The image of Luka's hand sliding down the car window and his sight of sadness were still on her mind while she stayed outside that door wondering if she would go in or not. What stopped her on her tracks was the fear she felt. She wasn't afraid of the physical and mental consequences that the recovery program brings, but what scared the hell out of her was the feeling of loss. What if she couldn't finish the program? What if after passing through all these steps, she relapsed again? What if she wasn't strong enough? She had just proved her weakness when she started drinking again, even though doing it she was putting her son and her married on jeopardy.
"Can't we do it together?" She remembered Luka's words after she told him about her problems. After everything he had been through on his life he didn't deserve what she did to him. She had to do this for him. Despite he was far from her, he made it clear that he would support her.
The uncertainty hurt more than anything. She had told him about the drinking problems, but she chickened out about the consequences, about the Morreti thing. Was he going to forgive her? Did she even deserve that? Yet he was the most important thing for her, - a good father, a loyal and lovely husband – she screwed everything up again. How would he forgive her betrayal if herself couldn't?
She couldn't lose him…just couldn't. The little time she had been away from him was hard enough, she couldn't imagine living without him. He was like the air she breathed, the water she drank, he was her everything.
"I carry your heart; I carry it in my heart." This was her vows. She would never have pictured herself saying these words. She wasn't a romantic person. Abby Wyczenski would never say those three words: I love you. The only man that she had told it was the man she hurt. She really loved him. She loved him with her entire heart and soul. It was now that she saw she should have said it more frequently.
She would do it for him, for her, for their son. What would happen later she didn't know, but she couldn't give up now, not of him anyway.
Her journey started now. She had to be strong for them and she would. She would face everything for them even herself.