A/N: It's been forever since I wrote fic and I've never written a coda before, but Friday's episode was crying out for one. This was supposed to be angsty but, um, it's kind of not at all. I guess I've had enough angst from the show. I hope you enjoy.

They were walking together, still hand-in-hand, in silence. After a while, Syed realised they were walking back towards the flat that had once been theirs. Whether Christian was leading them there or it was some sort of shared subconscious thing, Syed wasn't sure, but he hadn't been intentionally heading there, he'd been too busy enjoying the feeling of Christian's hand wrapped around his, his thumb caressing the back of his hand, and just the sensation of being this close to him again when maybe he'd thought he never would again.

"I need to go get my stuff from the house," Syed told him as they arrived at the flat door, indicating his parents' house, like Christian wouldn't know what house he meant.

Christian frowned. "Who says I'm gonna let you move back in?"

Syed looked at him, a mixture of mortified and devastated. "I-I'm sorry, I just assumed, I shouldn't have…" he stumbled.

Christian raised his hands, looking the picture of innocence. "Joke. That was a joke."

Syed glared daggers at him. "Maybe we should get you a cue card made to make your 'jokes' clear, 'cos you're really not funny."

Christian sighed, his face serious again. "Can you not leave it 'til the morning? I don't mind, it can wait. Trust me, I understand not wanting to deal with Amira for one more second than absolutely necessary."

"You just want me wearing your clothes," Syed said, without thought, then realised he was probably being over-familiar. It was a strange situation, both knowing everything and knowing nothing simultaneously. He figured he knew pretty much all there was to know about Christian, but he had no idea where he stood with him, whether flirting, particularly of the hey-I-know-what-you-like variety, was allowable. It was so odd, because everything with Christian came so easily, so watching his behaviour around him felt wrong. The averted eyes and reddened cheeks and stumbled sentences were discomfiting, because words and actions normally flowed so effortlessly around Christian. The natural easiness he felt around Christian had returned so quickly, but he wasn't sure he was allowed to be so comfortable around him yet.

"That'd be a bonus," Christian replied, his voice completely smooth, with no trace of awkwardness, and Syed hated him a little bit. "Sy, after tonight, I understand you need some downtime before…"

"No," he said, gently insistent. "I need to do it now. You know I do."

Christian stared at him for a moment, looking concerned. "Do you want me to…"

"No," he said, abruptly, then regretted it. He softened his voice as he continued, "I mean, I want you to, it's just…"

"More trouble than it's worth?" Christian chipped in, and Syed had to admire how well he disguised his hurt, though he could still see it.

Syed smiled apologetically. "Just kind of scared of another clothing bonfire if you come along," he said.

"I dunno," Christian said, lightly, "I can think of a couple of items I wouldn't mind burning."

"Go home," Syed told him.

"Home," Christian repeated. "Okay, I can do that."

"I'll be ten minutes, yeah?"

Christian shook his head. "Take as long as you need. I'll be waiting, yeah?"

"Thank you," Syed whispered, as Christian let go.

A feeling of déjà vu hit Syed as he stepped through the threshold of the flat. This wasn't the first time he'd stood at this door, holding his belongings, hoping to work things out with Christian. Last time, he'd only brought a single box, and they'd both gone back to the old flat later, together, to get the rest of his stuff. This time, though, he'd done it all on his own, without Christian, and his chest tightened, thinking of the seemingly endless weeks without Christian, and hoping that tonight was the last time he'd have to experience that feeling of being on his own. He knew he hadn't been on his own, technically. In fact, he'd been more a part of his family than he had in years, which was depressing when he thought about it too closely. As long as he didn't think about it too closely, and he'd gotten good at that since Christian had left, being with his family had been nice, familiar and comforting. Even then, though, it wasn't the same as having someone who he went to bed with every night, and woke up with every morning, someone who he had once been able to talk to about anything, someone who had known him inside-out and loved him for all that. He'd shared his time with his parents, his brother, Afia and Amira, but he hadn't shared his life. The uncomfortable thought occurred to him that maybe he still wasn't entirely with Christian now, and that there'd been too much damage caused to go back to what they had been. He'd accepted that things would be different now, and that 'different' wasn't necessarily synonymous with 'bad', but the fundamental love between them that had always kept them going in the face of everything had not been enough for Christian once, and he feared that it could happen again. Maybe Christian felt obligated to be here, because he'd divorced Amira and nearly lost Yasmin with it. Then he remembered this was Christian he was thinking about, who never did anything he felt obligated to do and was, in fact, more likely not to do something he felt obligated to, out of pure stubbornness.

