I always thought I knew what I wanted. But now, I'm not so sure. Everything I thought I knew turned out to be the opposite. So what do you do when you find yourself surrounded by a world you realize you never really knew? For me, the answer was simple. You run.
The gravel crunched beneath my torn shoes as the trees whirled by me, my hair hitting my face as I dared my legs to pick up speed. The rain poured down harder around me as if to mock me more than the world already has. Looking back, I no longer see the city lights of Chicago behind me. I'm safe for now, but tomorrow would bring new challenges. Where could I go? The only home I had ever known is gone in the wind, literally. My heart constricts as the thought of my burning childhood home now in ashes among the crowded streets, with neighbors standing by shaking their heads in fake pity. This town can be described in one word- fake. Tonight was the last straw among many. I'm tired. After everything, I'm just so… tired. Of everything that this world has put me through. Crawling onto my knees I stare above me into the never-ending blackness of the night with silent tears streaming down my face. "Why me? I did nothing to deserve this; any kindness I ever received was just taken away from me. So I ask you- why. Me." The frustration finally pours out of my soul, escaping my lips in horrifying screams of pain. I feel my arms wrap around my torso, trying to provide a self-soothing gesture. When the tears stopped, and my voice went hoarse, I laid my body on the rough gravel and stared blankly at the darkness praying for sleep to overcome me. On the brink of my own insanity, and sleep, the lullaby my mother sang plays over in my mind, and I mumble it to myself before my world goes blank. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…"