Hey everybody!!! Well, Danbamina and I decided that we had such a good response to our love potion story, that it was time to write a song one! Hope you all love this first chappie! This is NOT going to be a one-shot! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW:D Scroll down for disclaimer! ;)
HP + HG FOREVER!
HMB!
A Word From Danbamina: hey YALL! Well, since everyone loved our last funny story so much! We decided to write another one! There should be like more than 4 chapters to this story, its hard to write this cause of the whole, 'we don't live in the same house' thing…soooo we have to do our planning VIA emails and stuff, not easy to do at all, let me tell ya! Well R&R and most importantly ENJOY IT! No flames please!
Chapter 1
The day started out like any other. All of the students at the school were in the Great Hall, eating breakfast, and talking about the Sadie Hawkin's Dance coming up in six days. For some odd reason only known to him, Professor Dumbledore had decided that the students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry needed to try some American customs. This is how the Sadie Hawkin's Dance had come to be scheduled for all years 5 and up.
The weird thing about this Dance was that instead of the traditional guys nervously ask the girls fiasco, girls had to ask the GUYS! The dress code was casual/semi-formal, and many of the girls would giggle nervously whenever a guy would walk by who they wanted to ask.
Anyway, it was breakfast time on Saturday, September 12th, a day like any other that had occurred at the beginning of the school year. Unfortunately for all that were a part of the Wizarding World, an un-nameable (at the present time) force had cast a spell that would make everyone, be they Muggle born, Pure blood, or Half blood, do… strange things. The spell would last a week. One chaotic week to change everyone's lives forever.
Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley, better known as Ron (or Won-Won to his girlfriend, Lavender Brown), were all sitting at the Gryffindor table eating lunch. Lavender was seated beside Ron, gossiping with one of her best friends, Ginny Weasley, Ron's younger sister. The Trio plus Lavender were all in their seventh and last year at Hogwarts. Ginny, a year younger, was talking with Lavender about another girl in her grade, Luna Lovegood, when something strange and unusual occurred.
"Oh, my, God. Ginny, look at her butt." Lavender was saying nastily as the Ravenclaw sat down across the aisle from them. "It is so big. (scoffs) She looks like, one of those rap guys' girlfriends. But, y'know, who understands those rap guys? (scoffs) They only talk to her because, she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?" Suddenly, music started to play and Luna ducked her head a little in embarrassment as the two "Gossip Queens" started to talk louder and louder. "I mean, her butt, is just so big. (scoffs) I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so ..." Suddenly, Ron decided that it would be a good idea to jump up on the table, interrupt his girlfriend, and sing.
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull up tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Luna looked up in awe as the redhead started to dance rather… suggestively in her direction. Everyone was now staring at Ron as he sang his heart out on the table, acting like nothing was wrong and that this was just a normal thing.
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes-
Suddenly, Hermione jumped up on the table with him and yelled, "M-ME SO HORNY!" Several of the teachers gasped at the Head Girl's actions as she now stood to the side of Ron and started back-up dancing. Harry decided to join in on the fun and stood on Ron's other side, opposite from Hermione, doing the same moves.
Just when the teachers thought it could get no worse, several other students from different houses leapt onto THEIR tables and danced as well, causing pandemonium at each. The only adult spectator who seemed to be enjoying this was Professor Dumbledore, who was tapping his fingers on his armrest to beat, eyes a twinkle. Ron continued.
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy
I've seen them dancin'
The heck with romancin'
She's wet, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! ("Yeah!" All of the male students roared.)
Fellas! ("Yeah!" They exclaimed again.)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? ("Heck yeah!")
Tell 'em to shake it! ("Shake it!")
Shake it! ("Shake it!")
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!
Baby got back!
Here, Ron took a break and several boys, including himself, started break-dancing in the middle of their cleared off tables. After a bit, Ron raised his voice and sang again.
I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
Professor McGonagall exploded from her seat and started to stalk towards Ronald, who had taken no notice of her indignation. He was just concentrating on Luna, who now looked rather happy.
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas,
I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna (Several girls moaned, and McGonagall continued to weave her way through the Hall.)
Til the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! "Yeah!" They screamed.
Ladies! "Yeah"
If you wanna role in my Mercedes "Yeah!"
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back!
Several girls started to dance around Ron, who looked rather happy about his predicament. Luna then stepped onto the table and started to dance with the redhead, while the rest of the girls spread out a little and danced around the couple again. Lavender looked as though she were about to have a seizure, and Professor McGonagall was starting to get closer to the part of the table Ron was at, while Ginny was sinking into her seat in an embarrassed manner. Hermione was dancing with Harry in the middle of the Hall, Parvati with Dean beside them, Padma with Seamus as well, and several other pairs were dancing like them.
Baby got back!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females,
Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection.
36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda,
Playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hon Ron continued.
Now, He turned to Luna and sang especially to her.
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the butt ain't go
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
(He turned back to the whole hall)
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sista, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to diss
'Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em
So ladies, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back!
He ended the song with a rather explosive bang, bowing to the crowd as McGonagall, tight-lipped, grabbed him by the ear and started to drag him towards her office in order to issue some detentions for such vulgarity. Ron waved to Luna, who waved back with a giggle as Professor Dumbledore stood to announce that breakfast was over and for them all to go and have an "interesting" day.
DISCLAIMER/HARRY'S MY BOY'S AUTHOR'S NOTE: THE SONG "BABY GOT BACK" IS OWNED BY SIR MIX-A-LOT. Also, we obviously don't own HP or any of its characters, 'cause, well, we'd be RICH if we did! ;) Anyway, the number 1-900-MIXALOT was in the lyrics, so we left it alone, as well as the Mix-a-Lot's in trouble thing. Anyway, PLEASE R&R AND NO FLAMES! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!
A Word From Danbamina: Hope yall enjoyed this first chapter! We'll update as soon as we can! REVIEW! And once again…NO FLAMES! ;) thank you for reading! Come back soon ya hear?!