"Did you get everything?" Christian asked when Syed came into the living room.

"There wasn't enough space for everything," Syed replied, which was a bit of a lie. The actual reason he hadn't quite gotten everything was that he'd actually been in too much of a rush to get back to Christian and, frankly, away from Amira, who'd spent the whole time looking at him like he'd killed her puppy rather than ending a marriage that had been effectively over for nearly two years. He'd felt guilty, but she was insane if she thought he was going to let that stop him when Christian was next door waiting for him. "But, um, I got everything important, I think. It's not like I can't go back some other time." While it was technically true, he wasn't sure he was going to be able to go back and forth as freely as he had before, but now didn't seem to be the time to figure out where he stood in the Masood family. Finding out where he stood in this relationship was far more important.

Christian stood up, right in front of him and Syed tried not to let it show how much his close proximity still affected him after all this time. "Right, then. Guess we should get you moved back in, eh?" Christian said.

Syed ducked his head to hide the grin that passed over his face. "Yeah."

The process of 'moving himself back in' was strange. Everything was back to where it had been before, but it felt so odd, somehow. At some point, he'd truly thought he'd never get any of this again, and so seeing his clothes beside Christian's again was amazing but it was strange, too. The fact that it was so familiar made it weird. He hadn't taken a lot of his stuff with him as he'd only been planning on going to Pakistan for a little while, and was privately pleased that Christian hadn't moved any of the things he'd left behind. He wondered, with a twinge, whether it was that Christian hadn't been able to quite let go either or it was just that he hadn't gotten around to it after everything that had happened at Christmas.

"Are we done?" Christian asked.

"Well, everything's back where it belongs anyway," he said.

"I guess they are," Christian said, with a ghost of a smile of his face. Syed stepped forward, instinctively, but Christian turned away from him. Christian looked back at him once and then walked into the living room.

Unsure of what Christian was expecting him to do, Syed stayed in their bedroom, refolding shirts that didn't need folding. It occurred to him that since Christian had taken his hand in the park, he hadn't touched him since. Their bodies and hands had accidentally brushed against each other as they'd packed his stuff away, but there had been no conscious effort to touch. He didn't want to overstep his boundaries, still not knowing where he stood, but the urge to touch Christian was becoming overwhelming. It wasn't even in a sexual way- or, at least, not only in a sexual way, it had been two months after all-he just wanted to stroke his face or touch his knee. Syed glanced into the living room as inconspicuously as he could and Christian was just sitting on the couch, playing with his phone. Syed wondered if he was texting Jane, telling her to stay away tonight. His hopes rose at the thought, but dashed by the thought he might have just been texting Roxy or even just nervously fiddling with his phone like Syed was nervously fiddling with his shirts. He couldn't get a reading of Christian, and it was unnerving. Christian didn't seem particularly uncomfortable, but he wasn't exactly screaming 'relaxed' either. He'd rather Christian looked extremely awkward, at least that way he'd know he was doing the right thing by not following him and sitting down beside him. The way he was acting now, though, meant that he wasn't sure if Christian was waiting for him to make the first move and was taking the lack of approach as a rejection or whether he was just reluctant to make the first move himself because he didn't want to. He was pretty sure, though, that not overstepping his mark was more important than anything else. He started to get so frustrated with his indecision and not having a clue how to proceed that he needed to get away. Fumbling around in the bedroom, reorganising stuff that Christian had organised perfectly only moments before was clearly not helping anything. He needed to do something where Christian was out of his sight, so he didn't have to face his dilemma head-on. "Christian!" he called. "I'm just going in the shower."

Half-hoping for an offer to join him, Syed was disappointed when he got an annoyingly neutral "Okay!" response. He undressed quickly and folded his clothes, leaving them neatly on the bed.

