She left him sitting in the living room, feeling as if she had just been shot multiple times and was about to collapse. After being out of his sight, she pressed her back against the wall of the staircase and closed her eyes, replaying the events that just unfolded in her mind.
He didn't want to marry her but she wanted to marry him. She thought that marriage was what he wanted but she was obviously wrong about that. He told her that she was just acting upon an impulse because the case they were working on was extremely stressful. Little did he know, it wasn't because the case was of a high risk nature, she proposed because she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She wanted for him to be her husband and she wanted to be his wife. How could he not know that?
She opened her eyes and tears started to form in them but she refused to allow herself to crumble into pieces in that moment and leave herself open to vulnerability. She put on an act to make it seem as if all was well but deep down inside she was crying out and wanted so desperately for him to change his mind. She wanted a wedding in the company of all their friends but that was a far off dream now that he broke off their engagement. She pulled herself together and retreated to her bedroom.
Once in the solitude of her room, she shed her clothes and dressed in soft blue shorts and a simple white shirt. Normally she would just slip on one of his shirts that provided comfort for her despite the fact that it was quite large and loose fitting on her. But given the circumstances, she decided that it would be rather inappropriate. She pulled back her warm bed sheets and slipped into her side of the bed. She reached over to the lamp seated on the bedside table and switched it off, plunging her in darkness. For quite some time, she just laid there in the dark, thinking about everything. From the moment she proposed and he said yes, to just recently when he told her that they shouldn't get married anymore. He didn't know it, but when he said those words, he shattered her heart and severely wounded her.
It wasn't too long until he joined her in their bed. She could tell that he was present with the sound of sheets rumpling and the slight sink in the bed. Her heart pounded when she felt him gently stroke her hair but she just pretended to sleep in order to prevent any conversation between them. He removed his hand from her hair and retreated to his side of the bed and allowed sleep to claim him. His very presence was killing her and she felt the need to exit the room for the sake of keeping her sanity and emotions in check. She would hate to breakdown in the middle of the night and have him comfort her after he just broke not only her heart, but her very being.
Once she was sure he was sound asleep, she carefully sat up in bed and looked over at the sleeping man beside her. She watched as his chest rose and fell in an even pattern with each breath he took and wondered how he could sleep so peacefully after he just ruined her. She thought to herself how someone she loves so much could actually hurt her like how he just did. Never in her life did she think that he would ever do that to her, but he did, and there was nothing she could do about it. She hated herself for opening up to him the way she did. Perhaps if she decided to remain alone, then she would not be experiencing this feeling of complete and utter sadness that devastated her and plunged her into an unwanted depression. She has not felt this way in a long time and she thought it would continue that way. But of course, life is unpredictable and she didn't armor herself for the harsh reality of what comes when you open yourself up to another person and give yourself fully to him.
The sound of her child stirring in her crib knocked her out of her deep thoughts and brought her back to reality. She quietly got out of bed, trying hard not to make too many sounds or movements in the bed. She would hate to wake him not only because she knew that he had a long, taxing day at work but because she didn't want to face him. She managed to get out of her bed without causing him to stir or wake up and she silently thanked the universe for that. She exited her room to go to her daughter's aid.
Upon entering the room, she saw her little toddler sitting up in her crib, patiently waiting for someone to come to her side, so unaware of the unfortunate situation her parents were in. Brennan walked up to the crib and gathered the baby in her arms and brought her over to the nearby rocking chair to try to rock her back to sleep. While gently rocking her back and forth, she started to sing a simple yet melodic lullaby to the cooing baby wrapped in the safety of her arms. She didn't know much lullabies initially until her best friend Angela gave her a book filled with nursery rhymes that children love.
"Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all"
Christine fell asleep almost instantly when her mother began to sing to her in such a sweet and gentle tone. Brennan looked down at her sleeping child and gently caressed her plump cheek and ran her fingers through her soft hair. She loved that child more than anything in the world and knew that if things didn't work out with Booth, she would still have her precious Christine. She carefully carried her back to her crib, trying hard not to wake her up and before she placed her in the crib, she placed a soft kiss on her the soft skin of her forehead. She lingered in there for a moment to ensure that all the windows were shut tightly to prevent any unwanted visitors that could pose as a threat to the security of her daughter and turned on the baby monitor that was adjacent to the crib, sitting on a small table. After taking one last look at her child, she exited the room.
She walked slowly down the dark hall, feeling somewhat haunted by the deafening silence that was present in her house. She stopped in the doorframe of her bedroom and stared at the sleeping man in the bed. He was in a different position than before. Instead of facing the wall, he was now turned on his side, facing Brennan's side of the bed. Her heart pounded in her chest and she felt as if she was not physically or emotionally capable of returning to her bed to sleep beside the very person who broke her into millions of microscopic pieces. That person was supposed to make her whole again and he did that for quite some time until that very night when he decided to do the exact opposite. How could she go back to her spot beside him after all of that and pretend as if all was perfect in their world? She couldn't, and she refused to put herself in an uncomfortable position that would only cause her further pain. She took a deep breath and turned in the opposite direction, to their living room where she would stay for the night.
She walked carefully down the stairs and entered her dark, lonely living room, the place where her engagement was put to an unexpected end. She walked over to the same couch where she received the news and seated herself. While sitting on the couch she brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them. All the events from that night replayed in her mind over and over again until she couldn't hold her emotions in any longer. For the first time in a long time she allowed herself to cry. She buried her head in the space between her knees and chest and allowed the salty tears to spew from her eyes and roll down her cheeks onto the fabric of her clothes. She wept and wept, letting out all of her confusion and frustration. That's what she needed.
She cried for what seemed like hours only it had just been a few minutes. There was nobody there to comfort her and that's how she wanted it to be. She wished to grieve on her own. Nobody could understand what she was going through, well maybe Booth could. After all, she rejected him for years and now she was getting a taste of her own medicine. Perhaps this was her punishment. She thought he was punishing her for all that she put him through over the years. She couldn't help but think that she deserved it.
Her initial response to this entire situation was to run away from it all. Take Christine and spend some time in a foreign country until she was capable of facing reality. But this was different. She loved him. She genuinely loved and cared about him so she couldn't bring herself to leave him alone and take their child with them. No matter how much pain he put her through, he didn't deserve that. She lifted her head and wiped away a few tears. She decided to stay. She wouldn't run away this time but she would endure. Their relationship from here and out would definitely be strained but she loved him too much to walk away from it all. She would punish herself and endure the pain, as long as she still had him in her life...
We're not broken, just bent and we will learn to love again...
I couldn't help myself, I had to write this after watching that episode.
Those words at the end are some lyrics of the song 'Just Give Me a Reason' by Pink feat. Nate Ruess. I love that song and I think that sentence is perfect for Booth and Brennan's situation right now.
Okay so we all know that somehow our favorite crime fighting duo will work through this mess. It's going to be a long hiatus and only fanfictions, fan made videos and the re watching of episodes will help us get through this. And let's hope that we get some good spoilers as well.
So thanks for reading and leave a review to let me know what you think!