Disclaimer: We do not own anything! All belongs to J.K Rowling

A/N: Well, this is random. We don't know when this story takes place and we don't know how this story will end… It's random okay?

Now the absolutely absurd story by ThreeUnicorns and FreakyElla begins…

The most epic e-mail conversation ever written

Hermione knew she liked Draco. Draco knew he liked Hermione. They didn´t know how to express their feelings, so they snogged and shagged the daylights out of each other instead.

While shagging the daylights out of each other, something that was not allowed to happen occurred.

"Hey mates" said an unsteady voice.

Malfoy let out a sigh, though not due to pleasure.

Hermione sat up and straightened out her skirt.

"Neville, what on earth are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for my frog. Have you seen him? He likes to hide in the sheets.. " Neville said and pointed at the bed Hermione and Draco was on.

"I hope you didn´t mash him. I mean if you were not being careful. Oh! I mean, I suppose you were being careful, I hope you was being careful, but you weren´t being careful-gentle you know.. You could have easily mashed my frog, oh.. Isn´t that blood!."

Hermione realized she had reacted too slowly when she saw Draco's wand point at Neville. He mumbled something under his breath and suddenly Neville was hit by what Hermione suspected was a Petrificus Totalus curse.

"And in what way did you find that necessary?"

Malfoy smirked.

"He annoyed me."

"Ah", Hermione said and pushed Draco back on the bed and they started to shag like bunnies again.

Hermione was totally under Draco's spell. Why had they never done this before? Her thoughts were interrupted by a cough.

"OHMYGOD Neville just go!" Hermione said, not wanting to stop the shag like bunnies part. Somewhere behind her she heard how the door was slammed shut. Glad to be completely alone again she smiled while she snogged Draco a little more.

"God", Hermione outburst when she gained her sense again. "Neville just saw us shag!"

Draco lifted his left blond brow ever so slightly.

"So? We were fantastic! Nothing to be ashamed of!"

Draco's face crumpled up in light pain because of the hit Hermione gave him on the shoulder. But it still didn't wipe off that smirk on his face. She couldn't understand how he could be so indifferent about what just happened. She felt like sinking through the ground of shame and was eternally happy that Draco was so much bigger than her, so Neville hopefully didn´t see so much of her where she lay beneath him.

Even though the shame almost ate her up she couldn't help but smile when she looked up at him. Who knew that there was a nice side of him. Who knew that they fit together like a hand in a glove, both emotionally and physically. Not to mention the fantastic sex. All this made her smile widen and she realized that she was happy. Brutally happy for the moment. She hoped this feeling would never go away, but who knew what would happen in the future? Or next week. Or tomorrow...

Hermione woke up slowly, not really wanting to. The dream had been so good, so much better than reality. She turned around in the bed, hitting something that was not a soft pillow.. MERLIN'S PANTS, she thought and opened her eyes.

"MALFOY WE FELL ASLEEP!"

"Mmmm, I don't want to go to school today mom…"

"Oh get yourself together, will you? Do you know what time it is? It's Monday, what if we missed first class?

Draco sat up in the bed.

"I don't know about you, but I'm more worried about breakfast." He noticed Hermione's nakedness. "On the other hand, we could just stay here.." He whispered, pulling her back down on the bed.

Hermione was bewildered by her feelings and urges. She very much wanted to stay in bed all day with the lovely naked man next to her but on the other hand she couldn't risk missing class. She had a reputation to uphold!

She started to untangle herself from him and his saltine sheets witch didn't please Draco at all. He mumbled something she couldn't hear but it was probably something unpleasant before he turned around and hid his face in the pillows with a sour expression on his face. Hermione was annoyed with his actions but couldn't help but smile. She lazily drove her hand over his bare back and whispered naughty things in his ear that made him wake up completely and almost jump up from the bed in order to dress himself. Hermione chuckled when she as well rose from the bed and started to pull on her clothes.

"You know, I don't have much homework this week. What do you say about.. Erm.. Reexperience this encounter of ours later tonight?"

Malfoy raised one eyebrow.

"Is that what you want, Granger?" he answered, pulling her into a hug.

Hermione smiled and went to get her pants on the chair and looked at the clock next to them. "So, I would not turn down breakfast right now. What do you say?"

Malfoy smiled, opened the door and together they walked towards the Great Hall. Half way there (they could already hear the regular breakfast gossip from the Hall) Malfoy, without looking at Hermione, grabbed her hand. Even if she had never imagined a Malfoy holding her hand, it felt kind of nice. Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by her own stomach growling like a freaking bear. Food! Together, she and Draco walked through the huge doors into the Great Hall. Every other student stopped talking and turned towards the couple. She felt how everyone was staring at her and how Draco's hand let go of hers, leaving it hanging in the air with nothing better to do. Uhoh. This was not how it was supposed to happen.

For a moment, they just stood there. Both of them were completely frozen to the ground, not moving an inch but with their minds reeling. This was certainly not how it was supposed to happen. Well Hermione hadn't exactly planned how it was supposed to happen, because she hadn't even given it a second thought. And neither had Draco, by the fact that he was mirroring her actions.

Well wasn't this a tricky situation? Draco thought. Fortunately he was a man of quick actions and saw the opportunities he was offered. Usually he didn't like to run from situations he didn't like, he thought it was a sign of weakness. But now he had a weakness and she was standing right next to him. He really didn't feel like walking up to the Slytherin table and listen to all the questions and accusations. But he could manage. It was the thought of Hermione meeting the same faith he could not stand. So without much more thought, he once again reached for her hand. The moment their skin met, she turned to look at him. The look said it all. She trusted him and that was all he needed. Without breaking their gaze he apparated them away from the Great Hall's entrance and right under the pupils and teachers noses with a faint "POOF". Ever grateful for the inter-apparate law that allowed the seventh years to apparate inside the castle.