He headed into the shower, scrubbing at himself with more force than necessary. Christian was here with him, and yet he still felt the distance that had been present since Christian had come back before Christmas. It wasn't like Syed expected things to magically fix themselves, but he'd expected something else, something more than this. He certainly hadn't expected to feel so lost and at sea with everything. So much of what he'd had with Christian before had been instinctual, and he'd almost always known what the right way to act was around him, what the right thing to say was. Sometimes he'd gotten it wrong, of course, but he'd always had some sort of gut feeling of what to do, but not this time. Part of him was screaming out for him to just take action, because he was so desperate just to touch Christian and be with him again, properly, but another, more rational part was telling him to be patient and to wait for Christian to act. Being cautious seemed like prudent thing to do, but, somehow, it didn't feel right. Being cautious had gotten him nowhere in the past, after all, and he didn't see how keeping any part of himself back from Christian could ever be right. He kept hoping he'd have some sort of revelation, but nothing was coming.

Stepping out of the shower, he glanced at Christian's dressing gown hanging on the bathroom door, deciding that keeping himself covered was the only appropriate thing to do. He reached for it, but it felt wrong, covering himself up. He'd always done it when Amira was here, normally not even just in a dressing gown, always fully dressed wherever possible. It hadn't been a conscious thing, he hadn't even realised he'd done it until now. It wasn't just that they weren't in a relationship or that Jane had been here too, it was that he'd never felt comfortable around her in that way. He didn't think he'd ever feel comfortable with baring himself like that with anyone but Christian. It wasn't something he'd ever done with him; he'd never felt any need to cover himself around Christian, in more ways than one. He dried himself further with the towel, tied it loosely around his waist and walked into the living room. Before Christian turned to face him, he came over shy suddenly, thinking this had been stupid and he should've just put the damn dressing gown on, it wasn't like lurking around in your dressing gown screamed 'I'm uncomfortable around you'. Then Christian looked at him, and any nerves disappeared.

"I'm done," he said, trying and failing to keep his voice steady even as he felt the heat of Christian's gaze on his body, "if you, um, wanna go in."

Christian stood, and Syed shut his eyes as he waited for him to pass. It was a form of torture, surely, to think of Christian naked alone mere feet away and not knowing where they stood in that regard. When he opened his eyes again, Christian was standing in front of him. Syed stared at him, before realising, with a stab of embarrassment, that he was standing in front of the doorway, not allowing Christian access to the bathroom. He went to step aside, feeling like a complete idiot, lost in thought about a frigging dressing gown, of all the things to be worrying about when Christian was finally back here with him. Christian grabbed his arm to stop him from moving. Syed frowned, not sure what was going on. Without a word, Christian stroked down his arm, his waist, then his hands reached down and untied the towel.

Syed looked up, startled. "Christian, what are-"

"I don't want a shower, Sy," Christian replied.

Then Christian kissed him and Syed made a silent vow to always opt for the towel every time.

Syed lay on his front, afterwards, his chin pressed against Christian's stomach, staring up at Christian's face intently. He was taking in a sight he thought he'd never see again and taking full advantage of the opportunity, just in case he never got to see it again. The sight of Christian after sex was like nothing else on earth. Syed thought he never looked better than he did like this. The uncomfortable thought occurred to him that someone else had seen him like this a couple of days ago, but he pushed it down. It wouldn't have been the same, surely. While Syed was far less experienced in these matters than Christian, he knew that the sort of peace and contentment on Christian's face couldn't be achieved through meaningless sex.

"I've missed this," Syed said. "I mean, I missed you so much." They'd said it so much during the sex, missed you so much, wanted this so much, but it felt different in the calm afterwards, more sincere.

Christian pushed Syed's damp hair back from his face with such tenderness and looked at him with such love, Syed felt his chest constrict. For everything that had happened, how badly they'd hurt each other, Christian loved him as much as he ever had. He wondered how that worked, how no matter how badly things went, that never changed. Syed felt his love for Christian more keenly than he ever had. He was finally allowed to express it fully, not hide it or try to ignore it, because loving Christian was no longer painful.

