I needed to be alone and I wasn't thinking clearly. Jake-Jake cheated on me." Clare said while trying to hold back more tears.
"Oh Clare, I'm so sorry." Eli said genuinely. He knew that Clare really liked Jake, maybe even loved him, and it made Eli furious to think that Jake took that for granted.
"That's not all though. Oh God, you're going to be so disappointed in me when you hear this." Clare said sadly while Eli was shocked to hear her use God's name in that context.
"What is it Clare? Whatever it is, I won't be disappointed in you. Whatever it is, we can get through it." Eli said patiently, though he already had an idea on what she was going to say, he hoped it wasn't what he was thinking.
"I-I let Jake talk me into touching him in certain…..places. And-and him touching me in certain places. Oh God, Eli, it was awful! Touching him like that! And him touching me like that! He was a little aggressive, he wasn't patient with me at all! I wasn't ready, Eli, I wasn't ready." She said with a sob.
Eli clenched his jaw. That two-timing lumberjack bastard talked her into doing this with him. He wanted to kill him. Beat him until he wouldn't be able to do the things that he had talked Clare into doing. But he knew he couldn't, though he might have a bit of a talk with him in the boys' locker room at school during P.E, because Jake had a locker in the corner and Eli knew he'd be able to get all of his insults out before Jake had a chance to either run or punch him. But that was something to worry about later. All that mattered right now was Clare.
"Shh, shh. It's okay. It was a mistake. Jake is a jerk for talking you into that. I'm so sorry you had to go through that." He said while he hugged her tightly, trying to console her and warm her up at the same time.
"And Eli, I'm so sorry for how I treated you when we broke up. I shouldn't have broken up with you. I should have seen something was wrong, and made sure you got the help you needed. Or at the very least, stayed by your side as your friend, but I didn't even do that.
"And I'm also sorry for ignoring your existence after the break up. I got so caught up with Jake, and I didn't even consider how you were doing after your diagnosis and therapy. I let Jake become my life, and I lost sight of who I was." Clare said tearfully.
"It's okay Clare, I forgive you. And you did the right thing by leaving while you still could." Eli said sincerely.
"But it's freezing out here, so let's get you inside the car, turn the heater on, and get you home. I'm sure your mom is worried." Eli said while helping Clare stand up.
"Actually, my mom and Glen are in Halifax for the weekend. It's just me and….Jake." Clare said with distaste.
"Oh Clare. Is there anywhere else you'd like me to drop you off?" Eli said, hoping that there was at least one place that Clare could go to and be safe at, yet also away from Jake.
"Um, no I don't have anywhere else to go. I never made up with Alli, I thought Jake was more important at the time. I really need to talk to her sometime. And Adam too. I feel so bad for not talking to him." Clare said with a frown, realizing once again how much of her life had been revolving around Jake lately.
"Well, okay. Will you be okay at your house?" Eli asked unsurely, not wanting Clare to have to be alone with Jake.
"Well, do you think, maybe you could stay with me? We could have our own little mini party in my room. You know, set up some pillows and blankets on the ground, make a bunch of popcorn, and watch movies until we fall asleep. Like we used to, remember?" Clare said with a shy smile. She really hoped he would say yes. She realized tonight that she still loved him, that she never really stopped. Jake was a distraction for her, but it was Eli who she loved. It had always been Eli.
Eli, though, was unsure of what she meant. Did she mean this in a friendly way, or did she mean exactly how they used to, which would be a little more than friendly considering there were always some kisses exchanged. He knew he would stay with her, no doubt, but he still didn't know where they stood.
"Of course I remember. And I'd love to have a mini party again. But Clare, where does this leave us exactly?" Eli asked.
"Well, I was hoping it would leave us somewhere around here." Clare said, and just as Eli began to give her a confused, she kissed him passionately. Eli kissed her back with just as much intensity, and soon they were pulling away for air.
"That was a sly move you made there, Edwards." Eli said with a grin as he wrapped his arm protectively around Clare's shoulders, making sure she didn't slip on the ice as they made their way back to Eli's dad's car.
After a quick phone call to Bullfrog telling him where he'd be, and telling Adam briefly that he was sorry but he'd have to reschedule guys' night for tomorrow, they were off to Clare's house.
"Oh, and by the way Clare, I'm picking the movies, and a guarantee you'll be holding on to me, begging me to protect you. Not that I have a problem doing so." Eli said with a smirk as Clare playfully slapped his shoulder.
AN: Well, that's all. I hope you liked it and if you did, please leave me a review! And if you didn't, go ahead and tell me about it!