"Me too," Christian said, quietly. "It felt like, I dunno, walking around without a limb or something. Like missing a part of myself. I kept going to ring you or text you…and then I'd remember…"

His embarrassment eased by Christian's confession, Syed swallowed it down and told him, "Every time the phone rang or the doorbell went or someone knocked or I saw someone who had brown hair and was muscular… it was just pathetic. That's why I needed to get away, to somewhere different, somewhere that was the opposite to you, I felt so closed in by you and you weren't even here."

"Pakistan, though?" His voice was even, smooth, but even so Syed could hear the disapproval. It radiated off him in waves. Even though Syed had long realised he had a point, he still felt a little defensive. It wasn't like people made great decisions when they were heartbroken. Christian, of all people, should have known that.

Avoiding Christian's eyes, he replied, "I wasn't thinking straight."

"Seemed like you were thinking really straight," Christian retorted.

Syed rolled his eyes, pulling away from him slightly. "It wasn't about that. It wasn't about any of that. I… wanted something that made me feel good, successful, worthy of something."

Christian sighed. "I thought you liked being a masseur," he said.

"I do," Syed responded, as if Christian hadn't missed the point entirely. "But it was so… the whole purpose of that was so that, one day, we could combine businesses, remember? When we were more established. It felt like a dead-end without you, because that was where it was leading before."

"Sy, that was about you, not us," Christian said. "You're the one who suggested it, remember?"

Syed sighed. "What's the difference between something being for me and being for us? They're kind of the same thing."

"Well, maybe they shouldn't be. Sy, you can't just… hop back into the closet when I'm not around," Christian told him. "That's not how it works. You're supposed to be out for you, to be proud of who you are. Because you should be."

"I didn't… that's not what I was trying to do, I wasn't trying to hide myself, that wasn't what it was about. I don't know what Amira thought," he said, then he reconsidered. "Actually, I know exactly what she thought now, but I didn't see what she was trying to do before. I was only going to Pakistan for a couple of weeks, to get things sorted, and then I was coming back. Maybe planning on going back and forth a bit, but I wasn't going to live there. I'm not an idiot."

"Were you gonna stay married to Amira forever without me around?" Christian asked, in what was clearly a response to the last remark.

"I didn't think about it. It seemed pointless upsetting her getting a divorce when…"

Christian snorted. "So, yeah, just stay married to someone 'cos there's no point divorcing them, great. Staying married to someone 'cos you can't be arsed to get a divorce seems like a fine idea."

"You know, getting divorced wasn't exactly the first thing on my mind," Syed said, sharply.

"No, it never was, was it?" He sighed. "Going into business with your ex is stupid, Sy. Now you're stuck with her and not only because of Yasmin."

"Well, I didn't mind being 'stuck' with her before! I didn't realise…"

"Well, obviously," Christian bit out.

"Christian, she… I thought she was trying to help me. I was such a state after you left, I thought she was trying to help me get through it, give me a purpose, set up a future for Yasmin. Like she said, there was nothing in Walford for me anymore. My whole family was going to Pakistan, you weren't here…. It wasn't like I… Christian, I never thought for a second she wanted me back, why would I? Who would?"

"Oh, Sy," Christian said, his voice a mixture of annoyance and pity.

"It only seems stupid in retrospect, you know," Syed pointed out. "Hindsight's twenty-twenty and all that."

"What's the business even for? I wasn't really paying any attention to the details, kind of couldn't hear above the alarm bell ringing that was 'Pakistan'," Christian said, frowning. "You mentioned something about the Olympics before? Let me guess, Amira's gonna be a discus thrower and you're sponsoring her."

"We're…" Syed cleared his throat, suddenly embarrassed as he realised how the words would sound once they were out. "We're selling Olympic…" The word 'tat' died on his lips, "merchandise."

Christian stared at him for a long moment, as if checking he was serious, before bursting into laughter. Syed glared at him for a moment before he joined in. It just seemed so utterly ridiculous, now. He had actually gone into business with Amira- who had all the business acumen of Roxy Mitchell- in order to sell Olympic souvenirs. He was pleased that it had amused Christian enough to lighten the mood, even if it was only temporary. In order to keep the gorgeous laughter coming from Christian, he began to describe, in detail, the sort of products they were planning on selling. It was worth it, to hear and feel the genuine laughter that he hadn't heard in such a long time, even before Christian had left. Even if what the business represented was less than funny, at least he could still make Christian laugh.

Eventually the laughter settled and Christian sighed. Syed looked up at him, still smiling broadly, saying, "This is what happens when you're gone, I lose my mind."

"I better not leave again, you might end up trying to sell lucky heather to strangers on the street."

Syed thwacked him lightly on the chest, before lying down on it. Christian instantly reached up to stroke his hair and Syed felt his eyes flutter shut at the sensation. Syed hummed contentedly, torn between staying awake to enjoy every single second of this, and the overwhelming urge to sleep in Christian's arms. He felt Christian's fingers caressing his hair and the strong beat of Christian's heart against his ear, making sleep irresistible. Christian's other hand slid down the bed to grab one of Syed's. He felt Christian stroking his empty ring finger, and smiled to himself. With a rush of contentment he hadn't felt since their engagement party, Syed slipped into unconsciousness, his last thought one hoping he'd never be without this feeling again, because he didn't know how he'd lived without it.

Syed opened his eyes from the most peaceful sleep he'd had in months, but something felt wrong. Then he realised what it was- he was cold. When he'd gotten up for prayers earlier, Christian had still been curled around him, and his first thought had been one about how hot he was. This time, there was no external warmth, so he was alone. A wave of fear gripped him. Despite Christian's obvious happiness last night, he'd been snappy and disapproving of everything relating to Amira too. Maybe he'd decided it wasn't worth it after all, or that last night had been an empty gesture and he needed to wait for a full divorce, or maybe he just didn't want to be with him anymore, last night had been disappointing for him, and had been a case of old habits dying hard or something. He'd barely gotten through Christian leaving the first time, he didn't know if he could go through it again. This time, he had no safety net, he had burned every possible bridge with Amira, and his family had enough to cope with without him being a basket case. Just as he was beginning to properly panic, he heard pleasant, deep singing coming from the bathroom. The relief that flooded through him was almost overwhelming, and he cursed himself for immediately assuming the worst without any evidence. He flopped backwards on the bed as if the fear had been the only thing keeping him upright. He lay on the bed, now able to enjoy the sensations of last night. Christian was everywhere- his singing coming from the bathroom, his smell, the taste of him still filling Syed's mouth, the dent he'd left in the pillow, in the pleasant ache of muscles that he hadn't used in months. Eventually, he emerged from the bathroom and Syed decided that towels were officially the world's best invention.

"Morning," Christian practically sang. Normally, his irrepressible cheeriness on a morning was a little grating, but since that morning Syed felt exactly the same, it somehow wasn't so bad. Christian leaned down to kiss him, dripping water all over the bed sheets as he did so.

Syed pulled back from the kiss, beaming. "Morning."

Christian sat down beside him and after a couple of moments of smiling sappily at each other, he spoke, "Sy, last night…"

"Yeah?" Syed asked, trying to mask his nerves.

"Nothing bad," Christian assured him. Apparently he hadn't done a good job hiding his fear. Christian chuckled softly, reaching out to cup his chin. "Really, not bad at all. It was amazing. It's all I've wanted for, God, forever, and it totally…lived up to my expectations. And I thought about it a lot. But things are still… I'm still…"

"What?"

"I love you," Christian said, with a beautifully sincerity that Syed could never tire of, especially when coupled with those three words. "I really, really love you."

"I know," Syed said, not sure where this was going.

"But I'm still…" He paused and completed the next word with what seemed to Syed like embarrassment, "scared."

"Of what?" Syed asked.

"Of losing you. That's why I had to go, I had to be the one to leave, because I could see you slipping away from me, and I couldn't handle it."

"How do you think I handled you leaving me?" Syed asked, without anger, just with sadness. "If you thought the worst thing was being left, how do you think I felt when you did it to me?"

Christian closed his eyes. "I know. I'm sorry."

"No, Christian, you don't…" Syed paused, taking Christian's hand and squeezing it. "You don't need to say sorry, okay? That's not what I meant, I don't need… it's not what I want. But you have got to trust that I am never going to leave you. Not for anything. I'm not leaving you for something better, because there isn't anything better, not for me."

"You can't know that," Christian told him.

"Christian, I do," he said. "I love you so much. I would do anything to prove that to you."

"You don't need to prove anything, Sy," Christian said, with a sigh.

"Then trust it," Syed urged. "Trust that I love you every bit as much as you love me."

Christian shook his head, but Syed knew he couldn't be denying the sincerity of his words, because Christian had always been able to read him and he had to know he was speaking nothing but the truth. "I just think we need to… take things slow, I don't know," Christian said. "Like, spend some real, actual time together, without psycho ex-wives or overbearing mothers or best friends interrupting. Make time for each other."

"Like there's anywhere I'd rather be," Syed replied, lightly.

"I mean after the novelty's worn off too," Christian said. "Not just do it for a couple of weeks while it's all new and exciting, and then back to the status quo."

Syed nodded. "Yeah. But, Christian… y'know, we both have other responsibilities. And just because one of us can't spend every second of our time with the other doesn't mean we love each other any less, it just means that sometimes other things are important too. It doesn't mean that anything's more important than you and me."

Christian nodded. "I know."

"And, 'taking things slow'…" Syed said, carefully. "What does that mean exactly?"

"What do you mean what does it mean?" Christian asked, confused.

Syed cleared his throat, feeling awkward, not wanting to push things too far too fast, but he had to know. "In… terms of our relationship. Are we still, you know, are we engaged?"

Christian cocked his head to the side. "Do you still want us to be engaged?"

"Didn't I make it obvious yesterday when I said I wanted to marry you?" Syed asked. "It's okay if you're not ready for us to be that again. If you want to wait until I'm free to get married, I just… want to know if I can start introducing you as my fiancé again."

"Well, that's not fair," Christian said, laughing.

"What?" Syed asked, all wide-eyed innocence.

"You know what."

"It really is fine," Syed told him, sincerely. "You know it is."

"I do," Christian said. "No, I think being engaged is… good, I'd like to be that again."

"I'd like it too." Syed grinned at him. "But… let me get this straight, we're engaged and living together. How is this taking things slow, exactly?"

Christian gave the matter deep consideration. "We didn't have sex two minutes after getting back together? That seems slow to me."

Syed laughed. "All that wasted time!" he said.

"Well, since you're complaining, we could stop all the pre-marital sex. I mean, that's taking things slow, right?" Christian asked, completely serious.

"I think the pre-marital ship has sailed," Syed replied. "Like, off the edge of the world sailed. I hate to say it, but I think it's a bit late for you to protect your virtue, Christian."

"It's never too late," Christian admonished.

"No, it isn't," Syed said.

Christian didn't miss the sincerity of his reply. He leaned into kiss him and Syed accepted him readily.

Syed laughed against his mouth. "Hey, now. What about your virtue?" he asked, shocked.

"Ship, sailed, all that," he managed, between kisses.

"Christian?" Syed said, pulling back from him so he could look him in the eyes.

"What?" he asked, and Syed was happy to note a little bit of frustration that indicated he was past the talking portion of the morning.

"We're gonna be okay, you know," he said, as he reached out to caress his face. "We might take the scenic route, but we always are, in the end."

"Well, I hope you're right," Christian said, leaning in again.

Syed pushed him back. "Just wait 'til our wedding day," Syed told him. "I get an 'I told you so'."

Christian laughed. "I think I can live with that."

"Good, 'cos you gonna have to live with it for a good… wait, how long do you think you've got left in you?" Syed asked, glancing down Christian's body, pretending to think. "Ten years? Five?"

Christian gasped, horrified. "I'll get you for that."

"I hope so," Syed replied, as Christian pushed him back into the bed.

Syed knew that things still weren't back to normal; he wasn't fooled by a night and morning of timid happiness, no matter how amazing it felt. He knew it was going to take a lot of time and patience to rebuild their relationship, and their faith and trust in each other, after everything that had happened. The thing was, just by being with Christian again, he knew, beyond all doubt, that everything he'd done to get back here had been worth it. Maybe it would take Christian longer to see it with the certainty he did, but he would. He could see the future in front of him so clearly and refused to believe it could unfold in any way that meant they weren't together. Syed knew that a life without Christian wasn't much of a life, because he'd lived it. A life with Christian was the only one he wanted and he just hoped he would get a chance to live it, in its entirety. None of the complications mattered, as long as they got to have this.